"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Faith (E)

Faith is a gift.

Faith allows you to believe.

To believe in sometime, somewhere, somehow, something, or someone.

Without faith, there can be no believing.

Once faith is loss, nothing can bring back the belief.

I have been blessed with the gift of faith.

Along with love, there is nothing more inspiring, more liberating, and more fulfilling.

I have been blessed with the gift of faith in the One, my One.

Faith in my friend, my love, my soulmate.

Faith in Selena, the goddess of my dreams, and the inspiration of my life.

I believe in her, in everything she does for me, and in everything I can do for her.

I have been blessed with the gift of faith in her, and her faith in me.

And never have I felt so much beauty inside than when she is alongside me.

Monday, June 29, 2009

A few favorite quotes (E)

Drawing credits go to DS1147 on Photobucket.

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do till you require.
~ William Shakespeare

There was no reality to pain when it left one, though while it held one fast all other realities faded.
~ Rachel Field

We tend to think of the erotic as an easy, tantalizing sexual arousal. I speak of the erotic as the deepest life force, a force which moves us toward living in a fundamental way.
~ Audre Lorde

To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself and so to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the breaking of bread.
~ James Baldwin

Ordinary life does not interest me. I seek only the high moments. I am in accord with the surrealists, searching for the marvelous.
~ Anais Nin

"Be careful Anais, abnormal pleasures kill the taste for normal ones."
~ Eduardo, (Anais Nin's Cousin in the movie Henry & June)

At times, it is strangely sedative to know the extent of your own powerlessness.
~ Erica Jong

Ritual is the act of sanctifying action - even ordinary actions- so that it has meaning: I can light a candle because I need the light or because the candle represents the light I need.
~ Christina Baldwin

Understand the preciousness of the unfulfilled desire. Begin to feel appreciation for the fact that the desire exists, rather than instant disappointment that it has not manifested.
~ Anonymous

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing to share in the scary stuff".
~ From The Ethical Slut by Dosie Eastman and Katherine Liszt

If you are meant to be in the lifestyle, you will find that, where you were once only walked through life, you will be gliding on air. Parts of you that never were complete will then become whole. In relinquishing control, I have found freedom: freedom to find and be the person I am inside.
~ Miria Hunter

Thou art to me a delicious torment.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

My kink is better than your kink? Never! It is just our way of doing things. What we all need to remember is my kink and your kink is, in the end, OUR kink and we really need to learn to stand together and respect one another for our individuality as well as our collective identity.
~ Miria Hunter

Ultimately, the purpose of a flogging is to inflict pleasure.
~ Mitch Kessler

Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.
~ Elizabeth

For me, the goal of any of the BDSM activities is to break barriers and boundaries, sending me into a more primal, raw connection...to erase the civilized conventions and attain that connection, space, where there is no skin, no outer layers, but simply raw primal emotion.
~ Stacey

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Lazy days of summer (E)

Picture courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

I was woken up by my Goddess' nails yesterday morning as she was running them over my chest and nipples, occasionally focusing on the latter with some scratching, pinching, pulling, twisting, and biting. Every once in a while, she would run her nails all the way down my torso to my privates, again stopping for a few moments to focus on some localized CBT torment that included drawing deep grooves along the sides of my penis, and some scratching, pinching, pulling, squeezing, and twisting of the C & B (evidently, techniques useful in more than one area...). In a few instances, she found some soft areas where she would just dig her nails in and continue the pressure until I had to squirm or shift because of the intensity of the delightfully intense pain she was inflicting.

My availability to my Goddess was complete on this beautiful day with few things on the agenda, and this wake up call was a sign of things to come...

After a wonderful breakfast at one of our favorite watering holes, we drove to a few places to do some shopping for a variety of household items. A few hours later, tired from our shopping, hours of walking, and unwinding from the stress of the week, we returned home with one thing in mind... a mid-afternoon nap.

