"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Power exchange and the impulse to hurt (E)

I have been rather quiet on the blog writing side. It has been so busy at work, and when not at work, I have been busy at home serving Goddess Selena in any manner I can.  In addition, over time I have become quite the little perfectionist about my blog entries, so these require a fair amount of time to put together.  Hence, I do not always have the time, or the focus, to put these together when I get new things or perspectives to share.

But despite the diminishing frequency of our posts, there is much in the background that goes undocumented, and there is much I am thankful for, in my life with Goddess Selena.  As our relationship continues to grow and mature, so has my appreciation for our power exchange dynamics.  The symbolism of the Eternity Collar I have worn for her 24/7 for the past two years.  The daily wearing of a second collar that she ritually places and locks around my neck, which leaves there at all possible times.  Our daily rituals and what I do to take care of her (preparing food, fetching drinks, domestic duties, sitting on the floor at her feet holding her ashtray, coffee & clamps, running errands, drawing her baths, painting her toe nails, etc…)

All these little things bring me so much pleasure because they seem to bring her pleasure.  As her submissive partner, and a “pleaser” by nature, it brings me much joy to serve her and make her life easier when and where I can.  Her expectations of such things, and her expectation of such behavior on my part, feed and reinforce the power exchange dynamics of our relationship, in addition to giving me an addictive submissive high.

Image courtesy of Please keep you slave on a leash

On a side note, having been an observer of the scene for nearly three decades, I think that being a pleaser is a characteristic of those, males or females, who feel and live their submission deeply.  Without getting bogged down in what constitutes “real” submissives or slaves in the lifestyle, I do believe that those who are pleasers by nature tend to do better as bottoms/submissives/slaves than those who are not, regardless of trigger fetishes.

Our wonderful flow of power exchange dynamics is really composed attitudes and expectations on the one hand, and activities and rituals on the other.  Goddess Selena’s expectations of how we act, and interact with each other, as well as her expectations of what my appropriate behavior should be, are part of the attitude that I find so dominantly seductive.  The attitudes and expectations that I bring to the power exchange dynamics are my submission and my subservience to her needs and desires.  The actual rituals and activities that happen or follow on a daily basis are actually the fulfillment of the potential created by the power exchange dynamics between her dominance and my submission.
And then, there are moments when the attitudes and the rituals and the activities all avalanche and collide with mood and time and opportunity, and I feel Goddess Selena taken over by an impulse to express her dominance in more straightforward manners.  An impulse to put me, and leave me, in bondage.  An impulse to mark me with temporary tattoos (until she is finally set on the design of some permanent ones.)  An impulse to hurt me through caning, paddling, hot wax, CBT, nipple torture, and more.  These impulses come onto her suddenly and powerfully, and she quickly overwhelms me in sensations and subspace.  Even as those sensations and emotions freeze those intense moments in time, they add significantly to my desire to fuel my share of our power exchange dynamics.

I know the impulse to hurt, or to be hurt, can be found in BDSM play with random strangers or casual partners, in private or in public, or with professionals.  Been there and done that, more times than I can remember.  But I guess the point of this post is to express my immense appreciation and gratitude for the depth and richness of the lifestyle I share with my beloved Goddess Selena.  Our lasting, continued, and continual power exchange dynamics, with all the little intricacies that go in creating and maintaining them, provide a huge and never-ending source of joy and happiness in my life.  And I hope they do for Goddess Selena too.

Image courtesy of Divine Bitches via kinkftw and Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Retiring a collar (E)

With much sadness, my Goddess and I retired the locking heavy rubber collar this past week. Purchased six months ago, it had seen fairly heavy use as one of two collars in rotation since that time. The “clanky” collar, as she called it, had become her choice about half the time as she loved the noise it made from the four large double-rings that rang against each other and against my permanently affixed Eternity Collar with any movement I made.

I rapidly became quite fond of it as well as the 2” width and its rigidity made it feel more severe than the leather collars. More severe meant that I definitely felt my Goddess’ dominance and control more explicitly and forcefully when she chose this collar over the others, and it created in me a deeper sense of submission and being owned.

We were forced to retire it as the slit that was used for the locking buckle split completely open, making it unusable. Using the next slit would make it far too tight to be used safely.

The advantage of heavy rubber collars over leather ones is that they are very low maintenance and exceedingly easy to clean and keep fresh, important considerations for us as my Goddess keeps a collar locked on me roughly 10-12 hours a day on work days, and around the clock on non-work days. Exceptions to the latter are only afforded for outings in public and working out.

Their disadvantages are that they can pick-up a bit of a smell if not cleaned on a regular basis, they wear out more readily, and they can/eventually break. Good quality leather collars will stretch out with wear, and they do require upkeep, but they will last for a very long time (years) with a bit of care.

