"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Monday, August 31, 2009

The whimper (E)

Picture courtesy of http:/malesubmissionart.com/

Wow... CBT and NT were definitely the theme of the weekend.

My Goddess was still hungry for more in the evening. As we were getting ready to retire, she restrained my hands to the headboard of the bed, straddled my hips, and had fun. There is simply no other way to describe it. She wanted to hear and feel my reactions... She needed to hear and feel my reactions. She just plunged in where she left in the morning, and actually started again so hard that she threw me into a bit of a giggling fit for a minute or two as I was squirming vigorously and moaning pretty loudly. She so relished in my discomfort... pinching my nipples, tugging at my collar, scratching my chest, going back to the nipples, digging in with her nails. As much as it may seem I overuse the term in my writing, I was once again absolutely, totally, incredibly overwhelmed.

My Goddess continued to enjoy her tormenting and torturing of me until... she heard a whimper. Somewhat unusual for me, despite being totally relaxed in my surrender to her dominance, lost in subspace to her sadistic enjoyment, it just came out suddenly, meakly, from deep within me. Completely unintentional, completely out of control, that whimper brought her so much pleasure. I could feel her sense of satisfaction, almost a sense of victory, even with my eyes closed. I opened my eyes, and the vision before me was the stuff of lifelong fantasies: my Goddess over me, her eyes shining bright, her smile wonderfully, erotically evil, she was in total control, radiant in her dominance. I could have just about died right then...

She played more gently just a little longer, and then told me that she was releasing me very briefly for me to take care of what I needed since I was going to spend the night tied to her side. I very quickly returned and offered myself to her. She simply tied my hands to the headboard again, and after a few minor distractions, we fell asleep soundly, with my Goddess' head on my chest.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Simple pleasures (E)

Image courtesy of Isis and the Museum of Femdom Art

Episode 1
My Goddess straddles my lower back while I'm watching television on my belly, head on my hands. Immediately she reaches under for my nipples, still sore from previous days, and she pinches, stratches, pulls, squeezes, and tortures them. I can't move very much because she has me pinned down, but what little squirming I produce excites her as she pushes herself harder against my lower back. My Goddess leans over me as she continues the NT to hear my increasing moans and feel more closely my reactions. She moves down onto my backside and lays her head on my upper back to hear the sounds coming from inside me. She moves on to scratch my chest, my shoulders, my back, and goes back to NT, harder, sharper, and as my squirming increases, so do her hip movements. She escalates the intensity by biting my skin around my upper back and shoulders. My breathing is fast, my moans louder, and my Goddess has hit a groove that throws us into mental freefall. Biting, pinching, hurting, grinding. I can't hear the television, I can't really tell where we are. All I know is that I don't want her to stop, for me or for her. Her breathing reaches the pace of mine, her sounds and reactions are catching up to my own. We are still gaining speed in our freefall, the sharp pain of the NT and the biting are still increasing, and her excitement is overwhelming. At that moment she reaches climax just as I pass through the wall of what I thought I could take. I collapse to the bed, she collapses on top of me, and we lay there for a few minutes as her trembling diminishes, and our breathing slows down.

Episode 2
Both of us in bed, My Goddess is laying on my right, her head on the right side of my chest, her right thigh over my legs, her right hand reaching over for CBT and NT. Occasionally she'll tug on my locked collar, or on the leash that's attached to it, but her main focus is the CBT and the NT, moving to each, my intimate parts, my left nipple, my right nipple, back to CBT, playing, teasing, tormenting, torturing each one for a minute or two, until she gets the intensity of reaction that she wants, before moving on to the next. She puts me through several rounds of delicous torture, each time reaching a peak as she keeps building the crescendo. But I don't know where that crescendo leads to, or when we reach it. I can't even remember how many times she went around, each time deepening the subspace I'm falling into, and each time leaving her wanting more of my reactions. As close as my Goddess is, I can't see her expression, but I can feel her hunger, her enjoyment, her excitement. My head is spinning, my senses are overloaded. Suddenly she pinches my left nipple with her nails and bites the right one, and then doesn't let go. With both she goes harder, deeper. My hips lift off the bed as my hands clutch the sheets and grab at the mattress. My moans are so loud that someone outside our home may hear them. I know that's what she wants, and I have no control over the sounds I make or my movements. She intensifies the pinching and the biting, and once more I pass through "the wall" of pain. And then she lets go. A huge wave of subspace comes crashing down on me. I can feel her dominantly erotic satisfaction. She places her right leg back over the top of hips, and I can feel her warmth and wetness against my skin...

Still subspacey after this morning's episode, I don't have much more to say except that I just can't get enough, and it doesn't seem like my Goddess can get enough either. Can we keep this up for a lifetime? I so hope so. Because clearly, we are addicted to each other...

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Anticipation is such sweet torture (E)

Image courtesy of

The weekend is finally here, and my soul is soaring simply thinking that my Goddess and I will be in each other's presence, uninterrupted, for 60 hours. What will we do? Where will we go? What will her mood be? What moments and experiences will we share?

  1. Are we going to spend most of our time at home or doing things around the city?
  2. Will she hurt me sensually? Or will she do it sadistically?
  3. Will we do things because we have to? Or because we want to?
  4. Will I be doing domestic service around the home? Or will I be busy in active service to her?
  5. Will we shop for necessities? Or shop for pleasure?
  6. Will I be in bondage because she wants to keep me by her side? Or will I be in bondage so she can play with me as her toy?
  7. Will we drive places for purpose? Or will we go to them for inspiration?
  8. Will it be rope bondage? Leather bondage? Metal and chains?
  9. Will we eat healthy food? Or will it be whatever we're in the mood for?
  10. Will it be the flogger? The crop? The paddle? The cane?
  11. Will we seek the thriving energy of crowds? Or will we try to avoid people and be just the two of us?
  12. Will she prefer my reactions from hard spiky metal objects? Or will she prefer heat? Or her own nails?
  13. Will we be active and on the go the whole time? Or lazy and catch up on some napping?
  14. Will I have marks? Will they bleed? How long will they last?
  15. Will we talk about serious things that matter? Or will it be about fun things that make us happy?
  16. Will she take me with her strap-on this weekend? Will she do it more than once?
  17. Will we be inspired to write about our adventures? Or are we going to be to busy doing them?
  18. Will she tease me and build-up the tension and make me wait for release? Or will she demand it until I can't anymore?
My Goddess is the center of my universe. And she definitely makes me feel that I am the same for her. Never in my life have I been so attached to someone... so anxious to be with them, to not leave their side, to get back to them, to share every single moment of our lives together. I can't wait to find out what we end up doing.

Friday, August 28, 2009

In love with my Goddess (E)

Picture courtesy of

I am so in love with her.

I wake up next to her in the morning, and I am overjoyed to be given the gift of another day with her.

My first thought is to take care of her, to help her get the day started, to serve her with anything she needs and anything she wants.

