"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I love hotels (E)

Image courtesy of http://nylonjane.com/

I love road trips with my Goddess. I love our overnight stays. There's something exotic and exciting about spending time somewhere new, no matter how humble the accommodation or ordinary the excuse. We both always look forward to the inspiration that strange hotel rooms provide us with, and inevitably, because of the anticipation and excitement, some kind of scene always breaks out. And because some kind of scene pretty much always happens, the anticipation and excitement is always very high when we have to be on the road.

Business taken care of, a few sights taken in, a great meal at a restaurant, a drink at a bar on the way back, I held my Goddess closely in the elevator, occasionally kissing the side of her neck gently, and we walked back to our room holding hands. Once inside, we took off our jackets, and got more comfortable. As our ritual goes every evening, I retrieved the locking leather collar and presented it to my Goddess. She quickly took the collar, buckled it around my neck, and locked it in place.

"Get me your cuffs!" she said right after. Hmmm... inspiration strikes again? Or is it that overnight stays at hotels mandate stricter dress codes? In any case, I did not want to keep her waiting, and brought them back to her quickly. In no time, after I removed a few more layers of clothing, the wrist cuffs and the ankle cuffs were in place and locked.

My Goddess looked radiantly and divinely dominant, sitting on the side of the bed, with me kneeling below her. I could not help but to take up one of her feet in my hands and start kissing gently her toes, the top of her foot, and the arch of her foot, many, many times. She reclined back, resting her upper body on her elbows, enjoying the tender sensations of my foot worship. As I began licking her toes, I heard a deep moan come from her, and I noticed her throw her head back. She was as lost in the moment as I was...

Several minutes of foot worship and delicately massaging her toes with my tongue later, my Goddess rose from her trance, grabbed the central D-ring of my collar, and pulled me up onto the bed. Clearly, she was ready to play a more active dominant role.

Sadly, the subspace I was in at the time, and that further deepened as the evening went on, has blurred heavily in my mind the sequence of events that followed. However, here are some of the highlights that left indelible marks, pun partly intended...

It had been a little while since my Goddess had had a chance to wield any of the canes. I remember her using at least two of them, and she pushed me with both her beloved violet hard-plastic cane and the rattan one. She increased the tempo and the intensity until I could no longer remain on all-fours on the bed, twisting blindfolded and bound while the reverberations took over my body completely, and then echoed out. And then she grabbed the second cane, and in less than two dozen strokes, brought me back into the same physical and mental state.

I also recall my Goddess cooing over the improvised bondage position she put me in a bit later. She used an extra pair of ankle cuffs as anchors around the bed posts at the head of the bed. The size of the bed, and the shortness of the anchor points stretched out my arms fully, to the point that my head was also up on the headboard. She commented that she couldn't remember ever having me quite so stretched out this way. I could feel her glee through the subspace and the blindfold. Very proud of her artwork, she took a number of pictures for her to keep enjoying my predicament at other times.

In this position, and with my ankles cuffed together, I was open and vulnerable to a number delicious little tortures she so delights in putting me through. CBT, NT, scratching (her nails were particularly sharp that evening), some flogging... anything to see me writhe and squirm, to hear me moan and exhale, to feel me trembling under her touch...

Still being a bit sore from the previous evening of lovemaking, my Goddess was not looking for sexual servitude from me, but rather, what she calls entertainment. When she tells me, "Entertain me!", I know that I am expected to bring myself to climax while she continues to play with me. There is an incredible sense of control on her side, and surrender on mine, when she makes such a request.

I can feel how empowering it is for her to have me do this, and for her to control the pace, the duration, and the intensity through the pain she causes. There's something so incredibly submissive about being ordered to reach climax on demand for the entertainment of my Goddess.

After cleaning up and preparing to go to bed, my Goddess left my cuffs on, and we went to sleep while I was still partly bound. She loves holding on to my cuffs while falling asleep, and I love both the sensation of being in her control, and the feeling that she doesn't want to let me go.

Image courtesy of http://www.young-goddess.com/ via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Predicament love making (E)

Image courtesy of http://soumis.tumblr.com/ via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

My Goddess places the leather collar around my neck. She is sitting on the bed, and I am kneeling before her. She very deliberately clicks the lock in the back of the collar. The wrist cuffs are next. Gently but firmly, she straps them around one wrist, and then the other. She reaches for the small locks, and clicks those in place. Finally, the ankle cuffs go on, and those are locked on also.

She asks for the double-ended clips. I start standing up to fetch them, but a curt "Ah!" from my Goddess stops me in my track. I get back my knees instinctively... I should have known. The carpet is very rough on my knees while I crawl over to the toy bag on all-fours, but I still return to her as quickly as possible.

