"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Magical Mystical Strap On (S)

I'd like to share some thoughts on Strap-On play. This particular kink has been heavily on my mind recently as I am proud to say dymion and I officially wore out our first Bumble Bee Strap-On (RIP, dear friend) and had to purchase a second a couple of days ago. I hope it will get some use in the coming weekend.

Some may feel strap-on play primarily provides a sexual thrill, but it is much more to me. Yes, it is HOT, but there is additional depth to it with the right sub...

I had never really considered strap-on play until Dymion and I began pushing BDSM limits. It was something neither of us had ever experienced and his description of the symbolism behind such an act made it extremely appealing to me. Have you ever had those scenes that are beyond description? Strap-On play is rarely NOT on the list of overwhelming experiences. Nevertheless, even though I know I will never find quite the right words, as I have tried expressing these feelings many times before, I still want to share...

Taking Dymion in that way is so powerful. It is a symbol of my ownership of him and his willingness to give me anything and everything he has. When I enter him, I completely get lost in his sounds, movements, and the overall feeling of control and intimacy. I find myself moving harder and faster because I need more of his reactions. Our breath seems be in sync, our bodies become a single entity, and we must continue on...go deeper...push farther to maintain the feeling...that beautiful feeling that we create together in that moment. Even when the scene is over, I replay it, dream of it, and yearn to experience it again.

I highly recommend the Strap-On experience to anyone who understands the thrill and potential emotional impact of the power exchange. I love so many things that Dymion and I have incorporated into our play, but this is definitely a favorite for both of us.

"I need my coffee, Bitch!" (E)

Artwork courtesy of Van Rod

It's amazing how the same words can be negative and offending, or positively exciting, depending on the context and the nature of the relationship.

A few mornings ago, my Goddess woke up a bit before I did. As I felt her stirring next to me, I started slowly coming out of my sleep. My eyes still closed, my mind coming out of its sleep-induced fog, the first thing I heard was:

"I need my coffee, Bitch!"

My Goddess was leaning over me, with a dominantly evil smile. I couldn't help but to be turned on and excited. I quickly replied "Yes, my Goddess", got up, and went to prepare her coffee.

It was a wonderful start to our morning rituals before another extraordinary day with my Goddess...

Monday, December 28, 2009

Under her spell - part 3 (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com

While I was still gathering my wits from the deep subspace I was into, and physically recovering from the overwhelming sensations that resulted from the session, my Goddess gathered up some bondage equipment from our toy cabinet and our bedside tables.

Once she had what she was looking for, my Goddess came back to my side of the bed, ordered me on my back, and quickly proceeded to unclip the chain that was attached to my collar, cuffed my wrists together, and clipped those cuffs to the chain she had just removed from my collar. Then she moved down to my feet, placed leather cuffs around my ankles, and clipped those to the chain attached to the foot board of the bed. I was stretched out, immobilized except for a little side-to-side movement, and my body was open and vulnerable to anything her creative and sadistic mind was up to.

Once certain that I was securely bound, my Goddess went to the bathroom, and starting running the water from the sink. Having dipped back into subspace from the bondage, I had a hard time determining what she was doing. Or determining how much time she had been away. But upon her return, I felt a warm, wet washcloth come down over my pubic area. Delicately, she washed my genitals and the areas around them.

After finishing the clean-up and going back to the bathroom, she returned once more to my side, and the next thing I felt was my Goddess applying some cream to my pubic area and the lower part of the shaft of my penis. It was clear that the shaving fantasy proposed by one of our readers a while back was in the works.

Thoroughly, methodically, my Goddess covered with cream every area she had in mind, and went back to the bathroom one more time. Upon her return, my Goddess took the opportunity to take a break to smoke a cigarette. She lit her cigarette, came back onto the bed, and placed the ashtray on my chest to insure that I would remain even more immobile during the break. It seemed that she had a bit of time to kill while the cream she applied would work its magic. Over the course of the next few minutes, she teased me with some NT, blowing smoke in my face, and taking a drag and forcing me to take in her exhale of smoke. Intoxicating in so many ways...

My Goddess put out the cigarette on the ashtray on my chest, moved the ashtray back to her night table, and came back again to my side of the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed, moved in up against my upper thigh, and then I felt some light pressure against the skin right above my penis, a sweeping movement that clearly indicated my Goddess began the shaving, followed by a wipe with a humid washcloth. It was then I fully realized that she had started shaving my pubic area with one of those plastic edge razor, and that in the position I was in, I was going to lose all the hair my Goddess was in the mood to remove.

The process lasted several minutes as my Goddess shaved off an area of 3-4 inches above the level of my penis, extending from inside one leg to inside the other, and around the lower part of the shaft. She let me know that there would be more shaving to happen at another time soon. But as she neared the end of what she was aiming for, my Goddess rubbed her fingers over the hairless areas with curiosity, and satisfaction. She was very much enjoying her handywork, in addition to the very dominant symbolism of the scene that she had created and played out. More than ever before, literally, my body was the canvas for the expression of her dominance.

There was such a powerful vibe emanating from my Goddess after the shaving. I was in her care and control, bound beneath her, helpless to stop her from doing anything she wanted. Yet, I was deep in subspace, and at peace in my surrender to the power of her dominance.

My Goddess then changed pace radically as she went to her side of the bed, climbed on, and came right next to me from her side. Enjoying my vulnerable position, she began some NT. She so enjoys my reactions and the involuntary moans I make when she plays with my nipples. They spur her on to more, and more intensity. She continued the NT a few more minutes until she got several whimpers from me, sweet, sweet sounds that excite her and empower her to no end. Sometimes, feeling the rise in her sadistic excitement and her dominance during NT, I'm surprised she ever puts an end to it, if only for a few hours.

But the NT did end, and she released me from the restrictive bondage position, but left the cuffs and collar (of course) on. I went straight to the bathroom to wash-off the skin that had been shaved, as I still felt some warmth in certain areas, and neither one of us wanted the skin to get too irritated.

Upon my return to the bedroom, my Goddess was still high from the scene, and totally, totally turned-on, and some sexual servitude was immediately required from me. She was absolutely insatiable...
Eventually, after providing my Goddess with several more orgasms, she granted me my own sexual release. Immediately following, she had a few things she asked me to take care of in order for us to get ready to sleep, which I took care without fault.

Finally, still in subspace, with my ever-present locked collar, and the wrist and ankle cuffs still on, I joined my Goddess for sleep after an absolutely incredible evening.


Sunday, December 27, 2009

It's Good To Be Goddess! (S)

image - Gustav Klimt's "The Kiss"

Though I leave much of the writing to dymion these days, I occasionally have a moment of "Ahhh...how lucky am I?!?!?" that I feel I need to share...Today, I had a moment so please allow me to indulge myself...