I'm desperate for her smile, desperate for her voice, desperate for her touch, desperate to feel that she feels for me what I feel for her.

We get separated for our work day, and all I can think about is the next phone call, the next text, the next email, the next time I see her.

During work, every other thought is about her. She weaves in and out of my heart, of my mind, of my soul, no whatever what I do, what I think of, what I'm engaged in.

Throughout the entire day, I have but one desire, one objective, one want, one need... to be back with her.

Getting back together at the end of the day, once more, I'm desperate for her smile, desperate for her voice, desperate for her touch, desperate to feel that she feels for me what I feel for her.

Knowing that we are together for the rest of the evening, my only thought is to take care of her, to make our time together happy, sexy, bright, positive, enriching, fun, optimistic, enjoyable, to serve her with anything she wants and anything she needs.

We go to bed, holding each other closely and warmly (unless I'm in bondage...), and I am thankful for having received the gift of another day with her in my life.

I am deeply in love with her... obsessively in love with her... addictively in love with her... and I never, ever want it to end... never... ever...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Suffering for Her enjoyment (E)

Image courtesy of Giko and the Museum of Femdom Art

The nipples rings were back on last night...

My Goddess was in the mood to see me uncomfortable and hurting for her, and she ordered me to put on the nipple rings.

For those who are not familiar with them, this is what they look like:

They are light but the tension is quite high and the small contact area cause them to produce a very sharp pain. While I have a pretty high tolerance to pain during NT, I can only have these on for a limited amount of time. My previous best was about 10 minutes.

We had played with them only once, when we first got them, and they had been the start to a really great scene.

The feelings and the dynamics last night were very different last night, though. My Goddess is usually right up close to me when doing NT. She's to my side, sitting on top of me, or other side in contact when she is teasing, tormenting, or torture my nipples. There is a strong element of sensual domination that blends into the physical domination when she's that close to me. This time, she wanted to watch from further afar.

After the nipple rings had been placed, my Goddess told me, with the most deliciously evil smile, that she wanted to smoke. I knew that was just going to be 5-7 minutes of her watching while I squirmed uncomfortably for her. So as the ritual goes when she wants to smoke, I went to the floor next to where she was sitting, lit 2 cigarettes, gave her one, and held the ashtray a comfortable distance away from her so that it would be within easy reach for her.

And then we smoked... while the rings were digging into my nipples. The pain had started off very sharp, then subsided a bit as I went to sit down on the floor, but it began increasing again. It was difficult for me to stay still. As I looked up at my Goddess, I was overwhelmed by the sadistic smile of enjoyment she had. She was just so enjoying my predicament, and with subspace slowly washing over me, it was beautifully erotic to see her dominant satisfaction at her pet sitting below her, serving her, suffering for her, willing to do anything she would ask for her. The usual sense of belonging I felt for her was increased by this slight feeling of objectification, of serving as her toy to play with. And this continued for at least as long as it took to smoke.

The tension of the anticipation started rising as I began wondering about when the rings would come off. Was my Goddess thinking of some play time with them on? Would she have some domestic tasks for me? Or would she just watch me while we smoked again? The veil of subspace had covered me as surrender set in and pain continued to intensify...

PS: After some my Goddess asked me to get back on the bed next to her, she played and tugged gently on the rings for another few minutes. We set a new record of about 15 minutes or so...

Monday, August 24, 2009

The Best Marks are the Ones You Don't Remember (S)

image courtesy of...ME! :)
I wanted to share this picture. A beautiful picture. My dymion often thinks of himself as a canvas on which I can create anything I want. In this case, I made some awesome marks. At least, all evidence points to the fact that I must have done it. I don't remember. He, on the other hand, remembers exactly when I did it...afterall, it was his back! But alas, the moment of bloodshed escapes me. I don't remember scratching him, but what I do remember is being BEYOND into him at that moment. It was a moment in time where nothing else in the world existed but him and me...when I couldn't get close enough. Though I could feel him inside me, I needed to be inside him. The best way I could feel that internal connection was to dig my nails into the soft flesh of his back. I needed to feel his warmth, leave my mark, and see his reaction of simultaneous pain and pleaure. It was erotic, instinctual, and the most natural thing in the world. As the "spicy vanilla" sexual scene winded down, I had a visual with which to reminisce. I can only imagine the sting he must have felt for time long after. It makes these intimate moments last well after the actual act is over. It is really an awesome thing. As we grow older I can only imagine the scratches that will lead to scars... each with its own erotic tale it tell.
image courtesy of

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Weekend report: intimate moments, servitude, and hurt (E)

Picture courtesy of

A quiet weekend, unfortunately filled with RL stresses and demands on my Goddess. However, that did not keep my Goddess and I from sharing some wonderfully intimate moments.

Seriously... one of my greatest joys is without question bringing my Goddess to climax, whether it comes from passion taking us over, or when she demands sexual servitude. I am also most fortunate in that my Goddess has tremendous sexual drive and needs in that respect, and that she very much enjoys allowing me release, under her control, of course.

My release always come when my Goddess desires it, and how she desires it, and that means that she'll be hurting me. Deep scratches and very sore nipples, among other things, are residual collateral damage from this weekend. But I still now have shudders from flashbacks of shaking and post-climax tremors 10 minutes after my orgasms. I've always had very powerful orgasms, but never before quite on this level.

No less erotically charged for me were the opportunities to provide my Goddess pleasure in a multitude of ways. I just can't get enough of doing that for her. Her reactions and her energy are just extraordinary, and there is simply such a special and important place in a D/s relationship for providing sexual pleasure to one's dominant.

In other areas, I hope I met my Goddess' expectations in terms of domestic servitude, doing regular housework and specially assigned tasks while collared and leashed 34 of the last 36 hours of the weekend.

All in all, another splendid weekend in love with, and in service to, my Goddess.

The power and intimacy of the strap-on: early writings (E)

Despite the fact that our strap-on play has kept getting more amazing, more powerful, and more intimate with each experience, I've always felt that this early text, dating from before the start of this blog, was one of my best efforts at trying to describe and express what "the strap-on experience" was for me.

Strap-on play has always represented one of the ultimate symbolic scenes of submitting to a dominant woman for me. An incredible visual of power exchange and surrender, there are few acts that represent dominance and submission for me, even within BDSM, like the taking of a male submissive by a dominant woman.

The intimacy and the D/s significance of fulfilling this particular fantasy made it so that this was something I wasn't sure I would ever experience, and frankly, was pretty sure I wouldn't want to share with anybody that wasn't someone that I had an absolutely extraordinary connection with.

As it should have become apparent by now, I have found that extraordinary connection, that extraordinary dominant in my sublime Goddess Selena. My lover, my friend, my domme, my soulmate, my One, it was but a matter of time before our relationship, and our menu of play, would lead to this ultimate act of submission to her.

Several weeks back, we had our first strap-on scene, and it was everything I could have ever imagined... and more. The power of our D/s relationship, and the depth of our R/L relationship, the trust between us, our level of intimacy, just made it so right that I would offer this to her, and that she would be the one, the only one ever, to take me.

