"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Saturday, December 6, 2014

The Goddess wants to play - Part 2 (E)

Courtesy of Who's Sorry Now? via Lunar Black - Desire for Submission and More...

Hmmm… Where was I in our delightful scene… More than time for me to finish what was started a while back.

Ah, yes… The hogtie. Arms behind my back, restrained by metal handcuffs. Ankles bound together by several loops of rope. Feet near my backside, legs bound there by a short length of rope anchored to the chain of the handcuffs. I feel the metal of the cuffs digging sharply into my wrists. The pressure of the rope around my ankles is also noticeable, but much more forgiving. I feel the tension of the bondage in my legs, my back, and my arms, and yet, my body and mind let go and relax. I give in to the hogtie, and surrender to my Goddess, who is towering over me, enjoying immensely my helplessness as she plays bondage artist.

The hogtie is one of my favorite bondage positions, despite not being all that comfortable. Somehow, the dichotomy of the tension of the position itself and the deeper state of subspace it carries me into, forcing me into surrender and letting go of all, work together in intensifying the emotions and reactions of the power exchange between us. One of those things that definitely, as Paltego from Femdom Resources would say, pushes my buttons.

Goddess Selena gives each one of the ties a little tug. She teases me that everything is nice and tight.

“You’re not going anywhere…” She says playfully, pulling on my hair, and then running her nails down my back.

Courtesy of The English Mansion

She leaves me for a minute. In the depths of subspace, I have flashbacks of other moments left alone hogtied. Our first apartment… hogtied and isolated in our bondage closet while she enjoyed a favorite TV show. Our last house, hogtied on the bed while she takes a shower and gets ready to go out.

I drift back from my reverie when I feel Goddess Selena’s weight next to me on the bed. A sharp edge comes across in a short curve near the top of my shoulder blade. Between the sharp etchings and the focused vibes I get from my Goddess, I make out through the veil of subspace that she is drawing expressions of ownership and love with Sharpie markers on my back. Markings are always swoon-inducing for days afterwards…

Goddess Selena leaves me again for a few instants, and returns with her iPhone. She takes a few pictures of the markings and teases me about them. She puts the phone down on the night table, and releases the tie between the handcuffs and the rope keeping my ankles bound. She rolls me over on my back and arms, and helps me move up into a 45-degree sitting position against the headboard, with a few pillows behind me.

I’m out of the hogtie, but with my wrists and ankles still bound, and the blindfold still on, I can tell she’s not quite done. I hear a what seems to be a plastic bag with some soft-sounding items in it drop next to me. I feel Goddess Selena pinch some skin underneath my penis, and then, some light pressure that doesn’t dissipate despite the fact that she is no longer touching me. Then I feel her pinch a spot on my scrotum, and she lets go of it, leaving once more a light pressure point that remains. She comes back to the penis, and places a third clothespin. And back to the scrotum, for a fourth clothespin. She continues, alternating between the two areas, finding new spots to place a mix of wooden and plastic clothespin, each one more sensitive than the last. I think I can tell the difference between the clothespins, as I vaguely remember the wooden ones being a little stronger but creating more of a dull pain, while the plastic ones are a little sharper, if not quite as strong. Each a source of pain in their own way.

The clothespin scene gets even a little more intense on its own, as I slowly get an erection. The skin of my penis and the upper part of my scrotum get more taunt, making the feeling of the clothespins ever-sharper. Several minutes later, including I don’t know, maybe 12 or 15 or 18 clothespins, Goddess Selena is slapping at some of them, and tugging at others. I arch my back as waves of warmth and pain are radiating from my groin area. Then a singular jolt of pain runs through my entire body as my Goddess removes one of the clothespins and the blood flows back to the skin that had been constricted. And then she removes another to the same effect. I strain against the bondage and I can feel her dominance envelop me as she sadistically proceeds to remove each of the clothespins and enjoys my reactions to her play.

