"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Saturday, August 1, 2009

CBT/NT and surreal headspace (E)

BDSM experiences can be so mind-altering in themselves that it shouldn't surprise anymore me that they would feel so surreal when they don't happen in a conventionally conscious and rational state of mind.

Still disoriented from barely being pulled out of unconsciousness, I felt my Goddess' nails tug at my left nipple as I had laid down for a nap with her an undetermined amount of time before. Very quickly I realized that I was in this very strange headspace where I couldn't wake up completely because I had somehow gone straight into subspace from sleeping. If what I was feeling was any indication of what had gone on before gathering my wits in some small part, my Goddess had been at it for a short while, her side by me, altering between CBT and torturing my nipples with a brand new set of nails that felt particularly sharp.

My Goddess is an absolute expert at bringing me to the edge of what I can handle with both activities. This time was no different. What was different, though, was this tenous hold I had on reality, unable to fully get to consciousness, not because I wanted to get back to sleep, but because I was deep into subspace by the time I was waking up.

This surreal, almost supernatural state just intensified when my Goddess brought me to the edge, torturing my left nipple with her nails, almost to the point wher I thought she would open a cut, and biting my right nipple hard. The pain was incredibly intense, the sensation absolutely exquisite, and I reached that magical moment of the nexus where I not only give myself totally to what my Goddess is doing to me, give myself totally to her, but somehow, as I reach that wall, it falls before me, and I want to give her more.

This went on for a quite a while... CBT... one nipple... the other... more CBT... back to both nipples simultaneously... and all over again... sometimes harder... sometimes taking me to the edge... sometimes something less... but generally increasing in intensity each round...

Then, after a few trips to the edge, my Goddess eased off. And she started caressing me. Gently... sometimes with her fingers... sometimes with her nails. Even more than before in an unfamiliar headspace, I felt like I was getting so relaxed, so limp, that I was going to go back to sleep. But in fact, as this strange feeling had overcome me, it started dissipating, and I started to get totally awake as subspace was slowly receeding. And then she kissed me, and I kissed her back... passionately... intensely... desperately...

A disorienting mix of a dream-like sequence and real-time subspace. Or was that real-time subspace intruding into a dream? Whichever it may be, it made for a particularly intense kind of experience, acutely focused yet disorienting, edgy yet relaxing, and of course painful yet wonderful. And mainly because my Goddess was in the mood for it...

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