"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung
Monday, November 30, 2009
One of our favorite rituals on evenings when we have television shows we plan on watching is my Goddess expecting me to serve as her furniture. What often starts off as an objectification scenario often turns into much more as we enjoy the close contact that this brings us.
Typically, I will sit behind her on the bed, up against the headboard, with a pillow or two behind my back. My Goddess will sit between my legs, and recline against my chest as I put my arms around her. I will be wearing my ever-present locked leather collar, and often the leash that was attached from my domestic duties (getting her beverages, preparing dinner, cleaning up after dinner, getting her more beverages) will still be there. I may (or may not) have locked cuffs around my wrists and ankles, and/or have my wrists bound in rope.
The only time I will be allowed to change positions, or move into another position, is when she wants to take a break to smoke, in which case I assume a position sitting on the floor next to the bed to light her cigarette and hold her ashtray.
Being so close to each other is so delightfully sensual. I can't help but to caress her soft skin, run my hands through her beautiful hair, lay tender kisses on the side of her neck, and smell the wonderful fragrance of her body.
Not always, but often enough, this ritual leads to sexual servitude. My Goddess will keep re-adjusting her body against my own, feeling the erection that is almost inevitable in such close and sensual contact. A slight turn of her head, a long passionate kiss, and her desire for me to bring my hands down from around her waist to her warm, hungry private parts becomes an unstated requests. Although occasionally, she will tell me in no uncertain terms that she needs sexual right then and there.
Once the expectations are set, and the D/s and sexual energy is high, inspiration just overtakes us through whatever sexual service my Goddess is in the mood for. Manual stimulation from behind, oral service in front of her, my Goddess sitting over my face in either direction, or one of my favorite positions, with me on the floor with my head reclining against the bed and my Goddess facing away from me and sitting over my face, all flow seaminglessly and blend into each other.
Bringing my Goddess to climax (several times) is without a doubt as intensely pleasurable for me as it is for her. Beyond the sexual excitement it brings, it feels like a sacred moment of our D/s dynamics when I bring her sexual pleasure without any expectation of my own. Feeling her incredible sexual energy, her ecstasy, her climax, her post-orgasm trembling, and holding her in my arms afterward, brings me so much joy, reward and satisfaction.
Aaah... the beauty of giving and D/s service...
Saturday, November 28, 2009
My Goddess and I once more had a wonderful day off together, going around town for a couple of meals, and checking out a few of our favorite stores on Black Friday. We actually hit the retail stores later in the day so that the crowds were less unpleasant, and we took the opportunity to check out some of our favorite kinky stores in case there was anything that inspired us.
Underlying this was a deep D/s tension, left over in me from the mood I expressed yesterday morning in my post, and in my Goddess as she has been just so hungry over the course of the last two weeks. To fuel her fire even more, she was quite pleased with my clean-up of our makeshift dungeon, and the twinkle in her eyes at the time I showed it to her clearly told me it wouldn't be long before we would be making use of it.
Once we returned home in the evening, my Goddess didn't waste any time before letting me know some serious play was coming my way. The locking collar was on as soon as I could get undressed, with the locking leather wrist cuffs right after. She clipped my hands behind my back, teased me with a little NT, and grabbing one of D-rings on my collar, she led me down to our little dungeon.
Once there, my Goddess forced me to my knees under the upper rack, unclipped my leather wrist cuffs for a second, and re-clipped them about 24-inches apart to the upper rack. She left me alone for about a minute to contemplate my predicament, turning off the lights and shutting the door, and telling me not to go anywhere, as she went to pick-up a few more toys.
Upon her return, my Goddess quickly took away my sight with a blindfold, and proceeded to some serious NT and CBT. Totally vulnerable, unable to protect myself, she just dropped me heavily into subspace from the intensity of the play, and the power of her voice. With some pinching, scratching, digging in of her nails, and some heat play from her cigarette, she quickly got the whimpers from me she so enjoys, and she told how hot they were in her best dominant, sexy, and stern voice.
My Goddess left me for a second time, very briefly, to pick-up some more toys. I was way deep into subspace by then, my surrender to her unconditional. As she returned after maybe 30 seconds, my Goddess unclipped my wristcuffs and had me turn around on my knees so that now I faced the wall. She re-clipped my wristcuffs to the same upper rack, and now she had full access to my back while I was on my knees, arms stretched above my head. With the rather severe position, the blindfold , and the collar, I think just the restraining part of the scene would have had me in deep subspace by itself.
But my Goddess had much more on her mind. I soon started feeling her tapping me with the cane across my buttocks. She warmed me up nicely, but within just 2 or 3 minutes, I felt some of the hardest and sharpest strokes I've ever felt her give me. Because of the angle produced by me being on my knees, in some cases the strikes from the cane occasionally extended onto the back of my thighs, and those really, really hurt. With little room to move, my body still squirmed a bit from the afterschock of the cane strokes. My Goddess teased me with little things like "Where are you going? You can't go anywhere." As much as the actual play, the control my Goddess exerted over me, and the expression of her dominance in both actions and words, totally engulfed me in her power.