After the last one, I fall back limp against the bed as after-waves of pain still resonate from my groin. For good measure, Goddess Selena grabs my penis and scrotum in her hands and pulls then in different directions, and her hands feel cold against the pain and the warmth of the blood still rushing back to the deprived spots.

She runs her nails along my thighs, and unexpectedly, gives me a deep, passionate, erotically dominant, I-fucking-own-you kiss on the lips. After a surprised pause, I desperately try to answer back with my lips but she is already gone.

Courtesy of Divine Bitches via Mistress Lilyana

Goddess Selena spends a little while caressing me, holding me, occasionally kissing me, and asking how I am. She eventually removes the blindfold. A little more caressing, and she releases me from the bondage that had kept me at her mercy. Once she is satisfied I am gradually gathering my wits while slowly climbing out of subspace, we kiss again, deeply, passionately.

She takes my hand and gently drags me to our screen enclosed back patio, after we got partially dressed. It’s nearly midnight, and a light breeze is giving the air just a hint of coolness. My Goddess is in the mood for an after-scene cigarette. After a few drags, she grabs the middle ring of my locked leather collar, pulls me down to her a bit, and she gives me a smoky kiss. More (big) buttons pushed. A few more times she repeated the gesture, giving our scene a still fetishy cool-down.

From Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress (no longer active)

We went back inside, and soon lay down for sleep. Just before we dozed off, she told me to lie at an angle to her. She then lies down at a nearly perpendicular angle to me, and from her sleeping-on-her-back position, she places one leg over the back of my thighs and the other over my lower back (I was on my belly). Then she pulls me tight under her knees. And we fell asleep with my Goddess dominantly making herself comfortable using me as a leg/knee rest for the night.

Courtesy of Fluffy Art

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

The Goddess wants to play - Part 1 (E)

Courtesy of Leather Femdom via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress (no longer active)

After a whole afternoon of hinting at her desire for some play, it was not a surprise later that evening when Goddess Selena sent me to lie down in our bed and wait for her. It wasn’t long before she sat on my chest to pin me down, buckled a blindfold to take away my sight, locked handcuffs around my wrists, and fastened the chain of the handcuffs to the headboard of the bed. Restrained and vulnerable… that’s how she wanted me. I immediately felt her dominant glee and satisfaction come over me as the tension of the power exchange rose steadily.

Teasing me not to go anywhere, Goddess Selena went off on the first of what would be several trips over the course of the evening to find goodies that would serve her dominant purposes. Within two or three minutes, she returned and sat on me again, this time closer to my hips. She gave her own hips a shake, either to tease me, to remind me of how I was in her control, or to signify her excitement.

I heard the sound of the lighter being clicked several times, and then the first drop of wax landed on my chest. My startled moment was her moment of glee as she felt my chest rise and my hips rub under her. She moved the candle over different areas of my upper body, getting reactions of different intensities depending on where the drops landed. The wax was actually quite hot, and the heat impacted sharply. She seemed to enjoy my squirming, although I was limited in my movements, my hands bound overhead and her bodyweight keeping me down.

Courtesy of Gynarchy via The Heart's Dark Desires

Drifting further into subspace, I barely noticed when Goddess Selena reached over, and released the tie between the handcuffs and the headboard. As she moved off my hips, she ordered me to get on my hands and knees on the bed. She began with a flurry of little taps from the rattan cane. As soon as she told me to keep count aloud however, the strokes came in much harder and stingier. I had barely reached ten when she switched to the much heavier purple lexan cane. I had difficulty staying in place for the next ten as Goddess Selena didn’t let up despite the more severe striking implement. Despite her evident radiant enjoyment of the caning and my reactions to her ministrations, she decided then that it was time to switch things up again.

Part 2 in a few days: markings, hogtie, clothespins, subspace kissing, and more.

Courtesy of The Heart's Dark Desires
- - - - - - - - - -

We’ve been a social media hiatus, as you have likely noticed. Please accept our apologies if you’ve left comments or reached out to us. I’ll try to catch up over the next few weeks. I’ll also try to clean-up the links.