I woke up this morning and rolled over to feel the warm skin of my beautiful boy. He made a few faint sounds as I dabbled in the torment of my pet. It only made him pull me closer. Oh, how he loved to hurt for me. I cannot describe this feeling...the feeling of knowing someone adores you so much, finds you so attractive, desires you to be near him at eery moment. All these feelings are reciprocated, of course.
It was a bit overwhelming this morning. I just couldn't get close enough to my boy. He sensed it, as he has learned to do so well. He can read the subtlest of signs that I need special attention or sexual servitude. I must say he is well-trained and eager to please my every whim. He put his arms around me and rolled me over on the bed. Then, he proceeded to bring me the pleasure that I yearned for. It was yet another amazing moment between the two of us.
I simply cannot get enough of this man. It amazes me he still excites me as if it were our first time together EVERY SINGLE TIME we touch. I have sought this type of connection my entire life. I have found it and it is bliss.

I say these things not to seek admiration or jealously, but rather to share my story of hope. I found something I never thought I could. In fact, I wasnt quite sure it even existed. But it does. It so does.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Under her spell - part 2 (E)

Artwork courtesy of www.femdomartists.com

On all fours on the bed, and blindfolded, my Goddess clipped my collar to a chain that is now pretty much permanently set up on the head board of the bed. I felt her get off the bed, and walk around toward my side. Just a few seconds later, I heard her pick-up our new, yet unused, "candy cane" that was hanging off the foot of the bed.

For those of you that missed that entry, at our last visit of one of our favorite fetish stores, about a week ago, my Goddess found a hard plastic cane, maybe 27-30" long, made of twisted red and white strands of plastic. It looks like a giant candy cane, but evidently one to strike with, not one to lick.

Once the cane in her hand, my Goddess came up closer to me, and started off with a gentle but firm strike on each side of my ass. She then followed up with some gentle taps, punctuated by the occasional harder strike. Both warming me up and gauging the effect of the cane, my Goddess took her time taking the measure of this play. She continued varying rhythm and intensity until she had a good feel for it. By then, I had fallen deeper into subspace, and I broke a light sweat, a first sign that impact play is pushing my comfort zone. But that's also a sign for me to try to relax more deeply, to stop tensing my body trying to anticipate the strikes, to roll with the blows rather than to fight them, and to surrender totally to the will of my Goddess.

She was now ready to give me one blow for each of the twelve days of Christmas. And I had to count them aloud. By the fourth of fifth stroke, the impact of the cane shook me deeply inside, and the stinging was lasting longer each time. By the eigth or ninth stroke, it was difficult for me to keep my body steady, and I had broken into a second, heavier sweat. Deep into subspace, two more strokes can down, and they felt like electric bolts arcing through my body. As I was trying to regain a bit of composure after calling out the eleventh stroke, there came a pause. I heard my Goddess shuffling through our toy cabinet briefly before coming back nearer to me.


And then the twelfth stroke came down on my ass. Hard, heavy, ungiving, my Goddess had pulled out our hard lexan paddle for the final stroke. It dropped me out of position, flat onto my side on the bed. I felt her standing over me, dominant, victorious, overjoyed, and satisfied from what she had just done.

The new cane was clearly a success, and it was definitely a new tool for the expression of her dominance over me.

Coming up... bondage... NT & CBT... shaving... overnight in cuffs...

Friday, December 25, 2009

Under her spell - part 1 (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

God, she looked gorgeous while we were out...

Cute, sexy, beautiful, all at once, and the pink elf hat she wore made her look all the more delicious for the dominance she hid from the rest of the world. By the time we got home, I was totally out of control.

My Goddess had just come out of the toilet room, and she was washing her hands. I came up behind her and gave her big hug. Nothing in mind, no expectations. Just a warm gesture of affection. She backed into me affectionately a bit, returning the hug with her body, leaving her wet hands over the sink so not to drip water all over the floor. I held on hugging her since she responded so warmly to it.

Finally my Goddess turned around and gave me a piercing look. Warm... sexy... hungry... dominant... she reached over for a kiss. Our lips locked in a warm embrace, our mouths opened a bit, and our tongues touched. She reached up to my nipples with her hands, and started teasing them a bit. While we were still locked in the kiss, my Goddess grabbed my nipples harder, and forced me down to my knees.

We continued the kiss a bit longer, and then she broke it off. My hands on her hips, I looked up at her, she looked down at me, and I felt the shockwave of her dominance hit me, emanating from her eyes.
My Goddess continued the NT and pulled me in. My face was now up against her skirt, pressing against the lower part of her stomach. The NT intensified, my subspace deepened, and my hands ran down her legs.

She let go of my nipples, I lifted her skirt, and slipped my head underneath. I ran my hands back up her legs, and removed her underwear. My Goddess standing up against the sink, my hands at her upper thighs, my face up against the fragrance of her intimate parts, she pushed her hips in my direction.
First my nose, next my mouth, and then with my tongue, I rapidly found my way to her pleasure center.

While my Goddess held herself up against the sink with her arms, my tongue reached deep to her G-spot... teasing... exciting... stimulating... both her and me. Within just a few minutes, she hit her groove and climaxed... big time. Her knees almost buckled, forcing me even deeper into her before I had moved my mouth away completely, and causing a secondary climax to shake her body.


I pulled out from under my Goddess' skirt, steadied her, and looked up at her. Her teeth showing through her pursed lips, she opened her eyes. She grabbed my short hair and ordered me to crawl to the bed. She followed right behind me. Once I was on all fours on the bed, she climbed on, positioned herself on her back, and I knew she was still hungry. I laid down on my stomach between her legs, positioned my head right where it had to be, and went back to work. It wasn't long before my Goddess had her next orgasm.

Once the tremors stopped, my Goddess reached over for my locking collar, and placed it around my neck. She got up, went around to my side of the bed to find one of our leather blindfolds, and took away my sight. And then she ordered me on all fours on the bed. This being Christmas Eve and all, I knew that our "candy" cane was about to see some action...

Coming up... caning... bondage... NT & CBT... shaving... overnight in cuffs...

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Hot, hot words... (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

A hard day at work for both of us wrapped up with doing a little shopping for some food before heading home. Our return home started in the usual manner... I got a cold drink for my Goddess... she placed my leather collar around my neck and locked it... I prepared dinner while she relaxed catching up to the news on TV and surfing the web... we ate... I cleaned up after dinner as she was dead tired and retired to the bedroom...

After finishing my domestic duties and returned to the bedroom to join my Goddess, I found her very sleepy, but tense thinking about work. So I offered to give her a back massage with our favorite lotion, which she accepted gladly.

I sat cross-legged in the bed, and she laid face-down, her hips and mid-section over my thighs, with a pillow under her head. It's a wonderfully close and sensual position, and it gives me great access to the key areas I needed to reach. I worked on her upper back, neck, shoulders, upper arms, middle back, lower back, and upper buttocks. I think she might have dozed off a few times for a minute or two each time while I was giving her the massage.

As I was wrapping up with some caressing of her back and legs, I felt my Goddess starting to move sensually and somewhat suggestively against me. Very small and subtle movements, but quite exciting in view of the fact that she was over my legs. I started to move my caresses of her legs toward her inner thighs. It accentuated her movements. I ran my fingers over and circled a few erogenous zones on her legs and hips ever so lightly, and waited for a change in reaction. It accentuated her movements further. She separated her legs just a bit. The unspoken order was clear... a little sexual servitude was in order.