My Goddess finished up with the cane with what were without a doubt the hardest 2 or 3 blows I have ever received. I could feel the sting at the point of contact spread from there to my entire body. It was physically overwhelming, mentally intoxicating, spiritually amazing... my Goddess was leading the way into new territory for us. I was all hers at this point, and she was taking me somewhere new, wherever she wanted.
Adrift in subspace like perhaps I'd never been before, I barely noticed the transition until my Goddess told me "And now, you're really going to get fucked", and I felt the tip of our thickest dildo/vibrator against my anal opening. Again, I can't describe the power in her voice... dripping in dominance and joyful sadism... so hot, so sexy, so dominant, so intoxicating.
My Goddess turned on the vibrating/pulsing functions of the vibrator, and quickly went to work on me. This was a new position for anal play for us, and a particularly intense one at that. It's one thing to be on all-fours on the bed, or lying on my belly, or lying on my back for anal play, it's a whole other thing to be on my knees spread apart by about 18 inches (and they were hurting a bit by then from both my weight and a some slight carpet burn), with my arms stretched out above my head, hands bound 24 inches apart. The anal play was phenomenal, even though the position was starting to take its toll on me. Despite being totally lost in subspace, by now without a doubt deeper than I had ever been before, I still had a moment of lucidity when I realized that I found myself up against the wall as my Goddess continued the anal play. My chest against the wall, my head against the wall, on my knees, my arms above me (and slightly behind me by then), my moans got so loud that my Goddess threatened to gag me. Of course, hearing her voice telling me she was going to do one more dominantly evil thing to me just added fuel to the fire. With every thrust of the dildo, I could feel the will of my Goddess overtaking me even more.
But something went wrong. I started feeling light headed, and that feeling of losing control was not a BDSM thing, it was a physical thing. It came up really quick on me, and i could feel myself slipping. I called out a safeword to slow down the scene, and followed up immediately by calling out another safeword to end the scene. I don't know quite what happened. I thought I had eaten a good meal just before. Although I'm pretty sure the scene hadn't gone an hour in length, maybe I was dehydrated from the intense play. Maybe I hyperventilated during the anal play. Maybe I didn't eat enough and my blood sugar plummeted from the play and its excitement. Or maybe it just wasn't a peak day for my body. Even great athletes aren't up to setting new records on any given day.
But regardless of why the scene had to come to a sudden end, at the moment it was called, and arguably for several minutes previously, my Goddess had taken me somewhere I'd never been before in terms of subspace, surrender, submission, and physical and mental intensity. NEVER. EVER. The severe bondage position... the hard NT & CBT... the very intense caning... the very rough anal play in a difficult position... the thick mood of dominance and submission... my Goddess' words and tone of voice... everything... absolutely everything... just made this the most intense scene ever for me.
I feel terrible that it had to come to an end that way, much more for my Goddess than for myself. The way the scene crashed in a matter of seconds, it scared the living daylights out of her. I should have communicated better during the scene. We were both building momentum so fast and so hard, and we should have exchanged more. I got lost in the scene, and should have mentioned we were going somewhere I hadn't felt before. It's easy to say that the dominant controls the scene, but the sub is the first one who can provide the feedback. And I got careless.
I was shaken after the scene ended, but had almost recovered before going to sleep. This morning, I relive the emotions of the scene with the peace and satisfaction of having made new discoveries, of having gone beyond where I had ever been before, even if I bumped into some new limits.
On my Goddess' side, I know she was shaken much more deeply, and has remained troubled since the scene ended. I hope that it won't discourage her from pushing limits in the future again. Obviously, pushing limits and expanding boundaries may not go smoothly all of the time. When one hasn't been down a certain road, it's more likely to get lost on it. But once one has made it through there, it's much easier to navigate that road in the future. Together, when we feel that kind of intensity coming on, we'll just have to up the feedback loop a few notches.
I have no second thoughts or bad feelings whatsoever about last night's scene. How can I? After what we reached... after where we went... I am, however, disappointed that I could not see it through for my Goddess, and sad that it scared her.
To a large extent, for myself, I'm kind of looking back at it like a mountaineer would look back at a higher peak that he had to turn away from because of bad weather. But the peak that was reached yesterday is one I will cherish forever.
Friday, November 27, 2009
I woke up too early this morning... excited, zoned out, a bit in subspace, hungry... hungry for my Goddess... hungry for her attention... hungry for her dominance... hungry for her to hurt me...
We spent a wonderful day together yesterday, made all the more exciting and tantalizing because she looked stunning when we went out. That's not in contrast to how she normally looks... my Goddess is a beautiful woman, as gorgeous and sexy in jeans and T-shirt as she is in more formal dress. In addition, she spent a bit of time breaking-in her new high heels, which are just to die for (and almost bring me to my knees every time I see her in them).
We returned home in the early evening, and as we were relaxing, my Goddess asked me to show her some BDSM clips that I had liked in the past. I was curious to why she would ask, and her reply was that she was in the mood for inspiration... something new, something different. OMG...
So we made ourselves comfortable in bed. She was in panties, bra, and she had kept on the very sexy stockings that she had been wearing. Her lingerie was all black with some peach-colored trimmings. That didn't make it easy for me to focus on the job at hand. As for myself, I has on an undershirt, underwear, and my locking leather collar, which is always the first thing that goes on me when we return home.