We are certainly not disappointed with having purchased it earlier this year. And I would not be surprised to find another one in our lives in the future. For now, the locking purple leather collar will become the daily mainstay, with an older all-black locking leather collar serving as an occasional alternate, while my Goddess decides on our next collar purchase.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Ain't no sunshine (E)

Sadly, Goddess Selena has been away for a few days. Hopefully she'll be able to return soon. I thought a little Bill Withers would be appropriate to express how much she is missed...

Bill Withers - Ain't no sunshine

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
It's not warm when she's away.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And she's always gone too long
Anytime she goes away.

Wonder this time where she's gone
Wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away.

And I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know,

Hey, I oughta leave young thing alone
But ain't no sunshine when she's gone

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Only darkness every day.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
And this house just ain't no home
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.
Anytime she goes away.

Lyrics from www.lyrics007.com

Sunday, October 14, 2012

"You don't make the rules..." (E)

Picture found on Femdom Resource

During some playful banter last night, Goddess Selena responded to a teasing remark from me by snapping back, “You don’t make the rules in this house!”

The mood that immediately ensued reminded me that I had wanted to find some time since last weekend for a post about how, in the days leading to then, my Goddess was on a noticeably more dominant streak. This translated into her being more teasing, more demanding, and expressing strict expectations of upcoming tasks. This time period also included an active return on Twitter, where she shared some of what was going on through her series of “It’s good 2B the Goddess…” tweets.

Image courtesy of Miss and pet (Tumblr account no longer active)

Our physical interactions were more intense as well. Goddess Selena took particular joy in us having the opportunity to have “Coffee & Clamps!” on three mornings (in four days), leaving my nipples little time to recover in between each session. Over the weekend, she unabashedly jumped on me after binding my wrists to the headboard of the bed. Without regards to my already exceedingly sensitive and sore nipples, she proceeded to bite, scratch, pinch, and torture them with a savage sensuality that I had not felt radiate from her in quite some time. The flow of energy between her dominance and the combination of my excitement and deepening surrender went back-and-forth, and grew with each exchange. The more I moaned and squirmed, the more she wanted to hurt me. The crescendo grew more powerful and louder over several minutes, and she refused to ease off until I reached a massive climax.

Image courtesy of Ms. Savannah Sly's Tumblr, found on Femdom Resource

Following long moments of closeness (while I’m trying to avoid any pressure against my chest) to wind down the incredible pitch of intensity from the previous few minutes, we fell asleep in each other’s arms. It was a deep, happy sleep that only comes from such moments of pushing ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Rituals and symbolic gestures (E)

Image courtesy of Cuckold Chronicle via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

I always find it fascinating to observe, and reflect on, the evolution of rituals and symbolic gestures in D/s relationships. From actions that begin rather innocently and become daily or weekly protocols, to things are given a significant amount of forethought and implemented as definitive symbols of domination or submission, D/s rituals and symbolism have inevitably evolve over time.

I look back with much pride and delight on what has come to be since Goddess Selena collared me several years back. The deepening of our relationship and interactions has been reflected in the D/s rituals, protocols, and habits we have developed. These actions, gestures, behaviors, and overall D/s dynamics have also helped keep us grounded through the vagaries of everyday life, in addition to providing us very enjoyable time with each other.

Image courtesy of Lunar Black - Desire for Submission and More...

So here is a list that I would describe as a dozen of our most significant rituals and symbols of Goddess Selena’s dominance over me, and my submission to her.

1- I wear an Eternity Collar 24/7/365. Goddess Selena retains the special tools for it (which she tells me she lost), and for all practical purposes, it can only be eventually removed if/when she decides it.

2- Goddess Selena places and locks an additional collar around my neck whenever I come back home from the outside world, and it does not come off until I must leave her presence again.

3- On any morning that we have time for it, "Coffee & Clamps!" is how we start the day. I must prepare and serve Goddess Selena her coffee (and refills), and I must be wearing nipple clamps until she is done with her morning coffee. I must also be leashed so she can keep me close by while she enjoys her coffee(s) and cigarette(s). The “Coffee & Clamps!” ritual usually does not end until her third coffee of the morning, and the nipple clamps only come off then.

4- I must be on the floor at Goddess Selena’s feet, holding an ashtray, any time she wants to smoke.

5- Any time I greet my Goddess (i.e.: when she wakes up in the morning or when I return from work), I must kneel before her and kiss each of her feet in an adoring manner.

6- On any morning that there is an expectation that Goddess Selena will sleep in later than me (which is the case most of the time), I must wear have the long house leash locked to my leather or rubber collar (whichever one she locked around my neck previously) so she knows I remain in the house. She will tug on the leash when she wakes up, pulling me in to her and letting me know she is ready for our “Coffee & Clamps!” ritual.

7- At her whim, when we have time to watch some of her favorite TV shows together, she will place me in bondage and use me as furniture for the duration of the evening. Usually, I while remain in bondage through the night’s sleep.

8- When at home, I must fetch, prepare, and serve all drinks, meals, and snacks for Goddess Selena. I remain at her beck and call for anything else she may require at any time.