But napping is rarely a simple activity in this household. This particular one included my usual locked collar and locked leather handcuffs, blindfold, and spreader bar. My Goddess was intent on me being right by her when we fell asleep, during the nap, and when she woke up. So within just a few minutes, I was bound on the bed with my feet roughly 30 inches apart, collared, blindfolded, and with my hands tied to the top of the headboard of the bed.

As a I continued to slip into subspace, she layed her head on my chest below where my right arm was extended to the top of the headboard, and she had her left thigh coming across my waist. In the growing fog of my mind, reeling from the present scene, and relaxing into surrender and the intoxication of her control, I felt her fall asleep just a few seconds before I drifted into sleep myself.

I awoke a bit later, and fell in and out of sleep several times over an impossible to tell period of time. During my moments of consciousness, I felt drunk in subspace and captured by her dominance, exquisitely fulfilling moments of belonging, submission, and surrender. Then my right shoulder started aching...

What probably constituted the second half of the nap was punctuated by fewer moments of sleep, and for the most part I was awake lying next to my Goddess, awaiting for her to wake up, but for many reasons, also not wanting her to wake up rght then. I had mixed feelings about the combination of the peace brought on by my predicament, the eroticism of the slight but growing discomfort of my right shoulder, and the uncertainty of how long I would remain in this positon as my Goddess enjoyed her blissful sleep.

Eventually my Goddess woke up, and after some gentle teasing, she released me from my bondage. Her post-sleep voice was deep and sexy, her touch sensual yet strong, and the hug and kiss we shared just a wonderful close to some delightful hours intimately shared.

After dinner, my Goddess pulled up some linked femdom videos from blogs and sites she was reading. One link led to another, and we probably spent half-an-hour checking out video clips, and talking about them. Both inspired by the titillating conversation, some sexual service was clearly called for, and the office chair on which my Goddess sat turned out to be an exceptional (and convenient) venue for the spur of the moment inspiration.

A few minutes later, satisfied from these further moments of intimacy and D/s, we moved over to the bathroom where we were going to take a shower together. But m Goddess' hunger had not yet been quenched, and seeing me bent over the bathroom sink for a few moments, she ordered me not to move, and stepped away for a few moments.

She returned with a hard paddle with holes, and after two strokes on the right cheek of my backside sticking out, she came down with a harder blow that left me incapable of remaining in position. After the warm, hurtful impact of the paddle, I felt the reverberations course through my body, and I was stil shaking a bit as I tried to resume my position as quickly a possible. With playful and teasing compassion, my Goddess offered to move on to the left cheek to make sure that things remained in balance. Two gentle strokes came down, and a third slightly harder one finding its mark, again I was unable to remain still.

She admired her artwork on my skin, warm, red, and patterned by several small circles, the signature of the hard, unforgiving paddle she had chosen. While I could tell she wanted to go on, and I had resumed my position bent over the sink for my Goddess to continue, she compassionately decided that I had had enough, and put away the paddle.

My backside definitely felt a new wave of stinging when I got into the shower with my Goddess, but it quickly dissipated by the time the shower was over, even if I remained quite red. Once dried off, my Goddess put back my usual collar and hand/ankle cuffs, and we got ready for bed.

It had been a very good day, and despite fatigue and tiredness setting in, I was sad to see it go. We couldn't get close enough to each other as we fell asleep for the night.

Friday, June 26, 2009

On service... (E)

Picture courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

Getting my Goddess' coffee ready in the morning before she gets up, preparing her shower with towels and required supplies, helping her get ready for work, preparing her food, cleaning up after meals, making sure she always has something to drink, holding her ashtray, running for errands, or serving in a myriad of other ways are all service for the sake of service within our D/s relationship. Service doesn't have to be sexual.

I think it helps to be serving within that larger relational context, that of our love for each other and our D/s dynamics. Without that, perhaps the individual acts of service would not mean as much, and service would be enthusiastically done only if there was a sexual element to them. But in the former greater framewok, service is very satisfying and meaningful as it makes her life easier, more pleasant, and more fulfilling, all things that I know are deeply appreciated by her.