We replayed the strap-on scene several times since, always in combination with other BDSM elements leading up to it, including one or more of the following: nipple play, paddling, bondage, smoke play, smothering, and wax play. I have never had a scene with her that wasn't absolutely mind-blowing, and that didn't bring me into deep, deep subspace, a tribute to her skills and abilities as a dominant woman, her enjoyment of her role as my domme, and a reflection of her caring and understanding of me. I have never had a scene that finished with strap-on play that wasn't simply one of those scenes that, if I were to never engage in BDSM play ever again, it would be the fulfillment and experience of a lifetime.

But our most recent scene together, our last evening together before she embarks on some travel for a while, was absolutely spectacular, and one of the greatest experiences of my life. And she has shared with me how much she enjoyed it too, how much it has meant to her.

We had started off the evening in our usual way, with Selena putting leather wrist and ankle cuffs on me, locking them, and placing my collar on, and locking it too. After clipping my wrists together, and doing the same to my ankles, my Goddess looked me over with a delightfully possessive sense of satisfaction. We then played a few rounds of Scrabble to decompress from our day at work, one of our favorite rituals. While in bondage and reflecting on my next word play, my Goddess took advantage of my position on the floor to come over, lie on top of my back, and she started to torture my nipples. This is one of our favorite positions as I'm quite helpless to stop her from doing pretty much anything she wants, at whatever intensity she wants.

Very quickly, even pushing my limits of what I endure for her, this play was not enough for her. My Goddess turned me over, sat on my hips, and resumed torturing my nipples by pinching, poking, pinching some more, caressing, and pinching yet some more, each time harder, until she came to climax. I cannot overstate the incredible flow of energy that moves between us as she causes such erotic and intoxicating pain in me and her enjoyment of my reactions to it. Is there anything so intoxicatingly erotic and powerful for a submissive as the sadistic enjoyment to the point of pleasure of one's Dominant?

Next came the blindfold. Being very sensitive to the stimulation of the senses, the placing of the blindfold is always an intense moment for me. The cliche of all the other senses being augmented is very much true in my case. Then, in the mood for retaliation and a little extra cruelty resulting from recent events, my Goddess placed a large leather gag in my mouth, something she doesn't do very often since she so enjoys the sounds I make under her dominant, loving, and not-always-tender care.

She then did something especially evil... she lit a cigarette. She knows how much I enjoy sharing smoking with her, and I do smoke almost only with her. This was both gentle and cruel torture to feel her there, enjoying smoking without me. The vision of her smoking I had in my mind, and the smell of her smoking next to me were quite overwhelming. She did add a little cigarette torture to my nipples, and the intense heat ran through my entire body each time she would do it, leading to those moments I refer to as reaching the Nexus, one of those incredible moments of total connection between my Goddess and me when I get to the point where I can't take anymore, but I don't want her to stop for anything in the world.

Finished with her cigarette, she turned me around, and clipped my collar to a leash that she had fixed to the bottom hinge of a door in our playroom. She added a little bit of paddling to our play, and since she's quite strong, I really felt it, even if she did not continue for very long. Obviously, she had other things in mind.

I could hear my Goddess shake some lotion onto her hand to lubricate her fingers, and in a matter of seconds, she was at work preparing me for what was to come, reaching deep into me, exploring, teasing, tormenting, and just overstimulating me from the inside.

A few seconds went by... Maybe a minute or two. While in retrospect, I now know my Goddess put on the strap-on at that point, I was too lost into subspace to notice or realize what she was doing.

She untied the leash from the door, reclipped the leash to my collar, and as I was, in cuffs, collar, blindfolded, and gagged, she led me on all fours from our playroom to the bedroom. My Goddess walked slowly enough for me to keep my head close to her right leg the whole time.

Once in the bedroom, she led me to the bed, and ordered me to climb onto it. With what little focus I could gather, I positioned myself appropriately, and my Goddess finetuned my position gently but firmly. And then it began... She slowly and gently pushed her strap-on inside me, little bit by little bit. Back and forth she went, gently, getting it a little deeper each time. Within just a minute or two, my Goddess had reached as far in as she could, enjoying all of my reactions, all of the sounds I made, each of them satisfying her and encouraging her on to more. She continued with small movements, thrusting further and pulling back repeatedly but not completely, making the movements larger in amplitude as I was reacting more intensely to her. Then she started increasing the speed with which she was doing this. And then she started to increase the power with which she was doing it. And then she did more of it... faster and harder than she ever had. And she made it last... longer than she ever had.

While we had had strap-on scenes before, and had had very intense and satisfying experiences doing them, the positioning on the bed, perhaps with the contribution of other factors, such as the change of room, the preceding activities, and the fact that this would be our last playtime for a while, made this scene even more incredibly powerful, intense, and yet intimate, than we had ever experienced before. The flow of energy from our power exchange was overwhelming. The sensation of surrender was overwhelming. The intensity with which she was taking me was overwhelming... she had never yet done it so forcefully or for so long. The closeness and intimacy of the whole scene was overwhelming. I was totally lost into my Goddess as she had reached deep into me, physically and mentally.

If I thought that our previous strap-on scenes had been exceptional, and had more than done justice to my vision of them as ultimate expressions of dominance and submission, that evening, we reached new highs... and new depths... and we have both been talking about it ever since...

Friday, August 21, 2009

Sugasm #171

Since we have an entry nominated in Sugasm #171, here it is...

Sugasm #171

August 19th, 2009 by Vixen Last modified: August 19th, 2009

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #172? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

Kiss Me If You Can
“I love the buildup, the discovery.”

Back To School
“Back at school a stolen glance across the corridor shows me you haven’t forgotten either.”

On Critics and Criticism
“But is it fair? Is it right?”

Sugasm Editor
Review: Babeland’s Under The Bed Restraints

Editor’s Choice

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm
(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Big, Beautiful Women
The Ghost of Sex Toys Future (Part Three of Three)
Play with Gigi and Iris

Sex Advice
How to Properly Finger a Woman

BDSM & Fetish
And It Rained
A bedtime story
Caning Galleries
Inspiration, pain, subspace and bliss in the afternoon
The Spanking TOP 5 – Delivery #4
Time for a Shower
Tongue & Cheek–Medical Fetish Photo Story

Sex Humor
How Much Dick Would A Dick Cock Cock if A Dick Cock Could Suck Cock?
Out With The Old

News, Reviews & Interviews
Aural Sex Contest
Electrogasm coolness!
Flexi Felix
Jimmyjane Form 6 review
Top Five Tuesday - Judging a Porn By Its Cover

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
5 schoolgirls spanked and caned
HNT ~ Dana Lends a Hand. Or Two.
HNT: Strawberry Season - Part 2
Jenny McClain
Kim Kardashian Fucking Sexy Wallpapers
La Petite Mort
Salacious ~HNT

Sex Poetry
Late In The Game

Erotic Writing & Experiences
Cock LoveConfessional: Her HusbandFriday Night Plans: Faith
A Hot Summer’s Night Dream
Looks So Nasty in Those Khakis
The Package
The Tale of the Hot Blond Sex Machine (real story)
Wet Dream

"What will I do to you tonight?" (E)

Image courtesy
Laurent Lebeau and

The situation: Lying in bed, slowly waking up this morning, my Goddess and I are cuddled up close before I start getting ready to go to work. She's lying down just to my side, with her head on my chest. One of her hands is caressing my body gently, erotically, with occasional stops to tease my nipples and my privates. Very delicate squeezing and and teasing... no pain.