9- Once Goddess Selena has locked a second collar (in additional to the permanent Eternity Collar) around my neck upon my return from the outside world, she keeps the keys, and only she can unlock/remove the collar, at the time of her choosing. This means that if the weather is right, I may have to run errands outside the house for her with the locked collar hidden under appropriate clothing.

10- The location of my Smart Phone can be tracked by Goddess Selena through a provider-based GPS system at all times. She can verify and keep track of my location at any time, and if necessary, I must account for my movements to her at any time if I did not warn her beforehand.

11- I must submit to Goddess Selena’s sexual and dominant needs at any time.

12- My own sexual/submissive needs are only met at the convenience and whims of Goddess Selena. This includes not ever providing myself pleasure until/unless she tells me.

Image courtesy of My Private F.

I will be interesting to see how these rituals, protocols, and habits will change over time. This post is as much an opportunity for benchmarking and looking back in the future as it is about thinking about where we are at the present time. Perhaps in a year, there will be another post, starting off with a link to this entry, talking about what else we have added to what we do each day as part of our D/s relational dynamics.

Image found on Thy Shall Love Thy Mistress, original source is uncertain.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Public display of ownership (E)

Image courtesy of Slaves of the Goddess

Yesterday, my Goddess took the opportunity to display her ownership of me in public in a subtle manner that left me a bit submissively tingly all over, as much over how she did it as the unexpected way in which it came up.

One of the side effects of wearing my Eternity Collar since my Goddess first locked it around my neck over one-and-a-half year ago is that it sets off theft detection devices in many stores. No, don’t worry about seeing me behind bars anytime soon. I set off the detection devices walking into, as well as walking out of, the stores. On the way into stores, it normally elicits a look of surprise on the faces of staff at registers or near entrances, to which I normally respond by raising my hands and shoulders up in the air and providing an expression of “I have no idea why it did that.” On the way out of stores, the alarm going off usually means a trip back to the register for staff to re-swipe some of my purchases, occasionally emptying my pockets, and trying my best to look innocent. Often this is followed by a piece of advice from staff that most likely I’m wearing a piece of clothing that still has its original anti-theft tag.

Yesterday, after a wonderful romantic lunch together, My Goddess and I spent the afternoon doing some shopping in a nearby town. One of our stops was a favorite large bookstore, where we spent about 45 minutes. Yes, I set-off the alarm on the way in. When that happened, I looked in the direction of the young woman at one of the sales registers (she was the only staff in that area), threw up my hands, and we both shared a quizzical look on our faces at a distance of about 7-8 yards. My Goddess, who had gone in a few steps ahead of me, which she always does when we expect I’ll trigger the alarm, looked at me with her usual knowing smile, and we went about our business.

Once we were done with our browsing, and we had finalized our selection, we headed off to pay. The same young woman that we had made eye contact with at the entrance was manning the only sales register available. She was perhaps early to mid-20s in age. She was very pretty, wore glasses, had multiple facial and ear piercings, and had a significant number of tattoos. My Goddess and I exchanged pleasantries with her as she processed the purchases and payment. And then, as we were about to leave, to prepare for the inevitable, I reminded her that I was the one who set-off the alarm on my way in, so I was likely to trigger it again on my way out. I apologized in advance, and told her that I seemed to have that effect on their theft detection device. The young woman said that sometimes such things happened, and provided me with the theory of the still hidden clothing tag that had never been removed. My Goddess chimed in that I did set-off alarms in many stores, and that I was kind of special that way.

After a round of laughs to this last comment, unexpectedly, my Goddess reached under the t-shirt and polo shirt I was wearing, exposed my Eternity Collar to the young woman by holding it about half-way up my neck, and said:

“His collar is probably what’s causing it.”

The young woman paused, looked with fascination at my heavy metal collar, and smiled.

Image courtesy of An Addiction to Submission, with the original source possibly being Femdom Empire

The three of us said goodbye, and my Goddess and I headed for the exit. I triggered the alarm as expected, we both turned to the young woman at the register, all three of us smiled, and my Goddess and I finally left the store.

As we walked away, I teased my Goddess on her boldness. She replied, with a big smile, that she just felt like it. I could tell she enjoyed showing-off. Showing off her possession… her pet… her toy… her control… her power…

While neither one of us could be sure the young woman we exchanged with would recognize the Eternity Collar, or know its significance, this very random moment provided both of us with a bit of an exhibitionist thrill. And who knows… maybe it left the young woman at the bookstore with a lasting, knowing smile too.

In a fortuitous bit of coincidence, this noteworthy event happened yesterday just as this is the first weekend in over a month that I have a few moments for a blog post. The timing could not have been more perfect.

