Longevity in D/s relationships - Cross-post (E)

From Mistresses and their Captured Men via Strawberry Mistress (seems inactive at the moment)

Hidden away from the world in the little bubble of D/s bliss Goddess Selena and I live in, my mind drifting, catching up on domestic duties while collared, leashed, and partially bound, with some occasional rituals serving Goddess Selena as the only interruptions, my thoughts kept gravitating around the concept of the growth and maturing of relationships that are heavily flavored by the D/s lifestyle and BDSM power exchange.

BDSM and D/s literature and social media are overwhelmingly focused on definitions and categories, meeting like-minded kinksters, transforming present relationships into kinky ones, how-tos, finding solidarity in fetishes, and sharing kinky playtime.  And all of those are cool…  Been there, done that…  A lot.

But there is not that much written, or discussed, on the long-term growth and maturation of D/s or BDSM lifestyle relationships.  And I wondered why.  One would think the challenges of the lifestyle in terms of added layers of interests (matching or not), communications, and the needs of relational dynamics that tend to be particularly demanding, would present much to explore, discuss and share.

I shared these thoughts with one of bloggers, and kindred spirit, I respect the most, hmp, and we conspired to respectively produce posts that would discuss this issue. After a few exchanges, hmp was first off the blogging starting line back on Thursday, and I took advantage of his insightful reflections to write this present post, undoubtedly the longest ever on this blog. So go to the bathroom, get a drink, and have a seat. This will take a while. hmp’s original post can be found here, and the parts that I copied (all but the Valentine’s Day wish to all at the end) appear below in bold and italics. And keep in mind that both voices belong to submissive males...

My friend and fellow blogger Dymion recently pointed out the lack of information available on achieving longevity in D/s relationships. There is plenty out there on ways to find a partner but precious little advice on how to make a relationship last.

Every person and every relationship is unique. D/s relationships are by definition more complicated than vanilla relationships. What has worked for Her Majesty and I over the past 27 years would not work for everyone.

That said, I believe D/s can help keep the romance in a relationship fresh, exciting and vibrant. The key is making sure your relationship is based on a firm foundation of love and trust. What follows are a few suggestions based on personal experience:

1) Establish compatibility before tying the knot. Establishing kink compatibility is not a guarantee for future success but it should be considered a necessary condition for achieving it. Your partner does not have to like all of the same things you like but she should be open minded about kink, accept you for who you are and be willing to explore. 

As the celebrated mathematical expression goes, “…a necessary but not sufficient condition...” The instances of “transforming” someone into the scene are rare and not often long-lasting. The presence of some kind of D/s spark or magic from the start is important, a sense of exploration is essential, and acceptance is non-negotiable.

2) Practice open and honest communication. Your relationship will not reach its full potential without honest communication nor can you hope to solve the problems that will inevitably come up if you can’t talk about them honestly.

Open and honest communication is critically important in every intimate relationship, and all the more so in a relationship where D/s or BDSM plays a key role. The additional layers of depths of such relationships, with the possibilities of greater convergence or difference between the individuals, make the need to communicate even greater. EAR (Explore, Acknowledge, Respond) listening should be practiced  on both sides, with a sincere intention to understand and find win-win scenarios.

3) Nobody has it all. We rarely possess everything we desire in life or balance everything in our lives successfully. Try to be realistic and honest with yourself about what you can reasonably expect from a D/s relationship. 

The intensity and thrills of D/s interactions impact the reward area of our brains in an incredibly powerful way, especially on the submissive side. They are addictive and there is often a sense of never having enough. But without balance, the unfettered raging of D/s and BDSM oriented desires is self-destructive, and through resentment for the one not meeting for those needs and desires, the lives of our partners. Balance, grounding, a real sense of how this can work within the relationship, and strong communications, are the foundation.

4) “No fault assurance.” The blame game is self defeating. When you point the finger at your partner you should see two fingers pointing back at yourself. You are in this thing together. Never let petty resentments or a festering grudge divide you.

The space between acceptance and resentment is often not very large. And disappointment makes the defining lines blurry. But blaming the other, and/or blaming ourselves, leads nowhere. If the relationship is based on common interests, good communications, and a sincere sense of exploration, then emotionally investing into addressing issues, realigning wants/needs/desires, and finding win-win scenarios is part of the game.

5) Every minute can’t be play time. If you think it through you will realize this fantasy is not only impossible but probably not even desirable. In any case it won’t happen so best to know that up front.