So we spent the evening in bed surfing the web on our laptop, with me pulling up femdom BDSM clips from some of my favorite websites. How cool is that... spending hours looking at BDSM porn with my Beloved. We had done a little bit of that occasionally a long time ago as she was wanting to learn more about what other people were doing, and how they were doing it, and we do have a small collection of femdom oriented DVDs that we watch from time to time. But we never spent hours upon hours pouring over clips like this. It was fun, and it was really exciting.
But truth be told, there were also slight feelings of shyness and worry on my part. While we have outstanding communication between us, both in D/s and RL, it was one of those very vulnerable moments of sharing that could lead into the uncertainty of the dark territory of the new. We've both been very good and daring at this exploration, keeping it at the forefront of our journey together. And yet, I find that it never gets that much easier to do it from one time to another. What if I pulled a clip that had something she really hated or turned her off? Or something she would never do? Or a clip that was hot overall but had a part that we weren't into but she might think that I wanted?
All silly worries, of course, in view of our connection and how open my Goddess has always been throughout our relationship. Maybe it was my feeling of vulnerability in this editing exercise that explicitly revealed fantasies in such a raw form. But again, there was nothing new that had been revealed, virtually nothing we haven't done or aren't doing. We've already shared so much, and we feel so comfortable sharing. I guess it was just the medium for expression and sharing that left me a bit vulnerable and wanting her approval.
I have to say, though, that was really hot. We had such a fun time looking over the clips. There were some good, lots of bad, and some ugly clips, but overall, the fun we had reminded me of how special my Goddess is. I was as honest and sharing as I could, and I think that if there was anything negative about the experience, it was a sense from my Goddess that, apart from some really fancy equipment and a few unlikely scenarios, it was overwhelmingly "been there, done that".
To further increase the tension on the D/s scale, my Goddess spent the last half-an-hour of us watching clips doing some NT. Since I was still sore from some heavy NT two days ago, she particularly enjoyed the intensity of my reactions to anything and everything she did. And I could feel the sadistic enjoyment she felt from my predicament when I had a hard time aligning the mouse properly on the laptop screen to change web pages, open up clips, or close them, during the NT.
Despite the high D/s energy flowing between us, we were both dead-tired from our day, and after over 3 hours of femdom BDSM clips, we prepared to go to sleep. But I woke up this morning in a total state of excited submission, hunger, and yearning. I couldn't go back to sleep. I keep thinking about my Goddess. About how the NT felt last night. About my belonging to her. About how hot and sexy and dominant and wonderful and awesome and special she is. And without expectations for today, tomorrow, or the weekend, I have this heavy feeling of submissive anticipation inside of me. And it won't let me get back to sleep.
As my Goddess had been talking over the last few days about how much she's missed doing a scene in our little makeshift dungeon, something we setup in a large closet we have, this morning was just the perfect time to clean it up while she continued to sleep.
Just in case she's in the mood any time soon...
Thursday, November 26, 2009
I'm thankful for a friend who makes me laugh, makes happy, challenges me intellectually, picks me up when I'm down, likes to be with me all the time, and gives me hope.
I'm thankful for a lover who is affectionate, is caring, patient, passionate, who radiates sexual energy, and who is just so hot, and who thinks I'm hot too.
I'm thankful for a BDSM play-partner and dominant mistress that is such a great fit, so instinctive, so mind-blowingly good, and who loves anal play, ass worship, ball gags, belt spanking, biting, blindfolds, blood play, body worship, bondage, body worship, boots, breath play, bruises, confinement, candle wax, caning, CBT, chains, clamps & clips, collars, control, covert bondage, crops, cunninglingus, D/s. dildos, discipline, domestic servitude, domination, edge play, face sitting, femdom, fingernails, flogging, foot worship, gags, genital torture, hair pulling, handcuffs, high heels, human furniture, humiliation (light), impact play, kneeling, leather, leaving marks, male submission, mind control, mind fucks, mistress/slave, multiple orgasms, needle play, nipple torture, nudity, objectification, orgasm control, outdoor bondage, outdoor sex, paddling, pain, pegging, photography, pig tails, pinching, power exchange, predicament bondage, protocols, queening, restraints, riding crops, rituals, role play, rough sex, sadism, scratching, sensation play, sensual play, service-oriented submission, sexual service/slavery, shibari, shoes, smoking, smothering, spanking, spitting, spreader bars, strap-on, submission, subspace, tattoos, tears, teasing, tongues, toys, vibrators, voice play, wax, whimpering, and I'm sure I'm missing a few more.
I'm thankful for a life partner and soulmate who makes life beautiful for me, with whom I have such an extraordinary connection, who makes communicating effortless, who makes my present wonderful and gives me hope for an extraordinary future, who is perfect and who thinks that I'm perfect, and who I cannot spend a single second without.
On this special day, let's remember everything we have, and forget about everything we don't.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
In the morning when I wake, I feel his lips on my feet. He wants to taste my stinky toes?
At work my cell phone rings, I see his name on the screen. He wants to talk to me already?
He is so fucking amazing!
Artwork courtesy of Haru Kano
On work days:
1- The alarm wakes me up first.
2- I prepare her coffee and bring it her bedside.
3- I gently wake up my Goddess and hand her the coffee.
4- I turn on the TV to her favorite morning show.