Photo of Mistress Mischelle courtesy of Love Thy Mistress

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Afternoon's reverie: bondage, bathing feet, and more (E)

Image courtesy of Fettish via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

My Goddess was having a much-needed afternoon nap, and I was busy catching up on some domestic duties around the house. I was wearing the heavy locking rubber collar, and it was locked to a very long steel cable leash that my Goddess could tug on if she woke up and needed anything from me. We had enjoyed our “Coffee & Clamps!” ritual that morning, traditional on non-work days, and I could still feel soreness in my nipples hours later. As I slaved at the kitchen sink hand-washing dishes (pun intended), I had a moment of daydreaming that took me back to the previous weekend, to a delightful scene my Goddess created for the two of us.

In the early evening, Goddess had made good with the bondage threats from earlier that day, requesting the locking leather wrist and ankle cuffs. Upon me bringing them to her, she made quick work of wrapping them around my limbs and locking them in place. She used 3” clips to bind my wrists together, and then did the same to my ankles. In addition to whatever else was to take place, she was going to be entertained by watching me struggle through the rest of the evening fetching her things awkwardly with my hands and ankles bound, and making lots of jingly noises as the now five locks (I had been wearing the locking rubber collar all day) would swing and chime on my every movement.

Shortly after locking me in the restraints, my Goddess demanded a foot bath and some balm for her feet right then and there. At the time, I was still sitting on the floor at her feet in the living room. I got up, and made my way to the bathroom with quick, short jingly steps to retrieve some eucalyptus-spearmint liquid bath soap, her favorite foot balm, a face cloth, and a towel. In a second stage, I improvised a bowl to serve as a foot bath, and I filled it with warm water.

Back sitting on the floor before her, I took each foot and gently scrubbed it with the washcloth. The unmistakable smell of the eucalyptus infused water gave this tender scene a very sensual tone. The combination of one of our favorite smells permeating the air, me on the floor washing, rinsing, and drying my Goddess’ feet while she was sitting comfortably higher up, and the bondage restraints, all created powerful mental images and memories that the afternoon’s reverie gravitated back to.

Image courtesy of Written in the Water via Geek Domme

After drying her feet, I massaged and kneaded them with a plum-based balm. Once the lotion was fully absorbed into her feet, she told me to get her some light socks, and after the jingly trip to the bedroom and back, I placed them over her feet.

Seemingly satisfied with my care of her feet, Goddess Selena reminded me that I still owed her 71 strokes from a recent loss I suffered at her hands in our version of kinky-Scrabble. So she ordered me on all-fours, grabbed a recently purchased leather-slapper, and went to work on my back side. For 71 strokes. Yes, I counted them. She always expects me to count them, and she checks with me every 10 strokes or so.

Image courtesy of Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress via Geek Domme

While I got the feeling she enjoyed the paddling she dished out, she was somewhat disappointed that the leather slapper failed to leave impressions of the little stars that are cut-out of one side of it. Perhaps she’ll need more strokes the next time, or go harder, or we’ll have to get a wooden paddle with those shapes cut-out, in order for her to get the joy of little stars marking my backside.

I spent the rest of the evening at my Goddess’ feet, all cuffs still locked on and clipped, getting up occasionally when she needed a drink or a snack while we watched television, and holding the ashtray when she needed to smoke. Of course, whenever I fetched anything for her, she enjoyed my awkward struggle holding things with my wrists bound, my short-quick steps with my ankles bound, and all the noise my many swinging locks produced.

When it came time to go to bed, my Goddess left me restrained in the same way I had spent the evening, and she had me sleep nearly perpendicular to her so she could place her legs over my legs and back, using me as a body-pillow. She tends to sleep very deeply, and very well, that way.

As I woke up in the morning, I felt the locked cuffs restraining me before I had even opened my eyes. I remembered the delightful time we had the evening before, and I remained subspacey the rest of the morning.

Image courtesy of Cricketed's Blog

Saturday, June 23, 2012

New collar (E)

My new locking rubber collar, with my ever-present Eternity Collar below

My Goddess and I received a new collar for me this week: a superb locking rubber collar, higher and firmer than my usual leather collars. Despite being more rigid and more severe than the leather collars I have worn on a daily basis, it is still surprisingly comfortable, if more restrictive.

My Goddess loved it right away. There is something ironic about how a more imposing collar creates an impression of even greater submission. Upon first seeing it, she admired its more "ornamental" appearance. I think she enjoyed that it did not only serve very functional and symbolic purposes, but it also had a beauty to it, somehow enhancing my submissiveness in how decorative it looked.

She is clearly also quite enamored with the delightful ringing sounds the four attached rings produce with my every movement. My Goddess has "a thing" for watching me, or hearing me, being submissive around the house. Dominant entertainment, I guess...

On my side, I am glad to wear a piece with such symbolism that brings my Goddess enjoyment. Inevitably, this increases even further her sense of dominance and control over me. The latter, of course, makes me feel ever more submissive and subservient to her. The ying-and-yang of ownership and belonging...