The moment: At one point in these wonderfully relaxing and titillating minutes, my Goddess slows down what she's doing, looks at me, and asks "What will I do to you tonight?"

The feeling: A thousand flashbacks of images and emotions flood into my head... a wonderfully familiar tension sets in my stomach... instantly the anticipation hits me, and slowly rises as my Goddess resumes what she was doing. RL has been a little more stressful this week, and we've been unusually quiet in terms of play and intimacy, despite keeping up a high level of energy flowing throughout.

The aftermath: My Goddess told me that I had to wear locked ankle cuffs under my pants at work today. Usually a sign that we'll be unusually distanced (which we are for today), and that she wants me to remember both her love for me, and her ownership of me. And I'll have a constant physical reminder of our love, my belonging to her, and an increasing sense of anticipation about what the evening might be like...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Words that make your heart... (E)

Image courtesy of http://www.femdomartists.com/

... stop... for a moment frozen in time...

The situation: My Goddess and I return home a bit late, having caught some dinner out after work, and doing some much needed shopping. We sit on the bed briefly to chat, and I'm about to ask her what she would like to drink. One of our rituals is me getting her a cold icy beverage as soon as we get in the door, and keeping it repenished at all times.

The moment: My Goddess looks at me with a pause, and while still smiling, that wonderfully dominant, teasing, playful, wicked smile she has, asks me "Where's your collar, BITCH?"

The feeling: Once more, I melt at her words, at her voice, at her dominance... A wave of subspace washes over me... I look down... I apologize... Somewhat of predicament... I was going to bring my Goddess my collar right after presenting her the drink... But excuses would be insulting... I reach for the collar, which is always at the side of the bed if I'm not wearing it, and she places it around my neck and locks it, where it will remain until she leaves in the morning... The sense of ownership and belonging is powerfully overwhelming... I'd fall to my knees and kiss her feet if it wouldn't delay me in getting her the drink.

The aftermath: It was pretty late, a stressful week had caught up to both of us, and we both had to get up very early in the morning, so no formal play followed, but it definitely set a mood in our D/s dynamics that was even deeper than our usual groove. And as we went to bed, my Goddess put me in bondage next to her for the night... She wanted me to remain close by, and not be able to leave until she was ready...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Emotional support (E)

Image by Laurent
Lebeau and
courtesy of

Total submission, domestic and sexual servitude, offering my mind and body as a canvas to my Goddess are all great, but sometimes the best way to serve is simply to offer understanding, emotional support, and love when RL challenges from outside the relationship come storming in...

Monday, August 17, 2009

Keeping the energy flowing (E)

Image courtesy of

The situation: BDSM munch, but in a place that still requires discretion. A dozen people present, my Goddess and I are sitting side-by-side, but each engaged in discussion with different groups of people at that particular time.

The moment: I get a text message... I peak discreetly at my phone (don't want to be rude in the middle of the discussion)... It's from my Goddess... It reads "Will u let me tie u up?"

The feeling: I melt... I turn toward her... She feels me turn to face her... She faces me and a gives me the most beautiful mischevious smile...

Of course my Goddess, of course...

Sunday, August 16, 2009

My Goddess hungry for more (E)

Image courtesy of

I was barely finished writing the last post when my Goddess decided she was still hungry for more, and she wasn't yet done with her playtoy...

She pulled me in barely an hour after the episode I wrote about in that post, and put me through another few rounds of CBT and NT. All I could do was submit to her mood and enjoy the ride. I had already surrendered completely to her earlier, and I was all hers to do with as she pleased.

Were we done for the day at that point? Oh no... We returned home from lunch at a restaurant when my Goddess took me to the bedroom for what I expected was a nap. But the purpose in her voice clearly indicated that she had plans before that nap. It almost felt like the morning was simply an appetizer, and she was about to move on to the main course.

My Goddess ordered me onto the bed on my back, where she bound my hands to the headboard. Wasting no time, she straddled my stomach, and resumed her NT. With my nipples sore from two days ago, and sore from the morning, I just couldn't tell anymore if she was being rough with me or not. It was simply exquisitely overwhelming...

Within a minute or two, she moved up my chest, and then still further up to my face for some smothering. Still wearing her pants, she positioned herself perfectly to prevent me from breathing for several intervals. In between, I could gather the sweet, delicate fragrance of her most private areas, a delicious predicament in which I was intoxicatingly aroused by the sensation, but could do nothing about it. I was teased all the more as that wonderfully sensual fragrance was taken away when she would cover my face again and I was unable to breathe.

My unintentional reactions and my movements had clearly excited my Goddess, and I could once more, like this morning, feel the emanation of her dominance radiating. The determination in her voice, her movements, her actions... it felt like she would stop at nothing to feed her hunger. That kind of energy, that kind of vibe, far beyond any particular action or fetish, is at the core of the power of her dominance. Absolutely overwhelming... addictive... intoxicating... the essence of the ebb and flow of her domination and my submission.

My Goddess covered my head with a shirt, and proceeded to work my legs over with a small, light, flexible paddle. With short and stingy strokes, she found some very vulnerable areas inside my thighs. As the intensity of the strokes increased, my Goddess suddenly stopped, and impatiently released my hands, ordered me to turn onto my stomach, and bound my hands to the headboard once more. She had replaced by then the shirt that had taken away my sight with a leather blinfold, and started flogging me. Her strokes hit their marks heavily, sharply, and despite the sensations, the subspace, her still lingering fragrance that had imprinted itself in my mind, I could feel her dominant energy continue to escalate. My Goddess was still gaining momentum...

Suddenly she stopped, and told me not to go anywhere... I wouldn't have wanted to even if I would have been capable of it. In less than a minute, my Goddess was back. I heard the opening of a bottle that was a tell-tale sign that anal play was next on the menu. Deliciously hurt, totally lost in subspace from her mood, I was available and vulnerable to absolutely anything she wanted. Before I knew it, my Goddess was carefully applying lube, and somehow it felt like she reached further inside me with her finger than I ever remember her doing. She went around and around, reaching and stretching, and all I could formulate as a thought was "do as you will... I am completely yours"...

Satisfied with her preparation, my Goddess started inserting gently, teasingly, erotically, the toy she had brought back with her. I couldn't tell at the beginning which of our dildos/vibrators she had brought over, but realized quickly that it was the widest one. Such wonderfully evil thoughts she had... That particular vibrator is a bit shorter than some of our other such toys, but it has the largest diameter starting about halfway down. It didn't really matter to her... she had not used it before, she wanted to play with it, and she was going to enjoy it also.

