"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Serving Her in the morning (E)

Artwork courtesy of Laurent Lebeau through http://www.femdomartists.com/

Awoken this morning by her hands all over me,
My Goddess was already so soon in the mood,
Attacking my senses with NT & CBT.

Warm under the covers, I moved over closer,
Wanting to give myself to her, to her hunger,
While she teased and tormented to feed her desire.

Tender and cruel, my Goddess' fingers and nails find
The soft objectives and targets of her whims,
Bringing much bliss to my body and to my mind.

The mood turns, and she requires more, it is clear,
I feel her warm, needing, sexually wanting, and
For that, as much as I can be, I must be near.

Close, I find the source of her hunger exploring,
I bring her pleasure that she expects, and at once
Her energy and emotions begin to sing.

From peaks of pleasure she began recovering,
Staring at me with a proud sense of ownership
Reinforcing a strong feeling of belonging.

Duties calling I had to leave, had to be gone,
My Goddess teasingly looked at me to say
"No fun for you until your work is really done,
And once it is all complete, only then can we play".

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Part 2: Impact testing (E)

Artwork courtesy of Sardax based on a portrait of Madame Ingrid

After finishing smoking, my Goddess unclipped the leather wrist cuffs from the top of the headboard of the bed, and untied my leather ankle cuffs from the footboard of the bed. She ordered me to get on all fours, on the bed, and while I still had my hands and feet bound, and remained blindfolded, I felt her get off the bed, and walk toward the foot of the bed.

Drifting heavily in subspace from the wax play, I stood on the bed, on knees and elbows, my mind clear, awash in the dominant mood of my Goddess, when I felt the first strokes of the crop on my backside. Sharp, loud strokes landed cleanly as she took us into the next part of our scene.

I was so lost into the moment that I had no idea what the stroke count was. At least half-a-dozen, maybe a dozen, until my Goddess switched out to the purple cane. Within a few strokes with the latter, I broke into a very light sweat, the usual sign that the pain from caning or paddling is taking me into another level of pain/pleasure and mindspace. My Goddess teasingly cooed that she is so terrible with the whole warm-up thing... she just doesn't have patience for it...

Another few strokes of the hard cane came down before my Goddess switched out once more, this time to the traditional springy cane. While not as heavy a feeling as the hard cane, the blows from this one were sharper, had a little more sting. She continued to enjoy my reactions of a little squirming, loud exhales, and trying to relax between the blows. I so wanted to take what she was dishing out because of the vibes of sadistic and dominant enjoyment I was feeling from her. I wanted to make her happy, I wanted to be her toy to do with as she pleased, I wanted to be there for anything that she wanted me to do. I didn't want her to stop... ever...

My mental submissive frenzy met reality sooner than later when one of her strokes just overwhelmed me and dropped me to my side. The impact shook my body, but I tried to get back to my position as quickly as I could. During that time, my Goddess reached over to grab the larger hard paddle, and started up on my backside with that one, a bit more gently at the beginning, as if to find her aim. And then she dropped me again.

Was that glee I was feeling coming from her? Was that giggling I was hearing? Laughing? I couldn't tell. And yet, the sadistic mood was impossible to miss, the energy impossible to ignore. I was lost in her dominance, lost in her power, vulnerable to anything she wanted, and I would do anything to give my Goddess everything she wanted.

I didn't really realize it at the time, but my Goddess continued switching back-and-forth between the two kinds of canes and the hard paddle... just a few strokes of each... continually increasing the intensity bit by bit. And then, she asked me to help her out with some comparison testing. I had to tell her which ones of the strokes hurt more...

First, she came down with a hard stroke from the hard violet cane. Once more the impact had me roll out of position, the shock running throughout my body. Even if I would not have been able to get back up, I had to... I couldn't let my Goddess down in the middle of her test. Next came a hard stroke with the regular cane. Again, I failed to maintain my position. The pain was radiating through my body from the spot where it had landed. Again I got up into position on my elbows and knees. Finally, a huge blow from the hard paddle landed... it shook my entire body to the core... it took me a few seconds to even realize I was laying on my side.

I didn't have to say anything... My Goddess had her answer. I wasn't even capable of getting back up immediately, and before the waves coursing through my body started to dissipate sufficiently for me to attempt getting back into position, my Goddess laid a hand on my hip to keep me down. Her appetite was sated... for now...

She came down next to me, gently caressing her pet in appreciation of the moments of pleasure I had provided her. After a few minutes of close and warm contact, as the fog of subspace slowly began to lift, my Goddess unclipped my wrist cuffs and my ankle cuffs, and made sure I was on my way to recovery. Another minute or two later, she removed my blindfold, and the incredible sights of her shining eyes and her wickedly beautiful smile fell upon me, and I moved in closer for her to hold me tighter.

My Goddess left the locked wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs, along my the locked collar, of course, on me throughout the course of the evening, through my usual domestic service (dinner, dishes, laundry, relaxation) and overnight, until I needed to get ready for work in the morning.

Total dominance, total ownership, total submission, total belonging... Within our intensely passionate love for each other. The most incredible feelings I could imagine...

Monday, October 26, 2009

Part 1: Wax play to the edge (E)

Image courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

Once we returned back home after a day together, it didn't take very long for my Goddess to get to work. As we were relaxing in the bedroom, almost suddendly, she was looking for the locking leather wrist cuffs, and in a matter of a minute or two, she had strapped them on me and locked them. The locking ankle cuffs were next, followed by one of our leather blindfolds. My leather collar had been placed around my neck and locked a few minutes prior, when we had gotten back home, as a matter of habit.

Ordering me to lie down completely on the bed, my Goddess rapidly tied my wristcuffs to the top of the headboard, and my ankle cuffs to the board at the foot of the bed. Very business-like, with little teasing or foreplay, my Goddess had me in bondage on the bed, prepped for what whatever creatively evil plans she had.