To a certain extent, service is about going beyond what my Goddess wants and requires of me. I think that the true merit of one who serves is in the initiative. Being told to get a task done is one thing, pre-emptively meeting needs, and/or meeting them beyond expectations, when applicable, is even better.

Service coud/should even be extended to emotional support and being a good companion/partner, a further blurring of the lines where our D/s dynamics and our overall larger relationship overlap. Overlap... or does there really need to be a difference?

Not to say that sexual servitude to her isn't addictively mind-blowing and doesn't provide a deep sense of both surrender and satisfaction. But it's only one aspect. And I think that dealing with the mundane and routine so that she doesn't have to is particularly rewarding because of the element of altruism, of a greater good, of sacrifice for the other.

The symbolism of it, combined with the sense of my ownership by her, make even the smallest gesture of service a matter of pride and dedication, and that is why I enjoy service to my Goddess.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A Day with Dymion In Chronological Order (S)

Drawing courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/ and the awesome Sardax.

  • I love that moment of Zen as I wake up...groggy...yet realizing I am starting another day with my prince.
  • I love looking over at him and running my nails down his chest (and other places).
  • I love the sounds he makes as he slowly wakes up to my devious mischief.
  • I love it when he gets up to make my coffee and brings it to me bedside.
  • I love it when he sits on the floor beside the bed and just smiles as we have our morning cigarette.
  • I love holding his hand for just a second longer as I walk out the door to go to work.
  • I love hearing "love you more" as the door closes.
Then I head to work *bummer sigh*. But soon it's lunchtime!
  • I love going to lunch with my prince.
  • I love our mid-afternoon chat (even if it's icky work stuff).
  • I love looking at the clock around 4:30p and seeing it is almost time to go back home to him.

*relief sigh* Yay! I'm home!

  • I love the "click" as the collar locks...that's hot.
  • And then there is playtime...yeah, I love that...really love that. Did I mention I love that?
  • I love the post-cigarette.

*satisfied sigh* Ok, bedtime now...

  • I love getting tucked in.
  • I love the ankle cuffs occasionally grazing my leg under the covers (I love that ownership).
  • I love rolling over onto his chest and breathing in that "dymion smell"...he smells soooo good.
  • I love that moment of Zen knowing I just finished another day with my prince.
*"life is perfect" sigh*

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Of love and human bondage (E)

Picture courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

Ever since my very first fantasy in grade school of being captured and tied up by girls, there's always been something very comforting about bondage for me.

Maybe it's the feeling that I don't have to run or fight anymore. Perhaps it's the eroticism of surrender. Maybe it's the counterpoint to my strong streak of independence and autonomy is real life. Perhaps it's about leaving the initiative in the will of a woman. Maybe it's about the control and the sense belonging. Or perhaps it's a little bit of all of the above... and more.

One of my very favorite rituals with my Goddess is the placing and locking of my leather collar each and every single time we get home for the evening, or the rest of the day, as the case may be. Then, once I'm done with my duties that will require my hands being wet for extended periods of time, such as cleaning and washing, the wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs are placed and locked. And none of them will be removed until such a time I must leave the house with my Goddess, or that I need to shower to leave the house for work.

Another favorite ritual is simply the fact that every single night, I sleep with the collar and cuffs on, sometimes clipped, or not, depending on how my Goddess feels. Or if she was in a slightly different mood, I go to bed in the rope bondage she put me in.

This evening, I needed to finish some housework that would have me go to sleep a bit after my Goddess. Even without her immediately present in the same room, I felt her ownership of me in a very tangible way because of the bondage. The bondage of the collar and cuffs, the bondage of the locks, the bondage of the fact that I don't have access to any of the keys, and the bondage of the house I cannot leave. Indeed, the bondage of her dominance and of her love. Even if the trust is total between us, she sometimes coyly refers to my predicament as "extra security"...