5- I sit on the floor, light her cigarette, and hold her ashtray while she is enjoying her coffee in bed.
6- Once she is done, I prepare her bath and get the water going to fill up the tub.
7- While the tub is filling, I return and spend a few minutes kissing her feet.
8- I test the water, turn it off when it is just right, and return to let her know.
9- I take her hand and help her out of bed and follow her to the bathtub.
10- Finally, I ask her if there's anything else I can do for her... there may be a request for ironing or preparing her clothes if she has anything in mind.
After I drop her off at work, if I don't have to be at work immediately, I may take care of pressing errands, or things that I know she may be too tired to do together after work.
That is the start of the day for us, every day. On non-working days, the routine is pretty similar, except that I wait until she wakes up on her own and is ready for her coffee.
The perfect start to the day for us, each and everyday...
Monday, November 23, 2009
I don't even know where to start... My Goddess was absolutely ravenous over the course of the last week... She could just not get enough... Leading up to last night... Each one of these segments deserve to be blog entries... I'm happy I got one of the evenings down as a double post last week...
I served her as furniture during one evening of watching television, with multiple interruptions for sexual servitude. It just felt so good to have her reclining against me. Light kissing during commercials broke into heavy kissing and multiple rounds of sexual servitude.
Then there where the posts from last week.
Then there was an evening when she tied my hands to the top of the headboard of the bed, placed a blindfold one me, sat on my hips, and did some NT until my moans and restrained movements brought her to climax, without intercourse. And she continued the NT until she got her beloved whimper from me.
Then more sexual servitude on another evening, with her pulling my hair, some NT while I was on my knees looking up at her standing, and more sexual servitude.
And then last night. My Goddess told me to join her in the bathtub. A first round of sexual servitude. Then she ordered me to wait for her lying on the bed with my blindfold on. When she came out, she handcuffed and clipped my hands to the top of the headboard, placed anklecuffs on my feet, and chained the latter to the foot of the bed for some NT and CBT. After some time of that, my Goddess released the chain, and took me with a dildo that is essentially a strapless strapon, which is held inside her with a secondary dildo. She took me in a frontal position, with my knees up in the air. After that, she felt that I hadn't been quite loud enough, so she continued the anal play until she got from me, you guessed it, a whimper. More sexual servitude for her, including penetration (but no release for me). Exhausted, we laid down to sleep. I fell asleep, she didn't. Just little while later, she woke me up with some kisses, NT, and CBT. More sexual servitude. Then she wanted me to have release. Past a certain point into subspace, sex become the furthest thing from my mind, and release is not always possible. It didn't matter. She wanted me to do so. More NT, more kissing, more CBT. As time went by, I so wanted to do it for her. My Goddess told me we weren't stopping until she got what she wanted. Eventually, I did have release.
Now this morning, I'm still in subspace, sore, hurting, I've got marks all over, and I'm both physically and mentally exhausted from the night (and I got just a few hours of sleep).
And I would do it all over again for her tonight...
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Well, we had two comments related to our invitation last weekend, one of which was the following:
From Miss Emily:
I've been following for a few months now and just haven't commented. This was my first real look into a 24 hour D/s. I am still pretty unfamiliar but I read with such curiosity every time you post, and it has helped me understand something that I previously looked upon with disdain simply because I was unaware of the deep emotions at work here. I've learned so much from reading here. I still don't understand completely but I'm working on it. I'm in awe of the devotion I see. Thanks for everything.
Welcome to our blog, Miss Emily, and thank you for the comment. We're glad you dropped in to share your thoughts with us.
For myself, as someone who has been involved in "the scene" in a variety of ways for such a long time, the sharing in this blog is meant in a small part to demystify what BDSM and D/s are about. Both the activities and the lifestyle can be exciting, thrilling, fulfilling, beautiful, and deeply affecting. I'm happy that you found not only some different perspectives, but a certain level of appreciation, in our writings.
Indeed, there are deep emotions at work, and much devotion, and this is true for both partners. We often don't understand all of it, or certain parts of it completely, ourselves. But that doesn't make it any less engaging, or any less necessary if we are to be true to ourselves. And the search for a greater understanding, the search to realize, to express these part of ourselves, is an integral part of what we consider our journey.
As you continue to follow us on our adventure, don't hesitate to ask us questions you may have, either through the comment area, or by emailing us directly. My Goddess and I will be more than happy to shed any light we can on your queries.
Thank you for your compliments, and thanks again for dropping in.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Background: My Goddess has been in quite the mood all week... To my great delight (and more than a little soreness). I'm already two updates behind...
This is a phone text I received from my Goddess this evening... somewhat surprising me since we were both at home at the time:
"I so enjoy the squirming, the moans, the total surrender, all topped off by the whimper... all hot... all for me... the weekend will not end without a replay. You'll be begging me to stop and begging for more all at the same time. I own you. I can use you, hurt you, take you, demand from you and show you how much I love you all at the same time. Hot yet, my pet?"
Now, after what transpired in the hours following, I'm 3 blog entries behind...
Friday, November 20, 2009
Shortly after the unmistakable sound of the lotion bottle being opened, I felt my Goddess come back to the bed, and some pressure against my anal opening. Blindfolded, still adrift in subspace, I couldn't tell whether she had brought in a strap-on or a simple dildo. Not that it really mattered...