My Goddess clips the wrist cuffs together in front of me, and then the ankle cuffs. I remain on my knees as she reclines against the headboard. I reach for one of her naked feet with my bound hands, and pull it toward me. I begin kissing each of her toes gently. I do it a second time before moving to the top of her foot. She tells me that she loves feeling my "little nose" as I'm covering her foot with kisses. After a dozen kisses over her foot, I come back to the toes. I kiss each one of them, and then again in the reverse order. I go back to the top of the foot for another dozen kisses. I finish with two more passes over the toes. I move on to the other foot. I do the same pattern. She remarks upon the softness of my nose again, rubbing against her skin while I inundate her foot with kisses.

I can feel my Goddess totally in the zone. I'm also in the zone, but in a zone at the opposite end of the spectrum. She moves away from the headboard and toward me. From my kneeling position, I move my head forward as her hips move close to me. She opens her legs, and puts her feet on my shoulders. I gently begin to lap at her. She lies back completely, but on her way down, she takes hold of my hair, pulling me in just a bit deeper into her. It is barely just a few minutes before she reaches a thunderous orgasm.

Upon reaching the peak of her climax, my Goddess pushes on my head slightly so that I can no longer reach her with my tongue. She crosses her legs behind my neck, forcing my head to lie against her lower abs. I can feel the power of the tremors racking her body.

As the waves of pleasure quiet down, my Goddess uncrosses her legs and lets me go. She sits upright in the bed, grabs hold of the central D-ring of the locked leather collar, and pulls me up and toward her. I try to climb onto the bed, but it is unusually high, and with my feet bound, I need to put my hands down on the bed, and a come up with a short hop.

She keeps pulling on the collar, and I am forced to adapt and change position quickly. She lies back, bringing me over her. I almost fall on top of her. I catch myself, planting my bound hands over her head. She smiles. The clipped wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs make for a very awkward position. She knows. She still wants me inside her. She reaches for my nipples... hard. Something else is very hard. She knows that too. And she wants it inside her. I slip my cuffed hands under her neck, right above her shoulders. With the slightly improved position, I gently slide inside her as she guides my penis in. She returns to teasing and hurting my nipples. The angle is still uncomfortable, and she loves it. She hurts me more. I try to find a better fit by moving my knees a bit, and crossing my feet, still clipped together. She has no patience for my maneuvering, and digs her nails into my nipples even harder. I exhale loudly and plunge into her almost fully.

I'm still in an awkward position, and my Goddess absolutely loves it. She shows no mercy, and gives me no choice. This is how she wants me to fuck her, and she increases the torment and the torture of my nipples. Clearly, I am expected to reach climax like this, and give her what she wants. That's OK because I so want to. I so have to.

I'll take from my Goddess' reactions that the position, and what I did, worked for her, although I know my predicament was a significant part of her enjoyment. On my side, despite some less than ideal positioning, it did not take much time to reach a massive orgasm (I'm almost feeling the tremors again just wrtting about it.)

I kept shaking as I bent my elbows and pressed my chest against her, with my cuffed hands still under her neck. I uncross my cuffed feet and once more try to find a comfortable position while my heart rate and breath slow down.

A few minutes later, after some cleaning up, and my Goddess enjoying my hobbled walk to the bathroom and back, both of us are spent, and ready to crash and fall asleep. She leaves the bondage gear on me. I lie on my side, facing my Goddess. Facing away from me, she snuggles, backing into me. She reaches over to pull my arms over her as we put the final touches on our spooning position. She securely grabs the D-rings of each wrist cuff, looping her thumbs through them, ensuring that I can't move very much, and we almost immediately drift off to sleep.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Chastity: what it means to us (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://lunarblack.tumblr.com/

My pleasure belongs to my Goddess. She loves being in control, and she especially enjoys being in control of when and how often I have orgasms. She loves being the only source of my sexual pleasures. My sexual satisfaction belong to her.

Several recent posts on the blogosphere, some by very respected bloggers such as Lady Grey, Mistress Milliscent (10/10/2010)Ms. Marie, saratoga (and here), Aarkey, and many more, have discussed chastity from several different perspectives. Chastity with or without chastity devices. Chastity and chastity devices as part of relationships.

Enforced chastity through the use of devices, like the CB-series of devices, or some of the beautiful pieces from Ms. Lori, are not part of our play. It doesn't make what we do any better or any worse than what other people do, it's just our way.

