"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Please Pause for a Sexy Interlude (S)

Dymion and I haven't had much time to play lately. Our living circumstances are not conducive to the privacy we really need to let go and explore. However, we have managed to supplement our activities with what I like to think of as deviant interludes.

A couple of nights ago we made it happen. When he returned from the shower I was dressed in a matching bra/panty set smelling sweetly of oranges from soap and perfume. I laid on the bed and slowly watched him walk in. The smell and warmth of his skin was pretty overwhelming. I wanted him close. I needed to kiss. I needed to be the center of his universe for just a little while. Within seconds his locking collar was back around his neck....MINE.

Now let's see:
1) Blindfold (check!)
2) Rope (check!)
3) Hankerchief (check!)
4) Clothes Pins (check!)
5) Naked Pet (check!)

I am sure you can use your own imagination as to where the props came into the interlude. But I will elaborate a bit more. Once completely secured in his rope, I mounted his stomach pushing my body against his. SOOOO WARM. The light caresses soon turned to penetration in a position we don't often explore. I was on top of him. His hands were tied in over his head, his legs were tightly bound to the dresser at the end of the bed. He was defenseless to my desires. So, I stayed there, found an excellent position, and began moving rhythmically at my own pace. Eventually I reached climax.

Climactic Factors:
- the rhythmic waves we created
- awesome noises from my pet
- the visual of seeing my darling dymion helpless (and I suspect loving every bit of it).

In. fact, I know he loved it. When I reached orgasm I laid down next to his bound body and gave him his orders for the night. He was to bring himslef to climax lying on his back, feet tied tight, and blindfolded. This is an unusual request coming from me. Dymion has never reached orgasm in that position. But he didn' want to disappoint me. So with the pressure high to keep the Goddess happy he worked hard on the effort. I occasionally helped him by bestowing intense pain on many of his sensitive spots and reminding him softly that he was doing this for me and only me. There wasn't much waiting after that.

This may just sound like another scene to those who actively play, but I can reassure you that this was one extraordinarily HOT INTERLUDE. Maybe it wasn't 3 hours in a professional dungeon, but for those few minutes it was just him and me... alone... together... beautiful... Dominant...Submissive... Doing the deviance that deviants do....and with a lotta love!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Relational needs - Part 2 (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://ridingwild.tumblr.com/

As a follow-up to my
first part on relational needs, I wanted to return to Willard F. Harley Jr.'s book "His Needs, Her Needs." One of the key points he tries to make is the following:

"Become aware of each other's emotional needs and learn to meet them."

In a sub-section titled "His needs are not her needs", he says that he's been able to classify ten major emotional needs:
1- admiration
2- affection
3- conversation
4- domestic support
5- family commitment
6- financial support
7- honesty and openness
8- physical attraction
9- recreational companionship
10- sexual fulfillment

In innumerable interviews done over the course of more than 15 years, Harley discovered why it was so difficult for men and women to meet the needs that are so important to the other. When he asked couples to list needs according to their own priorities, the men listed them one way and women the opposite way. "Of the ten basic emotional needs, the five listed as most important by men were usually the five least important for women, and vice-versa."

So clearly there lies three major obstacles for two individuals to be happy together:
1- identifying the other's needs
2- understanding the other's needs
3- fulfilling the other's needs

But before going further, I'm curious to know: How are the ten emotional needs influenced or affected by the dynamics of a D/s relationship? A femdom one in particular? Do the power dynamics permeate through all ten of the emotional needs? Most of them? Just a few of them? Or only sexual fulfillment?

So the four questions I put out there for you today are the following:
1- What are the five top emotional needs in your relationship for you?
2- What are the five top emotional needs of your partner?
3- If you are living in a relation that you consider to have a strong D/s component, how are these emotional needs influenced/affected by the D/s dynamics?
4- How well are you bridging the gap to meet your partner's needs?

As a side note, you will find three polls on the upper right of our blog. I encourage each of you to take a few moments to fill out two of the three polls that would apply to you. Let's see what you come up with in terms of gender differences, and where people think there may be emotional needs that are altered in their nature by a D/s lifestyle or not.

I'm sure the answers vary as much from one specific D/s couple to another as the lists of emotional needs do from one vanilla couple to another. But considering the basic premise of the difficulty in having a man and a woman in a relationship having a similar list of priorities, and the belief that most people in the lifestyle have that a D/s dynamics adds a whole new layer of complexity to the relationship, it seems particularly important for us to wade through this attentively, otherwise there is really no chance on either side for happiness.

If you are going to fill out the polls (and I'd really like to you to do so), please do it now before reading further.

* * * * * * * * * *

So let me share with you some thoughts on how these ten emotional needs play into the relationship between my Goddess and I, and specifically what role D/s plays within each of those needs. Of course, this is meant only as an illustration of how one particular relationship works, and it's certainly not indicative of how any relationship should work.