On the next caressing pass up her inner thighs, my fingers slowly, delicately, made their way to her G-spot, and I started to gently rub her. The two fingers of my left hand inside her, my right hand lightly caressing her back, her movements against me were deliciously erotic. With my right hand I reached up to grab her hair. While in another context, by other people, this would seem a role reversal relative to our D/s dynamics, hair-pulling during manual stimulation is tremendously exciting for my Goddess, and in order to serve her best, and bring her as much pleasure as possible, it felt like the right thing to do.

Her excitement was off-the-charts... and yet she was holding off. I felt her trying to prolong and extend and build-up the pleasure as much as possible, and I changed my pacing to accommodate her. This lasted several more minutes longer than the time it normally takes me to bring my Goddess to climax. But she found a groove that she just wouldn't let go of, and all I had to do was to continue, and make sure that I wouldn't build so long that her orgasm would be spoiled. Eventually, she could not hold it off any longer, and she had a magnificently huge orgasm that lasted and lasted and lasted.

My Goddess' post-climax tremors tremors had not quite ended when she turned around, grabbed the leash attached to my collar, pulled my face close to hers, and said in a strict tone dripping with sexual hunger "I'm not done yet".

A wave of subspace washed over me...
Still holding the leash, she led me into position for oral servitude. I did my best to keep up with the harsh movements of the leash. As my Goddess forced my face between her legs, and pulled up on the leash, she barked at me:

"It's probably still messy down there... deal with it!"

Another, much larger wave of subspace slammed right into me... and I dutifully went about doing what I'd been ordered to do... Again we managed to extend the climax, and amazingly, built it up to a level that was even higher, more intense.

The climax was absolutely spectacular for my Goddess, and I was just overwhelmed by her energy, her eroticism, her sexuality, her dominance, and her hot, hot words...

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Collar redux... and more locking jewelry (E)

Artwork courtesy of Nanshakh (http://www.nanshakh.com/)

My Goddess and I were out perhaps two hours yesterday, and as soon as we returned, the locking leather collar went back on. That puts the present running total at 62 hours out of the last 64.

My Goddess has not been feeling well these last few days, but she did have a little cabin fever, so we went out for a late lunch. After eating, we dropped by one of our favorite fetish shops, and picked up a beautiful metal locking neck chain for me. The idea behind the purchase was to get me a locking chain/collar that I could wear while working out. It has been a source of sadness for both of us that neither the leather collar or my mainstream collar/necklace could be used during athletic activities. Beyond the inappropriateness of the locking leather collar in vanilla settings, neither one of the collars would withstand the damage of working out for very long. Now, the new locking chain will forever be my companion in such activities, as it will much more resistant to perspiration, chlorine, and showering.

We tried the locking chain at the shop, had them shorten it by a few links, and within a few seconds of returning to the car with it, my Goddess placed it around my neck and locked it. At that time, I was already wearing my mainstream collar, so we returned home with me wearing both. Once home, I removed my mainstream collar, and my Goddess placed the locking leather collar on me. But as she was increasingly enthralled with the new locking chain on me, she chose not to remove it. And I have been wearing both my locking leather collar, and the locking chain, since that time (about 18 hours).

While we were in the fetish shop, my Goddess came across a new toy she couldn't resist getting... a "candy" cane. Shaped in the traditional cane form, about 24" long, it's made of two strands of plastic, one red and one white, twisted over each other. It looks like a a giant candy cane, but it's definitely meant for those who are naughty and not nice...

With some serious RL stress this week, and health issues, we haven't done much in terms of heavy playing. But I could tell last night during some light NT and CBT that between the new locking chain and the new cane, my Goddess' need to express her dominance in some more intense activities is about to boil over...

I know I'm obsessing over the whole collar thing these days, but their symbolism, and their physical presence just continually intensify such deep and powerful feelings in each of us. And it brings me to the realization that the only thing more intoxicating than being completely, obsessively in love with my Goddess is the intoxication of being the object of her love, her dominance, her lust...

Saturday, December 19, 2009

40 hours of the locked collar... (E)

Artwork courtesy of Kimberly Dow, found through Male Submission Art

It's been 40 hours since my Goddess placed and locked my collar on me.

We'll need to be out around town soon, in situations where wearing it can be risky, so it will be taken off in the next hour or so, just before I get into the shower. And I'll switch to my more discreet "mainstream" collar. But I have to say... What an absolutely magical feeling...


The thick 1-inch leather material, unyielding, ungiving, around my neck... the D-rings swaying gently about with my movements... the main frontal D-ring attached to the leash all of the time, except during sleep and our short shopping trip... the sound of the lock swinging about behind my neck on my every movement... the feeling of the control that my Goddess exerts over me... the feeling that she wants to keep me close to her... the closer, the better... the feeling that she will never want to relinquish that control...

Making myself available to her any time she tugs on the leash... being available for service and duties to her absolutely any time she desires... being available and vulnerable for her whims, wants, needs, and desires... being available and vulnerable to her dominance...

We even had a short interlude out for some shopping yesterday, where the weather allowed me to wear clothing that would hide the collar fairly well. It was actually the first time I ever had my locking collar on while out of the house with my Goddess. She couldn't resist teasing me by tugging on the lock shortly before I got out of the car to pick-up an order of food to go.

I so love displaying my love and devotion and submission and belonging to my Goddess. I so love the pride and joy my Goddess expresses in my displays of love and devotion and submission to her, and in her ownership of me. The symbolism that the locked collar carries is a reflection of our relationship, and as such, is a wonderfully tangible reminder of what we have, and what we feel for each other. And it keeps that D/s energy high, hot, and ready to boil over at any time...

PS: a note about the artwork... a beautiful painting by Kimberly Dow, which I found extremely evocative while I was looking for visuals for this post. I found it on one of my favorite sites, Male Submission Art, which is linked in our Art & Photography section. The powerful emotions that I felt from the details of the collar, the pose, and the henna tattoo, the sense of self-expression on the part of both the artist and the subject, and the sense of a moment in time in a power exchange, further etched into my soul my feelings of the last day and a half. You can find more of her work at http://www.kimberlydow.com/

PPS: A very rough week in RL... D/s energy remains high because of our 24/7 dynamics, and there's been lots of little incidental play, but our long reader-inspired scene is still to come...

Thursday, December 17, 2009

"You're not getting out of it..." (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

"You're not getting out of it tonight, my Love."

And many hours later, once we were home together, after I did some laundry, cleaned up the bedroom, prepared dinner, cleaned the kitchen after dinner, my Goddess was true to the cell phone text she had sent me early that day.

Lying in bed naked, blindfolded, locked leather wrist cuffs chained to the headboard of the bed, feet bound to the foot of the bed, by body stretched out, I was hers for whatever she wanted, whatever she was in the mood for.

A little CBT, lots of NT, a whimper or two... my Goddess so loves to get a whimper out of me... and I so love it when she hurts me for her enjoyment.

Some teasing while she was smoking... blowing smoke in my face, teasing my nipples with her cigarette, forcing me to take some her drags from her mouth to mine...