Wait… what? It can’t? Well, maybe there is a submissive somewhere that is living out the Beauty Trilogy. But for the overwhelming majority of us, the fantasy is ultimately not realistic in terms of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (which will eventually catch-up), nor does it address the demands of the real world (and there are consequences to this.) Again, balance and communications are essential.

6) Practice flexibility in D/s roles. Sometimes it doesn’t work to filter everything through a predefined set of protocols. Even if she is naturally dominant there will be times when your lady needs you to take charge. She may need a strong protective arm around her or a shoulder to cry on. There may be times when your ideas are beneficial to the relationship and should be heard regardless of who is dominant or submissive. Wear your D/s role like a loose garment rather than an impenetrable suit of armor.

D/s dynamics will be sliding across several spectrums relative to the different areas of the relationship. “Serving” also means being strong for the other when the need arises. And sometimes even taking the lead for the benefit of the one being served and the needs of the relationship. Rules and protocols are there for a reason, but underlying purpose and arising circumstantial needs require a deeper interpretation of those rules and protocols.

7) Accept downtime and appreciate the little things. There will be times when unforeseen circumstances will mean taking a break from D/s activities for a period of time. The key to survival is acceptance. During times of inactivity take comfort in the little things that reinforce your D/s romance; a tender foot massage or a furtive kiss on her booted toe.

Economic and financial issues… Geographic relocation… Changes in employment…  Significant health issues… Major stress at work… Family issues… Life happens! Sometimes things aren’t perfect because of external factors that are way outside our abilities to control or influence them. It’s acceptable that the “normal” flow of things may be interrupted. Communications will play an especially important role at this point. And keeping the D/s pilot light on through minor rituals and random acts of submissiveness will go a long way toward being able to bring the heat back up when the time is right.

8) Practice flexibility In Play. Be open to trying new things and changing your routine. Play style is bound to evolve over time. Be open to change and go with what works not just for you but for your partner. 

“Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.” (~ Glenda Cloud) A strong sense of curiosity, a willingness (or need) to learn, and a thirst for exploring new things and experiences are all part of how we grow. The momentum of the new discoveries and new experiences must be allowed to overcome the inertia of routine and comfort. And above all, awareness of the natural process of change overtime, in all facets of our lives, allows us to become active participants in that process.

9) Many subs lack a dominant woman in their lives to serve and play with who loves them for who they are. If you are one of the fortunate few never forget to count your blessings and show your lady how much she means to you both in word and in deed. A little gratitude goes a long way.

There are few needs as powerful as the need to belong, to be part of something beyond ourselves, and to be appreciated in some kind of way by others. Being appreciated, respected, and loved as we are, and for whom we are, is an incredible gift in any kind of intimate relationship. A little gratitude goes a long way, and a lot of gratitude might even bring everyone into a D/s frame of mind a little more often...

And finally, I would like to add one more point.

10) There are few influences, forces, and drives that impact us more in our lives than habits. When active decision-making is replaced with habit, dynamics get reinforced and nervous system wiring gets stronger. But if a conscious decision is made to reinforce D/s dynamics, hopefully without expecting immediate gratification, and acted upon through little not-so-random little acts of submission or dominance, and through daily or weekly rituals, that wonderful D/s tension remains ever-present. Especially in such an intense rewards-based behavior. And opportunities for D/s fulfillment increase. It’s difficult to go from zero to sixty, but if the car never comes to a halt, then anything is possible. “If you believe you can change – if you make it a habit – the change becomes real.” (~ Charles Duhigg)

hmp and I would be delighted to hear from anyone who would like to add to this topic. Or disagree. Or contribute. We know there is much more wisdom out there, and more experiences to be shared and to build on. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with either one of us if you would like to take part.

From Slaves of the Goddess (seems inactive at the moment)

What I love the most about being Goddess Selena's submissive (E)

Artwork courtesy of Freya's Fancy, found on Girls Rule, Subs Drool

I'm not a huge fan of Fetlife. Several years ago I eventually became a little tired, perhaps even irritated, with it. Too many discussions focusing on definitions again and again. Too many threads started with an agenda of provocation. Too many posts that read like fake and/or bad wank fodder. But I occasionally return to see what's going, even if it may be several months between visits. Despite my complaints, it is certainly unparalleled in scale as a BDSM social network and resource.

Yesterday morning, on one of these occasional visits, a post in one of the well moderated discussion groups I tend to favor, Submissive men and women who love them, struck my fancy. The OP asked: "Tell me what you love the most about being a dominant woman's sub?"