Sometimes the bondage can be very restrictive... a hogtie position... tied to a rack in an uncomfortable position... tied to the bed... tied to a chair... all of which are like stepping on the gas pedal to go from zero to subspace in a matter of minutes, if not seconds. Regardless of the "why" for that reaction, whether it's a product of socio-cultural experiences, genetic wiring, behavioral conditioning, a need to release tension from my role of authority in every day life, the intensity of past associated emotions with bondage, or simply the powerful erotic and sexual imagery that my mind reacts to, bondage has a intensely powerful on me. The fact that I am put in that predicament by a beautiful, wickedly smart, and wonderfully creative dominant woman that I love more than anything in the universe just makes it incredibly powerful and addictive.

The D/s dynamics of our relationship is fueled by the emotions and headspace created by bondage. And the bondage, repeated daily, reinforces the dynamics of our D/s relationship. Even when free to move without bounds or gear, I feel it... I feel her... The fact that we are so close in real life, so co-dependent on physical contact, that every moment apart from each other in physical proximity is painful, makes it so that the ties are always there. Restrained or not, I cannot escape her... I don't want to escape her... I want more of her... more of her dominance... and I can't wait until the next moment when she asserts her dominance, and her ownership of me, by placing me in bondage...

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Marks of love/submission (E)

Pictures courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com

Scratches along the upper arms... Scratches on the upper back... Nipples are sensitive... Bruises on the chest and upper arm... Redness on the backside...

Four scratch marks in front of my hips on each side where my Goddess was holding on while she was taking me with her strap-on until she came to climax. Flogger streaks along the side of my back. A few straight marks on my backside from her holding back a little less with the cane.

God... I so love it when she leaves marks on me...

I know that for some, post-play marks are a badge of honor. Something that they love to sport, demonstrating something about themselves, whether it be toughness, endurance, kinkyness, or the kind of play they are into. For me, post-play marks aren't about me, they are about my Goddess. That's who is they are for... who they honor. While those marks are powerful reminders of scenes, activities, emotions, and headspace, they are first and foremost marks of ownership and belonging, of her dominance over me and my submission to her, of our intense and passionate love within the context of our D/s relationship. Or is that our D/s relationship within the context of our intense and passionate love?

After spending an entire day together, and having a stretch of perhaps 30 hours in the immediate physical promixity of each other, only apart for maybe 15 minutes total during that time, we still couldn't get enough of each other. Our play was intense, sensual, powerful, erotic, fulfilling, and generally just totally mind-blowing. And I woke up this morning needing more... longing for more... hungry for more... desperate for more....

Right now I'm sitting alone wearing the locked collar, locked wrist cuffs, and locked ankle cuffs that are our ritual when I am at home with her, while my Goddess is still sleeping and I'm writing this entry. The continual tactile sensations of the collar and restraints are more symbols of her ownership of me and my belonging to her. Their effect is that I'm confined to the inside of our home, bound to our physical space, bound to our love and relationship. And yet I've never felt more free in my life. Because freedom is about being unbound spiritually inside ourselves, free to let our souls sore where they may, and about self-expression, and letting my soulmate express herself, without bounds or limits.

And I can't wait for her to get up... I can't wait to see her eyes and her smile... I can't wait for us to be doing stuff together... anything... and I just can't get enough of her...

Saturday, June 13, 2009

I Love Him (S)

picture courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com

As dymion and I approach 3 weeks living together, I can't help but continue to look at him and be thankful. I have this beautiful, honest, and open relationship with my perfect prince, my "one", my only, my sub, my lover, my best friend...the list goes on and on and on and on. Probably no one but us would like to hear about it, but I can't help sharing my good fortune.

I spent the whole day with him today. What started as going out for a quick bite to eat, turned into a quest to find Exit to Eden (Incidentally, not an easy movie to find!). We never found it. I guess I will have to order online, but it was still fun. I have never had a boyfriend who would take me to Best Buy, the mall, and the local sex shoppe...particularly not all in one day.

He is walking my dog right now...one of his many duties as the Sub/Man of the house and I can't wait for him to come back to me. Minutes away seem like hours. How am I so lucky? How did we ever live apart? When did I become half of one of those nauseating couples I used to bitch about? :)

Life is funny, but for the first time in years, I am loving it.