Since this post is already getting pretty long and unyieldy, I will start with just one, and andI'll follow up with the other nine over the course of other blog entries in the future.

Admiration: A sentiment we both have for each other, and that we often express to each other. My Goddess is my biggest fan. She is quite vocal in her admiration of what I do in the real world, and of my personal qualities. I'm her biggest fan also, and I am unreservedly enthusiastic about both her accomplishments and her personal qualities, to her and to people around us.

In relation to D/s dynamics, I think that this element is a huge part of our play. This mutal admiration plays out in opposite direction, as her admiration for me makes me a more attractive target for her dominant desires. The fact that she sees so much in me makes it more enticing for her to control me, to dominate me, and to own me.

On my side, my admiration for her makes it easy for me to want to serve her and worship her. When given the opportunity, getting things ready or doing things for her gives me a sense of higher purpose. It's easy to want to treat my Goddess well because I admire her so much. Appreciating how wonderful, smart, funny, caring, beautiful and sexy she is, and how important she is in my life, the distance between admiration and worship is not great. Add to that the element of her dominance, and the emotional need of admiration is one that is not only an important one for us, but one that keeps up close together, and one that has become colored by the D/s dynamics of our relationship.

Am I meeting all her needs in this area? How can one ever be sure? I think I'm doing a decent job, although I keep looking for ways to do better and do more. In view of how much I admire her, it's just a matter of making sure she knows how I feel.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Toys for the road trip (E)

Artwork courtesy of Dark Angel Designz, via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

Do you have any idea what's going to happen? Neither do I. Well, a general idea, of course... but not exactly. Be that as it may, my Goddess will have some options...

Striking instruments:
- 3 paddles (1 hard plexiglass, 1 leather, 1 leather with metal rod inside);
- 2 swatters
- 3 floggers (1 small-latex, 1 medium-purple suede, 1 large-leather);
- 1 leather crop
- 3 canes (1 x 30" rattan, 1 x 24" twisted hard plastic, 1 x 30" purple lexan)

- 1 x 1.25" locking leather collar (the one my Goddess locks on me every night to go to sleep)
- 1 x 2.5" locking collar
- 2 sets of locking wrist cuffs
- 2 sets of locking ankle cuffs
- 2 x 30" bendable metal padded ties
- 2 leather blindfolds
- 3 gags (1 x ball gag, 1 x leather gag (large), 1 x O-ring gag)
- 2 dog leashes (1 x 24" medium links, 1 x 30" large links)
- 1 x 50' rope leash (clip-on)
- ropes (35', 25', 2 x 12.5', 2 x 6')
- a dozen small locks
- 10 double-ended clips

- 2 Wartenberg wheels (extremely sharp)
- 50 wood clothespins (full-size)
- 30 plastics clothes pins (full-size)
- 25 plastics clothes pins (small)
- 1 set of sounds (8)
- Candle
- Testicule stretcher
- Gates of Hell
- Cock harness

Anal play:
- 1 Betty's Jelly Bumble Bee strap-on (8.5")
- 1 leather harness for strap-on play
- 1 dildo (6") for strap-on harness
- 1 dildo (9" with bead pattern)
- 1 large anal vibrator
- 1 prostate massager
- 1 thin vibrator
- latex gloves

And it's hard to believe, but we're leaving some other stuff behind...

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Miss you more (S)

Dymion has been working a lot lately. Gotta love a powerful man, right? The appeal for me is simple. I can watch him teach a class or serve on a panel. I can hear him discuss the hot topics in the world and be blown away by the wealth of knowledge he has and how he expresses it. I love how some people are annoyed by this as if it is egotistical. I love that some people are truly impressed all the information. I really love it when he truly reaches a student, a participant, or some listening to him.

But above all else, I love the fact that this amazing, well-spoken man belongs to me and would lick my boots at a moment's notice. He would work his magical hands and mouth to bring me to the ultimate climax anytime I need him to. He is 100% there for me. Always. He is a wonderful, smart, sexy, funny, loving man...but he is also a hell of great pet for his Goddess. I truly have the best of both worlds.

Thank you , Dymion for these last 20 months we have been together. I feel more lucky every single day.

Picture courtesy of Male Submission Art

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Morning goodbye (E)

Artwork courtesy of Madame Says, via Female Power

It's time to go to work... each on our side...

She must leave first, and comes over to see me while I'm sitting on the edge of the bed...

Standing next to me, she pulls me closer by taking hold of the permanently locked chain around my neck... she grabs my hair... snaps my head back... and gives me a kiss...

She releases my hair but leaves her hand there...

She slips her other hand down my chest, from the top, under my T-shirt...

She pulls on my chest hair... hard... and tells me she loves doing that...

Her fingers are searching for her target... she finds my right nipple...

She squeezes the nipple... adjusts her hold... gets a better position with her nails...

She pulls on my hair again... harder... cocking my head back even further... and increases the NT even more...