She took out some scissors and started trimming my pubic area... then moved on to a razor... Began to leave her mark on me... I am all hers... her pet... her boy... her canvas... her property... another sign of her ownership and my belonging...

My Goddess mounted my chest and then moved down to my stomach, working her way to climax by torturing my nipples... and from the moans I was making... and the movements of my body... but this time she was impatient... she couldn't wait... it wasn't fast enough, intense enough... she literally leaped up... her divine pussy landing hard on my face... a little tweaking of the position and I was hard at work in worshiping orally... still not fast enough... still not intense enough... she reached down to pinch my nostrils... my tongue is working frantically to bring my Goddess where she wants to be... where she needs to be... before I run out of air...

And after my Goddess gets rocked by a huge climax, she fall against my chest, and I feel her heartbeat and her rapid breathing and her tremors against my body...

No, I could not get out of it. And I never want to get out of it... out of her control... out of her dominance... out of her desires...

It's early in the morning, and I have to start getting ready to go to work. Take a shower and all that. I have the locked leather wrist cuffs on, and my locked leather collar is in place, attached to the house leash... and I SO don't want my Goddess to take them off... I so don't want to get out of them... and be away from her dominance... be away from her love... be away from her...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

e[lust] #3

e[lust] #3

13messages
HNT Courtesy of 13Messages

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in the next edition? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!


♦ This Week’s Top Three Posts ♦

Presence - I wish that you would look at me now. I am willing you to look at me now, over her body, rocking with the motion of her mouth. But you do not.

Restraint“Do you like what you see?” the blonde asks. “Are you excited by what’s before you?” the redhead enquires. He nods.

What Not to FetishwearDON’T wear a PVC sleeveless vest if you fall into the rotund category. You will look like a bowling ball. With chubby arms.


e[lust] Editress

Fucking for ArtThe proximity of their nakedness and my scrutiny resulted in this beautiful agony of arousal for them both. I asked if they would feel comfortable doing some poses of vaginal penetration for me, and they readily agreed.


♦ Featured Post

The Naked TruthHe didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are.


See also: Pleasurists #56 and #57 for all your sex toy review needs

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!


Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Tricky Balls

Propaganda Sucks in All Directions
Wicked Grounds
Which Reindeer Sex Style Are You?
Five Tuesday: 2010 AVN Award Nominees


Kink & Fetish

Come what may..
While I waited
Caning Before the Movies
Say…
Savoring Submission
The Ruler
Give In
Flagging brown
The Mummy Returns
Finding Power Through Play
Marked
Microfantasy Monday 24


Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Spanksgiving
Wife Unsure About Sex With Others
Morning
Thought Provoked
December: Month of the Rant
Less is More
That’s My Cervix!
Femme Invisibility
Are You Just Kinky or Is It a Lifestyle
Baby Steps and Giant Leaps
Cyber Sex


Erotic Writing

Friends with Benefits
Prolific
The Tease
Cock. Confession #386
Shower
Cal’s wisdom
Blinded and Bound
The Little Things…
lust
The Witness
Quiet and Still
Giving and Receiving
Beasts in the Bathroom
Fixation: Touch
The Pussy Eating Challenge
An Oceans Release part 1
MFM: Etiquette
Office Party
Daydreams & Distractions Droit de Cuissage
Tant pis
Toys, toys, toys
Revenge (Pt. 1)
Gush
Claiming: Assume the Position

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Lost in a moment (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

Working at the computer with locked collar and leash, and locked leather wrist cuffs, while my Goddess is still sleeping, I reach to one of the wrist cuffs, feeling its unyielding leather, tugging on the lock that keeps it in place... I am transported into a whirlpool of emotions and images and feelings and sensations...

The powerful love that binds me to my Goddess... the addictive need to be in her presence every second of the day... the intoxication of her love and her dominance... the flashbacks of sensations from the erotically sensual to the delightfully painful...

Caring... sadistic...

Bondage... freedom to be...

My availability... her self-expression...

Dedication... service...

Worship... affection...

Her needs and wants... surrender and fulfillment...

Control & power... obsession...

Domination... ownership...

Submission... belonging...

Love & passion... future & togetherness...

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Build our scene - part 4 (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

Lots of catching up to do...
Integrating more comments from readers, this is what we have up to now, in the order the suggestions came in:
  1. whipping/flogging until whining and begging
  2. shaving of the pubic area while in restraints
  3. some feminine clothing
  4. hand and foot service (drawn out)
  5. release for me, but without respite in my service to my Goddess
  6. some isolation, at least an hour
  7. oral service of a cock
  8. strap-on fucking
Of course, what happens, in what order it happens, will be up to my delightfully creative Goddess. But the readers that left suggestions, Anonymous and Jason Murphee, have setup quite the scene for us. These are beautiful and powerful elements for a scene, or several scenes drawn-out over a longer period of time, that include several of our favorite activities (impact play, begging, service, being left in isolation anticipating, and strap-on), and something new we've never done.

As I sit here writing this morning, in my locked collar and leash, while my Goddess is still sleeping, my mind is racing in anticipation of when it will happen, what will happen, and how it will happen.

How far will my Goddess push the flogging? To the point of general redness? To the point of welts? To the point of bruising? Will there be some blood? If there is some blood, will I feel her tongue running over the broken skin, fulfilling her lust for tasting my blood whenever she's responsible for causing me to bleed?

How much begging will be enough for my Goddess? Will she relent the first time I break down? The third time? After I've so surrendered that I've become silent again, knowing that the begging only encourages her to go further?

The shaving in restraints scene, wherever it shows up (different logistics, and it could be a whole scene of its own), will be a new detour for both of us. My Goddess' original reaction to reading that suggestion was "I'm so doing that!", and her enthusiasm for it was as much of a turn-on for me as the idea itself. On my side, well, any thoughts of being in bondage for my Goddess is exciting. To be vulnerable and under her control is even more so. And I would expect that the lasting impact of that scene will be as powerful visual and sensory reminders of the power my Goddess has over me, and her ownership of me. I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy over it already.

The hand and foot service is a defining element of our 24/7 play. I do pretty much anything and everything my Goddess asks of me at anytime of the day or night. But non-sexual service is rarely part of a BDSM scene once my Goddess gets worked up and the expression of her dominance comes out physically. Will she use this as a tool for pacing the scene and drawing it out? Will she test my ability to serve her while I'm deep in subspace? Will she challenge me to service as part of a predicament?

An interesting challenge came up in terms of my Goddess retaining full dominant control over me after my release. I can vouch for the fact that this is a non-issue. If anything, it's effortless for me to remain in subspace, and full submissive/service mode through and after release. On the other hand, at a certain depth of subspace, it's almost impossible for me to think of my own sexual fulfillment.

What will my Goddess do while I'm left bound and in isolation? Go to the next room to write a blog entry? Finish her Christmas shopping? Call up friends or family on the phone? Watch a favorite TV show?