Once in place, she mounted my torso, sat on my stomach, and proceeded to inflict some NT. Taking advantage of my predicament, bound, pinned down by her weight, and held in place by her legs, my Goddess started getting from me those sweet sounds she enjoys so much. Each poke, scratch, pinch, twist, and pull of my nipples between her nails got her a moan, hiss, or gasp that only fueled her hunger for more. Occasionally I felt her reach back to punctuate the NT with some CBT, which in some moments was so intense I lifted her off the bed slightly. But she was enjoying the ride.

After a few minutes of the NT and CBT, my Goddess moved off me, and while I was slowly recovering mentally from where I was in subspace, I felt/heard her go around to the other side of the bed. I heard her flick a lighter as she was walking back to the side of the bed I was on, and I felt her stand over me. Just as I was gathering enough of my wits to realize that I was not smelling her smoking, the first drop of wax totally surprised me as it landed on my chest. It had been a little while since my Goddess had done some wax play, and the heat of the impact took me aback.

As I felt the incredible vibes of her joyful dominance just radiating, my Goddess continued dropping drops of wax at unpredictable intervals here and there on my chest. And then, as accurate in her aim as she can be when she's in the mood, a drop landed right on my left nipple, providing her with a loud moan I'm sure I felt her smile wickedly over. Then she slowly moved the trail of wax down my chest and stomach, towards my privates, and my body thrashed when a drop landed on the underside of my penis, which at been laying flat over my bladder area in an almost hard state. My Goddess moved back to dropping wax around my chest area, and surprised me with a drop back on my testicules that again threw my body a bit to the side despite the bondage. I could hear her glee to my loud and physical reaction as she pulled back on my hip to lay me flat against the bed.

My Goddess continued the wax play, around my belly and chest, and finally, she hit a bullseye on my right nipple that, for a third time, elicited a tremendous reaction from my entire body. The searing heat was intense, and lasted for a few seconds, and it brought me to the addictively delicious point of having my Goddess inflicting pain that is so sharp, so overwhelming, that I want it to stop for a second, but I don't want her to stop what she is doing. Totally lost in subspace and the storming sea of her domination, I was at the edge of what I could take, and yet the only thought in my mind was... please... please don't stop...

Seeing me at the edge of the precipice, my Goddess reminded that I knew what our safewords were. She had that "awww... what's wrong, baby?" tone of voice that just drives me crazy. To her credit, she knew she had taken me to the edge, if not past it, and my Goddess made that last spectacular drop and reaction the climax of the wax play. Lost and out of control as I was, I could tell my breathing and reactions were getting a bit irregular. She stroked my head a few times before going to the other side of the bed and having a cigarette while I laid bound next to her.

PS: But my Goddess wasn't quite done... Part 2 will be coming up in the next day or two...

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Magical little words of domination (E)

Image courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

While the flow of energy in our D/s relationship has remained as high as ever with the myriad of daily rituals we have, my constant service to my Goddess, and her expectations of what I need to do for her, the past week has been a little quieter in terms of BDSM activities. It's been a very busy time at work for both of us, and my Goddess has not been feeling well the past few days.

Of course, there have been a few "scratching post" moments, and my usual time in locked collar and leash. But I knew that she was feeling better this morning, and that today would be a different kind of day, when shortly after some of our morning rituals, lying in bed, with my Goddess doing some gentle NT and CBT on me, she made of list of things she wanted to do. That included going back to sleep for just a little while longer, having a bath, catching some food, doing some shopping for Halloween, and then very matter of factly, without smiling or teasing, she said:

"... and then, I'm going to beat you up".

Wow... instant subspace. At that point, she cuddled closer to me, grabbed my collar by its center D-ring, put her head on my chest and her thigh across my hips, and then made herself comfortable for our nap.

I brought one of my hands up behind my head to fix my pillow slighty, and as the fingers brushed against the lock of my collar, I took a second or two to feel the lock and how secure it was, and that wonderful feeling of submission and belonging came over me. I settled in for our nap close to my Goddess under the warm covers and comforter in the cool morning air.

It's going to be another wonderful day with my Goddess...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Subdrop: Reflections from a D/s relationship (E)

Artwork courtesy of Bishop through the Museum of Femdom Art

Have you ever felt emotionally overwhelmed and physically shaky after very intense BDSM play, or a session where limits were pushed back? Overwhelmed... mentally vulnerable... lost... out of control... physically uncomfortable...

If the answer is yes, then chances are you were having subdrop. Or if you are a top, topdrop, although this typically happens more rarely. The mix of the physical reaction and the chemicals coursing through the body resulting from intense play and sensations, and the intense emotions resulting from the mind play and the catharsis of letting go of one's self beyond anything that had been reached before in terms of vulnerability, control, trust, self-expression, desires and fantasies, subspace, and the total giving of one's self to another, can at one point all be too much to handle once it stops.

Subdrop can be physically manisfested by reactions such as crying and extreme emotional release, shaking/trembling, difficulty in stabilizing body temperature (often feeling too cold), lack of appetite, dehydration, nausea, insomnia/restlessness or heavy drowsiness, and more.

Subdrop can be psychologically manifested by any of the following: an emotional pulling away, extreme vulnerability, disorientation, a sense of extreme attachment to the top, shame, self-doubt, self-questioning, extreme emotional states, and more.

Subdrop can take a turn for the worse if aftercare is not adequate, or too short. It may also be made worse, or relapse, if the play partners need to get physically separated after their time together.

In order to minimize the impact of subdrop after the closing of the intense physical and mental connection that developed during play, aftercare is absolutely essential for the sub, and likely necessary to both, especially if they don't live together, and one of them will leave in the hours ( or less) following. What constitutes good aftercare is a complex, person-specific issue in itself, even if there are general helpful guidelines to follow. That may be a future blog entry in the future...

Topdrop can also happen after the severing of the extraordinary connection that develops during play, although it is much rarer. I think it happens more rarely because there is always an element of control on the part of the top (safety, pace, technique, development of the scene, watching for feedback, etc...) that makes it so that they may not be so overwhelmingly letting go during the scene. While it's possible, it's more difficult, and rarer, to get one's limits pushed as a top than it is to push the physical and mental limits of the bottom.