I smiled and began giving a bit of thought to the question. And then I reflected on what I love the most about Goddess Selena's submissive today in contrast to what I loved in our earlier days, the evolution of our relationship, and how our relational dynamics and our activities have evolved over time. Because so much has happened over the time we've been together, impacting so many facets of our lives. The nation’s economic downturn. Geographic relocation. Changes in employment. The significant time demands of our jobs. Significant health issues.

And I decided that I loved the stability and centering that our D/s relationship has given us. While the frequency and duration of our formal playtime and BDSM games have always been susceptible to the overall time we have together and the energy we have at those moments, I feel that the spirit of the commitment we made to each other at the time of Goddess Selena collaring me has never wavered. In part because of our caring and love for each other both through our respective D/s roles, and regardless of those roles. And in part because of the daily rituals, and their related activities, we have come to cherish so much. To quote one of my favorite Ferns expressions, these rituals and activities have been continually "close-making."

Artwork courtesy of JLB, found on Dommes and Subs and Switches, Oh My...

So this post gave me a warm feeling over the course of a few minutes of introspection. And it reminded me of the Glenda Cloud quote “Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.” 

And as to the original Fetlife post, with much satisfaction I replied:

What I love the most about being Goddess Selena's submissive? I can't really bring myself to give just one thing. It wouldn't do justice to what makes me so happy about being her submissive. With that disclaimer out of the way...
1- Being the focus of attention of a beautiful, sexy, smart, and dominant woman.
2- Making the life of someone I love and serve better.
3- Belonging to her... the warm feeling of being her boy, pet, play toy.
4- The nature of the daily banter between a witty dominant woman and her submissive.
5- The daily rituals we have that reinforce our D/s relational dynamics.
6- Being the object of her dominant and sexual desires.
7- Being with someone who appreciates, respects, and loves me as I am and for whom I am.
8- The rush of the tension and dynamics of a relationship where power exchange plays a big part.
9- Knowing that she finds her own enjoyment in the physical, mental, and emotional sensations she gives me.

"Me and my mistress" by zephyrianboom, found on Lunar Black

It's the little things... (E)

Image courtesy of S.I.N. via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

The little things in a relationship really do matter. There's a quote that goes something like "It's not what you say, it's not even what you do, it's how you make people feel that matters." And that's just so true in the relationship Goddess Selena and I share.

The feeling of warmth, affection, love, caring, positive co-dependence, loyalty, trust, and D/s permeates every aspect of our relationship, and every thought that I have involving my beloved Goddess. The nature of this blog being what it is, I won't bore you all with mushy stuff, but I thought I would take a few minutes to share a few of the little things (D/s oriented) that in their own way represent and define our dynamics.

I am presently away on a 4-day 3-night road trip. Like usual, Goddess Selena expects updates of what I'm doing and where I am at all times. She can also check on my location, providing her an idea of what I'm likely to be doing, through the tracking service that locks on to the position of my smart phone. It makes me feel special that she cares that much about what I'm up to, and that she wants to stay in touch throughout the day. Of course, the D/s control and ownership thing is really hot too. Done within a loving and trusting relationship, it makes me feel warm, wanted, cared for, and loved. And submissive and owned.

Image courtesy of the always stunning Mistress Eleise de Lacy via Femdom-SM

The latter is reinforced by the fact that my Goddess still expects me to wear a collar, in addition to my permanent Eternity Collar, at all times I'm in my hotel room. As a reminder. And I must text or call her for permission to remove it if/when I need to leave the room. The asking for permission and the granting of the permission at a distance of several hundred miles is a wonderfully powerful exercise of her dominance over me, and a demonstration of my submission to her. Our relationship is always switched on, even when far away from each other, and our D/s dynamics are always in play.

Our lives are full of rituals that are made up of little things. "Coffee and Clamps!" on mornings when neither one of us works, or will be going into work later. I'll be sitting at her feet regularly throughout the day (and at all times she smokes... I'm required to hold her ashtray from that position) when we stay at home. I'll be in bondage close to her, and often serve as furniture, when we have quiet time watching television for a stretch. I'll be in a submissive and controlled position when we go to bed, with or without bondage. I'll present myself for her to place and lock a leather collar around my neck any time I return home, and submissively ask her to remove it before I leave.

The expectations of my domestic duties. The kissing her feet daily. The caning/paddling/flogging I receive after we play competitive board games, one of our favorite hobbies; even when I win, she has a reason to have a go at my backside, and if I lose, well, she'll definitely be having fun. The painting of her toe nails on the weekends. The dynamics of our decision-making... she wants to know what I think and what I suggest we do, but the final decision is always hers alone to make.