Once she had worked the vibrator most, if not all, of the way in, my Goddess straddled my backside, and positioned herself to receive as much pleasure from what she was doing as I was. As she started pushing on the vibrator from the other end with her weight, I could feel an even greater penetration inside me, and then the rest was simply magic. Over the course of the next few minutes, she pushed into both of us, harder, faster, more desperately. She started trying to hold on to me, her fingers and nails tight against my skin, and as she was going faster and faster, deeper and deeper, I could barely feel the vibrations of the machine any more, just her rythm, her movements, her energy, and the crescendo that was building.

Finally, and yet all too soon, my Goddess reached a thundering climax, and slumped over me. I could feel her post-orgasm shaking resonating throughout my body. Laying over me, she couldn't help but to not-so-gently nibble and bite the skin behind my shoulder blades and coming up my neck, and I have some beautiful marks right now that are wonderful reminders of the experience.

With still room for dessert, my Goddess turned around, layed face up on my back as I remained bound face down in the bed, and reached for her favorite slim vibrator. That was simply such a sensually dominant position, the curves of her body fitting into the curves of mine, back-to-back, with the weight of her body keeping me down and immobile. And then she began pleasuring herself, and I felt body-to-body her every movement, her every breath, and once she climaxed again, her body trembling against mine.

My Goddess let her head down against the small of my neck, and fell totally relaxed on top of me, her light weight pressing down on me. She started catching up on her breathing as we remained still, and just layed there for the next several minutes...

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Rituals and a subspace collision (E)

Image courtesy of Ugari and the Museum of Femdom Art

I was just reminded a few minutes ago how close to the edge of subspace one remains within the extraordinary intensity of a D/s relationship. As rituals become more numerous and deeper in meaning, as behavior and moods are reinforced by small actions and playful banter, as experiences become more intense and have longer residual effects, the anticipation of availability keeps that wonderful D/s energy flowing, and inspiration for my Goddess is always around the corner, as is subspace for me.

Like usual, I woke up a bit before my Goddess this morning. As a rule, my Goddess requires me to clip my house leash to my ever-present locked collar if I get up without her in the morning, and she isn't awake to attach it herself. That is, if I'm not tied to the bed after spending the night in bondage by her side...

I wasn't up for very long when I felt the familiar tug on the leash that meant that my Goddess was awake and wanted me by her side. Once back in the bedroom, my Goddess told me she was ready for her morning coffee, so I made my way back to the kitchen and began our usual morning rituals. I prepared her coffee, brought it to her, sat on the floor at the side of the bed as my Goddess sat up against the headboard with a pillow behind her, lit her cigarette, handed it to her, and held up her ashtray within comfortable reach for her.

When we were done smoking, I came back on the bed next to my Goddss, where she likes me to be, and we watched a bit of television and caught up on text messages while she finished her coffee. Always availabe to my Goddess as playtoy, I felt her teasingly begin some CBT while I was finishing a last text message. She moved in close to me, and seeing how rapidly aroused I became from her actions, she rapidly brought up the intensity of the CBT many, many notches.

She moved on to some NT, very hard, very fast, especially painful since I was still quite sore from the evening before last. I couldn't keep myself from a loud exhale/moan as my breathing sped up rapidly. With this reaction, I could literally feel a wave of dominant energy emanate from her as loudly as if a lion had suddenly roared right next to me. In a matter of seconds, the sharp and intense hurt combined with this hunger and energy I could tangibly feel from her dropped me into subspace. But it wasn't the usual slipping and easing into lightness of being of subspace. This was a collision with a wall. I was walking down a calm beach when a 30-ft wave of subspace suddenly, almost out of nowhere, came crashing down on me... And I laid there, completely drenched...

My Goddess started alternating between NT and CBT like a cat playing with a string ball, pushing it forward, pulling it back, moving up for some NT, moving down for some CBT. I was intoxicated from the enjoyment my Goddess was having with her playtoy, and the hurt she was causing me.

As she started to ease off and move on to some gentle caressing, I just laid there, waves of subspace still washing over me, as my mind floated and wandered in the sea of the power of my Goddess. And then she sent me to prepare her another coffee...

Friday, August 14, 2009

Time together, release, and bondage (E)

Image courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

I simply cannot understate my joy when I know uninterrupted together-time with my Goddess is coming up.

We finished our work week yesterday in the early evening, went for a quick dinner, and then attended a shibari workshop. For both of us, the prospect of our weekend together was a burst of radiance inside our hearts, and getting a chance to kick it off with BDSM activities was a fun bonus.

We returned home late but were still pretty wired from knowing we'll be inseparable for a few days. I couldn't let my excitement keep me from my duties and rituals though, so I got my Goddess a cold drink, retrieved my collar for her to place and lock around my neck, and tried to be attentive to her.

But among the things that make this relationship so extraordinary is that in her own way, my Goddess is just as attentive to me, and she decided that is was time for me to have release. It had been a little while since I had had an orgasm, and she decreed that we were going to take care of that then.

While enforced chastity, scheduled release, or cock-locking are not part of our play (and I'm thankful for that), my Goddess does have control over when and how I get release, and she is both attentive and very generous. I did offer to take care of her needs first, but she was still quite satisfied from my care and attention the previous evening, and she had just decided that it was my turn.

We started with some gentle kissing that rapidly became much more passionate. Within a few minutes, my Goddess resumed the TTT (teasing, tormenting, and teasing) of my nipples she had begun before we had actually discussed any evening plans, and some time later, and quite a bit of hurt later too, I reached climax to her great satisfaction.

Two highlights (yes... moments of indescribable hotness) of that very intimate time together:

  1. my Goddess making it clear to me that I WILL have release by telling me "... you're not going to sleep until you are done"... just wow...
  2. the look on her face as she controls my pace and reactions by how much she hurts me... teasingly in charge, totally dominant, wickedly controlling, deliciously evil, and unbelievably erotic...
As I recovered from several minutes of post-orgasm shaking, my Goddess told me that I had to make sure I took care of all my needs for the night. I felt a feeling of serene surrender wash over me since that usually means that I'll be spending the night in bondage next to her. So I did take care of everything I needed, and upon my return, my Goddess used our "Twisted Love Ties" (picture on 8/8/2009 entry) to very simply bind my hands securely to the headboard, came over very close to me, laid her head on my chest, put her leg across my hips and thighs, and in a matter of instants, we both fell asleep for the night.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Geek Fabulous (S)

Image courtesy of
Geek Fabulous: adj. being sexy through intelligence, perspective, and reflection.
(yes, I made it up, Webster has not accepted it, but I AM the Goddess...I'm allowed!)