Which one of her "cocks" will my Goddess want me to service? I know how much my Goddess loves the power and feeling of forcing me to give her head when she wears a strap-on. Will she be pulling my hair to make sure I take it deep in my mouth? Or will she be using a leash clipped to my collar? We have two dildos/strap-ons that reach inside of her, and anything I do orally provides her with almost direct stimulation. As a side note, my Goddess and I are VERY monogamous in our D/s relationship, in our love, in our sex, and in our BDSM play. And she is extremely possessive of me [a huge and proud smile came over me as I wrote that, and I can't resist to reach to tug on the lock at the back of my collar]. So the thought of bringing someone else into the scene would crash it for the two of us. But trust me when I say that when my Goddess is in the mood to have her "cock" sucked, between her attitude, her drive, and the 8.5" strap-on with clitoral stimulation she prefers, she would make absolutely any guy proud...

And finally, my Goddess taking me with her strap-on... By now, you all know how special that is to both of us. How long will it take her to reach climax? How rough or how gentle will she be? Will one climax be enough for her? Will she feel that I got enough or will she continue on with more anal play after? How much more?

I left out the feminine clothing for now... I don't know what my Goddess will do with that. I know she's not a big fan of that when it comes to me, and has never had any interest in it. And while it doesn't really matter, neither do I. I think that part of the attraction and excitement of our D/s relation for my Goddess is that I am such a man's man, physically imposing and very dominant in RL. Capturing that essence, having me, strong of character and intimidating to many, submit to her and be under her control, provides her with an even greater level of power and satisfaction. I won't promise anything on this segment...

So here I sit, still waiting for my Goddess to give my leash its first tug of the day, calling me into service to her. After writing this entry, I am even more wired than I was this morning when I woke up early and couldn't fall back to sleep because I was in one of those needy submissive moods, missing being loved and hurt and cared for and played with by my Goddess.

Much gratitude goes to Anonymous who provided many of the components of our weekend scene, and Jason Murphee for the strap-on play, front and back.

But I hear some stirring down the hall... it may be that time...

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Build our scene - part 3 (E)

Artwork courtesy of Femdom Artists

Our anonymous reader has a third comment that is really adding several segments to the scene. And yes, we are interested in you continuing your suggestions, Anonymous, and in everyone else's ideas and suggestions.

In what is part exhibitionistic exercise, part curiosity, and part change of pace for us, we have up to now:
  1. whipping/flogging until whining and begging
  2. shaving of the pubic area while in restraints
  3. some feminine clothing
  4. hand and foot service (drawn out)
The anticipation for playing the scene out this weekend is growing exponentially. My Goddess has already been dominantly teasing me about it. The order, content, and the flow will, of course, be a matter of her inspiration and what she's in the mood for.

The shaving could be a scene in itself. This is an area that we haven't venture in, and my Goddess' reaction was "I am so doing that!"

While neither one of us is into scripted scenes, having a bunch of activities to choose from and string together, with new twists and potentially new activities, will be exciting and fun for my Goddess. And if my Goddess enjoys herself, then I will certainly get a huge kick out of it. Just a matter of getting into different groove.

We'll each share our perspective in a blog entry after it's done. In the meantime, don't be shy. Let us have your ideas. Beside, we may end up with several scenes...

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Build our scene - part 2

Artwork courtesy of Alazar through the Museum of Femdom Art

Awesome!

We have a start to the scene! Nothing like a good intense flogging to warm-up and set the tone. A nice variation for us too, since the floggers don't get as much use in our home as the paddles and the canes.

Whining and begging is so hot... Nice touch. Can never go wrong having that as part of the scene, and you can never have too much of it. And since we have that begging part coming up early, we'll leave the gags on side for now, unless we use the ring-gag.

So what now? What did the whining and begging put us in the mood for? What's the next part?

And it's still not too late to influence the start of the scene. Light bondage, heavy bondage, or no bondage yet? If we go with some bondage, do we go with rope or leather? A relaxing position or a more restrictive/severe one? NT or CBT? Clothespins? Nipples clamps? Or are we keeping those for later?

Do you have lots of experience? Go ahead and throw in your favorite twist. Or something you've never done but would love to read about.

You don't have lots of experience? Give us your idea, and read what we do with it.

We are anxiously awaiting your suggestions...

Thank you to the anonymous reader who left the first comment to get the scene started.

PS: Just noticed... a new comment by an anonymous reader (or the same?). A shaving scene while restrained. Hmmm... Now that would be a new area for us. Love it. More later, got to run. Keep the ideas coming!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Build a Scene With Me (S)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

To all of our faithful readers,

I post today to ask your help and hopefully provide a little stimulation for you all. Dymion has been told that he will be serving your desires in the coming days. I would like your assistance in building the ultimate scene. What would you like us to do? Bondage? Strap on? Flogging? Mind fuck? Sensation Play?

I will begin by blindfolding my beloved prince and ordering him to lay on his back on our bed. Now your turn... You create the scene, he will live it. We will give you the play by play, blow by blow, moan by moan and everything in between. This is your opportunity to make your fantasies come true vicariously through a loving D/s couple.

Your creativity will be appreciated and I assure you that credit will be given where credit is due. So help me create an experience of a lifetime for my prince and I.

I anxiously await your feedback.

-Goddess Selena

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Caning before the movies (E)

Artwork courtesy of Museum of Femdom Art

It started as a quiet evening... I know, I know... famous last words. But after a nice day out with my Goddess, we returned home, my collar was placed around my neck and locked, I serve my Goddess with a variety of little requests, I prepared dinner, we ate, and then we prepared to spend some time together watching a movie on television.

As I came back to the bedroom to get comfortable with my Goddess to watch the movie, I found her standing at the door holding the rigid violet cane, swinging it in her hand. She had the most deliciously dominant smile on her face. It made my heart melt, my knees weak, and a deep feeling of submissive anticipation washed over me. I dropped to my knees, took her hands, and passionately started kissing them.

My Goddess enjoyed my submissive affection for 2 or 3 minutes, and then grabbed my hair and pulled hard on it, snapping my head back. She gave me a passionate kiss and then ordered me on the bed on all-fours. While I am always in submissive and service mode when we are in the house together, in a matter of just a few minutes, I dropped into subspace and into a mood of total surrender.

I took up my position as ordered, and my Goddess started gently caning my backside. After a dozen taps or so, she increased the pace and the intensity of the strokes, moving them around both sides. Within a few minutes, my Goddess had me deep into subspace as I tried to relax as much as possible, diving into the mental surrender to help me deal with the sensations of the caning.

I broke into a light sweat, a sign that the caning was definitely making an impact, no pun intented, on me. At one point my Goddess grabbed my hair and pulled my head back, almost making me lose contact between my hands and the bed. She told me to look into the mirror that was facing us on the wall opposite the bed. A huge wave of her dominance came crashing onto me as she forced me to look at myself in this predicament. The vision of my Goddess with the violet cane in one hand, and pulling on my hair in the other, visually demonstrating her control, her dominance, her power over me, was overwhelming. An image and feelings that will be etched in my mind forever...