Artwork courtesy of Fluffy Bunny Domination

And then there's the wonderfully random stuff. Goddess Selena smoking provocatively when we're on our traditional Skype call each night I'm on a road trip. Teasing dominant texts out-of-the-blue. Nipple torture... all of a sudden... just because. Ink or Sharpie markings of D/s and/or love on my back when the mood strikes her.

Don't get me wrong... The big "official" scenes are fantastic. Protracted scenes with any combination of caning, paddling, flogging, hot wax, clothespins, strap-on play, heavy nipple torture, sharp objects, significant bondage and restraint, breath play, sexual servitude, and more, always take me into a state of deep subspace that I yearn to return to time and time again. Unless I'm still physically sore from the previous scene, I can never get enough of them. I think about these scenes often. Maybe even too much.

Image courtesy of Cybill Troy via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

But it's the continual warmth and glow of the little things that stays with me at all times, literally every moment of the day and night. They are the constant reminder of the beauty of our relationship, of the continual psychic touch of the other, of the strong yet flexible ties that bind us, and of the feelings that really matter.

Artwork courtesy of Fluffy Bunny Domination

Power exchange and the impulse to hurt (E)

Image courtesy of Brutal Facesitting via Please keep your slave on a leash

I have been rather quiet on the blog writing side. It has been so busy at work, and when not at work, I have been busy at home serving Goddess Selena in any manner I can.  In addition, over time I have become quite the little perfectionist about my blog entries, so these require a fair amount of time to put together.  Hence, I do not always have the time, or the focus, to put these together when I get new things or perspectives to share.

But despite the diminishing frequency of our posts, there is much in the background that goes undocumented, and there is much I am thankful for, in my life with Goddess Selena.  As our relationship continues to grow and mature, so has my appreciation for our power exchange dynamics.  The symbolism of the Eternity Collar I have worn for her 24/7 for the past two years.  The daily wearing of a second collar that she ritually places and locks around my neck, which leaves there at all possible times.  Our daily rituals and what I do to take care of her (preparing food, fetching drinks, domestic duties, sitting on the floor at her feet holding her ashtray, coffee & clamps, running errands, drawing her baths, painting her toe nails, etc…)

All these little things bring me so much pleasure because they seem to bring her pleasure.  As her submissive partner, and a “pleaser” by nature, it brings me much joy to serve her and make her life easier when and where I can.  Her expectations of such things, and her expectation of such behavior on my part, feed and reinforce the power exchange dynamics of our relationship, in addition to giving me an addictive submissive high.

Image courtesy of Please keep you slave on a leash

On a side note, having been an observer of the scene for nearly three decades, I think that being a pleaser is a characteristic of those, males or females, who feel and live their submission deeply.  Without getting bogged down in what constitutes “real” submissives or slaves in the lifestyle, I do believe that those who are pleasers by nature tend to do better as bottoms/submissives/slaves than those who are not, regardless of trigger fetishes.

Our wonderful flow of power exchange dynamics is really composed attitudes and expectations on the one hand, and activities and rituals on the other.  Goddess Selena’s expectations of how we act, and interact with each other, as well as her expectations of what my appropriate behavior should be, are part of the attitude that I find so dominantly seductive.  The attitudes and expectations that I bring to the power exchange dynamics are my submission and my subservience to her needs and desires.  The actual rituals and activities that happen or follow on a daily basis are actually the fulfillment of the potential created by the power exchange dynamics between her dominance and my submission.

Image courtesy of If I Knew This Before... via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

And then, there are moments when the attitudes and the rituals and the activities all avalanche and collide with mood and time and opportunity, and I feel Goddess Selena taken over by an impulse to express her dominance in more straightforward manners.  An impulse to put me, and leave me, in bondage.  An impulse to mark me with temporary tattoos (until she is finally set on the design of some permanent ones.)  An impulse to hurt me through caning, paddling, hot wax, CBT, nipple torture, and more.  These impulses come onto her suddenly and powerfully, and she quickly overwhelms me in sensations and subspace.  Even as those sensations and emotions freeze those intense moments in time, they add significantly to my desire to fuel my share of our power exchange dynamics.

I know the impulse to hurt, or to be hurt, can be found in BDSM play with random strangers or casual partners, in private or in public, or with professionals.  Been there and done that, more times than I can remember.  But I guess the point of this post is to express my immense appreciation and gratitude for the depth and richness of the lifestyle I share with my beloved Goddess Selena.  Our lasting, continued, and continual power exchange dynamics, with all the little intricacies that go in creating and maintaining them, provide a huge and never-ending source of joy and happiness in my life.  And I hope they do for Goddess Selena too.

