Keeping the energy flowing (E)

The incredible art of Bishop, courtesy of the Museum of Femdom Art

How to keep the energy flowing is an issue that we all face in our relationships, BDSM-based or vanilla. It's important to understand that, contrary to the beliefs of far too many, the responsibility for D/s dynamics lies at least as much with the bottom/sub/slave as it does with the top/dominant/domme. And as in any kind of relationship, both partners get out of it what they put in.

Without any intention of being comprehensive, here are a few thoughts on things that make a difference for us, from my (submissive) POV.

Rituals & protocols: don't be asked twice for the same service or action. If your domme has requested any special action or ways of doing things, never again fail to do those, whether you are asked or not, and whether it is part of play or not. Be attentive to what she has asked in the past, and make sure you do those things well and all the time without being asked. That will maintain a constant reminder of the dynamics, and the respective roles.

Initiative & service: what else does your domme need? Try to be ahead of the curve in serving her. Don't just think of what she needs now, think of what she WILL need to make her life easier, more enjoyable, and more fulfilling. Submission is even more a state of mind than a list of actions.

Active symbolism: your domme shouldn't need to be standing over you with a crop for an hour while you're doing chores. Having you do those chores while you're wearing a locked collar, nipples clamps, an anal plug, or in partial bondage will be very effective in creating a mood and maintaining a high-level of energy.

Passive symbolism: you can have a reminder of your D/s dynamics at all times if she, or the two of you, decide on a ring, wrist or ankle bracelet, or another piece of jewelry you can wear 24/7. Want to go even further? What about a piercing? Or a tattoo? The mood and energy will wash back over each of you every time you feel it or see it.

Recognition & feedback: never let a good D/s gesture, action, or mood go unrecognized, unappreciated, and unthanked. There's nothing that creates positive reinforcement like appreciation.

Part of creating and maintaining the energy all parties are seeking are the little daily things that imprint and reinforce the D/s dynamics. You don't need 3-hour sessions daily. No top has that kind of energy any more than a rock star could be in concert every single day of the year. But the mood and energy can be remain high if no one ever lets the flame die out, even for a day, even for a few hours, and the bottom/sub/slave, needs to take an active role in that.

Available for hurt (E)

Picture courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

I think that one of the most magical parts of the D/s dynamics of our relationship is the constant high level of energy that it engenders, and the continual ebb and flow of power that inspires those little spur-of-the-moment acts of domination. Being available for hurt at any time, anywhere, is just such an intoxicating feeling...

Sitting on the floor at my Goddess' feet watching a movie, she reaches over to torment my nipples or puts her hands around my throat to gently make my breathing a little more labored...

Driving the car, my Goddess reaches across to dig her nails into the inside of my thigh and squeezes...

Discussing with friends at a munch, my Goddess pulls my arm a bit toward her and runs her nails up and down the forearm, leaving visible grooves in the skin for a few minutes.

Gentle good night kisses turning into long passionate kisses turning into sexual service, with or without interludes of CBT and nipple play.

Lying on the bed on my belly watching television before going to sleep, my Goddess comes over to sit on my back, and from there she proceeds to torment and torture my nipples, deeply scratches my chest, and leaves bit marks on my back and shoulders.

Md-afternoon naps rarely don't have me bound completely for a variety of little hurts and sexual servitude.

In fact, with paddles, floggers, nipple clamps, strap-on dildo, ropes, blindfolds, gags, and bondage gear in the bedroom, in addition to everything we have in our playroom down the hall, I never know what may transpire from going back to the bedroom, even for just a few minutes.

I often don't catch the end of movies we watch as I end up bound and blinfolded to a chair, or in subspace from some other delighful torments I suffer at my Goddess' hands.

There are just so many moments and so many intense experiences... I just couldn't possibly list them all... But they are wonderful parts of our days, all the more delicious for being unplanned and unexpected.

Don't get me wrong... I just melt when I feel (or I'm told) that my Goddess is in the mood and there's an extended session coming up that may last several hours. Each and everyone of them are so intense, so memorable, so life-affirming. And the anticipation for them has never diminished in all the time we've been together. But in between those powerful play times, the unforeseen, the unexpected, the inspired out of nowhere moments that come up daily, and sometimes several times a day, are an integral part of the magic of our dynamics, and they keep the energy level so high all the time.

Anytime... anywhere... in what ever manner she desires... I so love being available for hurt for my Goddess...