So why am I rambling on about this? It's because I came to a realization while surfing BDSM social networking sites a few days ago that I hadn't suffered any significant/devastating subdrop since my Goddess and I started living together. And she hasn't suffered any significant topdrop since either. It's certainly not because we haven't been pushing limits. Rather, I think the constant presence of each other in our lives, the guarantee the other is not physically leaving, and in fact may be planning to catch a meal, go to sleep, or spending the rest of the day/night together, makes it so that the transition out of the scene is smoother, more gradual, with fewer worries, fewer doubts. I think the on-going dynamics of a 24/7 D/s relationship also makes it less stressful to end play... the connection is never really severed. The top will still be with you in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or forever. Play may resume at any time, the dominance will continue at any time. Nobody is pulling the plug.

And that is a great feeling. Subdrop can be devastating. I know... I've had it often... little drops and huge drops; short drops that lasted a few hours, and long drops that shook me to the core for weeks. Certainly it helps that by now, my Goddess and I have developed post-play routines of aftercare based on how well we know each other. It also helps that we are not going each our own way after play. And I think that the sheer dynamics of a D/s relationship that runs pretty much 24/7, in addition to the level of communications and understanding and trust that has been built until then, is something that helps minimize or eliminate subdrop tremendously.

This thought came back to me today reading and leaving a comment on our BDSM friend Mistress Lilyana's blog (http://mistresslilyana.blogspot.com/), as she posted about "sub shock", a subject that, at least for me, blended elements of subdrop with self-doubt caused by internal societal pressures. And as I thought even further about subdrop than I had earlier in the week, I felt more and more strongly that there was a sizeable gap between the intensity and the impact of subdrop felt after an intense scene between random or occasional or even regular partners that don't have the benefit of a live-in relationship, and those who have a committed, 24/7 (or as close as one could ever get) live-in D/s relationship.

The lesson, or reminder, for everyone, regarless of relationship status, is that a BDSM scene is only as good as the aftercare that is provided on both sides. That aftercare includes close contact, reassurances, attending to physical and emotional manifestations, and good communication the day of, and in the days following the scene. And spending quality time together, if at all possible, can only help. Or in certain extreme cases, especially when contact or communication is not possible, having a trusted, knowledgeable, and understanding friend that can talk you down...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Quick Little RL Story with the Best Insinuations (S)

My prince took me on a shopping venture over the weekend. As I was in the dressing room with the pushy salesgirl, he sat quietly in the corner without complaint. The sales girl took notice and said, "he is very well-behaved and patient, just waiting for you to decide what you would like to purchase". I simply said, "yes, he is a very good boy." For a moment I think she may have understood... maybe she was even a little jealous, but I certainly could tell she was intriqued by that amount of obedience. I was quite proud of my pet... he is the perfect shopping companion. And, of course, he has complimented every outfit I have worn since that shopping trip... as attentive as he should be... as I expect... as I deserve. I share this simple moment for the mere fact that the salesgirl's comments reminded me once again what divine control I have and how fortunate I am that I can call that beautiful and patient angel my own. Ah, it's the little things!

NT - Variations on a theme (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

By now, it should be obvious that NT is one of our favorite BDSM activities. Its availability, its ease, its range of intensity, the instant reactions... it is a great control tool for my Goddess, and a source of wonderful pain/pleasure for me.

There is no doubt that my nipples are one of my erogenous zones. The manipulation of few other areas on me can get me turned-on as fast or as hard as nipple play. They are simultaneously one of my most sensitive areas, and by now, one of the most tolerant to heavy play. NT for me is a combination of eroticism and dominance/submission, incredible excitement and pleasure, and near instant subspace from the pain.

For my Goddess, NT is erotically exciting as a source of some of her favorite reactions from me... moaning, squirming, facial expressions, total submission, and of course, the whimper. NT is an art in which she can express her moods, from tenderness to sexyness to harsh dominance and control. She can turn me on or make me beg for mercy. She can get me excited or send me into subspace.

NT can be the appetizer, the main course, or the dessert... and often it is all three.

My Goddess inflicts NT on me with her fingers, her nails, and her teeth. She can (and does) use clamps, clips, rings, or clothespins. And when she feels particularly evil, she can use wax, the tip of a cigarette, or some ice. I can be in bondage or completely unfettered, and I can be standing, kneeling, or lying down. My Goddess can be sitting on my stomach, sitting on my lower back, sitting or lying next to me, and standing in front of me or behind me.

And of course, NT is an integral part of any lovemaking we have.

With the generalities out of the way, here are a few of my favorite scenarios, positions, and predicaments, in no particular order, when NT happens...
  1. I'm lying on the floor or on the bed, on my stomach, often watching television or playing board games with my Goddess, and she comes over to sit on my lower back. She reaches under my chest for NT, and I am completely trapped, pinned under her weight and held in place by her legs. More than once my Goddess has reached climax from this scene.
  2. I'm on my knees, my Goddess is standing before me, and I look up to see the sheer look of delight and dominance on her face as she takes hold of my nipples and proceeds to do some NT, looking down on me to watch my reactions. Occasionally, she will stand behind me, and bring her head down next to mine as she does NT, and I smell the sweet fragrance of her body and hair as my head falls back against her shoulder and my face gets lost in her beautiful hair.
  3. I'm lying on the bed, in bondage or not, and my Goddess is lying next to me. She will reach over to one nipple with a hand, and bite the other nipple with her teeth.
  4. My Goddess orders me to put nipple rings on (ours are very intense, and I can only have them on for very brief periods of time), she tells me to lie on the floor next to her sitting on the bed, orders me to light cigarettes for both of us, and I have to wear the rings during the time it takes us to smoke. There is often a small service that I must do for her before or after we smoke that will lengthen the duration of the NT.
  5. I'm lying on the bed or on the floor on my back, in bondage or not, my Goddess is sitting on my stomach, and she looks down on me to watch with my reactions to the NT with evil, dominant delight as I am pinned beneath her and held in place by her legs. Another scene in which my Goddess has reached climax often.
  6. I'm on my knees with my hands bound to a structure above my head in our little makeshift dungeon in one of our closets. Often blindfolded, and left in isolation for short periods of time, my Goddess comes in to play with her toy, and her hands, her teeth, clothespins, wax, and light heat play is usually on the agenda.
  7. I'm sitting on the floor, often in some form of bondage, at my Goddess' feet while she's in a comfortable chair, as we watch a movie. It's often a BDSM movie, either because we were in the mood, or it put us in the mood. She will reach over me for some NT, usually part of many other activities to happen over the course of a longer scene. Because of the play and heavy subspace, I rarely catch the end of those movies...
NT... a source of pleasure, pain, dominance, submission, erotic excitement, expression, climax, belonging, ownership... and occasionally some blood or a little bruising... definitely of our favorite BDSM play... and she is so damn good at it...