Friday, June 12, 2009

The chair (E)

Drawing courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

After the dialogue on expressing fantasies in real-time, and talking about doing a scene we had not done before, Goddess Selena and I had dinner. Within a few minutes of finishing eating, she had me bound to the office chair. She clipped the locked leather handcuffs I always wear at home behind the back of the chair, placed a leather blindfold over my eyes, and clipped the locked leather ankle cuffs (that I always wear at home...) together. I had already been wearing the locked leather collar which inevitably goes on shortly after I arrive home. And then she disappeared for a few minutes...

And there I was, already on my way to subspace just from our little experiment, bound, alone, full of anticipation, awaiting to see when she'd be back, and what she'd be bringing back as accessories.

The first thing she did when she returned was to place a ring gag on me, increasing my sense of vulnerability and yet not compromising the quality of the sounds she so loves to hear when she's playing with me. Then, she tied my knees together with a piece of rope, teased and tormented my nipples for a bit, turned the chair, and I heard the camera shutter go off...

I was disoriented, slipping further into subspace, and reaching that moment where the anticipation and nervousness were giving way to a peaceful sense of surrender, of belonging, to the inevitability of her dominant pleasure.

She sat on my bound thighs facing me, lit a cigarette and blew smoke into my mouth... How I love everything that comes from her... and the feeling that she can do absolutely anything she wants to my mind and body. She did that a few more times, punctuated by short moments where she brought the tip of her cigarette near each one of my nipples. The accelerated breathing and the deep moans that I emitted just seemed to edge her on, tormenting my nipples some more, and running her long nails deeply along sensitive parts of my body.

Good to her promises, she switched positions and sat sideways on me. The weight of her body and the closeness of her warmth were wonderfully overwhelming, and added to the sense of restraint from the bondage. In what had to be the D/s mental highlight of the evening, she whispered in my ear how she enjoyed my predicament and how she was tempted to leave me like this overnight. On hearing that, I fell deeply into subspace, disoriented, head spinning, totally hers. I fell completely out of touch with reality. There was no longer any sense of the physical world to me at that point but her voice and her touch.

She stood up for a moment, told me to pull the chair forward just a bit with my feet as she helped with a push on the back of the chair, and then she seated herself fully on me. She started working on the computer as I sat there lost in subspace, anchored only by her presence, her weight, the fragrance of her skin, and the occasional sound of her voice. I completely lost my sense of time. But I was in my Goddess' complete control, and there for as long she needed, as long as she wanted. It couldn't get any better...

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Expressing fantasies... real time... ( S & E)

Picture courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com

Intro (E):
Such a big part of the D/s journey, and exploration in BDSM, is the sharing of fantasies, needs, and desires. The follow-up, of course, is submitting to them on the sub side, and willing them to happen on the domme side. The actual realization of the scenario depends on who brings them up: the scenarios should happen pretty much as described if they are expressed by the domme, and serve as inspiration if expressed by the sub, if the top finds interest, fit, and potential fulfillment in the general direction of the proposed scene.

This kind of sharing and communicating is very different from scripting a scene. Done in good faith, between two individuals that share a deep connection and an exceptional level of trust, this is the path to exploration, discovery, and moving further/deeper into the journey.

The critical moment of breaking the ice and stepping into previously unexplored areas, however close or far from what has happened, often remains an awkward, sometimes even embarassing one. Simultaneously curious and fascinated by the mechanisms and dynamics of breaking new ground, I proposed to my Goddess that we actually write out in real time this process, documenting our exchanges by writing them in this blog entry, with minimal verbal communications. She gracefully and enthusiastically agreed, and following is the result of our experiment. Hopefully, we'll follow-up with another entry within the next few days to talk about how things actually turned out. Unless, of course, we get so turned-on by what we're doing that we never finish the discussion and we get to the scene very quickly...