My Goddess let go of my hair, and told me to start counting the strokes. 20 was today's objective, and I knew these were going to be harder than what I had received earlier. Some were hard, on some she eased up a bit, but the trend was definitely one of increasing intensity. By the eleventh one, I had trouble staying steady in position, despite the deep moans and exhales, which I know excited her tremendously, and trying to relax in my surrender. At the fifteenth, my Goddess once more grabbed my hair and pulled my head back, and took the opportunity to nibble hard on my ear, whisper close to me how hot this was for her, and kiss my neck delicately a few times.

The final four strokes were, as expected, the climax of the 20, and I had a hard time staying on all-fours for any of them. I was still recovering, in position, from the trembling resulting from the twentieth stroke of the cane when my Goddess told me it was time for me to be her furniture for the movie, which was about to start. I took up my position on the bed, sitting against the pillows up next to the headboard, and my Goddess came over to sit between my legs, and lay back against my chest.

My backside was warm, itchy in some places, and pretty sensitive over all. While my Goddess made herself comfortable against me, and the feel of her skin was sublimely sensual, my mind was still drifting into the caning session as I felt its result under the weight of sitting.

The evening was beautiful, sensual, and sexy. Lost in subspace, I caressed her skin, played with her hair, and kissed her neck and shoulders. About half-an-hour into the movie, my Goddess wanted to have a massage, and I happily provided her with a long, relaxing, and sensual massage on her back, neck, shoulders, and upper backside.

Not long after that, maybe a bit past midway through the movie, my Goddess required some sexual service, and I brought her to climax twice. There would be no release for me on this evening, but deep in subspace, and still sated from the release on the previous evening, it wasn't foremost on my mind.

Before the movie ended, my Goddess had fallen asleep on me. She had turned her body about a quarter to her side, and her head was resting on my arm that went across her upper chest. Just sheer, absolute sensual bliss. There was also a sense of bondage and confinement as I didn't want to move to disturb or wake her up. It was a delightfully beautiful predicament.

Eventually, she woke up about 45 minutes later on her own to go to the bathroom, and with her permission, I took the opportunity to prepare myself for bed. I returned five minutes later, and we had a wonderfully close and cuddly sleep. By the time we woke up together this morning, it felt like we never got apart at any time.

Within a few minutes of being up this morning, flashbacks from last night were racing through my mind, putting me in a deeply submissive mood. After starting our morning rituals, including serving my Goddess her morning coffee in bed, and lighting her cigarette and sitting on the floor holding her ashtray, the residual sensitivity of my backside just augmented that submissive mood, and brought back a bit of subspace.

We spent our morning close to each other, including spending some very hot time looking at permanent collars for me. On the inside, though, throughout the course of the morning, I was hungry for my Goddess to get back to hurting me. Actually, more than hungry... close to out of control... on the verge of begging her to pull out the cane again... begging for us to do that before every movie... But I behaved, and let the flow of this morning's D/senergy take its course.

Right now, I am writing this blog entry in bed, next to my Goddess who is taking a nap. I have my locked collar on, the house leash is attached to it, and my backside is still reminding me of last night's play. But my Goddess wanted me to stay close to her while she napped, so here I am, in gentle captivity next to her, re-telling another wonderful episode of our incredible D/s relationship.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Marks of ownership and belonging (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

Yesterday, my Goddess and I were trading loving and sexy texts on our cellphones throughout the course of the day, and some of the texts got incredibly, dominantly hot when they turned to the subject of ownership marks.

It all started innocuously enough, and then it quickly turned to the reminder that she plans on having me tattooed next year, something that we have talked about several times in the past. I can't describe how scorching hot the idea of my Goddess having me tattooed is.

And then, I had a few moments of subspace at work (thankfully, I was alone in my office at that time), thinking about the tattoo, and other incidental markings from our play... I was reminded of the very small but now almost permament marks on my ankles from our use of locked ankle cuffs... I was reminded of marks that stay a day or two after caning or paddling... I was reminded of scratches and bruises that I have from BDSM play, and what we refer to as "spicy vanilla" sex... I was reminded of my nipples, sore on most days... I was reminded of the collar marks around my neck that last for an hour or so each day after my Goddess removes my collar before I get ready for work, after it's been in place and locked for the previous 12 hours or more, since I had returned home the previous evening...

I had to get back to reality and the business at hand, but after sharing with my Goddess how much I was looking forward to the tattoo, I kept a subspace glow inside me all day. It made me feel wonderful inside that she wants me to wear such a mark for her, a sign of her ownership of me, and I so want to wear such a mark for her, a sign of my belonging to her.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Emotional support and control (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

My Goddess had a particularly challenging and stressful day at work a few days ago. I received several text messages from her, and clearly, we needed to stay in touch. She felt a bit clingy and apologized for it, but I indicated that there was no need to apologize. It made me feel needed, it made me feel special that she missed my presence, and I felt the same way, then, and in fact, all the time we aren't together.

Every moment spent away from her is painful, and is time when I am longing to be back in her arms close to her.

Feelings of me enjoying her love and affection, visions of me being at the end of her leash attached to my locked collar and in bondage at her feet, kept running through my mind.

So I offered to check-in with her by text at the top of every hour. She loved the idea... And was very appreciative.

So then it began. At the top of every hour, or as close to it as I could, around business needs, I texted my Goddess. Nothing very fancy, just little notes to let her know that I was there, that I was there for her, that I was thinking about her.

It was awesome for both of us.
I provided emotional support for my Goddess, and I think I made her day better with many little reminders of how much I love her.

On my side, in addition to the satisfaction of providing her that support and making her day better, this little exercise reinforced a sense of belonging to her, and her feedback in turn extended her control over me at a distance. It was emotionally rewarding, and very powerful in a D/s way. It was a reminder of my duty to serve her in whatever way she needs or requires, including meeting her emotional needs. It was also a reminder of the intoxicating power and control she has over me.


Just another opportunity to show my Goddess my love for her and reinforce our wonderful D/s dynamics. Carpe Diem...

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

A quiet evening at home (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

My Goddess and I had trouble falling asleep last night after a delightful weekend together, and we ended up sleeping just over 4 hours before work. By the time we returned this evening, we were both really tired, and were looking forward to a quiet evening at home and going to bed early.

Since I've written a few entries about our morning rituals, but none about our evening ones, I thought I'd share what a quiet evening of service would be like. It's more difficult to come up with a definitive checklist or description of what an evening would "typically" be like, since there are many more variables in the evenings than in the morning, but here goes this one...

1- Upon returning home together, I removed my Goddess' boots, and gently kissed her feet.

2- I fetched my locking leather collar and padlock, presented them to my Goddess, and she promptly buckled the collar in place and locked it; it will stay on until the time I drive her to work in the morning.

3- I served my Goddess a cold beverage of her choice.

4- I lit a cigarette for my Goddess, and handed it over to her. I sat on the floor by her side and held her ashtray.

5- I prepared dinner while my Goddess relaxed watching television.

6- We enjoyed dinner together.

7- After dinner, I light another cigarette for my Goddess.

8- I led my Goddess back to the bedroom, where I laid out the bed for her while she prepared for sleep.

9- I tucked my Goddess into bed, refreshed her beverage, asked her if she needed anything else (she didn't), and kissed her goodnight.