Chastity for me is hard. Very hard. And my Goddess knows that. I'm an everyday, or every second day kind of guy. And while BDSM scenes are extremely satisfying and fulfilling for me, and I have a need for such play on nearly as regular a basis, they are not conducive to me wanting sexual release. Heavy subspace and orgasms don't mix very well for me. I'm simply not in the same headspce. But it remains that in-between play time/sessions, my Goddess turns me on to no end, all the time, and the D/s-based nature of our relational dynamics only heightens how excited I am around her, and when I think of her. So waiting three or four days for release requires much self-discipline on my part, and if we close in on a week, I can feel myself edgy, irritable, and desperate.

Am I ever tempted to cheat? To sneak an orgasm while she's away? Yes. All. The. Time. Except, perhaps, the day after she brought me to a universe-shaking orgasm. But I don't cheat. I don't because I know how much she enjoys bringing me to climax, whether it is during sex (which is never without significant BDSM components), if she makes me have an orgasm while she watches, or if she forces me to reach climax during play. I would be devastated to have gotten an orgasm on my own earlier, and not be able to give my Goddess the satisfaction on my pleasure at the very moment she wants it. And I never really know when she'll want it, so I have to remain ready or prepared.

Chastity for us is about my devotion to her. It's about my Goddess controlling the relationship and controlling my urges and desires. It's about me being totally true to her, and fulfilling her wants, desires, and needs when and where she asks.

The hardest moment of the week to remain chaste? After sexual servitude. In the hours or days after my Goddess requires me to bring her to climax once or several times, in a variety of ways. There are few things that display as powerfully her dominance over me and my submission to her as the moment after I have sated her sexual hunger and she tells me after she's done, "Nothing for you today. You have to wait." During my time providing sexual service to my Goddess, the excitement grows in me as she becomes increasingly aroused, and seeing her reach climax almost brings me to the edge each time. But more often than not, the joy of seeing and feeling her have powerful orgasms is all I get, beyond the intense satisfaction of having quenched her desires.

While chastity devices would seem very erotic, and I can certainly see the appeal both in terms of how excited I would be to have something like that locked on me (the constriction, the restraint), and the freedom they provide (definitely removes the temptation), I doubt they will be part of our play anytime soon. The trouble and cost of finding the right fit, and hygiene issues (I am an obsessive clean-freak) outweigh in my mind what they would bring me in terms of additional pleasure. And my Goddess loves to see, and control, my struggle to remain true and devoted to her. It works for us. For now.

Could I go longer than a week or so? Surely if necessary, and if My Goddess requires it. At the same time, I expect that she would start having as hard a time I as would after a while, since my release is such an important part of her play. I think there are many similarities between Lady Grey and my Goddess in regards to this facet of our dynamics.

So there you have it... chastity... how it plays into our relational dynamics...

Monday, November 8, 2010

Her needs on a Monday morning (E)

Bound Men I, by Mind Abuse, via Lunar Black

Pulled from a deep in sleep, I barely notice any light coming from outside. I feel tension around my neck, and pressure on my right nipple that rapidly becomes a sharp pain. My Goddess is tugging on the central D-ring of the locked leather collar, pulling me closer to her, and what begins as nipple teasing fast becomes NT.

My mind is still foggy when my Goddess pushes me on my back and mounts my hips (without penetration). She reaches for more NT, taking occasional breaks to reach back for some CBT, or forward to take a hold of one of the D-rings on the collar.

My movements and moans reacting to the pain she's causing is driving her crazy... in the best kind of way. She begins to gyrate her hips over mine. She increases the intensity of the NT. I can't help but to squirm a little more, to moan a little more. She gets more excited and grinds her hips harder and hurts me more. The cycle rapidly spirals out of control. She slumps over my chest. She grabs once more the central D-ring of the collar, and keeps hold of one nipple, which she hurts until a whimper escapes from me. A huge climax rips through her body, which feels amazing to me, lying beneath her. I feel her heart beat against my chest, her breathing fast and heavy against my body.

In a matter of a few minutes, like a tiger pouncing and devoring a prey to satisfy its hunger, my Goddess woke me up and hurt me until she reached climax.

She moves off me, and sits back against the head of the bed, looking down at me smug, dominant, smiling. But I can tell she's still hungry. I can almost tangibly feel the waves of her dominance and her sexual energy. I move over her legs, and bring my head down between her legs. Instantly she reacts to my tongue. She grabs my hair and pulls me in. The build-up is quick and incredibly intense. Again, in a matter of just a few minutes, she once more reaches a huge climax, shaking for over a minute after she pushed my head away from her.

Once she recovers, we hug, she gets off the bed and heads for the shower. That was it. This morning was all about her. And I was thoroughly delighted in this unexpected start to the week, despite the unequal score in orgasms (2-0).