PS: The signature on the superb artwork I used had been cropped out on the image as I found it. If you are the artist of this beautiful piece, or you know who did it, and you can give me a link, I will be more than happy to provide the appropriate credit.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Her scratching post (E)

Artwork courtesy of Brendan Bkr and the Museum of Femdom Art

It just drives me absolutely (submissively) crazy when my Goddess refers to me as her pet... it makes me proud, warm and fuzzy inside, and weak in the knees, all at once. With a small wave of subspace washing over me for a few minutes. Occasionally, she'll also call me her "toy"... same effect. Both terms reinforce my sense of belonging to her, reinforce my sense of the D/s dynamics of our relationship, and it really makes me feel wonderful that she feels like she "owns" me in such a manner.

But while she's never called me that, I often feel like her scratching post. I don't think a day goes by without my Goddess reaching over to inflict some NT, and often some CBT. And I love it. I really, really love it. Technically, I think being used as her scratching post reaffirms my role as her toy...

Even when my Goddess goes a little easier on me, it's often because I'm sore from the previous day's NT. You could say I'm living daily with pain... and it is absolutely intoxicating... an addiction I could not do without.

My release comes at a great price in terms of NT. But it makes the climax so intense that I won't even try to describe it. It is a full body and mind orgasm that leaves me shaking for several minutes, and with tremors up to 30 minutes later. And then my nipples are guaranteed to be sore for at least the next day or two. There may be other collateral damage to me caused by my Goddess allowing me release, but the NT is a constant.

Put aside some of our rituals, there are other moments when my Goddess will feel like exerting control and her dominance through causing me discomfort or pain daily: the occasional hair-pulling, tugging on my leash, pulling on my collar, scratching and pinching my thighs when I'm driving, or if we're in the movie theater, and scratching and digging her nails into my forearms if we are close to each other at informal social functions.

But NT and CBT is a daily constant, and despite my reactions, I never have enough of it. Must be those endorphins... One of these days, I'll probably have to write an entire post on the variety of ways, positions, and circumstances in which my Goddess inflicts NT on me. And I'm sure there's another post to be written just on CBT. In the meantime, I'll just be awaiting with impatience the next moment my Goddess feels like reaching over and using me as her scratching post, whether it's an official designation for me or not.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

A different perspective on "punishment" (E)

Artwork courtesy
of Bishop and
http://www.femdomartists.com/

Within the context of a D/s relationship where BDSM plays a key role, I don't like the concept of punishment. There... I said it... I know it goes against the trend, and that many will disagree with me. But I don't. And here's why.

Punishment would mean that I did something wrong. It would imply disappointment on the part of my Goddess in relation to something I did, or did not do. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, or that I'm perfect, or that I wouldn't possibly enjoy the consequences of it. But I don't want to disappoint her. Ever. And whatever enjoyment I would get from the session would be far over-shadowed by the fact that it was happening because I disappointed her.

I do my very best not to disappoint my Goddess. I really do. In my service to her, in my submission to her, and in my support of her, in trying to go beyond what she would expect, and in anticipating her needs, doing all that I must do as well as I can, being pro-active and pre-emptive, is a state of mind.

True punishment would be easy enough. By now, my Goddess knows me well enough to crash any of my limits in no time flat. There would be no challenge there. Our style is one based on our connection, on sensuality, on mind-play, on fulfillment, on self-expression, on needs, and on pushing to the limits, and pushing beyond them. Ignoring limits, and bulldozing through them for the sake of punishment would not be constructive, and I don't know if it would be as enriching for her.

If that kind of punishment would be something my Goddess wanted and needed, if it was how she wanted to express her dominance over me, then I would be more than happy to submit to it. I would expect her to get everything she wanted out of it for herself. But somehow, I've often found and seen a pervasive, contradictory, and unhealthy relationship between punishment and D/s play in many partners because it can be self-defeating and manipulative. And that just isn't a dynamic that we are attracted to.

The threat of punishment, and even the realization of a particularly harsh session that I may not enjoy (or not completely enjoy) but that my Goddess would, can be a very erotic thought. And at any time my Goddess feels the need for it, I remain hers to do as she desires. But as I mentioned earlier, the idea of me disappointing her, of us actually doing a scene because I did something wrong, would be something that would bother me tremendously unless she was just looking for an excuse for some intense play, and that was what she really wanted to.

I never want to go down the road of even thinking about not doing my best because of what may or may not happen. One of the most powerful and inspirational facets of our relationship is my need to serve her, and her need to express her dominance over me. It provides us both with an extraordinary sense of freedom. I would much rather have my Goddess hungry to fulfill her needs and feed her dominance than have her angry at me.

If it's enjoyable and fulfilling for my Goddess, it will be for me also, and it won't really be punishment. If it's not enjoyable for her, I'd rather we not be doing it at all. It would somehow be punishment for her too.