* * * * *

Dymion: Now that we have some pieces of furniture with some real kink potential, it occured to me that we haven't really explored bondage or any kind of BDSM activities with them, except for the bed. Just within reach we have a great office chair, a rocking chair, and a high-stool. If nothing else than bondage happens on/with them, I think that we could have a lot of fun with them...

Selena: Did I tell you how hot you looked today, my prince? But I digress, in response to your suggestion, we also have the chair made for playing video games...close to the floor...it rocks. We would have to use the rope, of course, since it doesn't have any handles of any sort. However, I am also intrigued by the office chair. Lots of possibilities with the arm rests and such. Can't decide.

Dymion: God... I'd forgotten about the low-chair... We actually talked about its potential about a week ago. I think that it should be quite possible to work with it without rope. Arms behind the seat would probably prevent any kind of escape from it. And thank you for the compliment...

Selena: You're welcome. I hadn't thought your arms behind the seat...I was visualizing arms tied to your sides...rope around the chair. We hadn't tried that position yet. Not sure how tight I can make it as I am still a bit of an amateur at rope play, but I will certainly try to keep you secured to prevent escape. And I am sure you would have patience for your Goddess to experiment a bit.

Dymion: Of course I would... I know the rewards that come from my Goddess getting a chance to express her creative dominant self... But I still can't decide what would be the most intense... To be so restrained under your continuous delicious torment, or torment interspersed with segments where you leave to do other things while I'm left bound and isolated. The physical stimulation in such a helpless position would be many-fold amplified for me, and yet, those moments of isolation bring about an overwhelming sense of vulnerablity and being in your total control...

Selena: Hmmm...it is not a question of which one to do, but rather which one to do FIRST. I do enjoy watching from a distance on occasion. I come in to check on you from time to time...kiss your forehead...share the smoke of my cigarette...torment a bit (just a tiny bit). I am thinking the office chair might be where we start the next bondage scene as I will be quite sure you can't get away. Is there anything I need to interrogate out of you? Secrets you are hiding from me? Passwords unrevealed?

Dymion: You know I hold no secrets from you, my Goddess. But I'll invent one if I need to... Knowing your skills, though, I don't know how long I can hold on to it... I love the idea of starting with the office chair. The possibilities are endless and intoxicatingly alluring: the long arm-rests, the 5 support legs, the wide back... I think I'm starting to feel weak in the knees already. And then there's the accessorizing... what will you bring to play with once I'm bound? Once I'm in your control?

Selena: You will need the blindfold as I don't want you to anticipate my next move...I might use the gag for a little while...I hate to muffle your sounds, but I find it is very symbolic of punishment. Other tools...well...what would be the fun in letting you know everything to expect? One thing I will bring, most definitely, is the camera...

Dymion: Now my head is starting to spin... In-between these exchanges, I'm having flashbacks of moments bound and tormented in our makeshift dungeon in the closet. The combination of a difficult bondage position, moments of being deprived of my senses and a connection with the outside world, moments of intense stimulation and pain... But back to this scene, I feel weak just thinking of the helplessness, the vulnerability. And yet, I love giving up my ability to move, giving up my senses, giving up my mind and body to you. The more I give up to you, to your care, to your dominance, to your dominant self-expression, the more intense I feel that sense of belonging to you, a feeling I love and I need, a feeling I live for.

Selena: I could light a few candles....perhaps some Enigma in the background...play off and on for hours in between doing other things around the house...There you would be when I felt the need to return and stimulate my prince. Or, I could watch a movie and simply sit in the chair as if you weren't even beneath me. Could I do that? Feeling the warmth of your skin...hearing you breathe...hard to imagine I could objectify you in quite that way when my need to be connected to you is so present in my every thought. Well...I might be able to objectify for a little while, but then I would yearn to go back to the torment, the self-expression, the possible wee bit of bloodshed depending on my tool of choice. Wow....it appears we have many possibilities here.