A big thanks to Ferns for the warm feeling she gave Goddess Selena and me recently. In a short exchange of tweets a few days ago, she mentioned that we had been “super quiet all over the place.” We’re sad that it has been indeed the case. But it’s feels nice that someone noticed.

Goddess Selena had left the handcuffs on overnight, and while she was still sleeping, I wrote most of this post, and began my morning activities, with my wrists still bound. I was quickly reminded how awkward typing is in handcuffs, and how dangerous simple activities like pouring cereal, and having breakfast, become. And yet, it brought back some of the D/s tension from the evening before, if only by proxy.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Longevity in D/s relationships - Cross-post (E)

From Mistresses and their Captured Men via Strawberry Mistress (seems inactive at the moment)

Hidden away from the world in the little bubble of D/s bliss Goddess Selena and I live in, my mind drifting, catching up on domestic duties while collared, leashed, and partially bound, with some occasional rituals serving Goddess Selena as the only interruptions, my thoughts kept gravitating around the concept of the growth and maturing of relationships that are heavily flavored by the D/s lifestyle and BDSM power exchange.

BDSM and D/s literature and social media are overwhelmingly focused on definitions and categories, meeting like-minded kinksters, transforming present relationships into kinky ones, how-tos, finding solidarity in fetishes, and sharing kinky playtime.  And all of those are cool…  Been there, done that…  A lot.

But there is not that much written, or discussed, on the long-term growth and maturation of D/s or BDSM lifestyle relationships.  And I wondered why.  One would think the challenges of the lifestyle in terms of added layers of interests (matching or not), communications, and the needs of relational dynamics that tend to be particularly demanding, would present much to explore, discuss and share.

I shared these thoughts with one of bloggers, and kindred spirit, I respect the most, hmp, and we conspired to respectively produce posts that would discuss this issue. After a few exchanges, hmp was first off the blogging starting line back on Thursday, and I took advantage of his insightful reflections to write this present post, undoubtedly the longest ever on this blog. So go to the bathroom, get a drink, and have a seat. This will take a while. hmp’s original post can be found here, and the parts that I copied (all but the Valentine’s Day wish to all at the end) appear below in bold and italics. And keep in mind that both voices belong to submissive males...

My friend and fellow blogger Dymion recently pointed out the lack of information available on achieving longevity in D/s relationships. There is plenty out there on ways to find a partner but precious little advice on how to make a relationship last.

Every person and every relationship is unique. D/s relationships are by definition more complicated than vanilla relationships. What has worked for Her Majesty and I over the past 27 years would not work for everyone.

That said, I believe D/s can help keep the romance in a relationship fresh, exciting and vibrant. The key is making sure your relationship is based on a firm foundation of love and trust. What follows are a few suggestions based on personal experience:

1) Establish compatibility before tying the knot. Establishing kink compatibility is not a guarantee for future success but it should be considered a necessary condition for achieving it. Your partner does not have to like all of the same things you like but she should be open minded about kink, accept you for who you are and be willing to explore. 

As the celebrated mathematical expression goes, “…a necessary but not sufficient condition...” The instances of “transforming” someone into the scene are rare and not often long-lasting. The presence of some kind of D/s spark or magic from the start is important, a sense of exploration is essential, and acceptance is non-negotiable.

2) Practice open and honest communication. Your relationship will not reach its full potential without honest communication nor can you hope to solve the problems that will inevitably come up if you can’t talk about them honestly.

Open and honest communication is critically important in every intimate relationship, and all the more so in a relationship where D/s or BDSM plays a key role. The additional layers of depths of such relationships, with the possibilities of greater convergence or difference between the individuals, make the need to communicate even greater. EAR (Explore, Acknowledge, Respond) listening should be practiced  on both sides, with a sincere intention to understand and find win-win scenarios.