Dymion is completely Geek Fabulous! I hope he doesn't take offense as I say it often. He really should be flattered. I think Geek Fabulous is just about the most attractive aspect of any man. Dymion is very smart, full of knowledge and... as most Geek Fabulous people are... the keeper of just about an endless supply of useless triva. It took me awhile to figure out just what was so appealing about this, but I think I can finally explain it...

Meticulous may seem like a bad thing, but I was listening to his description of some BDSMers the other day, and I realized the most awesome thing about a person who is Geek Fabulous. His detail-oriented demeanor is due to his accepting, understanding, and curious heart. Thoughts or feelings most people would judge or dismiss, Dymion is anxious to explore and dissect. Wow... I am describing him like a toddler with a Master's degree, but it is truly amazing and admirable. As his words flow through discussions, he slowly shows me the beauty in any situation.

I think that is why our dynamics are so phenomenal. He doesn't perceive D/s as a humiliating experience or a weakness... he explains the power exchange as both individuals giving a gift to one another: The submissive gives the gift of service and care... the dominant gives the gift of appreciation and reward. Both are giving equal amounts of trust and, in our case, love, by presenting themselves in their most natural light.

So I thank Dymion for teaching a very pessimistic dominant to appreciate each day, the diversity of life, and my journey with all its twists and turns. I know life will only get better, and with him by my side I know I won't ever miss out on a single precious moment.

Monday, August 10, 2009

And yet a few more moments of indescribable hotness (E)

Image by Alazar, courtesy of the Museum of Femdom Art

As promised a few days ago, here are more moments of indescribable hotness, these ones in no particular.

1- Any time my Goddess smokes. I know... I know... very un-PC, and very wrong health-wise, but I have a serious "beautiful woman smoking" fetish, and she overwhelmingly fulfills the stereotypical vision. And it becomes absolutely mind-blowing when my Goddess brings it into our BDSM play.

2- Any time my Goddess happens to be in the mood for nipple play/torture.

3- Any time smothering happens, especially when it brings my Goddess to climax, with or without stimulation from me.

4- Any time my Goddess lies on me and I feel her entire body weight (which isn't very much, but I digress), either while I'm in bondage, which makes me feel more vulnerable (e.g.: while in a hogtie), or when she wants to pin me down so that I can't squirm quite as much while she does painful things to me.

5- Any time I collapse because I can't take any more hits from my Goddess paddling me.

6- Any time I hear my Goddess gasp, breath differently, or otherwise react to my reactions.

7- Any time we are watching a movie or television, and my Goddess was in the mood to have me in bondage next to her.

8- Any time my Goddess is inspired to throw in some breath play in what she's doing... just because...

9- When we come home in the evening, I haven't changed quite quickly enough, and my Goddess sternly asks me "why aren't you naked yet...".

10- Bathing my Goddess under candlelight.

And there are still so many more... but I'll give it a rest now before you all get bored...

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Keeping the energy flowing (E)

The incredible art of Bishop, courtesy of the Museum of Femdom Art

How to keep the energy flowing is an issue that we all face in our relationships, BDSM-based or vanilla. It's important to understand that, contrary to the beliefs of far too many, the responsibility for D/s dynamics lies at least as much with the bottom/sub/slave as it does with the top/dominant/domme. And as in any kind of relationship, both partners get out of it what they put in.

Without any intention of being comprehensive, here are a few thoughts on things that make a difference for us, from my (submissive) POV.

Rituals & protocols: don't be asked twice for the same service or action. If your domme has requested any special action or ways of doing things, never again fail to do those, whether you are asked or not, and whether it is part of play or not. Be attentive to what she has asked in the past, and make sure you do those things well and all the time without being asked. That will maintain a constant reminder of the dynamics, and the respective roles.

Initiative & service: what else does your domme need? Try to be ahead of the curve in serving her. Don't just think of what she needs now, think of what she WILL need to make her life easier, more enjoyable, and more fulfilling. Submission is even more a state of mind than a list of actions.
Active symbolism: your domme shouldn't need to be standing over you with a crop for an hour while you're doing chores. Having you do those chores while you're wearing a locked collar, nipples clamps, an anal plug, or in partial bondage will be very effective in creating a mood and maintaining a high-level of energy.

Passive symbolism: you can have a reminder of your D/s dynamics at all times if she, or the two of you, decide on a ring, wrist or ankle bracelet, or another piece of jewelry you can wear 24/7. Want to go even further? What about a piercing? Or a tattoo? The mood and energy will wash back over each of you every time you feel it or see it.

Recognition & feedback: never let a good D/s gesture, action, or mood go unrecognized, unappreciated, and unthanked. There's nothing that creates positive reinforcement like appreciation.

Part of creating and maintaining the energy all parties are seeking are the little daily things that imprint and reinforce the D/s dynamics. You don't need 3-hour sessions daily. No top has that kind of energy any more than a rock star could be in concert every single day of the year. But the mood and energy can be remain high if no one ever lets the flame die out, even for a day, even for a few hours, and the bottom/sub/slave, needs to take an active role in that.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Inspiration, pain, subspace, and bliss in the afternoon (E)

Drawing courtesy of Kami Tora.

The day started quietly. My Goddess was tired from a hard week at work, and while she slept-in and relaxed, I took the initiative of cleaning the house a bit. Filling up the dishwasher, and putting it through a wash cycle, and cleaning up one of the rooms that had become messy from storing boxes and putting stuff in it that didn't have a place yet in the rest of the house. Nothing too fancy, just the satisfaction of making her/our living quarters more pleasant to be in.

After having some food at a local restaurant, my Goddess wanted to go shopping for some inspiration. Nothing in particular, just a quick trip somewhere to get some additional ideas for our play, or perhaps even find a new toy or two.

Being a little short on time, we elected to drop by a sex shop that was nearby, and we had a great time (like we always do in such places), looking at fetish footwear, dominantly sexy outfits, anal play toys, and BDSM stuff. We ended up leaving with one gorgeous lacy outfit for her, a pair of clip-on nipple rings, and a pair of "Twisted Love Ties". The latter were kind of quirky and cool, essentially 34" strips that have a thin, flexible metal wire covered by a soft fabric cover (about 1/2" in diameter). The idea is somewhat like having a giant bread twist-tie for bondage, convenient and quick.

Once we got home, from that, and some real-life shopping, I put away the food and supplies while my Goddess was on the phone. When we were both finished, I joined her in the bedroom where we anxiously opened our new play toys to try them out.

The first one we opened were the ties. In no time at all, my Goddess had bent and wrapped one of them around both my wrists. Very cool... A quick loop around my wrists, two twists, and there it was...nearly instant bondage. The previous bends and curves of the metal wire did not fit perfectly around my wrists, and that could be a long-term comfort issue, but it was reasonably comfortable, very secure (impossible to break open, even just with two twists), and just about the fastest way I've ever come across to tie a body part, short of having a ready-to use partially closed zip-tie.

