Keeping the energy flowing (E)

The incredible art of Bishop, courtesy of the Museum of Femdom Art

How to keep the energy flowing is an issue that we all face in our relationships, BDSM-based or vanilla. It's important to understand that, contrary to the beliefs of far too many, the responsibility for D/s dynamics lies at least as much with the bottom/sub/slave as it does with the top/dominant/domme. And as in any kind of relationship, both partners get out of it what they put in.

Without any intention of being comprehensive, here are a few thoughts on things that make a difference for us, from my (submissive) POV.

Rituals & protocols: don't be asked twice for the same service or action. If your domme has requested any special action or ways of doing things, never again fail to do those, whether you are asked or not, and whether it is part of play or not. Be attentive to what she has asked in the past, and make sure you do those things well and all the time without being asked. That will maintain a constant reminder of the dynamics, and the respective roles.

Initiative & service: what else does your domme need? Try to be ahead of the curve in serving her. Don't just think of what she needs now, think of what she WILL need to make her life easier, more enjoyable, and more fulfilling. Submission is even more a state of mind than a list of actions.

Active symbolism: your domme shouldn't need to be standing over you with a crop for an hour while you're doing chores. Having you do those chores while you're wearing a locked collar, nipples clamps, an anal plug, or in partial bondage will be very effective in creating a mood and maintaining a high-level of energy.

Passive symbolism: you can have a reminder of your D/s dynamics at all times if she, or the two of you, decide on a ring, wrist or ankle bracelet, or another piece of jewelry you can wear 24/7. Want to go even further? What about a piercing? Or a tattoo? The mood and energy will wash back over each of you every time you feel it or see it.

Recognition & feedback: never let a good D/s gesture, action, or mood go unrecognized, unappreciated, and unthanked. There's nothing that creates positive reinforcement like appreciation.

Part of creating and maintaining the energy all parties are seeking are the little daily things that imprint and reinforce the D/s dynamics. You don't need 3-hour sessions daily. No top has that kind of energy any more than a rock star could be in concert every single day of the year. But the mood and energy can be remain high if no one ever lets the flame die out, even for a day, even for a few hours, and the bottom/sub/slave, needs to take an active role in that.