Dymion: OMG... I never tire of the mood that Enigma creates while we're playing... I can almost smell the candles... And the sitting on me thing... wow... feeling the warmth and smelling the fragrance of your skin... feeling the weight of your body on me... serving to please my Goddess in a brand new way. I'm just about on the verge of begging for you to do that part right now. We do have many possibilities, and the anticipation is starting to make me edgy. I think that the moment I half-expected in this experiment, that of needing to close off the dialogue so that we can move on to some play, is nearly here...

Selena: Very nearly here. Silly Selena thought she would be getting to bed early tonight...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Have you thanked your sub today? (S)

My prince, dymion, and I just moved in together a few weeks ago. This is my first 24/7 BDSM relationship. I am so used to having limited time with him between work, real life, etc. Suddenly I feel like a kid in a candy store. Whatever shall I do with all this wonderful time?

Sometimes I watch him sleep. I truly stare in amazement. It is hard to believe I found this man. We once lived on almost opposite ends of the continent yet somehow we found each other. I finally have him in my bed, collared, committed, mine. It is really a dream come true for me. There is something really powerful and rewarding about taking care of someone who loves to serve. It makes other partners seem so one-dimensional. Suddenly my life is in 3D. Things make more sense. Though beyond cliché, I must say it seems I see more color in the landscape, softer edges to mountains, and brighter stars in the sky.

We are still creating his list of duties and rituals to follow. However, I have also assigned myself a task (I’m the Goddess…who else would do it?). I promise to regularly let him know I appreciate his actions and efforts. I appreciate the fact that he is there for me through thick and thin. I appreciate his service, his dedication, and his love. I want him to know that the warmth in my heart is because of him and what he does for me. Just like in any relationship, it is hard work and that should be recognized and celebrated.

So, the question is…have you thanked your sub today?

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Weekly report (E)

Drawing credit goes to Nebulos 22

Highlights of the week, in no particular order:

  1. every night sleeping in bondage gear: locked collar, locked wristcuffs, locked ankle cuffs; some nights the cuffs were clipped;
  2. sexual service while in bondage;
  3. foot play/worship;
  4. anal play/torture;
  5. domestic servitude: in addition to the usual housework, cleaning, and cooking, some new furniture set-up;
  6. extended nipple torture;
  7. deep nail play;
  8. biting (the marks just started fading after several days);
  9. nipple torture that led my Goddess to climax;
  10. CBT;
  11. attending a BDSM munch;
  12. light breathplay;
  13. and some more sexual service... just because my Goddess wanted it (see post from a few days ago).
I just... can't... get... enough... of my Goddess... So totally addicted to her...

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Living 24/7 and expectations (E)

Living a D/s relationship 24/7 is...

  1. ... being available to my Goddess' will and desires 24/7, not expecting Her to indulge my every fantasy 24/7.
  2. ... serving my Goddess to the best of my abilities whenever it is necessary, not expecting Her to be putting on a performance for me every minute of every day.
  3. ... being submissive while with my Goddess, whenever She needs me to be and wants me to be, not expecting Her to be dominant 24/7.
  4. ... not being afraid to be myself, and not expecting my Goddess to be anything else than who She is.
  5. ... sharing and communicating my interests and desires, not expecting my Goddess to script Her life around what I want.
  6. ... sharing and exploring my Goddess' interests and desires, not expecting that Her interests and desires are any less important than mine.
  7. ... finding fulfillment in my submission to my Goddess, not expecting that She will get everything She needs from simply being my domme.
  8. ... understanding that at different times my Goddess and I may be in different moods, may be in the mood for different activities, may be up for different intensities, and may need different play frequencies, not expecting that we are always in sync 100% of the time 24/7/365.
  9. ... making a genuine gift of my submission to and for my Goddess because of how special She is and how She makes me feels when I'm around Her, not expecting instant and constant reward and gratification just because I want to be submissive to Her.
  10. ... based on the strength of both the dominant and the submissive, for there is no power to exchange if there is no power to give or to take.