Then we moved on to the nipple rings. The pre-experiment question was "How tight will they be?" The answer was "OMG! They are really really tight!" While the pressure points have small rounded metal balls at their ends, the overall contact surface is less than that of our other clips and clamps. To the great delight of my Goddess enjoying my facial expressions, they really hurt, really fast. She could not help herself from gently tugging on them, or moving the little balls that serve as addition weight, and beyond the intensely focused pain of the rings themselves, every time she touched them I thought I was going to have to beg her to take them off. While we had had a bit of a bout of anticipation going on, it was one of those situations where I went from zero to intense pain almost instantly, and pain tolerance is never quite the same without either a mental or physical warm-up.

Seriously, it was getting time to take them off, even if they'd been on just a few minutes... but my Goddess was having none of it... She decided that they would stay on for at least the time of smoking a cigarette while we finalized plans for the evening. My first instinctive thought was "Are you kidding me???", but my answer was, despite big pleading eyes, "Of course, my Goddess...". I sat on the floor by her, holding the ashtray as she reclined on the bed. Regardless of how fast I would smoke my cigarette, everything is always all about her, so I knew there would be no change to my predicament until my Goddess was done smoking hers.

Once our plans decided, we had about half-hour to spare, and my Goddess knew exactly what she was in the mood for to spend that time. It was clear that some strap-on play was on the menu, so with the nipple rings still on me, I went to clean-up a bit. When I came out of the shower, I was greeted by the absolutely divine vision of my Goddess wearing her newly purchased lacy outfit, with short skirt, halter top, and forearm gauntlets. Stunned by the sight of my already stunningly beautiful and sexy Goddess standing before me, freshened up, intoxicatingly dominant, and hungry to hurt me and take me, I came close to falling to my knees at her feet...

She ordered me to climb onto the bed and lay down on my back. Once in position, my Goddess straddled my chest, used the giant twist ties to bind my hands to the top of the headboard of the bed, and placed a leather blindfold over my eyes. She left the bedroom for a minute or two, and when she returned, she removed the nipple ring on the right side. I'm quite sure our neighbors heard that... Seeing my reaction to the removal of the first nipple ring, my Goddess gave me a few seconds to coordinate my breathing to exhale on the removal of the left nipple ring. While still painful, it was easier to bare.

Still straddling me, I heard my Goddess flick a lighter... There was a delay of a few seconds... And before I could realize that I could not smell any smoke, the first drop of wax hit my chest... My mind instantly dropped several more floors down the elevator shaft of subspace... Bound with my Goddess sitting on my stomach, I had very little squirming room for what was coming...

My Goddess had dropped a few random drops of wax on my chest when there was a pause of a few seconds, and I felt her reaching over to the bedside table. It was then that she told me that she was going to try to make a little wax heart on my chest with the help of a heart-shape cookie cutter we had gotten just for that purpose a few weeks back. A few random drops hit different areas of my chest, and occasionally, my still very sore nipples, as my Goddess seemed to wait for some of the wax in the cookie cutter to settle in order for her to aim the next ones. Not having done wax play for a few weeks, I remembered the deep and searing pain that resulted from a direct hit on the central part of the nipple. And while the miscellaneous drops of wax gave my Goddess al kinds of joy and satisfaction because of my reactions, I felt her somehwat disappointed by the cookie cutter experiment. I expect there will be more experimenting with that in the future...

After scrapping off some of the wax, and removing the misshapen wax heart from my chest, in themselves part of any scene sensations as chest hair is painfully pulled off in the process, my Goddess removed the binding ties holding my hands to the headboard of the bed, and ordered me on all-fours on the bed. Once again, I had reached that point in subspace where the only thing that kept me anchored to reality was the sound of her voice. Every touch, impact, sound, sensation, and smell were emotions that washed over me as my mind floated adrift in the beautiful and serene sea of subspace...

My Goddess started hitting me with an implement I could not even identify. I thought it might be one of our kinky fly-swatters, but I learned later it was actually a crop. After a pause, I definitely recognized the feeling and the sound of one of our paddles, though. She gave me about a dozen strokes, generally increasing in intensity, before asking me to lay down on my stomach, where she followed up with another dozen, a bit easier to handle, as receiving paddling laying down rather than with one's backside up in the air usually is.

This warm-up completed, my Goddess ordered me back on elbows and knees, and told me not to moves. While my mind was completely adrift at that point, I could still pick-out the sounds of a bottle being opened, and of my Goddess lubricating her strap-on. She climbed onto the bed, came up behind me, and gently applied some of the lube on me. After covering the outside to her liking, my Goddess proceeded to insert one finger inside me, running it side-to-side and in-and-out a few times to make sure I was ready. Every single movement of her fingers caused me to moan and breath deeply, and there was still much to come. Gently she pulled me back toward her as she pressed the tip of her strap-on against my anus. With small movements, the strap-on gently but firmly entered me, and my Goddess was well on her way to taking me.

She turned-on the vibrating function of the strap-on, which always seems to make the penetration process faster and smoother. And more stimulating for her, since her favorite strap-on is also designed to stimulate her own privates as she pushes into me. I will never be able to describe the incredibly intense feeling of total submisson to my Goddess as she takes me in this most powerfully intimate of experiences. Definitely a moment of "indescribable hotness" (actually, it's #1 on my list in case you haven't read yesterday's entry...). Once she was all the way in, a beautiful process filled with very intense sensations and emotions, an increasing sense of surrender with every inch she goes in deeper, and an overwhelming feeling of her dominance and power over me, my Goddess got into her own grove and rythm. As she accelerated her pace and increased the amplitude of her movements, I could hear her breathing speeding up and getting louder over the sounds I couldn't help but make. I could feel her nails grab and dig deeper into the inside of my hips as her hips were more forcely banging into my backside. Harder... faster... deeper... I could feel her energy wash over both of us as she just let herself go with reckless abandon. The crescendo kept building erotically, violently, until I felt her shaking uncontrollably, eratically, when she climaxed. As the waves died down, she slumped over my back, holding on to me while she was still inside me. The nexus had been reached, the connection was total, and in contrast to the storm and turbulence of the previous minutes, there was an eery calm, with only our slowing breathing to be heard, and her heartbeat that I could feel against my back.

Unbelievably, all of this only served to fuel the fire inside my Goddess, to make her even hungrier. We spent the early evening with one group of BDSM friends, and then the second half of the evening with another group of BDSMfriends, and during that entire time, my Goddess kept telling me that she just couldn't wait to get me back home, and that we wouldn't catch much sleep. The afternoon turned out to be just the first part of our BDSM activities for the day. Another absolutely incredible day with my Goddess...

Friday, August 7, 2009

More moments of indescribable hotness (E)

Image courtesy of Severin through the Museum of Femdom Art.

I'm so delighted, and flattered, that my Goddess was taken with my expression "moments of indescribable hotness", and that it inspired such a wonderful entry from her. I must have re-read her entry a dozen times, and each time it brought about a different set of flashbacks to some of our experiences.