Image courtesy of Make Me Yours via Girls Rule, Subs Drool

Since I must always be wearing a locking collar at home, and on some outings when circumstances allow, I know that it will see a fair amount of use. The daily collaring is one of our favorite rituals, and now there is a new collar in the rotation. My Goddess has made me wear the new locking rubber collar ever since it has come in. I know it is not the end of the leather collars, however, since we both love and enjoy them so much.

The purpose of this piece was for me to have a collar that was easier to clean after a long day (or two... or three...) of domestic duties around the house. In fact, I could even take a shower with this thick rubber collar on without needing my Goddess to remove it. We both very much love my locking leather collars, but I always have misgivings about doing heavier work and breaking a sweat while wearing them. And cleaning leather collars can be a tedious process.

Now depending on plans for how I may best serve her, my Goddess can select the collar of her choice, and leave it on me, locked, for as long as she wants. Or until I need to go in to work...

Image courtesy of Under Feet via Girls Rule, Subs Drool

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Owning the "s" in D/s: a pictorial essay (E)

Images courtesy of Dark Angel Dreams via Dishevelled Domina

During moments of reflections this week, I realized once more how important it was for me to be proactive in, and committed to, my submission to my Goddess if I was really to give her the opportunity to express and exercise her dominance over me. No matter how well a D/s relationship is going, no matter how strong the D/s dynamics are, sometimes life gets in the way. And it's easy to drift into a bit of indifference, or worse, to fall into the trap of wondering what our partners are doing wrong, and to forget about the part we own in the relationship. So I decided that it was as good a time as any to re-own more fully the "s" in our D/s relationship.

Image courtesy of Slave in Training via Girls Rule, Sub Drools

In my mind, that means a few things. To be more openly enthusiastic with my submission. To be more communicative with my needs. To be more expressive with my submission, my love, and my affection toward her. To let go of the outside world when we do get time together. Not only does it make no sense that my Goddess would react positively while I am pre-occupied intellectually and emotionally with other things, I know by experience that her level of enjoyment and fulfillment in our relationship and our activities is directly proportional to my reactions, my engagement, my enthusiasm, and the depth of my submission.

Image courtesy of Alternative Female Domination via GeekDomme

I know how my Goddess reacts to my offering of my submission. She loves to take control, to take advantage, and to seize any opportunity to dominate me in whatever manner she is in the mood for.

Image courtesy of Cruella via GeekDomme

Of course, all this is easier said than done. Being aware of these things is essential to success, but awareness is not sufficient. Only when thought is a precursor to action is success possible. If I do everything I can to set the mood, and fuel her hunger for dominance, she will be more than happy to take everything I have to offer. And then some. So it is up to me to step things up.

Image courtesy of Minha Mente Impura via GeekDomme

Before anybody starts worrying about us, don't. We are doing quite well. Busy but well. Our daily rituals keep the D/s dynamics flowing freely and easily, even during those times we wish we had the time and the energy to increase/elevate the frequency and intensity of our activities. After all, we are who and what we are.

Image courtesy of Slaves of the Goddess

Finally, lest it would seem that I have selfish motives here, it should be made clear that this is not all about me. This is about my contribution to my Goddess' happiness, her fulfillment, and the quality and intensity of our lives in our chosen lifestyle.

Image courtesy of Fine Erotica

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Recap: It's been a while between posts (E)

Image courtesy of Femdom Resource, credited to Strawberry Mistress' Tumblr

As it is usually after the case after a long period of not posting, I am bursting with a smorgasbord of thoughts, visions, and emotions. So here goes...

I would have gone to do some errands this morning, but it wasn't really possible. My Goddess went to bed last night without unlocking the leash she attached to my locked leather collar earlier, keeping me confined (in the best possible way!) to our home, and close to her. Late yesterday afternoon, she had gone for a nap, and being both terribly tired and not feeling too well, she got up just for a short time during the evening, and went back to sleep for good.

It may help to understand that this particular leash is a 50' long, 3/16" thick steel cable that is attached to a brass structure of our bed. Typically, she'll attach it to my ever-present locked leather collar when she goes for a nap and she expects me to be doing some housework, which was the case yesterday.

Here are some posts about the original house leash, adventures in leashing, and about the leash and other rituals.

 - - - - -

Without a doubt, my favorite recent find on Twitter is a very cute and funny clip put up by Miss Ginger Millay:

Shit Girls Say to Dominatrices

Interestingly enough, while I was watching the clip with my Goddess, she told "she's just your style." Not quite sure what my Goddess meant by that, although I guess she was remarking on Miss Ginger's humor and fun enthusiasm.

 - - - - -

Hottest (in a D/s kind of way) conversation of the last month with my Goddess:

In a discussion about money matters last weekend, my Goddess brought a quick end to the back and forth of the talk by interjecting "Oh, that's right... I own you." Well, that did it. Case closed, she wins, and in my momentary pause, I get hit by a little wave of subspace.