Slowly, but relentless, my Goddess was pushing and working the object into me. For what it was worth, I soon recognized the dildo when she turned on the pulsing/vibrating feature, all the better to penetrate me with. Gradually, forcefully, my Goddess took me with it, exercising the power of her dominance over me.
Once it was all in, she ordered me flat onto the bed, on my belly, and she moved up over my legs a bit, until she was perfectly positioned over my backside. I could feel right away the power of her thrusts into me, and both the excitement and enjoyment they provided her. She leaned over my back and began to bite me in different places, and then reached around to my chest with her hands for a bit of NT, before sitting upright over me again.
Focused on her pleasure taking me, my Goddess hit a groove that I can only describe as harmonic resonance. Every thrust magnified the energy of the next. Like an avalanche picking up momentum, like the acceleration toward terminal velocity jumping out of a plane, my Goddess was building to her climax, fed by my reactions and by the physical sensations.
I knew the nexus was approaching when I felt her hands reach down around my hips and her nails dig into my tender flesh... when I felt her pulling me into her nearly as much as she was pushing into me... when her rhythm became more chaotic...
And then it hit her... Climax. With a capital "C"... Overwhelming for both of us, I kept moaning at the after-tremors I could feel through both the dildo and her legs. An amazing intersection for the two of us, the meeting of intense physical pleasure, dominance, submission, subspace, femdom imagery and power, surrender, conquest, and ecstasy.
As the trembling began to diminish, my Goddess slumped over my back, our breathing fell into rhythm, and it felt like both our hearts beat as one...
Thursday, November 19, 2009
We came back home from dinner last night after a pretty rough day at work for me. My Goddess allowed me to dispense from my traditional duties of preparing dinner, feeling that I needed a little break to ease out of work mode. It was wonderful to have some downtime to relax, get a chance to talk things out, and slowly forget about work stress and getting back to just the two of us.
Upon our return, as is our ritual, I took off most of my clothing, and brought my Goddess my collar and lock for placement around my neck. This time though, after the ritual of the placement and locking was completed, without allowing me to get up and asking her if there were any requests she had of me, my Goddess ordered to get a leather blindfold out of our toy chest, which I went to get crawling on my hands and knees. Suddenly, a wave of our dominance washed over me, and that delightful feeling of submissive anticipation set in my stomach as I brought the blindfold back to her, and she took away my sight.
Once the blindfold in place, my Goddess ordered me on all fours on the bed. Following that, she moved off the bed and soon came back with a chain, which she clipped from my collar to the top of the headboard. I was right where she wanted me.
The anticipation rose, as did the feeling of subspace, as I heard my Goddess rummage through our toy chest. Within maybe a minute, I felt the impact of the hard plastic violet cane on my backside. Gently at first, many little taps came down, and gradually she built up the intensity as she moved the strikes around. Then there were a few moments of pause before I realized with the next strike that my Goddess has switched to the flexible rattan cane. Once more she rained many little taps upon me, and slowly increased the intensity into harder, sharper blows.
My Goddess alternated back and forth between the two canes as I slipped further into submission and subspace. I could feel the waves of her dominant energy rise and wash over me as I reacted to the increasing harshness of the blows. I can't describe how intoxicating and addictive it is to feel the vibes of her dominant satisfaction when I feel her enjoying hurting me.
She took a short break for a cigarette, not missing the opportunity to tease me with it as I was vulnerable and kept in place by the collar and chain. She came in close, blew smoke in my face, and just let me drift into subspace as she took her time enjoying my predicament.
My Goddess then changed things up again by using her belt on my backside. A beautiful, studded leather belt, it came down on me heavy but with less sharpness than the canes had. But this lasted just a short while before she returned to the canes. At this point, I was so lost into her, into her dominance, and into subspace, that I can't remember which one of the canes she used.
But she continued on, and did so with a purpose... it was as if my Goddess was looking for a specific reaction... a reaction from me that would hit her dominant G-spot. Heavy blows, sharp blows, each getting a deep gasp from me, each getting larger movement from me, fighting the binding that kept me in position. I tried to stay steady, but the strain against the chain was obvious. And she continued on until she was satisfied, until she got the reaction she wanted out of me.
During the pause, I felt my backside warm and tingling all over. My mind was totally adrift in subspace, and my Goddess had brought me into the "I'll do anything for you you" zone.
And then, in a quick moment of lucidity, I heard her open a bottle of lotion...
Monday, November 16, 2009
- - - - - - - - - -
Without wanting to disrupt the meditative beauty and flow of the dedication, I still find that everything my Goddess gives me is a joy to receive... while I may not always bear it with grace, I accept it gladly and with everything that I am.
And somehow, my Goddess' control is more comforting than harsh... amplifying the dynamics of belonging and ownership.
Still, as soon as I came across Sephani's Slave's Creed, it touched me deeply, and it spoke to me, and I wanted to pass it along. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
of Bishop through
My Goddess and I reached a landmark this week. A few days ago, we posted our 100th entry on this blog. It's been intensely personal to share our life together, anonymously, with all of you, and it's been a blast to receive such positive feedback from everyone. It makes us feel wonderful that sharing our D/s relationship with you all has been so inspirational, educational, and a turn-on to boot.