So punishment, unless it is teasing and an excuse to create a scene (which hasn't happened), isn't really part of the landscape of our D/s relationship. Real punishment would be indifference, and that would be self-defeating. Being one who reacts much better to having the bar set for me, which I'll always try to reach or go beyond, I feel that being trained for what my Goddess likes and wants is a much more constructive way of growing and moving forward in our relationship.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Time for a night in bondage (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

I knew my Goddess was in a mood from texts she sent me during the day. My Goddess also knew that I was a little short on sleep from the previous two nights, so that she wanted to make sure that I would get more sleep this upcoming night, and that it would be deep, relaxing sleep.

So it wasn't too much of a surprise when we were relaxing that evening that my Goddess gave me a familiar warning and order... "get ready for bed, and make sure you don't have to get up over the course of the night".

As soon as I could get myself ready, I layed down on the bed next to my Goddess, and promptly she tied my hands to the headboard of the bed. Already the stress of the day was quickly forgotten, and I started slipping into subspace as I knew I would spend the night in bondage next to her. Within a few seconds, she put heavy leather cuffs on my feet, and clipped them together, further restraining my movements, leaving me available to her as her toy, pillow, or anything else she desired.

Covering me halfway with the sheets and blanket, my Goddess got me all ready for our night together. But it was not to happen without a little enjoyment for her. She mounted me and sat on my stomach, and then proceeded to have a little fun with some NT. While not as relaxing for the body, my mind was taken further away from the worries of this world as I fell under the cover of subspace, and of her dominance.

My Goddess started alternating between the NT and some CBT, enjoying under her my movements and gyrations. Her nails dug deeply into me, wherever her mood brought her hands, and she enjoyed inflicting pain in different areas until the sounds I made were in rythmn with her movements and the waves of intensity she was creating.

She squeezed, and scratched, and pinched, and dug her nails into my nipples and into my C & B, building a crescendo with my reactions, getting from me the sweet sounds and facial expressions she wanted so much. And she never stopped until I got to the point she was waiting for... the whimper. As usual, it was totally unintentional and out of my control, and I think that's a big part of why she enjoys bringing my to the point of the whimper so much.

Her job was done, she was satisfied with both her enjoyment of the expression of her dominance over me and the mental state I had reached, and she moved off my chest. While I laid in bed deep in subspace, lost in the lasting sensations and mindset of her play and her dominance, she got herself ready for sleep. A minute or two later, she joined me in bed, checked my bondage one last time, laid down next to me with her head on my chest, and very peacefully we both fell asleep.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Femdom humor (E)

Artwork courtesy of Laurent Lebeau
through Flat Earth Social Club

I was quite overdue for a haircut yesterday, so I got that taken care of toward the end of the day. Relaxing in bed with my Goddess before going to sleep, she ran her hand through my hair to grab a hold of it, as she is often in the mood to do. However, this time, there was very little to hold on to (I get my hair cut very short), and a huge sense of disappointment appeared on her face. One of her favorite means of getting my attention had been taking away, probably for a week or two.

In an absolutely priceless moment, my Goddess made the funniest disappointed face I had ever seen on her, pinched a small (and short) lock of my hair between her thumb and index finger, made like she was holding it up or pulling on it, and said:

"It just doesn't feel as dominant saying 'You're my bitch!' with your hair this short".

We started laughing, and the more she made the disappointed face and pinched her thumb and index finder together, the more we giggled. Of course, one of those moments you had to be there...

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Captured (E)

Artwork courtesy of Sardax
http://www.lubyanka.co.uk/sardaxMistressLubyanka1.htm
http://www.sardax.com/

Doing things for her is far more important
Than anything I have for myself as intent.
Bringing her pleasure is for me such a high,
Beyond anything my own pleasure can provide.
The expression of her sexual dominance is my greatest fantasy,
A huge source of my fulfillment, joy, and ecstasy.
Together it seems we can never spend enough time,
But whenever it happens, every trouble becomes fine.
Sharing everything about each other and our lives is so rewarding,
And it's as much about the exploring as it is about the discovering.
My Goddess has completely captured my heart and my soul,
And my captivity to her is the only thing that makes me whole.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Waiting for the first tug (E)

Picture courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

I woke up this morning lying close to my Goddess,
With my body next to her, and my arm around her chest.
My hand was all the way across her body,
Pinned between her arm and her ribs,
And for a long while I didn't want to move
So that I wouldn't interrupt her much deserved sleep.
Instinctively I reached up to my neck, to the ever-present collar,
And followed its line all the way to the back, meeting the lock
That reminds me that she never wants to let me go.
Finally I slipped away because I was getting restless,
I think that despite my best intentions,
I would have woken her up from my movements.
Before leaving, I clipped the leash to my collar,
Because that's what she would have wanted,
And I always want to be available to her
Should she need or require anything at all.
I moved along at that point to begin my day,
Cleaning and preparing, and obviously, writing,
But my Goddess is the only thing on my mind,
And I can't wait until once more we are together.
I don't know what the weekend reserves for us,
Whether it'll be some time of support for her
After a very difficult week she had at work,
Or some time of escape for the two of us,
To make us forget the challenges of everyday life
Outside of the magic we bring to each other.
Will she be in the mood to express her dominance?
Or will we just enjoy each other's company going about?
It doesn't matter... I just want to be there for her
Because she means so much to me and makes me so happy.
The feeling of anticipation is intense inside of me,
But there's no expectation beyond just being together.
We'll be enjoying the moment and looking into the future,
Taking advantage of the now and making plans for the then.
At the present it's just me, and I don't feel quite right,
Because I'm never complete unless she's there with me.
I know that the time will come soon
Of the very first tug of the day that will bring me to her,
And at that time only will the sun be rising on my day.
Life is shorter than we think, and it can be so demanding,
But every moment with my Goddess is just so special,
And I wish I could share with the whole world
The magic of what we do for each other.
For now I have but one secret to share,
And it is to enjoy... every... moment...

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Dominance and service in the kitchen (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

Once we both were home from work last night, as is our ritual at that time of the day, I served up my Goddess a cold, icy beverage, knelt before her, and she placed around my neck my leather collar and locked it. Then she needed to smoke, so I lit her cigarette and held the ashtray for her during that time.