As He Kneels Before Me (S)

Picture courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

I was lying on the bed and Dymion was on the floor. We were just talking and smoking a cigarette. I really thought it would be one of those "early to bed" kind of evenings...we both had a long day at work. But then I realized...He looked so perfect in the dimness of the bedroom. Collared, smiling, looking right into my eyes. I grabbed him and said I wanted sexual servitude right at that moment. He obliged. Wow...he really obliged. It was perfect. Not a moment of foreplay...he entered me right then...why? Because that is exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it, and the fulfillment of my need - any need - is his purpose...so awesome. Of course, I love all of the other things that often do lead up to a sexual encounter, but at that moment I simply could not wait to feel him. There was something about that power...grabbing the ring on his collar...pulling him close. I decided when we were finished...I decided when I was satisfied with the encounter. Damn. It was really hot. He is out fetching dinner for me now. What a wonderful pet.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

A sense of belonging (E)

Picture courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

Selected definitions of belonging:

Webster Dictionary:
1- That which belongs to one; that which pertains to one...
2- That which is connected with a principal or greater thing...

Merriam -Webster Online Dictionary:
- close or intimate relationship... a sense of belonging

- happiness felt in a secure relationship

- the state of being accepted and comfortable in a place...

Is it necessary to be in a D/s relationship to feel a sense of belonging? No... certainly not. Individuals feel a sense of belonging being part of churches, companies, their families, sports teams, professional orders, activities, gangs, and many other social groupings

However, there's something about belonging to someone within a D/s relationship that is incredibly powerful for me. And there are certain things that reinforce, perhaps imprint even deeper upon me that sense of belonging.

As someone with submissive desires and fantasies since early childhood, that sense of submission has always inspired a sense of belonging, and I guess in a strange kind of way, comfort. Perhaps in reaction to my strong sense of autonomy and power in real life.

The act of submitting to a dominant woman in a BDSM scene or context has always quickly brought about, among other things, an emotional sense of belonging, if a certain level of trust had been established/reached, however short that time period had been. In part, that may be why dominant play partners have appreciated my ability to "let go".

Exponentionally more intense and powerful has been my sense of belonging to my Goddess, Selena. Never have I felt such a connection, such a level of trust, such caring, albeit in a dominant and often sadistic kind of way, as I have with her. The depth of our connection, of our relationship, of our love, has deeply impacted my sense of belonging to her in our D/s relationship. And the symbolism of gestures and objects has been amplified manyfold, reaffirming, reinforcing, imprinting this sense of belonging, an emotion or feeling that has been deep-rooted in me for a long time.

This sense of belonging to her, and my ownership to her, culminated in me being collared by her. While I consider that moment one of the most important and most extraordinary of my life, that was ultimately a confirmation, a formalization, of the D/s component of our relationship. Over a period of time, the surrender of my mind and body to her, my willingness to be available to her dominant will and desires 24/7/365, my need to be the canvass for the expression of her dominance, as been a reflection of how simply divine Selena has been and what feelings, including that feeling of belonging, that she has been able to inspire in me.

I absolutely cherish the collar she gave me for my collaring. Especially since it is one I can wear discreetly in the mainstream world. I am all tingly with excitement in the morning when she chooses to place locking leather ankle cuffs under my work clothing as we get ready to leave our home. I feel privileged and honored when we return home and she changes my more discreet collar for a locking leather one, which remains on me until such a time I must leave the house again, or shower; it is often on for 8-12 hours at a time, and sometimes more. I quickly slip into subspace in virtually anykind of bondage she may place me in when we play. I love that as she went to bed early this evening, I was kept in collar, and ankle/wrist cuffs, all locked, making leaving the house, if not her side, impossible for me.

Lack of freedom? No... on the contrary... I have never been more free. Free to explore... explore inside me... help her explore inside her. Free to follow this part of my life's journey. Free to express who I am and what I am. Free to be who I am and what I am to her... with her... Free to share my every thought with her. Free to accept her every thought, her every mood, her every action... just her... as she is... as beautiful and brilliant and vibrant and wonderful as she is.

And this is why this sense of belonging, of belonging to Selena, so resonates within me. Somehow, I have never been as free by myself as I am belonging to her.