And yet, after more than 100 posts, nearly 15,000 hits, and around 40,000 pages read, we are curious about the many, many readers that have quietly dropped by, read, and slipped away shyly. We are curious about who you are, what you've enjoyed about the blog, what your favorite posts are, what you'd like to read more about, and if there is anything else you'd want to find out about us living a D/s relationship.
So inspired by "Curiosity", a post about a month ago on the excellent blog "Domme Chronicles" (http://domme-chronicles.blogspot.com/), one of our favorite blogs out there, we invite each and everyone of you to leave something akin a Guest Book note. We would be delighted to make an entry to respond to your notes collectively, or if your comment/question is particularly interesting/challenging, we may dedicate an entire entry to it.
So without further ado, upon your next visit, sit down and stay a while. Tell us a little about yourself, why you come to our blog, what you like about it, if you have a favorite post, and stuff like that. If you have a question, ask us, and if you want to address it to one of us specifically, let us know. Go ahead... it'll just take a few minutes...
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Any time of the day...
A fresh set of nails... High-heel shoes lying on the floor... A beautiful smile... Reaching out and grabbing my collar... A deep, passionate kiss... A request for a glass of ice water or coffee... The expectation of placing and locking my collar on me when we get home... Reaching for my hand when we walk... A pull on my hair... A scratch or a pinch... A request for a cigarette... A fleeting need to hurt me... An expectation of her feet being kissed... A hug any time we walk by each other... Reaching for my nipples... My Goddess looking beautiful on an outing...
Little things... essential things... defining things... that fuel the flow and energy of our (D/s) relationship...
Friday, November 13, 2009
Adoration & worship... love, dedication, intoxicating, addictive, submission...
Foot worship... adoration, worship, sensuality...
Bondage... trust, submission, comfort, belonging...
NT, CBT... pain, pleasure, toy, control, submission...
Crop, flogger, cane, paddle... pain, pleasure, trust, toy, submission...
Locked collar, leash... ownership, belonging, toy, pet, control, submission, devotion, service...
D/s... lifestyle, self-expression, fulfillment, submission & domination...
Public display of D/s... excitement, control, devotion, pride, service, toy, pet...
Fetishes... self-expression, fantasies brought to life...
Strap-on, anal play... complete giving, climax, surrender, submission, femdom power...
Breath play... control, trust, submission, surrender, toy...
Wax play... pain, pleasure, toy, surrender...
Domestic servitude... dedication, service, tribute...
Oral servitude... pleasure, dedication, service, pet, intoxicating, control, submission, femdom power, climax, giving...
Smothering... intoxicating, pleasure, submission, toy, control...
My Goddess... love, hope, trust, devotion, addiction, intoxication, toy, pet, dominance, submission, dedication, worship, adoration, fulfillment, belonging, ownership...
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Sometimes real life will shake each one of us to the core. Disappointment, bitterness, anger, stress of what may happen, how it will happen, when it will happen... And when real life does affect us that way, it is important for one of the partners to step up and, for some time, carry both people.
Yesterday was one of those days. And my Goddess certainly stepped up in terms of patience, support, and understanding. She is the light that keeps me going, the hope that allows me to recover and overcome any obstacle, and that makes anything and everything possible.
And without any pain, any teasing, any overtly dominant behavior, feeling her unconditional support in such a way makes me want to serve her, worship her, and submit to her more desperately than anything that would be traditional BDSM scenes. It has deepened my dedication and my submission to her even further.
Beyond everything my Goddess and I experience on our life's journey, with D/s as its lifestyle, that kind of love and support is just as important as power exchange dynamics, and reinforce the dynamics in an incredibly powerful way.
And for all of that, I am deeply and eternally grateful to have my Goddess in my life, and to be part of hers.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
So much of what makes a relationship work is fit. Of course, even when you do have a great fit between the partners, you still have to be patient and work at it. Real life creates emotions that will get each person out of sync with the other. Likes and dislikes can never be absolutely identical. Nobody has ESP and can read another person's mind. Everybody has "baggage".
While living a D/s relationship implies submission of one partner's will and desires, and the dominance of the other person's, it remains that the reality of it requires that "wants and needs" need to fit into a range of compatibility flexible enough to allow each person's ability of understanding, insights, patience, skills, and compassion to match up well enough to give the "work" part of the relationship a reasonable chance of success.
Things as such moods and emotions, likes and dislikes, habits, communications skills, frequency, intensity, areas of activity, and the willingness to explore, on the side of each partner, all need to be close enough for the "work" part to be manageable. Without out that, the struggle to make things work, to develop a relationship that will grow and be fulfilling over the long term can be stressful, overwhelming, and may be doomed to failure. And this is why my Goddess is so absolutely precious to me.
After the life experience I have had, after the relationships I have had, after the many, many years of involvement in BDSM I have had, I cannot describe the joy I have every single minute of the day for having my Goddess in my life, and being part of her's.
Sure, there are little things I might like more of, or less of. More of these things are related to real life matters than to our interaction. But it remains that the compatibility is so great, so magnificent, that I find the relationship itself beautifully effortless. The hardest part for us is not being able to be together every single second of the day.