In terms of picking out and identifying these "moments of indescribable hotness", for lack of a better expression, I think the ultimate hotness in these moments isn't just what one side feels, but a moment when there is either a transference of energy, or a moment when the energy suddenly spikes in both individuals.

From the submissive POV, I think it's more difficult to appreciate and analyze the dominant's actual reactions, since I may not be looking at her, or my mind may be in an alternate state, creating fewer opportunities for observation. I have to go strictly with the vibe, or the flow of energy. So this list is a bit different in nature than that of my Goddess' dominant POV. Here is my top ten list of "moments of indescribable hotness", and I did try to put these in order.

10- When my Goddess places my collar around my neck as I'm kneeling before her, and I feel the glee and satisfaction of her ownership of me as she clicks the lock shut.

9- While I'm on the verge of being overwhelmed by intense pain, my Goddess' voice, totally dominant and teasing, saying "aaaw... what's wrong, baby?"

8- The smile on my Goddess' face as she clips my very long house leash (50') to my collar so that she can pull me back to her whenever she wants, for whatever she wants.

7- When my Goddess has me locked away in our little makeshift dungeon, in bondage in a vulnerable and slightly uncomfortable position, and she reaches over to caress my face, gives me a kiss, and tells me "don't go anywhere... I'll be back", and then she leaves me, and I don't know when she'll be back.

6- When my Goddess has me in a vulnerable or helpless position, she's pushing me to the edge, and then she grabs my hair and snaps by head back, arching my back and getting a deep exhale or whimper out of me. My Goddess reaching for my throat with one hand instead of pulling on my hair under similar predicaments, and slightly restricting my breathing for a few seconds, is a close second.

5- How close my Goddess holds me, and lays on me, and covers me during a night's sleep or a nap in which she has me completely in bondage.

4- While I'm right at the edge of what I can take from my Goddess, she come in close to me to tease me and challenge me and asks "...want me to stop?"

3- My Goddess' eyes reaching deeply into mine while she pulls me close to her by my collar and says "I...want...sexual...service".

2- When my Goddess is so turned by my reactions to her hurting me that she climaxes without any stimulation from my part.

1- Hearing and feeling my Goddess reach climax while taking me with her strap-on, her nails digging into my hips, pulling them in rythm with her thrusts into me... faster... harder...

Gosh... there are just so many more... Perhaps tomorrow's entry...

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Top 10 Moments of Undescribable Hotness with my Prince (S)

My dymion made mention of a moment of "undescribable hotness" in a previous post when referring to my actions during a brief interlude we had the other night. I was so flattered. So, I felt the need to tell our readers (and dymion) about HIS top 10 moments of undescribable hotness:

#10 ...when he kneels on the floor and lowers his head to receive his collar when we get home from work

#9 ...the little submissive smile when I make a request for him to fetch something from the kitchen or help me find something I've lost (I lose lots of stuff...sometimes on purpose!)

#8 ...the raising of the eyebrows when I know he is thinking something particularly evil

#7 ...that first groan or whimper (they are my favorite) when I first begin to pinch or squeeze or allow him to enjoy some type of discomfort at my hands

#6 ...the fast breathing and anxious demeanor when I come in for a kiss during or after bondage play

#5 ...the times he's said "don't stop" during particularly hot strap-on play.

#4 ...the way he squirms when the pain is almost too much but he can't bring himself to ask me to stop

#3 ...his hands slowly wraps around my waist or touches my face when we begin our good night kiss

#2 ...the low whisper in my ear during intimate moments when I ask him to tell me how he is feeling while he is providing pleasure to his Goddess

#1 ...but most of all...simply his presence in the room after a very long day when I have just a moment to ponder, "What will happen tonight?"

Sunday, August 2, 2009

CBT/NT and surreal headspace 2 (E)

Image courtesy of the Museum of Femdom Art and Ugari

God... She did it again today...

I was still sore from yesterday when my Goddess pulled me out of our late afternoon nap (we had barely fallen out for a few minutes) with some heavy nipple torture and CBT while she was next to me. Same routine: tortmenting/torturing the left nipple with her fingers and nails... tormenting/torturing the right nipple with her fingers and nails, or biting down on it... down for some CBT... squeezing, scratching, digging in... back to the nipples, individually or together...

In a moment of undescribable hotness, my Goddess grabbed my hair, pulled on it hard snapping my head back as I arched my back off the bed, and as she took me to the edge of what I could endure as I moaned deeply and my breathing was short and fast because of how much she was hurting me, she whispered in my ear "I never, ever tire of hearing you make those noises..."

On another round a few minutes later, she again reached for my hair and pulled hard on it, once more getting me to arch my back, and as she hurt me even more, this time she said "I just absolutely love your reactions... And I love that you'll be making them for me forever..."

Saturday, August 1, 2009

CBT/NT and surreal headspace (E)

BDSM experiences can be so mind-altering in themselves that it shouldn't surprise anymore me that they would feel so surreal when they don't happen in a conventionally conscious and rational state of mind.

Still disoriented from barely being pulled out of unconsciousness, I felt my Goddess' nails tug at my left nipple as I had laid down for a nap with her an undetermined amount of time before. Very quickly I realized that I was in this very strange headspace where I couldn't wake up completely because I had somehow gone straight into subspace from sleeping. If what I was feeling was any indication of what had gone on before gathering my wits in some small part, my Goddess had been at it for a short while, her side by me, altering between CBT and torturing my nipples with a brand new set of nails that felt particularly sharp.

My Goddess is an absolute expert at bringing me to the edge of what I can handle with both activities. This time was no different. What was different, though, was this tenous hold I had on reality, unable to fully get to consciousness, not because I wanted to get back to sleep, but because I was deep into subspace by the time I was waking up.

This surreal, almost supernatural state just intensified when my Goddess brought me to the edge, torturing my left nipple with her nails, almost to the point wher I thought she would open a cut, and biting my right nipple hard. The pain was incredibly intense, the sensation absolutely exquisite, and I reached that magical moment of the nexus where I not only give myself totally to what my Goddess is doing to me, give myself totally to her, but somehow, as I reach that wall, it falls before me, and I want to give her more.

This went on for a quite a while... CBT... one nipple... the other... more CBT... back to both nipples simultaneously... and all over again... sometimes harder... sometimes taking me to the edge... sometimes something less... but generally increasing in intensity each round...

Then, after a few trips to the edge, my Goddess eased off. And she started caressing me. Gently... sometimes with her fingers... sometimes with her nails. Even more than before in an unfamiliar headspace, I felt like I was getting so relaxed, so limp, that I was going to go back to sleep. But in fact, as this strange feeling had overcome me, it started dissipating, and I started to get totally awake as subspace was slowly receeding. And then she kissed me, and I kissed her back... passionately... intensely... desperately...

A disorienting mix of a dream-like sequence and real-time subspace. Or was that real-time subspace intruding into a dream? Whichever it may be, it made for a particularly intense kind of experience, acutely focused yet disorienting, edgy yet relaxing, and of course painful yet wonderful. And mainly because my Goddess was in the mood for it...