3) Nobody has it all. We rarely possess everything we desire in life or balance everything in our lives successfully. Try to be realistic and honest with yourself about what you can reasonably expect from a D/s relationship. 

The intensity and thrills of D/s interactions impact the reward area of our brains in an incredibly powerful way, especially on the submissive side. They are addictive and there is often a sense of never having enough. But without balance, the unfettered raging of D/s and BDSM oriented desires is self-destructive, and through resentment for the one not meeting for those needs and desires, the lives of our partners. Balance, grounding, a real sense of how this can work within the relationship, and strong communications, are the foundation.

4) “No fault assurance.” The blame game is self defeating. When you point the finger at your partner you should see two fingers pointing back at yourself. You are in this thing together. Never let petty resentments or a festering grudge divide you.

The space between acceptance and resentment is often not very large. And disappointment makes the defining lines blurry. But blaming the other, and/or blaming ourselves, leads nowhere. If the relationship is based on common interests, good communications, and a sincere sense of exploration, then emotionally investing into addressing issues, realigning wants/needs/desires, and finding win-win scenarios is part of the game.

5) Every minute can’t be play time. If you think it through you will realize this fantasy is not only impossible but probably not even desirable. In any case it won’t happen so best to know that up front.

Wait… what? It can’t? Well, maybe there is a submissive somewhere that is living out the Beauty Trilogy. But for the overwhelming majority of us, the fantasy is ultimately not realistic in terms of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (which will eventually catch-up), nor does it address the demands of the real world (and there are consequences to this.) Again, balance and communications are essential.

6) Practice flexibility in D/s roles. Sometimes it doesn’t work to filter everything through a predefined set of protocols. Even if she is naturally dominant there will be times when your lady needs you to take charge. She may need a strong protective arm around her or a shoulder to cry on. There may be times when your ideas are beneficial to the relationship and should be heard regardless of who is dominant or submissive. Wear your D/s role like a loose garment rather than an impenetrable suit of armor.

D/s dynamics will be sliding across several spectrums relative to the different areas of the relationship. “Serving” also means being strong for the other when the need arises. And sometimes even taking the lead for the benefit of the one being served and the needs of the relationship. Rules and protocols are there for a reason, but underlying purpose and arising circumstantial needs require a deeper interpretation of those rules and protocols.

7) Accept downtime and appreciate the little things. There will be times when unforeseen circumstances will mean taking a break from D/s activities for a period of time. The key to survival is acceptance. During times of inactivity take comfort in the little things that reinforce your D/s romance; a tender foot massage or a furtive kiss on her booted toe.

Economic and financial issues… Geographic relocation… Changes in employment…  Significant health issues… Major stress at work… Family issues… Life happens! Sometimes things aren’t perfect because of external factors that are way outside our abilities to control or influence them. It’s acceptable that the “normal” flow of things may be interrupted. Communications will play an especially important role at this point. And keeping the D/s pilot light on through minor rituals and random acts of submissiveness will go a long way toward being able to bring the heat back up when the time is right.

8) Practice flexibility In Play. Be open to trying new things and changing your routine. Play style is bound to evolve over time. Be open to change and go with what works not just for you but for your partner. 

“Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.” (~ Glenda Cloud) A strong sense of curiosity, a willingness (or need) to learn, and a thirst for exploring new things and experiences are all part of how we grow. The momentum of the new discoveries and new experiences must be allowed to overcome the inertia of routine and comfort. And above all, awareness of the natural process of change overtime, in all facets of our lives, allows us to become active participants in that process.

9) Many subs lack a dominant woman in their lives to serve and play with who loves them for who they are. If you are one of the fortunate few never forget to count your blessings and show your lady how much she means to you both in word and in deed. A little gratitude goes a long way.

There are few needs as powerful as the need to belong, to be part of something beyond ourselves, and to be appreciated in some kind of way by others. Being appreciated, respected, and loved as we are, and for whom we are, is an incredible gift in any kind of intimate relationship. A little gratitude goes a long way, and a lot of gratitude might even bring everyone into a D/s frame of mind a little more often...