Whatever difference we have in moods and emotions, likes and dislikes, habits, communications skills, frequency, intensity, areas of activity, and explore are so slight, so minor, that they overcoming them is never an issue. They just fit so comfortably within who we are. It is so easy, and so fulfilling, to live our D/s relationship within this "fit" and within our individual abilities to accommodate each other.
Rituals without rules. Love without doubt. Trust without questions. Service without thought. Self-expression without shame. Exploration without boundaries. Fulfillment without any needs outside the other.
Words are inadequate to describe how my Goddess makes me feel. I could not possibly have scripted the perfection of my Goddess and our relationship in my wildest dreams before having met her. Never has anybody meant so much to me as a friend, as a lover, as a mistress, as a life-partner, and as a soulmate. And I can't imagine anyone more perfect, for me, than my Goddess.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
One of the truly extraordinary things about a growing and deepening relationship is that there are always new things, new moments, new actions, and new gestures that come up to simultaneously cement the relationship, and bring it to new heights.
Back a few months ago, my Goddess and I had a set of three posts listing "moments of indescribable hotness", and a few more of those moments have come up in the past weeks that have marked me, so as I still obsess over them, I thought it would be a good time to add to the list. In no particular order...
1- My Goddess has gotten into the habit of occasionally playing with the padlock that keeps my leather collar locked around my neck. Feeling her play with it, feeling a small tug, hearing the sound that it makes, reminds me of the powerful symbolism behind me wearing it at all times when we are together in private. My submission and subservience and belonging to her... her ownership of me... that as long as she wants me to wear the collar, locked, she never wants to let me go... and I offer it to her each day because I never want to leave her.
2- My Goddess' handling of the lock has also been playing a role in our play. She has been using it as an element of control as she reaches for it during my sexual servitude to her. Grabbing the lock behind my collar and pulling on it, it serves as reins for whatever we are doing, and it also introduces an element of light breath play when my Goddess is more forceful. Both uses are very powerful in controlling the pace, intensity, and timing of my sexual servitude to her, and in the control of my release, when she deems it is time for it.
3- Going shopping with my Goddess. A few weeks ago, we went shopping together because my Goddess needed a few new pieces for work. It was a wonderful opportunity to serve, in a subtle manner, in a public setting. Waiting on her... carrying her bags... providing feedback when asked... running out to get items in different sizes... waiting obediently for her to come out to display outfits for feedback... The ultimate moment came when one of the sales associates, a young, pretty woman, discreetly commented to my Goddess upon my pleasant, patient, and helpful behavior, and my Goddess shared those comments with me with an obvious sense of pride and satisfaction.
4- Going shopping with my Goddess (2). During that same shopping trip, in the same store the sales associate made the comment to my Goddess, at one point the sale associate brought my Goddess a stunning pair of high-heel shoes. I hadn't noticed her bringing in the shoes with all the going back-and-forth, but I was floored when my Goddess came out of the dressing room wearing them, along with some stunning black slacks and a beautiful shirt and sweater combo. See my Goddess walk around in them stirred up a myriad of emotions, flashbacks, and images, and it was all I could do to not throw myself at her in full submission mode in public. We ended up buying several pieces of clothing... and the shoes.
5- Our morning ritual has grown over time to include me gently kissing my Goddess' feet for a few minutes before she gets out of bed. This tender moment of sensual adoration and worship becomes overwhelmingly exciting when I hear the gentle moans she makes as I kiss each one of her toes and the top of her feet several times, with my head under the blankets.
6- Last night, after some particularly intense sexual servitude, my Goddess had had her hunger quenched for the moment, and as she was recovering from slowly from several climaxes, she suddenly had the urge to have a cigarette. With a smile, but with an unusually stern tone, she looked at me and said: "On the floor! Now! Crawl over to the other side!", where I usually light her cigarettes and hold the ashtray for her. OMG... as much as sexual servitude will bring me deep into subspace, I think I must have dropped another dozen notches when she barked those orders at me.
7- Absolutely any time my Goddess tells me I'm going to spend the night in bondage... and then does it. How can I describe the feeling of being bound next my Goddess, totally in her control, totally vulnerable, because she wants me there without fail? Both the announcement, and the anticipation it creates, the actual action of being placed in bondage (an especially enthralling image is when she straddles my chest to tie my hands to the headboard of the bed), and then falling asleep in bondage with my Goddess laying partly over me, are just mind-blowing.Well... that's it for now. There are more, of course, and the previous "moments of indescribable hotness" are as hot as ever, if not hotter, but I wanted to share a few of those new moments that have come into our lives.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
There's something intensely powerful for me about subtle (and not so subtle) displays of submission to my Goddess in a public setting. Not really a matter of more special or less special than what we do at home, such as the locked leather collar at all times, foot kissing in the morning, or being at my Goddess' beck and call for whatever she desires... just different. Different in the actual actions, different in their shades of emotions and feelings, yet there are a continuation of the dynamics, a continuation of the belonging/ownership, and a continuation of the power exchange.
Our high-profile positions in our professional lives don't allow us to dispense with subtlety, outside of munches where we can be a little more daring, or closed events and private parties. And yet, our power exchange dynamics in public, as slight or as subtle as it may be, can be the source of much excitement, a high-level flow of D/s energy, and a reinforcement of our respectives roles in our relationship.