After we were done, since I needed to prepare dinner while she was going to relax and watch some television, my Goddess clipped the house leash to my collar so that she could tug on it and pull me in if she needed anything. All set to move on with my duties, I reminded her that I had a new post up on our blog that she hadn't read yet, and that I thought she would enjoy it. Then I headed to the kitchen.

Roughly 5 minutes later, after I'd put one of the courses into the oven and I was preparing the next one, my Goddess came into the kitchen. I was a bit surprised to see her, since she could have tugged on the leash if she had needed anything. But there was a look in her eyes that told me she came over for more than cookies... She came straight to where I was standing, grabbed the leash, and pulled me down for a kiss. Breaking away from the kiss for just a moment, she whispered "That was hot. I liked it.", referring to the entry.

Then, while she pulled on my leash again for us to resume our kiss, my Goddess took one of my hand and brought it down to her intimate parts. She didn't have to say anything for me to know what was expected. Both of us standing in the middle of the kitchen, I gently reached for her G-spot, and began rubbing it and playing with it. We never interrupted the kiss while I brought her the pleasure she wanted and needed. It wasn't always easy to maintain the kiss since she her body movements got more accentuated as she got more and more excited. A sudden movement on her part eventually broke the kiss, but I moved on to kissing and nibbling her neck, and we didn't miss a beat. A few moments later, my Goddess reached climax, and I held on to her tightly so that she wouldn't lose her balance from the post-climax tremors.

A minute or so later, she was composed enough to stand on her own. She took a step back, looked at me with a wickedly dominant smile, and said:

"OK... thanks... now get back to work..."

And she then turned around and walked away... going back to relax watching television, leaving me to finish preparing dinner...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Hungry again (E)

The art of Reggaetech Maho, courtesy of the Museum of Femdom Art

Sometimes the non-verbal is so powerful that it can totally overwhelm without any words being spoken...

I started feeling the vibes during dinner time. I had prepared dinner for my Goddess and I. The way she was looking at me, the way she was sitting, the way she moved... there was no way that there wouldn't be something happening later. In fact, not just later, right after.

Just before standing to leave our eating area, My Goddess ask me how long it would take for me to put away the food and the dishes. Clearly my answer was not satisfactory. I tried again, saying that I'd put away the leftover food, but I would take care of the dishes later. That was better.

My Goddess took her leave, and quickly, I took care of the essentials. I joined her in the bedroom as soon as I could, and as I climbed onto the bed to be close to her, she pulled me right into a kiss. She still had this hungry, devouring look about her, even more focused and intense than it had been during dinner.

I couldn't have pulled away from her even if I wanted, as she held me close by one of the D-rings on the locked leather collar. As she let me go from the intensely passionate kissing for just a moment, my Goddess opened her legs. She was not wearing anything but a bra under her long shirt, and again, without a single word being spoken, I felt, I knew what I had to do, what was expected, what she wanted. I slid down her body until my head was in line with her sacred intimate parts, and I tried my best to please her and quench her hunger.

Her climax was absolutely spectacular. As much as she enjoyed what we did on the weekend, it seemed to me that this orgasm was even longer, deeper, and louder than I had ever felt.

But like it is often the case, this was just the start of the festivities. Once more, she wanted to follow-up with me inside her, and with NT as her reins, she got me to go as fast and as slow and as deep and as long as she wanted. The energy I felt from my Goddess was nothing short of unbelievable. She wanted... she needed... she was going to take anything and everything she wanted from me. Almost like a vampire on a rampage for blood.

After several orgasms for my Goddess, we took a short break, and as we resumed, I sat on the floor with my back to the bedside. My Goddess stepped over my legs, and facing away from me, she backed up so I could provide oral service while she was sitting back. A totally incredible position, and intense sensations off the scale. Engulfed by her many fragrances, kept in position by her legs and backside, stimulated by her delectable taste, I was completely overwhelmed. As she got more excited, and closer to climax, my Goddess' tended to let go of her weight more, smothering me, and making me work harder and faster. I could feel the flow of her excitement run down the sides of my face. Moments of unintentional (or were they...) breath play drove up the eroticism and intensified the subspace. The duration of those moments sitting back lengthened, which make it more challenging for me to breathe, and more pressing for me to bring her to climax. Soon she did, again so intensely that it gave me goosebumps. She then sat on the edge of the bed and collapsed backward.

Within a few minutes, she wanted me back inside her again, and eventually, she allowed me release.

As a post scriptum, I had somewhat of a decision to make a little while later. I had had the privilege of sexually serving my Goddess in a variety of manners, including many ways orally. On an evening where my Goddess was particularly excited and off-the-charts hot, I could smell and feel her fragrance and her essence on my skin. It was sexy, erotic, dominant. To wash or not to wash? I loved it... it turned me on... I was intoxicated by it... I decided to not wash it off, and shortly thereafter, went to sleep...

Yes, my Goddess, you can have that every day... absolutely any time you want it...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Power and anticipation (E)

The art of Niki, courtesy of the Museum of Femdom Art

"To put it bluntly, I'm completely horny this morning... I need sex. Do you know anyone who might be interested this evening? Sexual servitude is expected!"

A text I received at work a bit before lunch yesterday from my Goddess. Kind of made me lose my focus for a while...

Belonging... submissive tension... excitement... intoxicating... under her spell... totally addicted... would do anything for her... absolutely love it... can't wait... can't get enough of her... flashbacks...

Whether such things happen when planned or not, the energy flow is phenomenal and lasting. Can't live D/s 24/7 without it. Can't live at all without it.

Anticipation without expectation...

Simple gestures and rituals...

Shared thoughts without limits...

Freedom to express...

Freedom to act...

Freedom to be...

Love without boundaries...

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Taking what She wants (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Eart Social Club

I went back to the bedroom to see if my Goddess needed anything as she was enjoying some television before going to sleep. I was naked, wearing only my locked collar and my house leash.