Image courtesy of Divine Bitches via kinkftw and Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

Rituals and symbolic gestures (E)

Image courtesy of Cuckold Chronicle via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

I always find it fascinating to observe, and reflect on, the evolution of rituals and symbolic gestures in D/s relationships. From actions that begin rather innocently and become daily or weekly protocols, to things are given a significant amount of forethought and implemented as definitive symbols of domination or submission, D/s rituals and symbolism have inevitably evolve over time.

I look back with much pride and delight on what has come to be since Goddess Selena collared me several years back. The deepening of our relationship and interactions has been reflected in the D/s rituals, protocols, and habits we have developed. These actions, gestures, behaviors, and overall D/s dynamics have also helped keep us grounded through the vagaries of everyday life, in addition to providing us very enjoyable time with each other.

Image courtesy of Lunar Black - Desire for Submission and More...

So here is a list that I would describe as a dozen of our most significant rituals and symbols of Goddess Selena’s dominance over me, and my submission to her.

1- I wear an Eternity Collar 24/7/365. Goddess Selena retains the special tools for it (which she tells me she lost), and for all practical purposes, it can only be eventually removed if/when she decides it.

2- Goddess Selena places and locks an additional collar around my neck whenever I come back home from the outside world, and it does not come off until I must leave her presence again.

3- On any morning that we have time for it, "Coffee & Clamps!" is how we start the day. I must prepare and serve Goddess Selena her coffee (and refills), and I must be wearing nipple clamps until she is done with her morning coffee. I must also be leashed so she can keep me close by while she enjoys her coffee(s) and cigarette(s). The “Coffee & Clamps!” ritual usually does not end until her third coffee of the morning, and the nipple clamps only come off then.

4- I must be on the floor at Goddess Selena’s feet, holding an ashtray, any time she wants to smoke.

5- Any time I greet my Goddess (i.e.: when she wakes up in the morning or when I return from work), I must kneel before her and kiss each of her feet in an adoring manner.

6- On any morning that there is an expectation that Goddess Selena will sleep in later than me (which is the case most of the time), I must wear have the long house leash locked to my leather or rubber collar (whichever one she locked around my neck previously) so she knows I remain in the house. She will tug on the leash when she wakes up, pulling me in to her and letting me know she is ready for our “Coffee & Clamps!” ritual.

7- At her whim, when we have time to watch some of her favorite TV shows together, she will place me in bondage and use me as furniture for the duration of the evening. Usually, I while remain in bondage through the night’s sleep.

8- When at home, I must fetch, prepare, and serve all drinks, meals, and snacks for Goddess Selena. I remain at her beck and call for anything else she may require at any time.

9- Once Goddess Selena has locked a second collar (in additional to the permanent Eternity Collar) around my neck upon my return from the outside world, she keeps the keys, and only she can unlock/remove the collar, at the time of her choosing. This means that if the weather is right, I may have to run errands outside the house for her with the locked collar hidden under appropriate clothing.

10- The location of my Smart Phone can be tracked by Goddess Selena through a provider-based GPS system at all times. She can verify and keep track of my location at any time, and if necessary, I must account for my movements to her at any time if I did not warn her beforehand.

11- I must submit to Goddess Selena’s sexual and dominant needs at any time.

12- My own sexual/submissive needs are only met at the convenience and whims of Goddess Selena. This includes not ever providing myself pleasure until/unless she tells me.

Image courtesy of My Private F.

I will be interesting to see how these rituals, protocols, and habits will change over time. This post is as much an opportunity for benchmarking and looking back in the future as it is about thinking about where we are at the present time. Perhaps in a year, there will be another post, starting off with a link to this entry, talking about what else we have added to what we do each day as part of our D/s relational dynamics.

Image found on Thy Shall Love Thy Mistress, original source is uncertain.

Owning the "s" in D/s: a pictorial essay (E)

Images courtesy of Dark Angel Dreams via Dishevelled Domina

During moments of reflections this week, I realized once more how important it was for me to be proactive in, and committed to, my submission to my Goddess if I was really to give her the opportunity to express and exercise her dominance over me. No matter how well a D/s relationship is going, no matter how strong the D/s dynamics are, sometimes life gets in the way. And it's easy to drift into a bit of indifference, or worse, to fall into the trap of wondering what our partners are doing wrong, and to forget about the part we own in the relationship. So I decided that it was as good a time as any to re-own more fully the "s" in our D/s relationship.