10- I returned to the kitchen to put away leftovers, pre-wash the dishes, place them in the dishwasher, turned the latter on, and wiped the counters.

11- After finishing with my duties, I joined my Goddess in the bedroom to go to sleep.

These small acts of service and dedication, punctuated by moments of tenderness and affection, reinforce our D/s dynamics, and strengthen our bonds of belonging and ownership. A few times during the course of my time alone, my hands were drawn to my collar and the lock, and the firmness of the collar and the symbolism of the lock brought about a warm feeling inside of me for the need we have for each other in this relationship, this lifestyle, and in each others' lives.

I must say that I never tire of serving my Goddess, and the most mundane of duties and actions are an opportunity for me to excel when they have such an important purpose as making the life of my Goddess easier and more pleasant.

The perfect end to another day for my Goddess and I...

Monday, November 30, 2009

Objectification, affection, and sexual servitude (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

One of our favorite rituals on evenings when we have television shows we plan on watching is my Goddess expecting me to serve as her furniture. What often starts off as an objectification scenario often turns into much more as we enjoy the close contact that this brings us.

Typically, I will sit behind her on the bed, up against the headboard, with a pillow or two behind my back. My Goddess will sit between my legs, and recline against my chest as I put my arms around her. I will be wearing my ever-present locked leather collar, and often the leash that was attached from my domestic duties (getting her beverages, preparing dinner, cleaning up after dinner, getting her more beverages) will still be there. I may (or may not) have locked cuffs around my wrists and ankles, and/or have my wrists bound in rope.

The only time I will be allowed to change positions, or move into another position, is when she wants to take a break to smoke, in which case I assume a position sitting on the floor next to the bed to light her cigarette and hold her ashtray.

Being so close to each other is so delightfully sensual. I can't help but to caress her soft skin, run my hands through her beautiful hair, lay tender kisses on the side of her neck, and smell the wonderful fragrance of her body.

Not always, but often enough, this ritual leads to sexual servitude. My Goddess will keep re-adjusting her body against my own, feeling the erection that is almost inevitable in such close and sensual contact. A slight turn of her head, a long passionate kiss, and her desire for me to bring my hands down from around her waist to her warm, hungry private parts becomes an unstated requests. Although occasionally, she will tell me in no uncertain terms that she needs sexual right then and there.

Once the expectations are set, and the D/s and sexual energy is high, inspiration just overtakes us through whatever sexual service my Goddess is in the mood for. Manual stimulation from behind, oral service in front of her, my Goddess sitting over my face in either direction, or one of my favorite positions, with me on the floor with my head reclining against the bed and my Goddess facing away from me and sitting over my face, all flow seaminglessly and blend into each other.

Bringing my Goddess to climax (several times) is without a doubt as intensely pleasurable for me as it is for her. Beyond the sexual excitement it brings, it feels like a sacred moment of our D/s dynamics when I bring her sexual pleasure without any expectation of my own. Feeling her incredible sexual energy, her ecstasy, her climax, her post-orgasm trembling, and holding her in my arms afterward, brings me so much joy, reward and satisfaction.

Aaah... the beauty of giving and D/s service...

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Pushing limits: going above and beyond... real hard (E)


My Goddess and I once more had a wonderful day off together, going around town for a couple of meals, and checking out a few of our favorite stores on Black Friday. We actually hit the retail stores later in the day so that the crowds were less unpleasant, and we took the opportunity to check out some of our favorite kinky stores in case there was anything that inspired us.

Underlying this was a deep D/s tension, left over in me from the mood I expressed yesterday morning in my post, and in my Goddess as she has been just so hungry over the course of the last two weeks. To fuel her fire even more, she was quite pleased with my clean-up of our makeshift dungeon, and the twinkle in her eyes at the time I showed it to her clearly told me it wouldn't be long before we would be making use of it.

Once we returned home in the evening, my Goddess didn't waste any time before letting me know some serious play was coming my way. The locking collar was on as soon as I could get undressed, with the locking leather wrist cuffs right after. She clipped my hands behind my back, teased me with a little NT, and grabbing one of D-rings on my collar, she led me down to our little dungeon.

Once there, my Goddess forced me to my knees under the upper rack, unclipped my leather wrist cuffs for a second, and re-clipped them about 24-inches apart to the upper rack. She left me alone for about a minute to contemplate my predicament, turning off the lights and shutting the door, and telling me not to go anywhere, as she went to pick-up a few more toys.

Upon her return, my Goddess quickly took away my sight with a blindfold, and proceeded to some serious NT and CBT. Totally vulnerable, unable to protect myself, she just dropped me heavily into subspace from the intensity of the play, and the power of her voice. With some pinching, scratching, digging in of her nails, and some heat play from her cigarette, she quickly got the whimpers from me she so enjoys, and she told how hot they were in her best dominant, sexy, and stern voice.

My Goddess left me for a second time, very briefly, to pick-up some more toys. I was way deep into subspace by then, my surrender to her unconditional. As she returned after maybe 30 seconds, my Goddess unclipped my wristcuffs and had me turn around on my knees so that now I faced the wall. She re-clipped my wristcuffs to the same upper rack, and now she had full access to my back while I was on my knees, arms stretched above my head. With the rather severe position, the blindfold , and the collar, I think just the restraining part of the scene would have had me in deep subspace by itself.

But my Goddess had much more on her mind. I soon started feeling her tapping me with the cane across my buttocks. She warmed me up nicely, but within just 2 or 3 minutes, I felt some of the hardest and sharpest strokes I've ever felt her give me. Because of the angle produced by me being on my knees, in some cases the strikes from the cane occasionally extended onto the back of my thighs, and those really, really hurt. With little room to move, my body still squirmed a bit from the afterschock of the cane strokes. My Goddess teased me with little things like "Where are you going? You can't go anywhere." As much as the actual play, the control my Goddess exerted over me, and the expression of her dominance in both actions and words, totally engulfed me in her power.

My Goddess finished up with the cane with what were without a doubt the hardest 2 or 3 blows I have ever received. I could feel the sting at the point of contact spread from there to my entire body. It was physically overwhelming, mentally intoxicating, spiritually amazing... my Goddess was leading the way into new territory for us. I was all hers at this point, and she was taking me somewhere new, wherever she wanted.

Adrift in subspace like perhaps I'd never been before, I barely noticed the transition until my Goddess told me "And now, you're really going to get fucked", and I felt the tip of our thickest dildo/vibrator against my anal opening. Again, I can't describe the power in her voice... dripping in dominance and joyful sadism... so hot, so sexy, so dominant, so intoxicating.