 - - - - -

Hottest texts of the last month:

"You're getting tied up tonight!"

I'm still amazed, and delighted, that several years into our relationship, I still get butterflies in my stomach and get all subspacey when she tells me that. And of course, I usually spend the rest of the day suffering from a total loss of focus.

Spending time in bondage in the care of my Goddess, with or without other BDSM activities, always justifies the emotional ramp-up, and reinforces both our D/s dynamics and the lasting imagery/imprint of those moments.

 - - - - -

Back of the topic of leashes, dissatisfied with the cell phone tracking apps we had been using, we upgraded to a monthly service that allows my Goddess to track my every movement... at all times and with great accuracy. In addition, she can load up addresses and days/times of my week's work schedule. Notifications come in to her cell phone if I'm not where I'm supposed to be at those times.

It has been a source of great D/s enjoyment for her... upon her first notification (she hadn't reset the schedule and location when I was out of town at a trade show), she texted me "Oh, I'm going to enjoy this!"

On my side, I'm glad to provide my Goddess with that level of control (and pleasure). I had written a post a while back called The invisible leash in which I talked about the D/s dynamics of the decision to have her be able to track my location 24 hours a day.

It's kind of interesting that, contrary to the normal feelings that may arise in non-D/s relationships, having less freedom and submitting to more control is increasingly appealing to me as our D/s relationship grows over time.

 - - - - -

I so have to clean up our blog's links. It's been so long... a number of links are no longer valid, and I have so many more to add. Be that as it may, I'd like to point out that shortly after this post goes live, I'll add the following photo sites:
Geek Domme
Felm Cyber
Please keep you slave on a leach
Slave in Training

 - - - - -

And finally, an image that could be of me while my Goddess is busy taking a shower, or otherwise busy and needing me out of the way but behaving.

Image courtesy of zzzdragonbdsm via Strawberry Mistress' Tumblr

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Playtime, blogs, and tweets (E)

Artwork courtesy of Written in the Water via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

After I shared my new post with Goddess Selena Saturday night, we both began exchanging some tweets with our friend
Mistress Lilyana regarding a comment she tweeted about an article that my Goddess contributed for Geisha Diaries. We then spent some time together looking at some pictures from blogs, Twitter, Fetlife, and considering potential new kinky purchases (looks like a cupping set is in our future).

It was getting late, and we headed off to the bedroom to go to sleep. Or so I thought. It wasn't long that Goddess Selena was on top of me, bound my hands and attached them to the headboard of the bed, blindfolded me, pulled out the spreader bar, and locked my ankles into the cuffs at each end of it. And after she locked my ankles in the spreader bar, realised that I stil had my briefs on, so she took the scissors to them. Wow... In no time flat, I was restrained and captured, unable (and of course, unwilling) to escape whatever she had planned for me.

Whatever she did have planned for me included small (plastic) and large (plastic and wood) clothespins that she applied at her leisure over my penis and scrotum, and on my nipples. She took some time to enjoy a cigarette while she continued the sensation play with a Wartenberg wheel, running it over the tender flesh of my torso legs, and privates. She put aside the wheel just long enough to tease each of my nipples with the tip of her cigarette. After she was done smoking, she added a second wheel, making me squirm hard against my bondage.

Between runs of the Wartenberg wheels, she scratched and deeply etched my skin with her nails. The sensation play, the entirety of my universe while I was blindfolded and bound, was occasionally interrupted by my Goddess giving me some teasing kisses, which never lasted long enough for me to really kiss her back. I could feel how empowered she got enjoying my increasing desperation and frustration in not being able to kiss her back.

She removed the clothespins, and I was especially thankful for not having those small plastics clothespins searing certain areas of my scrotum anymore. I had a full body tremor with the removal of each one of those.

My Goddess took a short break as she went into the living room to retrieve a recent purchase, a small leather slapper with star indents. She had fun slapping the inside and outside of my thighs with it, and teasing me with very gentle taps against my testicles.

I could tell she so wanted to strike me with the slapper hard enough to leave little star marks on my skin. But the angle I presented bound on the bed, combined with the unwieldy nature of the bondage position (and equipment) I was in did not make that a possibility without interrupting the flow of the scene. I expect that this will only make for a higher level of intensity when she finally takes the slapper to my backside in the next day or so.

After the fairly heavy sensation play, and the light impact play, I was deep into subspace. I think my Goddess thought I had fallen asleep when she put away the slapper and began marking me with little symbols and words of dominance and love and ownership with one of the Sharpies.

She finished her artwork on my body, and after some caressing, she slowly removed my blindfold and looked into my eyes. I don't know what she was seeing on her side, but I was overwhelmed by the radiance of her beautiful face and dominant energy.

As she eased me out of my trance, we talked about what we had each most enjoyed about our playtime, talked about our evening's exploration of web kink, and talked about our day.