And finally, I would like to add one more point.

10) There are few influences, forces, and drives that impact us more in our lives than habits. When active decision-making is replaced with habit, dynamics get reinforced and nervous system wiring gets stronger. But if a conscious decision is made to reinforce D/s dynamics, hopefully without expecting immediate gratification, and acted upon through little not-so-random little acts of submission or dominance, and through daily or weekly rituals, that wonderful D/s tension remains ever-present. Especially in such an intense rewards-based behavior. And opportunities for D/s fulfillment increase. It’s difficult to go from zero to sixty, but if the car never comes to a halt, then anything is possible. “If you believe you can change – if you make it a habit – the change becomes real.” (~ Charles Duhigg)

hmp and I would be delighted to hear from anyone who would like to add to this topic. Or disagree. Or contribute. We know there is much more wisdom out there, and more experiences to be shared and to build on. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with either one of us if you would like to take part.

From Slaves of the Goddess (seems inactive at the moment)

Sunday, January 26, 2014

What I love the most about being Goddess Selena's submissive (E)

Artwork courtesy of Freya's Fancy, found on Girls Rule, Subs Drool

I'm not a huge fan of Fetlife. Several years ago I eventually became a little tired, perhaps even irritated, with it. Too many discussions focusing on definitions again and again. Too many threads started with an agenda of provocation. Too many posts that read like fake and/or bad wank fodder. But I occasionally return to see what's going, even if it may be several months between visits. Despite my complaints, it is certainly unparalleled in scale as a BDSM social network and resource.

Yesterday morning, on one of these occasional visits, a post in one of the well moderated discussion groups I tend to favor, Submissive men and women who love them, struck my fancy. The OP asked: "Tell me what you love the most about being a dominant woman's sub?"

I smiled and began giving a bit of thought to the question. And then I reflected on what I love the most about Goddess Selena's submissive today in contrast to what I loved in our earlier days, the evolution of our relationship, and how our relational dynamics and our activities have evolved over time. Because so much has happened over the time we've been together, impacting so many facets of our lives. The nation’s economic downturn. Geographic relocation. Changes in employment. The significant time demands of our jobs. Significant health issues.

And I decided that I loved the stability and centering that our D/s relationship has given us. While the frequency and duration of our formal playtime and BDSM games have always been susceptible to the overall time we have together and the energy we have at those moments, I feel that the spirit of the commitment we made to each other at the time of Goddess Selena collaring me has never wavered. In part because of our caring and love for each other both through our respective D/s roles, and regardless of those roles. And in part because of the daily rituals, and their related activities, we have come to cherish so much. To quote one of my favorite Ferns expressions, these rituals and activities have been continually "close-making."

Artwork courtesy of JLB, found on Dommes and Subs and Switches, Oh My...

So this post gave me a warm feeling over the course of a few minutes of introspection. And it reminded me of the Glenda Cloud quote “Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.” 

And as to the original Fetlife post, with much satisfaction I replied:

What I love the most about being Goddess Selena's submissive? I can't really bring myself to give just one thing. It wouldn't do justice to what makes me so happy about being her submissive. With that disclaimer out of the way...
1- Being the focus of attention of a beautiful, sexy, smart, and dominant woman.
2- Making the life of someone I love and serve better.
3- Belonging to her... the warm feeling of being her boy, pet, play toy.
4- The nature of the daily banter between a witty dominant woman and her submissive.
5- The daily rituals we have that reinforce our D/s relational dynamics.
6- Being the object of her dominant and sexual desires.
7- Being with someone who appreciates, respects, and loves me as I am and for whom I am.
8- The rush of the tension and dynamics of a relationship where power exchange plays a big part.
9- Knowing that she finds her own enjoyment in the physical, mental, and emotional sensations she gives me.

"Me and my mistress" by zephyrianboom, found on Lunar Black