My Goddess turned on the vibrating/pulsing functions of the vibrator, and quickly went to work on me. This was a new position for anal play for us, and a particularly intense one at that. It's one thing to be on all-fours on the bed, or lying on my belly, or lying on my back for anal play, it's a whole other thing to be on my knees spread apart by about 18 inches (and they were hurting a bit by then from both my weight and a some slight carpet burn), with my arms stretched out above my head, hands bound 24 inches apart. The anal play was phenomenal, even though the position was starting to take its toll on me. Despite being totally lost in subspace, by now without a doubt deeper than I had ever been before, I still had a moment of lucidity when I realized that I found myself up against the wall as my Goddess continued the anal play. My chest against the wall, my head against the wall, on my knees, my arms above me (and slightly behind me by then), my moans got so loud that my Goddess threatened to gag me. Of course, hearing her voice telling me she was going to do one more dominantly evil thing to me just added fuel to the fire. With every thrust of the dildo, I could feel the will of my Goddess overtaking me even more.

But something went wrong. I started feeling light headed, and that feeling of losing control was not a BDSM thing, it was a physical thing. It came up really quick on me, and i could feel myself slipping. I called out a safeword to slow down the scene, and followed up immediately by calling out another safeword to end the scene. I don't know quite what happened. I thought I had eaten a good meal just before. Although I'm pretty sure the scene hadn't gone an hour in length, maybe I was dehydrated from the intense play. Maybe I hyperventilated during the anal play. Maybe I didn't eat enough and my blood sugar plummeted from the play and its excitement. Or maybe it just wasn't a peak day for my body. Even great athletes aren't up to setting new records on any given day.

But regardless of why the scene had to come to a sudden end, at the moment it was called, and arguably for several minutes previously, my Goddess had taken me somewhere I'd never been before in terms of subspace, surrender, submission, and physical and mental intensity. NEVER. EVER. The severe bondage position... the hard NT & CBT... the very intense caning... the very rough anal play in a difficult position... the thick mood of dominance and submission... my Goddess' words and tone of voice... everything... absolutely everything... just made this the most intense scene ever for me.

I feel terrible that it had to come to an end that way, much more for my Goddess than for myself. The way the scene crashed in a matter of seconds, it scared the living daylights out of her. I should have communicated better during the scene. We were both building momentum so fast and so hard, and we should have exchanged more. I got lost in the scene, and should have mentioned we were going somewhere I hadn't felt before. It's easy to say that the dominant controls the scene, but the sub is the first one who can provide the feedback. And I got careless.

I was shaken after the scene ended, but had almost recovered before going to sleep. This morning, I relive the emotions of the scene with the peace and satisfaction of having made new discoveries, of having gone beyond where I had ever been before, even if I bumped into some new limits.

On my Goddess' side, I know she was shaken much more deeply, and has remained troubled since the scene ended. I hope that it won't discourage her from pushing limits in the future again. Obviously, pushing limits and expanding boundaries may not go smoothly all of the time. When one hasn't been down a certain road, it's more likely to get lost on it. But once one has made it through there, it's much easier to navigate that road in the future. Together, when we feel that kind of intensity coming on, we'll just have to up the feedback loop a few notches.

I have no second thoughts or bad feelings whatsoever about last night's scene. How can I? After what we reached... after where we went... I am, however, disappointed that I could not see it through for my Goddess, and sad that it scared her.

To a large extent, for myself, I'm kind of looking back at it like a mountaineer would look back at a higher peak that he had to turn away from because of bad weather. But the peak that was reached yesterday is one I will cherish forever.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Editing fantasies, hunger, and yearning (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club (can't make out the artist's name)

I woke up too early this morning... excited, zoned out, a bit in subspace, hungry... hungry for my Goddess... hungry for her attention... hungry for her dominance... hungry for her to hurt me...


We spent a wonderful day together yesterday, made all the more exciting and tantalizing because she looked stunning when we went out. That's not in contrast to how she normally looks... my Goddess is a beautiful woman, as gorgeous and sexy in jeans and T-shirt as she is in more formal dress. In addition, she spent a bit of time breaking-in her new high heels, which are just to die for (and almost bring me to my knees every time I see her in them).

We returned home in the early evening, and as we were relaxing, my Goddess asked me to show her some BDSM clips that I had liked in the past. I was curious to why she would ask, and her reply was that she was in the mood for inspiration... something new, something different. OMG...

So we made ourselves comfortable in bed. She was in panties, bra, and she had kept on the very sexy stockings that she had been wearing. Her lingerie was all black with some peach-colored trimmings. That didn't make it easy for me to focus on the job at hand. As for myself, I has on an undershirt, underwear, and my locking leather collar, which is always the first thing that goes on me when we return home.

So we spent the evening in bed surfing the web on our laptop, with me pulling up femdom BDSM clips from some of my favorite websites. How cool is that... spending hours looking at BDSM porn with my Beloved. We had done a little bit of that occasionally a long time ago as she was wanting to learn more about what other people were doing, and how they were doing it, and we do have a small collection of femdom oriented DVDs that we watch from time to time. But we never spent hours upon hours pouring over clips like this. It was fun, and it was really exciting.

But truth be told, there were also slight feelings of shyness and worry on my part. While we have outstanding communication between us, both in D/s and RL, it was one of those very vulnerable moments of sharing that could lead into the uncertainty of the dark territory of the new. We've both been very good and daring at this exploration, keeping it at the forefront of our journey together. And yet, I find that it never gets that much easier to do it from one time to another. What if I pulled a clip that had something she really hated or turned her off? Or something she would never do? Or a clip that was hot overall but had a part that we weren't into but she might think that I wanted?

All silly worries, of course, in view of our connection and how open my Goddess has always been throughout our relationship. Maybe it was my feeling of vulnerability in this editing exercise that explicitly revealed fantasies in such a raw form. But again, there was nothing new that had been revealed, virtually nothing we haven't done or aren't doing. We've already shared so much, and we feel so comfortable sharing. I guess it was just the medium for expression and sharing that left me a bit vulnerable and wanting her approval.

I have to say, though, that was really hot. We had such a fun time looking over the clips. There were some good, lots of bad, and some ugly clips, but overall, the fun we had reminded me of how special my Goddess is. I was as honest and sharing as I could, and I think that if there was anything negative about the experience, it was a sense from my Goddess that, apart from some really fancy equipment and a few unlikely scenarios, it was overwhelmingly "been there, done that".


To further increase the tension on the D/s scale, my Goddess spent the last half-an-hour of us watching clips doing some NT. Since I was still sore from some heavy NT two days ago, she particularly enjoyed the intensity of my reactions to anything and everything she did. And I could feel the sadistic enjoyment she felt from my predicament when I had a hard time aligning the mouse properly on the laptop screen to change web pages, open up clips, or close them, during the NT.

Despite the high D/s energy flowing between us, we were both dead-tired from our day, and after over 3 hours of femdom BDSM clips, we prepared to go to sleep. But I woke up this morning in a total state of excited submission, hunger, and yearning. I couldn't go back to sleep. I keep thinking about my Goddess. About how the NT felt last night. About my belonging to her. About how hot and sexy and dominant and wonderful and awesome and special she is. And without expectations for today, tomorrow, or the weekend, I have this heavy feeling of submissive anticipation inside of me. And it won't let me get back to sleep.


As my Goddess had been talking over the last few days about how much she's missed doing a scene in our little makeshift dungeon, something we setup in a large closet we have, this morning was just the perfect time to clean it up while she continued to sleep.

Just in case she's in the mood any time soon...