And then, before both of us fell asleep, my Goddess tweeted:

"@SelenasDymion is locked onto the spreader bar right now. I think it will remain overnight. Wouldnt want him wandering off, now would I?"

"You will submit" by IshaNee

Saturday, March 31, 2012

More about feet (E)

Image: a recent purchase by Goddess Selena

I thought the best way to follow-up my last post would be to... talk some more about feet. My Goddess' gorgeous feet in particular.

In addition to the on-my-knees foot kissing welcome my Goddess requires every time I get back to her after any kind of absence (coming back from work or from an errand), or first thing in the morning, she has also expected me to paint her toe nails on the weekend, every second week or so. While that has involved a bit of a learning curve, with lots of improvement yet to come, I think my technique has been steadily getting better.

Image: "Silver Dazzle" on Goddess Selena's toe nails

I must admit, I've been enjoying this latest additional duty. Of course, I enjoy everything that involves taking care of my Goddess. But beyond that, there is something very erotically submissive about being at her feet, sitting on the floor, and attending to her. And making her feel beautiful. Another small duty that reinforces our D/s dynamics.

My Goddess exercising her dominance over me... rituals reinforcing the nature of our D/s relationship... submitting to the needs and desires of my Goddess... definitely good times. Hot, fun, symbolically powerful, and often bringing about a small dose of subspace for me, this recent emphasis on foot play has been a wonderful addition in our lives.

Image courtesy of Slaves of the Goddess

Sunday, March 25, 2012

You never know when something new... (E)

B. Polaczek via he stoops to worship

... will come along.

A few weeks ago, my Goddess decided that I should kneel before her and kiss her feet whenever I get back to her after we've been apart for a while.

So since her decree, I've gotten on my knees before her and kissed her feet with much reverence any time I come back from work, return from an errand, or see her awake for the first time in the morning.

In retrospect, for a couple whose D/s relational dynamics already include a number of daily rituals, it may be surprising that this simple and straightforward recent addition was only introduced several years into our relationship. And yet, I see it as a very positive thing, beyond the enjoyment my Goddess gets from it, above the thrill I feel doing it, and on level with the very powerful symbolism of the gesture.

Found on i'm Her husband and She is in charge

As modest of a physical action as it may seem to some, especially as it relates to some of our other activities, I see it as an encouraging sign that we're still growing, still exploring, still open to looking for things (large or small) that may appeal to us, and still willing to make changes. OK, so we're still relatively early and young into our relationship... a few years are not a few decades. And yet, we all know that it's all too easy to get into deep ruts in a matter of months.

My Goddess felt so strongly about this, and we have very enthusiastically embraced this 2-3 times a day ritual. For something that so powerfully reinforces our D/s dynamics, it's kind of surprising that we lived without it for so long. That being said, extended foot kissing has always been one of our favorite activities, and comes up several times a week.

You never know what you'll come across if you just keep exploring. And with minds wide open, a relationship never needs to grow old.

Image courtesy of Let the Sin Begin

Friday, March 2, 2012

What I'm wearing right now (E)

My Goddess texted me mid-afternoon yesterday that she was "in a mood." That usually means that she's feeling especially possessive and dominant. It's a not-so-subtle signal that I should be coming back home properly submissive and ready to do her bidding. She also knows that from the time she lets me know that she's "in a mood", my sense of anticipation grows exponentially until I find out what she has in mind.

We both came back home quite late, and after a short chat to catch up on our respective days at work, we headed to the bedroom ready to call it a day. My Goddess was quick to grab the metal handcuffs off her bedside table, and lock them around my wrists. Perhaps echos of Tuesday evening's overnight bondage. And at that moment, I found out what she had in mind: "Tattoos & Bondage!"

Once I was handcuffed, my Goddess made me lie on my stomach, and attached the cuffs to the headboard of the bed. She then sat on my lower back, and went to work. She took two Sharpies, and spent the next 10-15 minutes visually expressing herself. It was not a tattoo, obviously, but the content was just as heartfelt and powerfully evocative in the emotions it brought up. Dominant and possessive indeed!

After seeing what it looked like in the morning, I remembered vaguely a post I had written quite a while ago, Reminders of so many things:

"The symbolism of the markings goes far beyond the simple gestures and play of putting them on. Both my Goddess and I will be seeing them for days to come, and reminded of this little scene. Reminded of the significance of the markings. Reminded of the nature of our relationship. Reminded of our love for each other."

And those words are as true today as they were almost two years. So for the past 24 hours, I've been wearing my Goddess' markings with much pride, satisfaction, and a lasting feeling of subspace. And I know these deep feelings will remain with me over the course of the next few days, until the last vestiges of last night's expression of my Goddess' dominance and possessiveness finally wash off.