Image courtesy of Slave in Training via Girls Rule, Sub Drools

In my mind, that means a few things. To be more openly enthusiastic with my submission. To be more communicative with my needs. To be more expressive with my submission, my love, and my affection toward her. To let go of the outside world when we do get time together. Not only does it make no sense that my Goddess would react positively while I am pre-occupied intellectually and emotionally with other things, I know by experience that her level of enjoyment and fulfillment in our relationship and our activities is directly proportional to my reactions, my engagement, my enthusiasm, and the depth of my submission.

Image courtesy of Alternative Female Domination via GeekDomme

I know how my Goddess reacts to my offering of my submission. She loves to take control, to take advantage, and to seize any opportunity to dominate me in whatever manner she is in the mood for.

Image courtesy of Cruella via GeekDomme

Of course, all this is easier said than done. Being aware of these things is essential to success, but awareness is not sufficient. Only when thought is a precursor to action is success possible. If I do everything I can to set the mood, and fuel her hunger for dominance, she will be more than happy to take everything I have to offer. And then some. So it is up to me to step things up.

Image courtesy of Minha Mente Impura via GeekDomme

Before anybody starts worrying about us, don't. We are doing quite well. Busy but well. Our daily rituals keep the D/s dynamics flowing freely and easily, even during those times we wish we had the time and the energy to increase/elevate the frequency and intensity of our activities. After all, we are who and what we are.

Image courtesy of Slaves of the Goddess

Finally, lest it would seem that I have selfish motives here, it should be made clear that this is not all about me. This is about my contribution to my Goddess' happiness, her fulfillment, and the quality and intensity of our lives in our chosen lifestyle.

Image courtesy of Fine Erotica

Recap: It's been a while between posts (E)

Image courtesy of Femdom Resource, credited to Strawberry Mistress' Tumblr

As it is usually after the case after a long period of not posting, I am bursting with a smorgasbord of thoughts, visions, and emotions. So here goes...

I would have gone to do some errands this morning, but it wasn't really possible. My Goddess went to bed last night without unlocking the leash she attached to my locked leather collar earlier, keeping me confined (in the best possible way!) to our home, and close to her. Late yesterday afternoon, she had gone for a nap, and being both terribly tired and not feeling too well, she got up just for a short time during the evening, and went back to sleep for good.

It may help to understand that this particular leash is a 50' long, 3/16" thick steel cable that is attached to a brass structure of our bed. Typically, she'll attach it to my ever-present locked leather collar when she goes for a nap and she expects me to be doing some housework, which was the case yesterday.

Here are some posts about the original house leash, adventures in leashing, and about the leash and other rituals.


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Without a doubt, my favorite recent find on Twitter is a very cute and funny clip put up by Miss Ginger Millay:

Shit Girls Say to Dominatrices

Interestingly enough, while I was watching the clip with my Goddess, she told "she's just your style." Not quite sure what my Goddess meant by that, although I guess she was remarking on Miss Ginger's humor and fun enthusiasm.

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Hottest (in a D/s kind of way) conversation of the last month with my Goddess:

In a discussion about money matters last weekend, my Goddess brought a quick end to the back and forth of the talk by interjecting "Oh, that's right... I own you." Well, that did it. Case closed, she wins, and in my momentary pause, I get hit by a little wave of subspace.

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Hottest texts of the last month:

"You're getting tied up tonight!"

I'm still amazed, and delighted, that several years into our relationship, I still get butterflies in my stomach and get all subspacey when she tells me that. And of course, I usually spend the rest of the day suffering from a total loss of focus.

Spending time in bondage in the care of my Goddess, with or without other BDSM activities, always justifies the emotional ramp-up, and reinforces both our D/s dynamics and the lasting imagery/imprint of those moments.

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Back of the topic of leashes, dissatisfied with the cell phone tracking apps we had been using, we upgraded to a monthly service that allows my Goddess to track my every movement... at all times and with great accuracy. In addition, she can load up addresses and days/times of my week's work schedule. Notifications come in to her cell phone if I'm not where I'm supposed to be at those times.

It has been a source of great D/s enjoyment for her... upon her first notification (she hadn't reset the schedule and location when I was out of town at a trade show), she texted me "Oh, I'm going to enjoy this!"

On my side, I'm glad to provide my Goddess with that level of control (and pleasure). I had written a post a while back called The invisible leash in which I talked about the D/s dynamics of the decision to have her be able to track my location 24 hours a day.

It's kind of interesting that, contrary to the normal feelings that may arise in non-D/s relationships, having less freedom and submitting to more control is increasingly appealing to me as our D/s relationship grows over time.

