The power and intimacy of the strap-on: early writings (E)

Despite the fact that our strap-on play has kept getting more amazing, more powerful, and more intimate with each experience, I've always felt that this early text, dating from before the start of this blog, was one of my best efforts at trying to describe and express what "the strap-on experience" was for me.

Strap-on play has always represented one of the ultimate symbolic scenes of submitting to a dominant woman for me. An incredible visual of power exchange and surrender, there are few acts that represent dominance and submission for me, even within BDSM, like the taking of a male submissive by a dominant woman.

The intimacy and the D/s significance of fulfilling this particular fantasy made it so that this was something I wasn't sure I would ever experience, and frankly, was pretty sure I wouldn't want to share with anybody that wasn't someone that I had an absolutely extraordinary connection with.

As it should have become apparent by now, I have found that extraordinary connection, that extraordinary dominant in my sublime Goddess Selena. My lover, my friend, my domme, my soulmate, my One, it was but a matter of time before our relationship, and our menu of play, would lead to this ultimate act of submission to her.

Several weeks back, we had our first strap-on scene, and it was everything I could have ever imagined... and more. The power of our D/s relationship, and the depth of our R/L relationship, the trust between us, our level of intimacy, just made it so right that I would offer this to her, and that she would be the one, the only one ever, to take me.

We replayed the strap-on scene several times since, always in combination with other BDSM elements leading up to it, including one or more of the following: nipple play, paddling, bondage, smoke play, smothering, and wax play. I have never had a scene with her that wasn't absolutely mind-blowing, and that didn't bring me into deep, deep subspace, a tribute to her skills and abilities as a dominant woman, her enjoyment of her role as my domme, and a reflection of her caring and understanding of me. I have never had a scene that finished with strap-on play that wasn't simply one of those scenes that, if I were to never engage in BDSM play ever again, it would be the fulfillment and experience of a lifetime.

But our most recent scene together, our last evening together before she embarks on some travel for a while, was absolutely spectacular, and one of the greatest experiences of my life. And she has shared with me how much she enjoyed it too, how much it has meant to her.

We had started off the evening in our usual way, with Selena putting leather wrist and ankle cuffs on me, locking them, and placing my collar on, and locking it too. After clipping my wrists together, and doing the same to my ankles, my Goddess looked me over with a delightfully possessive sense of satisfaction. We then played a few rounds of Scrabble to decompress from our day at work, one of our favorite rituals. While in bondage and reflecting on my next word play, my Goddess took advantage of my position on the floor to come over, lie on top of my back, and she started to torture my nipples. This is one of our favorite positions as I'm quite helpless to stop her from doing pretty much anything she wants, at whatever intensity she wants.

Very quickly, even pushing my limits of what I endure for her, this play was not enough for her. My Goddess turned me over, sat on my hips, and resumed torturing my nipples by pinching, poking, pinching some more, caressing, and pinching yet some more, each time harder, until she came to climax. I cannot overstate the incredible flow of energy that moves between us as she causes such erotic and intoxicating pain in me and her enjoyment of my reactions to it. Is there anything so intoxicatingly erotic and powerful for a submissive as the sadistic enjoyment to the point of pleasure of one's Dominant?

Next came the blindfold. Being very sensitive to the stimulation of the senses, the placing of the blindfold is always an intense moment for me. The cliche of all the other senses being augmented is very much true in my case. Then, in the mood for retaliation and a little extra cruelty resulting from recent events, my Goddess placed a large leather gag in my mouth, something she doesn't do very often since she so enjoys the sounds I make under her dominant, loving, and not-always-tender care.

She then did something especially evil... she lit a cigarette. She knows how much I enjoy sharing smoking with her, and I do smoke almost only with her. This was both gentle and cruel torture to feel her there, enjoying smoking without me. The vision of her smoking I had in my mind, and the smell of her smoking next to me were quite overwhelming. She did add a little cigarette torture to my nipples, and the intense heat ran through my entire body each time she would do it, leading to those moments I refer to as reaching the Nexus, one of those incredible moments of total connection between my Goddess and me when I get to the point where I can't take anymore, but I don't want her to stop for anything in the world.

Finished with her cigarette, she turned me around, and clipped my collar to a leash that she had fixed to the bottom hinge of a door in our playroom. She added a little bit of paddling to our play, and since she's quite strong, I really felt it, even if she did not continue for very long. Obviously, she had other things in mind.

I could hear my Goddess shake some lotion onto her hand to lubricate her fingers, and in a matter of seconds, she was at work preparing me for what was to come, reaching deep into me, exploring, teasing, tormenting, and just overstimulating me from the inside.

A few seconds went by... Maybe a minute or two. While in retrospect, I now know my Goddess put on the strap-on at that point, I was too lost into subspace to notice or realize what she was doing.

She untied the leash from the door, reclipped the leash to my collar, and as I was, in cuffs, collar, blindfolded, and gagged, she led me on all fours from our playroom to the bedroom. My Goddess walked slowly enough for me to keep my head close to her right leg the whole time.

Once in the bedroom, she led me to the bed, and ordered me to climb onto it. With what little focus I could gather, I positioned myself appropriately, and my Goddess finetuned my position gently but firmly. And then it began... She slowly and gently pushed her strap-on inside me, little bit by little bit. Back and forth she went, gently, getting it a little deeper each time. Within just a minute or two, my Goddess had reached as far in as she could, enjoying all of my reactions, all of the sounds I made, each of them satisfying her and encouraging her on to more. She continued with small movements, thrusting further and pulling back repeatedly but not completely, making the movements larger in amplitude as I was reacting more intensely to her. Then she started increasing the speed with which she was doing this. And then she started to increase the power with which she was doing it. And then she did more of it... faster and harder than she ever had. And she made it last... longer than she ever had.

While we had had strap-on scenes before, and had had very intense and satisfying experiences doing them, the positioning on the bed, perhaps with the contribution of other factors, such as the change of room, the preceding activities, and the fact that this would be our last playtime for a while, made this scene even more incredibly powerful, intense, and yet intimate, than we had ever experienced before. The flow of energy from our power exchange was overwhelming. The sensation of surrender was overwhelming. The intensity with which she was taking me was overwhelming... she had never yet done it so forcefully or for so long. The closeness and intimacy of the whole scene was overwhelming. I was totally lost into my Goddess as she had reached deep into me, physically and mentally.

If I thought that our previous strap-on scenes had been exceptional, and had more than done justice to my vision of them as ultimate expressions of dominance and submission, that evening, we reached new highs... and new depths... and we have both been talking about it ever since...