Kitara's Prize, by Chaypeta, via Lunar Black

Monday, February 6, 2012

Restraint... without restraints (E)

Artwork courtesy of Neshemadarkangel and Lunar Black

It was a few nights ago. I woke up briefly in the middle of the night, a BDSM scene vividly fresh in my mind from the dream that was interrupted. My reality was sleeping on my right side, at a slight angle relative to my Goddess, with her right leg over my thighs, the left one over my waist, and my left arm across her torso, held tight at the wrist and forearm by her hands.

I was restrained... virtually bound immobile by her limbs. I had woken up because of the slight discomfort (how long had I been in this position?), but being trapped in such a manner was so erotically charged in a D/s kind of way that I didn't want to move. And I didn't want to risk waking up my Goddess.

I felt the weight of her legs pinning me down. I felt the tension one of her hands and the weight of her left arm exerted in keeping the tension in my arm. The D/s sensuality of the immobility gave way, after deciding to try to fall back to sleep without moving, to a deep sense of surrender. And then subspace. Have you ever fallen asleep drifting into subspace? It's a very deep, very submissive, very peaceful sinking into sleep.

Sleep was overtaking me again. In those brief twilight moments, I had flashbacks to one of the last times my Goddess had me bound and stretched in a large closet that served as a small makeshift dungeon. Blindfolded, wrists bound to the upper clothes rack, ankles bound together, my ankles and knees bearing my weight. She left me there, waiting in the dark, for her return from taking a shower. She would later open the door and check on me briefly to make sure I was OK. After a pull on the nipple clamps, a delicate kiss on the lips, and a teasing warning not to go anywhere, she closed the door again, and once more left me in isolation while she was off to do her make-up.

I drifted into sleep for perhaps a few seconds or few minutes, but peeked into consciousness again just long enough to have brief remembrances of scenes when I dozed off while my Goddess had left me in a hogtie for an extended period of time. Again taken back to one of those falling asleep while bound and disoriented in subspace moments. I can't describe it. Some of those overwhelmingly powerful feelings and emotions that make such an impact on us that we try to recapture, re-experience, re-feel, re-live them again and again.

The discomfort passed. I fell asleep for good. I was woken up only several hours later by my alarm. Neither one of us had moved.

Artwork courtesy of Famio and the Museum of Female Domination Art

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Interview (E)

I was recently interviewed by Meeshee of Meeshee Photography, Geisha Diaries, and Geisha Affair.

It was a pleasure doing the interview with her, and she was very pleasant in the post-interview process of putting everything together. She definitely had an interesting set of questions for me, primarily oriented toward introducing a non-BDSM audience to the lifestyle.

You can read the interview
here. Hope you enjoy it!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

All over the place (E)

Image courtesy of Loves to Lick via Dishevelled Domina

This quiet morning of staying at home after several weeks of work without a day off is leaving me in a rather unusual kind of mood. My body is enjoying the change of gear and the knowledge that the day will be without hugely pressing issues to attend to and resolve, yet my mind is still racing, with thoughts and mental images all over the place.

I woke up first, and I am still the only one up, in the calm of the early morning, looking forward to spending a delightful and much needed day with my Goddess. Behind the apparent stillness of waiting for a second dawn to break, I am full of anticipation for the rising of my Goddess, a morning at her feet, our “Coffee & Clamps!” ritual, and spending the entire day at her side, doing whatever she’s in the mood for.

Since getting up, I’ve also had this deep, visceral yearning for her to hurt me, in a BSDM/different loving and attention kind of way (wink to Gloria Brame). Being so busy over the last several weeks has given us little time for much more than our rituals. These have been as wonderful and as deeply felt as ever before, continuing to reinforce our D/s relational dynamics, and providing a sense of center in the two of us, our love, and our bond. But I haven’t offered much of an outlet to my Goddess for her affection and her dominance.

Our course, this can change quickly with us, and I know my Goddess has been excitedly waiting for this first day I am completely hers is quite a while.

And true to my present erratic and overdriven mental state, let me share some a number of random and memorable Twitter finds of the past few weeks.

Stunning Twitter images:

From @MayaSinstress. Her website can be found here.

From @MistressKatyaNY. Her website can be found here.

Favorite Twitter quotes:
“Sometimes I read things that others have written and am inspired and jealous, both in equal measure. I love that.” From @Ferns_. Her blog can be found

"It's the submissives that show to others what type of Dom owns them." ~ Anonymous.
From @AllThingsKink. Their website can be found

Stunning Twitter fetish video: from @GoddessSativa. Her website can be found
Bootlovers.com #72: Goddess Sativa in her custom purple crotch high boots!

Articles found through Twitter I enjoyed:

Found through @subguide: The Collar... BDSM Symbolism and Personal Meaning

Found through @subguide: The Importance of Journaling Your Submission

Found through @subguide: Slave Positions

Found through @DirkHooper: Her Pet Speaks

Found through @DirkHooper: BDSM: It’s less transgressive than you think

And not necessarily related to Twitter, I added three new blogs (I so have to clean up the inactive links!):

1- From Beneath the Rose
2- Hard Loving
3- A Goddess and her Boi Toy