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I so have to clean up our blog's links. It's been so long... a number of links are no longer valid, and I have so many more to add. Be that as it may, I'd like to point out that shortly after this post goes live, I'll add the following photo sites:
Geek Domme
Felm Cyber
Please keep you slave on a leach
Slave in Training

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And finally, an image that could be of me while my Goddess is busy taking a shower, or otherwise busy and needing me out of the way but behaving.

Image courtesy of zzzdragonbdsm via Strawberry Mistress' Tumblr

More about feet (E)

Image: a recent purchase by Goddess Selena

I thought the best way to follow-up my last post would be to... talk some more about feet. My Goddess' gorgeous feet in particular.

In addition to the on-my-knees foot kissing welcome my Goddess requires every time I get back to her after any kind of absence (coming back from work or from an errand), or first thing in the morning, she has also expected me to paint her toe nails on the weekend, every second week or so. While that has involved a bit of a learning curve, with lots of improvement yet to come, I think my technique has been steadily getting better.

Image: "Silver Dazzle" on Goddess Selena's toe nails

I must admit, I've been enjoying this latest additional duty. Of course, I enjoy everything that involves taking care of my Goddess. But beyond that, there is something very erotically submissive about being at her feet, sitting on the floor, and attending to her. And making her feel beautiful. Another small duty that reinforces our D/s dynamics.

My Goddess exercising her dominance over me... rituals reinforcing the nature of our D/s relationship... submitting to the needs and desires of my Goddess... definitely good times. Hot, fun, symbolically powerful, and often bringing about a small dose of subspace for me, this recent emphasis on foot play has been a wonderful addition in our lives.

Image courtesy of Slaves of the Goddess

You never know when something new... (E)

B. Polaczek via he stoops to worship

... will come along.

A few weeks ago, my Goddess decided that I should kneel before her and kiss her feet whenever I get back to her after we've been apart for a while.

So since her decree, I've gotten on my knees before her and kissed her feet with much reverence any time I come back from work, return from an errand, or see her awake for the first time in the morning.

In retrospect, for a couple whose D/s relational dynamics already include a number of daily rituals, it may be surprising that this simple and straightforward recent addition was only introduced several years into our relationship. And yet, I see it as a very positive thing, beyond the enjoyment my Goddess gets from it, above the thrill I feel doing it, and on level with the very powerful symbolism of the gesture.

Found on i'm Her husband and She is in charge

As modest of a physical action as it may seem to some, especially as it relates to some of our other activities, I see it as an encouraging sign that we're still growing, still exploring, still open to looking for things (large or small) that may appeal to us, and still willing to make changes. OK, so we're still relatively early and young into our relationship... a few years are not a few decades. And yet, we all know that it's all too easy to get into deep ruts in a matter of months.

My Goddess felt so strongly about this, and we have very enthusiastically embraced this 2-3 times a day ritual. For something that so powerfully reinforces our D/s dynamics, it's kind of surprising that we lived without it for so long. That being said, extended foot kissing has always been one of our favorite activities, and comes up several times a week.

You never know what you'll come across if you just keep exploring. And with minds wide open, a relationship never needs to grow old.

Image courtesy of Let the Sin Begin

My Goddess: my Love... my Obsession (E)

Image courtesy of Femdom Empire via Yes, Misstress... An Addiction to Submission

My tweeting over the course of the last month or so has turned out to be a rather satisfying experience. In a similar way that praying or meditating several times a day will do wonders to cleanse the soul, the heart, and the mind, and reinforce important principles, so I have found it to be with tweeting about our relationship, our activities, and our moods. Taking a minute or two to reflect, formulate my thoughts into words, and send the tweet has given me a chance to focus on the wonderful love and D/s relational dynamics we have. Often at least once a day, sometimes twice a day or more.

It has given me the chance to playfully express and share the obsession I have about my Goddess. An obsession that is not abating in the least as we are several years into our relationship. Never let anyone tell you that the magic of a relationship inevitably fades after the first 6-12 months. With the right chemistry, a little TLC, a little effort, good communications, a sense of exploration, and lots of kissing, the magic can keep growing far past expectations.

It is not as deep a meditation or contemplation as I go through when I sit down to write a post here in our blog. But the ease and speed of sharing on Twitter has been rather attractive, and I have found it a nice way to share and let my Goddess know what I'm feeling on a regular basis.

We have not really talked about our use of Twitter. My Goddess has not imposed a number of daily tweets on me (although that could be hot!). But she does seem to enjoy the tweets when they come through, or when she catches up to them. And I absolutely love reading her tweets.