She tells me she'll miss me today... and kisses me again...

She releases both holds, and puts both hands around the base of my throat and neck... she squeezes gently... just to hear 3 or 4 labored breaths...

One more kiss while she enjoys listening to my breathing... and just like that, she's off...

I'll miss you too, my Love, I'll miss you too...

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Relational needs - Part 1 (E)

Artwork courtesy of Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

Differences in the relational needs of partners have always been of interest to me. It has been especially fascinating to observe and find out more about differences in relational needs in D/s relationships, since there is, in addition to having the element of gender, the elements of dominance and submission, fetishes and kinks, and specific play activities and scenes.

Of course, there is no way to tackle such a huge subject in one blog entry. But I hope to push gradually further in this area over the course of several entries as time allows.

Let me start with my own adaptation, for the purpose of today's reflections, of a few elements in the introduction of Willard F. Harley Jr. 's book "His Needs, Her Needs", one of the most celebrated (vanilla) books on couples and marriage.

"(1) Couples fail to make each other happy, or (2) couples make each other unhappy. In the first case, couples are frustrated because their needs are not being met. In the second case, they're... hurting each other... the first cause of conflict, failure to care and the second, failure to protect."

"... Men tend to try to meet needs that they value and women do the same. The problem is that the needs of men and women are often very different and we waste effort trying to meet the wrong needs."

"Become aware of each other's emotional needs and learn to meet them."

These important and insightful comments are true for any type of relationship, vanilla or D/s. Especially for those in the lifestyle, as nowhere can the mismatch of needs be greater than in D/s relationships. Additional levels of activity, interaction, and intensity render these relationships particularly complex and challenging. A kindred spirit to share fantasies, aspirations, intense and unforgettable moments, and love, is rare and priceless, and to lose such a precious person to carelessness or ignorance would be a real shame.

Why am I focusing on "emotional needs" per se? Because ultimately differences in needs in time spent together, vanilla activities (family, work, hobbies, financial management, etc...), fetish and kinks, BDSM scenes and play, relational dynamics, and even the amount of love felt/perceived from the other partner can all lead to emotional resentment. Many differences in a couple can be avoided or worked out, but by the time emotional resentment sets in, it can be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to recover. The communication landscape becomes littered with minefields and obstacles, and the connection between the partners gradually diminishes or can be severed all together.

Do I have definitive answers for all femdom relationships? No, of course not. My Goddess and I are discovering and forming our own. Some of the answers to the magic of our dynamics are the result of our extraordinary fit, and we understand certain factors, after the fact, as they've been part of lives for a while. Some of the other answers come to us through communication and experimentation. Yet others will come as move further into our relationship, and delve deeper into who we are as individuals and as a couple. And all the while, expressing and fulfilling who we are as individuals and as a couple.

To be continued...

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Hair control (E)

Artwork courtesy of Masochistic Beauty via Dischevelled Domina

I'm a short hair kind a guy. I've always liked it that way. As soon as my hair reaches the top of my ear, or that I can spot that it's long enough to not stand up on its own, it's time to swing by the barber's place.

The drawback, of course, is that this routine doesn't allow my Goddess to indulge in one of her favorite activities, hair pulling. Sadly, my sense of the functional doesn't always present her with the opportunity to reach for my hair when the mood strikes her. And we both miss that.

There's something very powerful about having my Goddess grab a hand full of my hair, and bringing me close to her, directing me in the direction she wants, or keeping me still.

She may want to look deep into my eyes, hungry to exert her dominance over me. She may want to make sure I'm totally focused on her while she tells me what she wants, what she wants to do to me, or she just teases me. She may want to have a kiss right then and there. She may want to exhale a drag of her cigarette into my mouth. She may want to direct me to pleasure her. She may want to use my hair as a lead to have me follow her. Or she may simply want to hurt me, one of those little moments of benevolent sadism.

Control... physical and mental. Dominance of her will and desires over mine. A display of her ownership of me. Such a simple action, such a powerful reaction.

Just a few days ago, I was sharing with my Goddess that I was planning on getting my hair cut as soon as I found a little time to go to the barber's. I was totally taken aback when she said no. My Goddess made it clear to me that I wasn't to cut my hair in the next two weeks. We do have some opportunities coming up for some extended play, and it looks like some serious hair-pulling is in the plans, among many other things.

I've been thinking of what is to come, and what may come, incessantly since that moment...

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Stream of consciousness (E)

Image courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

Just so incredibly busy... far too much time away from the One that means everything to me...

Tension building up... fed by the lack of each other's physical presence... of each other's affection... of each other's wit and humor... of opportunities for our D/s dynamics...

Finally... a day spent together... and yet, we were never alone enough... places to go, things to do, people to be with...

The late night came... finally just the two of us...

She smelled so good... felt so soft... tasted so good... sounded so hot...

She needed more... more of me... to feel... to hurt... to own...

It was all too brief... but so totally stellar-intense...