My Goddess stepped out of the bathroom behind me, and moved toward me, looking like she needed a hug. I met her part-way, and we shared a warm embrace that lasted perhaps 30 seconds before she looked up at me and reached for a kiss. My lips met hers, and we kept our embrace during the time of a kiss that turned from affectionate to something more very rapidly.

Before our lips got separated, my Goddess reached up to grab my hair, and she turned my head slightly to the side. I kept my arms around her waist as she reset her hold on my hair to grab onto it more forcefully. Rather suddenly, my Goddess pulled on my hair hard, breaking the kiss, and pulling down me to my knees. With her hand very firmly holding my head into place by the hair, she then bent down slightly to resume our kiss, gradually pulling my head further backward.

My hands moved down to her thighs as my Goddess brought me down to me knees. The position I was in left me very vulnerable, and all I could do was follow her lead. The forcefulness of her actions, her control of my movements, the depth and speed of her breathing, and the dominant vibes she was sending all started me down the subspace slope out of control.

My Goddess eventually broke away from our kiss, let go of my hair, and brought both of her hands down to my nipples. She took hold of them as forcefully as she had held on to my hair, and I was still kept immobile on my knees before her, my hands on the side of her thighs, unable to go anywhere. She squeezed my nipples at first, and then switched her grip to trap them with her nails. As she squeezed once more, the pain was much sharper, and a harsh gasp escaped me. Biting my lower lip, I looked up at her, and my eyes found her looking down at me, voraceously enjoying my reactions. Once more, my Goddess was in total control, and her facial expression was all dominant hunger.

After two or three minutes of NT keeping me on my knees, my Goddess grabbed my leash and jerked me over to the bed. I had a hard time keeping up with her from my knees as she climbed up onto the bed, laid down on her back, and pulled the leash down toward her intiminate parts. My non-verbal orders were clear, and I got to work immediately with my tongue.

I am always so turned on sexually by my Goddess' need for sexual servitude and oral service. Especially when it is expressed in such a strong, dominant way. I'm sure I was enjoying what was happening no less than she was.

Just a few minutes later, I had brought my Goddess to a huge climax. While she had still not finished trembling, she pulled up on my leash, bringing me up between her legs. The oral service had only been an appetizer. She wanted more, and she wanted me. With the leash wrapped around one hand, she reached up for my nipples, and she resumed the NT as I moved inside her.

I can't describe the intensity of the sex we had on this evening. All I'll say is: my Goddess managed to keep me going inside her for three rounds, she had multiple orgasms during the course of each round, and she finally allowed me release at the end, my second time in two evenings. My own orgasm was totally consciousness-shattering, and after several minutes of post-orgasm tremors, shaking, and trembling, I must of remained still for nearly another 10 minutes.

And today, my nipples are so sore that I feel like my Goddess could be doing more NT just looking at them.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

A new ritual (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

My Goddess and I have a number of rituals that take place during the course of the day. Some of them happen at very specific moments of the day in terms of time, such as our morning rituals, and others will happen in a more circumstancial manner, such as when we get back home for a day's work.

These rituals are both powerful in their symbolism, and effective in creating and maintaining the mood and the energy of the D/s flow of our relationship. They are gestures of service, respect, and/or worship on my part, and reinforcement of my Goddess' role and power on hers.

Several of the moment-specific rituals happen first thing in the morning, every morning. On weekday mornings, the routine mainly goes like this:
  • I wake up 5-10 minutes before my Goddess;
  • I prepare her coffee;
  • I get back to the bedroom;
  • I turn on the television at a favorite channel;
  • I wake her up gently;
  • I offer the coffee to her;
  • I sit on the floor next to her side of the bed;
  • I light her cigarette and hand it to her;
  • I hold her ashtray;
  • during smoking time, we chat about how we slept, and what's coming up during the day;
  • once we are done smoking, I draw her bath;
  • while she is finishing her coffee, I turn on any appliance she requests for the care of her hair;
  • and finally, I offer my Goddess to help with anything that might make her preparation for the new day faster and easier.
Recently, a new ritual has taken its place in our routine. About two weeks ago, out of the blue, just after smoking time and before going off to draw my Goddess' bath, I was inspired to kneel at the side of the bed and I started to gently kiss her feet. Tender little kisses... many tender little kisses... one for each toe... and back again in reverse order... a dozen or so over the top of her foot... moving toward the ankle... and back with another dozen... going over her toes again... and then moving on to the other foot...

My Goddess liked that. In fact, she really liked it. So much did she enjoy it that she told me right then and there that she wanted this to become part of our morning ritual. "We have to do that every morning", she said.

Kissing my Goddess' feet. So simple... so symbolic... so sensual... so significant... so D/s... I missed it only once since, at the start of a day when we both had much on our mind, and the following morning she sternly reminded me that I had missed the previous morning. I felt terrible. There is no worse feeling than to disappoint one's Goddess.

Those few moments of kissing my Goddess' feet are so magical. They are sensual moments, when I feel the softness our her skin, and smell the sweet natural fragrance of her body and her feet. They are submissive moments, when I kneel before her to serve and bring her delicate sensual pleasure. They are moments of worship, when I pay respect and tribute to her role and her power in our relationship. They are moments of reflections, when I empty my mind and think of nothing else but how wonderful she is as my friend, my dominant, my love, and my soulmate. They are moments of excitement, when the action of kissing her feet and the sensations I get bring about flashbacks of moments, play, and scenes that we have shared recently. They are also moments of excitement when I remember other recent foot-related imagery, such as my Goddess wearing her spiked heel boots to work on a previous day.

All that during a short period of less than two minutes. But even more important, kissing my Goddess' feet has become a key part of a routine that re-establishes and maintains the order of things in our relationship each and every day. It is a ritual that confirms and reinforces my place and her place, my role and her role, my service and her acceptance of that service. It is a ritual that resets at a high level the D/s energy first thing in the morning, for the whole morning, until we need to go each our own way for our professional lives. It is a ritual that makes its mark until the time we both get back from work and pick up where we left.