My Goddess wrote a few posts ago about a recent shopping trip where one of the saleswomen commented on my good behavior waiting on her, being helpful and supportive, and being pleasantly patient. The pride and satisfaction my Goddess felt in receiving those comments excited me to no end.
Out in the mainstream, I'm a no-nonsense kind of guy. Quiet but strong, cynical but polite, flexible but unyielding, my public personality could be seen by many as in opposition to what they would read here. But these traits of character are tempered and curbed by the dynamics of our relationship when I'm in the presence of my Goddess. Not that they disappear... far from it. I think my strength in the real-world makes my Goddess feel even more special about my submission and dedication to her. But my focus on everything "Her" puts me in a different mood, pulls up in me a different kind of behavioral programming.
On shopping trips, I try to be as helpful as I can. Patience is never an issue when serving or on duty to my Goddess. I'll go to get clothes in different sizes for her to try... I'll carry all the bags... I'll wait right outside the changing room to provide feedback. At restaurants, I'll make sure my Goddess' setting is right and ready for her... I'll pull out her cutlery... put her straw in her water or soft drink before I do mine. Of course, I try to maintain good manners in opening doors (including always opening her car door) and pulling up chairs for her, gestures that used to be signs of being well-raised, but now are seen almost as chivalry, and for us, are some of the little things that reinforce again the D/s dynamics. In areas where smoking is permitted, I will light her cigarettes. Lots of little gestures that not only fit into our relationship, but reinforce it, and actions that by their symbolism, maintain a certain level of energy and positive tension.
In more kink-oriented settings, my waiting on her is more obvious in terms of my body language, the way I wait on her and react to her requests, in the way I stand behind her during introductions or conversations, the way we hold or touch each other, or even in our near-continual displays of affection. From a more "vanilla" perspective, we've received many, many comments over time about our displays of affection and love toward each other, from "you look perfect together", "you look perfect for each other" and "we can feel/sense the intense love you have for each other" to occasionally "annoyingly lovely" and "you guys need to get a room".
Sometimes, the public displays of submission are things that nobody else in the world knows about. Although a bit of the excitement is that someone could see or find out... clearly there's also an element of exhibitionism present. But the most important factor is that my Goddess and I know what's going on, and she wants to have me do it, and I want to do it for her. Locked ankle cuffs under my pants through the work day... locked wrist cuffs under a jacket or fleece on cold days (non-work days)... my "mainstream" collar at all times I'm outside the house. And once, on a nature hike, we took a break to enjoy the view from a fairly isolated vantage point, and I spent half an hour with my hands bound.
I know... none of this is over-the-top, certainly in contrast to what we do behind closed doors. I would love to be totally open about the nature of our relationship for the world to see, to display my locked collar as a tribute to my Goddess at all times. But in our society as it is, discretion in such things is certainly the better part of valor, and it allows us to continue unimpeded a beautiful lifestyle that is immensely rewarding and fulfilling to both of us without undue pressure and ostracization. And those subtle moments of public displays of submission are made all the more intense by how delicate and nuanced they are.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
image courtesy of www.malesubmissionart.com/
As dymion and I our quickly approaching our one-year anniversary together, I find myself quite nostalgic as of late. Smells, sounds, tastes...everything seems to be richer, more exciting, more perfect than ever before. So many things in my daily life bring on reminiscent waves of that delicious rush I felt when I first encountered my beautiful prince. Everything is etched so clearly in my mind...snapshots of the moments that have brought us to where we are today. My mind is so in love and so grateful for the present, but often I enjoy reexamining the past...where we began...what connected us from the start.
In that spirit, I turn to a memory that holds a place deep in my heart...dymion and I started our communication in the form of sending one another daily emails of inspirational quotes. I think it was a way of trying to express the feelings that were growing within us that we lacked the initial courage to express directly. This started our journey into discovery of what types of sentiments touched us, inspired us, and often defined us. Though we talked of philosophy, love, and the occasional subtle hints of lust and sexuality, we never directly touched upon what we truly wanted to say so, od course, the bdsm lifestyle was never within our exchanges.
As we reach that one-year milestone, I wanted to share some awesome bdsm quotes. I share these thoughts in honor of the life dymion -my precious pet- and I are building together. It is a relationship based on raw emotion, honesty, and an appreciation for a lifestyle that has taken us both on the most amazing adventure...enjoy!
Thou art to me a delicious torment.- Ralph Waldo Emerson
To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself and so to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the breaking of bread.- James Baldwin
Ultimately, the purpose of a flogging is to inflict pleasure.- Mitch Kessler
Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.- Elizabeth
Stars hid your fires. Let not light see my black and deep desires.- From The Talented Mr. Ripley
How blessed am I in this discovering thee. To enter in these bonds is to be free. - John Donne
If ever thou be'st bound in thy scarf and beaten, thou shalt find what it is to be proud of thy bondage. - William Shakespeare
Once you familiarize yourself with the chains of bondage, you prepare your own limbs to wear them. - Abraham Lincoln
No kind of sensation is keener and more active than pain it's impressions are unmistakable. - Marquis De Sade
It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce.- Voltaire
Not everyone is lucky enough to understand how delicious it is to suffer. - Katherine Hepburn