For me, tweeting is a different and complementary form of tribute to my ever-growing love for my Goddess, to my evermore addictive obsession with her. Despite the incredible challenges we have faced together, despite the many challenges that we have faced in health, work, and more, I am hopelessly devoted to her. She is unconditionally loving, affectionate, and supportive of me. She is smart, witty, funny, and creative. And of course, there's that whole sexy, hot, and dominant thing going on. How can I not adore her?

I don't tell my Goddess often enough how much I love her. How much I'm infatuated with her. How much I think of her all the time. How much I adore. How every little thing she does is magic. Hopefully my service and obedience to her, along with my blogging and tweeting, and the times that I do tell her verbally and try to shower her with affection, all give her a good sense of how much I love her, and appreciate everything she is for me.

Image courtesy of Fine Erotica via Slaves of the Goddess

She wants me home when she wakes up (E)

Image courtesy of FLR - The Future of Relationship via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

So... I had a few errands to run this morning. Since I always wake up quite a bit earlier than my Goddess, the idea was that I would be out of the house and back before she got up. Wearing the locked leather collar would not be an issue this early in the morning in this wet and cold weather.

Two things changed the plans. The first are the bound hands. Last night, before going to sleep, my Goddess asked for some rope, and bound my wrists with a simple 7-coil column tie for the night. The tie was constraining and inescapable, with just enough room to allow for some movement during sleep and to never cut off circulation. Once my wrists were tied, she ordered me into one of her favorite sleeping positions. I was to be on my side facing her, and place my thighs under her knees as she lay on her back. Then, she grabbed the area of rope between my wrists, pulled it over to her chest, and gently fell asleep.

The previous evening, I was placed in a very similar situation but with metal handcuffs instead of rope. Much earlier in the evening, right after dinner, my Goddess had asked for the handcuffs so that I would be bound during our TV watching. She also took the opportunity to use me as furniture. I sat in the corner of the sofa, she lay back against me, and she had me loop my arms around her, so that I had no choice but to hold her and hug her throughout our time watching television. For as long as she wanted. The only interruptions came when she wanted to smoke, at which point I moved to the floor at her feet and held the ashtray. And my Goddess left the handcuffs on for the night's sleep.

This morning, she woke up briefly as I was going to get out of bed. I thought that she would remove the rope keeping my wrists bound, but she told me that we would catch up on errands later. She wanted me here, at home, when she woke up. With that, she fell back to sleep, and I quietly walked away from the bedroom.

So here I am at home, prisoner of my Goddess' love and dominance. My long house leash is attached to my locked leather collar (so that she can tug and pull me in if she needs anything), with my ever-present Eternity Collar below/under, my wrists are tied in a beautiful column tie, and I am catching up to our blog... slowly. The tightness of the column tie only allows me to type with one hand. You probably have no idea how challenging it is to select text for cut-and-paste into Word for final spell-checking (I find Blogger's annoying), or for hyperlinking with just one hand, unless you've been placed in that predicament. Just opening the laptop was a bit of a challenge (fingers only on one side until I could open the laptop far enough to wedge my left elbow to leverage the top and bottom open.)

I will try to do more productive things around the house, but the range of things I can do is rather limited. Even taking down my underwear and pulling them back on after using the toilet is a mini-ordeal. Try pulling up the back of your underwear with only 1-1.25" between your wrists. Hand-washing dishes is impossible.

I went to wake up my Goddess at her appointed cut-off time, but she decided to sleep-in a little longer, so I ended up another hour in partial bondage. It gave me time to nearly finish this post.

Once my Goddess did get up for our morning ritual, I let her know that I would be unable to present her with her coffee with the nipple clamps (as is the routine) while my wrists were still bound. She looked at me with a wonderfully dominant grin, and decided that was alright. "I'm enjoying my rope" she told me playfully.

I love being in bondage for my Goddess' enjoyment. I love being in her control. I love being her play toy. Of course, part of it is about how it fulfills my need for submission, for my submission to her, for her attention, for my Goddess to express and display her dominance toward me. But even more, I love to make her smile. I love to make her feel that I belong to her. I love to make her feel sexy. I love to give her the opportunity to express and display her dominance. I love to make her feel that I am totally devoted to her. I love to make her feel that I would do anything for her, and do it with all my heart. And this is why we so enjoy anything we do together.

Image courtesy of Femdom Proper via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

PS: If you try the overnight wrist bondage with a column tie, make sure there is sufficient room once you secure the knot in order make sure that it will not cut-off circulation even as the arm positions change during sleep. More coils gives you more flexibility while keeping the tie secure. And if you try going overnight with handcuffs, make sure they have a locking mechanism, otherwise pressure on them may inadvertendly click them too tight, which may affect circulation. Play hard but play safe...