A simple ritual that is so charged symbolically, simple gestures that are so meaningful and so impactful, and now, kissing my Goddess' feet every morning is a part of our D/s lives that we can't live without.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

My Prince is at Work (S)

Artwork courtesy of
Flat Earth Social Club

I am sitting at home alone. Bummer. I miss my dymion. Usually at this point he is making me a drink, lighting my cigarette, letting me vent about my day. I can see him sitting beside me with his locked collar while rubbing my feet. I am spoiled, I admit! Why, oh why, did he have to work late. A Goddess should never have to be without her boy.

So, now I guess I just have to use my imagination. If he was here what would I do? Well, of course I would take part in the rituals listed above. Then we would have dinner and then... hmmm.... let me think...

I think I would take him to the bedroom, make him remove all his clothes and kneel in front of me. I would lift his head gently and give him a kiss before placing the blindfold over his beautiful eyes. Then I would make him position himself on all fours on the bed. I really like our new purple cane (mentioned in one of his previous posts). It is a lot of fun. I could take a few shots and make him count... maybe up to 24... I like 24. I would start out slow and then surprise him with a few fast, hard hits. He would shake and sweat a bit... make a few sounds... love those sounds! Finally on that 24th hit I would swing as hard as I could to watch him fall flat on the bed. That always gets me completely hot.

Now it's time to roll him over and tie his hands to the headboard. I would get the spreader bar out, too, so he couldn't squirm too much. That is when the NT begins... one of my favorite things. I love his facial expressions and the attempts to get away... and I absolutely go crazy if I can get him to whimper... so hot. At that point I would hope I would have him pretty excited... teetering on subspace, but erect for my pleasure.

I would allow him to enter my body as I begin to slowly move on top of him. NT would continue. He would have no control of the pace... I could do whatever I want. That immobility and the freedom to do as I please for as long as I please...oh yeah...really hot.

When I am done with him I would release his feet from constraint and allow his arms to rest at his sides. No climax for my prince right now... maybe later tonight or in the morning. Right now, I want him to yearn for it... ache for me. I will lay by his side while he is still blindfolded and allow him to caress my body as we calm our souls and slow our trembling. Then we would peacefully escape into blissful sleep.

Oh, if only he was here. But it is officially my weekend now... I think I can probably fit this scenario in really, really soon along with other mindblowing scenes to make our time away from work simply magical.

New toys - part 2 (E)

Artwork courtesy of
Flat Earth Social Club

I tried to get back into position as quickly as I could, the waves from the last stroke of the cane reverberating through my body. Fallen off to the side, hands twisted in the bondage, blindfolded and disoriented, it was more challenging to get back to my knees while drifting in subspace than it would normally have been.

My Goddess went around to the other side of the bed, and teased me by exhaling the smoke from her cigarette in my direction, sometimes from the side, sometimes from underneath. Leaving me hanging, she took her time smoking, and didn’t give me any sense of timing or what came next.

What did come next was my Goddess releasing my hands from the headboard, unclipping the leash from my C & B restraint, and ordering me on all fours. Deep into subspace, I had flashbacks from what had just happened going through my mind, phantom sensations coming back to me again and again.

In the background, without my realization of it, my Goddess was prepping her strap-on. She closed in with her fingers to lube my anal passage, getting a small gasp from me, and she gently covered her objective deeply and thoroughly, plunging me further into subspace. Uncontrollably, I started to moan from deep within my body, and I was desperate for more as she pulled out to finish her preparation.

My Goddess climbed back onto the bed and positioned herself as she lowered my backside to her liking. Gently at first, I felt the tip of her strap-on press against me. In those beginning moments, she pushed delicately and firmly until I relaxed enough for the first breakthrough. I could feel myself wanting to get hard, but that had been made impossible by the C & B restraint I was wearing. The strain of my bound genitals only accentuated my surrender as my Goddess rhythmically pushed in and out, each time pushing in a little further. I felt her will, her dominance even more strongly with each thrust, with each movement, and the power-eroticism built up until I had been taken completely by her.

The relative gentleness of the penetration was tossed away once I had relaxed at full penetration, and my Goddess got herself into a groove, faster, harder, deeper. A few slaps on my backside, some scratching along my back, a bite or two as she leaned over me, and we headed toward uncontrolled terminal velocity. The gradual crescendo of her dominance and pleasure gave way to more chaotic and erratic movement as her moans became louder than mine, she pulled in on my hips on every thrust, and eventually reached a huge climax.

Briefly, my Goddess slumped over me as we both recovered from her orgasm. I could feel the warmth and wetness from her body against my backside, and the wetness from my penis inside its leather cage. She sat back, pulling out the strap-on, and ordered me not to move. As soon as the strap-on had been removed, my Goddess took another dildo, and filled me up again as she got comfortable to pleasure herself. Both of us already at the summit of excitement, the crescendo was much shorter as she increased the intensity of the anal play and reached another climax on her own.

After both of us recovered from that peak, my Goddess ordered me to lie on my side, and she sat up against my stomach at a 90-degree angle. Still blindfolded, I began caressing her soft skin along her legs, back, shoulders, and arms. I could still feel her trembling, but I could also sense that her hunger was not yet sated. I could feel it in her vibes, in her energy, in her movements. Gradually my fingers moved to the inside of her hips, a delightful little spot inside the hip bone that must be one my Goddess’ favorite erogenous zones. Definitely she wanted more, she needed more, and I was more than happy to serve her in this need. Her own excitement and responses to sexual pleasure are so magical for me. Just one more thing I just can’t get enough of with her. I moved my fingers over, and within a matter of just a few minutes, my Goddess had had two more orgasms.

By the time we were done, I was deep in subspace, I had been taken by my Goddess, I was still having flashbacks from the caning with our new toy, I had felt the incredible energy from her sexual pleasure, and I was lying next to her close, warm, and totally, totally hers.

It just doesn’t get any better…