The whimper (E)

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Simple pleasures (E)

Image courtesy of Isis and the Museum of Femdom Art

Episode 1

My Goddess straddles my lower back while I'm watching television on my belly, head on my hands. Immediately she reaches under for my nipples, still sore from previous days, and she pinches, stratches, pulls, squeezes, and tortures them. I can't move very much because she has me pinned down, but what little squirming I produce excites her as she pushes herself harder against my lower back. My Goddess leans over me as she continues the NT to hear my increasing moans and feel more closely my reactions. She moves down onto my backside and lays her head on my upper back to hear the sounds coming from inside me. She moves on to scratch my chest, my shoulders, my back, and goes back to NT, harder, sharper, and as my squirming increases, so do her hip movements. She escalates the intensity by biting my skin around my upper back and shoulders. My breathing is fast, my moans louder, and my Goddess has hit a groove that throws us into mental freefall. Biting, pinching, hurting, grinding. I can't hear the television, I can't really tell where we are. All I know is that I don't want her to stop, for me or for her. Her breathing reaches the pace of mine, her sounds and reactions are catching up to my own. We are still gaining speed in our freefall, the sharp pain of the NT and the biting are still increasing, and her excitement is overwhelming. At that moment she reaches climax just as I pass through the wall of what I thought I could take. I collapse to the bed, she collapses on top of me, and we lay there for a few minutes as her trembling diminishes, and our breathing slows down.

Episode 2

Both of us in bed, My Goddess is laying on my right, her head on the right side of my chest, her right thigh over my legs, her right hand reaching over for CBT and NT. Occasionally she'll tug on my locked collar, or on the leash that's attached to it, but her main focus is the CBT and the NT, moving to each, my intimate parts, my left nipple, my right nipple, back to CBT, playing, teasing, tormenting, torturing each one for a minute or two, until she gets the intensity of reaction that she wants, before moving on to the next. She puts me through several rounds of delicous torture, each time reaching a peak as she keeps building the crescendo. But I don't know where that crescendo leads to, or when we reach it. I can't even remember how many times she went around, each time deepening the subspace I'm falling into, and each time leaving her wanting more of my reactions. As close as my Goddess is, I can't see her expression, but I can feel her hunger, her enjoyment, her excitement. My head is spinning, my senses are overloaded. Suddenly she pinches my left nipple with her nails and bites the right one, and then doesn't let go. With both she goes harder, deeper. My hips lift off the bed as my hands clutch the sheets and grab at the mattress. My moans are so loud that someone outside our home may hear them. I know that's what she wants, and I have no control over the sounds I make or my movements. She intensifies the pinching and the biting, and once more I pass through "the wall" of pain. And then she lets go. A huge wave of subspace comes crashing down on me. I can feel her dominantly erotic satisfaction. She places her right leg back over the top of hips, and I can feel her warmth and wetness against my skin...

Epilogue

Still subspacey after this morning's episode, I don't have much more to say except that I just can't get enough, and it doesn't seem like my Goddess can get enough either. Can we keep this up for a lifetime? I so hope so. Because clearly, we are addicted to each other...

Anticipation is such sweet torture (E)

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In love with my Goddess (E)

Picture courtesy of

http://malesubmissionart.com/

I am so in love with her.

I wake up next to her in the morning, and I am overjoyed to be given the gift of another day with her.

My first thought is to take care of her, to help her get the day started, to serve her with anything she needs and anything she wants.

I'm desperate for her smile, desperate for her voice, desperate for her touch, desperate to feel that she feels for me what I feel for her.

We get separated for our work day, and all I can think about is the next phone call, the next text, the next email, the next time I see her.

During work, every other thought is about her. She weaves in and out of my heart, of my mind, of my soul, no whatever what I do, what I think of, what I'm engaged in.

Throughout the entire day, I have but one desire, one objective, one want, one need... to be back with her.

Getting back together at the end of the day, once more, I'm desperate for her smile, desperate for her voice, desperate for her touch, desperate to feel that she feels for me what I feel for her.

Knowing that we are together for the rest of the evening, my only thought is to take care of her, to make our time together happy, sexy, bright, positive, enriching, fun, optimistic, enjoyable, to serve her with anything she wants and anything she needs.

We go to bed, holding each other closely and warmly (unless I'm in bondage...), and I am thankful for having received the gift of another day with her in my life.

I am deeply in love with her... obsessively in love with her... addictively in love with her... and I never, ever want it to end... never... ever...

Suffering for Her enjoyment (E)

Image courtesy of Giko and the Museum of Femdom Art

The nipples rings were back on last night...

My Goddess was in the mood to see me uncomfortable and hurting for her, and she ordered me to put on the nipple rings.

For those who are not familiar with them, this is what they look like:

They are light but the tension is quite high and the small contact area cause them to produce a very sharp pain. While I have a pretty high tolerance to pain during NT, I can only have these on for a limited amount of time. My previous best was about 10 minutes.

We had played with them only once, when we first got them, and they had been the start to a really great scene.

The feelings and the dynamics last night were very different last night, though. My Goddess is usually right up close to me when doing NT. She's to my side, sitting on top of me, or other side in contact when she is teasing, tormenting, or torture my nipples. There is a strong element of sensual domination that blends into the physical domination when she's that close to me. This time, she wanted to watch from further afar.

After the nipple rings had been placed, my Goddess told me, with the most deliciously evil smile, that she wanted to smoke. I knew that was just going to be 5-7 minutes of her watching while I squirmed uncomfortably for her. So as the ritual goes when she wants to smoke, I went to the floor next to where she was sitting, lit 2 cigarettes, gave her one, and held the ashtray a comfortable distance away from her so that it would be within easy reach for her.

And then we smoked... while the rings were digging into my nipples. The pain had started off very sharp, then subsided a bit as I went to sit down on the floor, but it began increasing again. It was difficult for me to stay still. As I looked up at my Goddess, I was overwhelmed by the sadistic smile of enjoyment she had. She was just so enjoying my predicament, and with subspace slowly washing over me, it was beautifully erotic to see her dominant satisfaction at her pet sitting below her, serving her, suffering for her, willing to do anything she would ask for her. The usual sense of belonging I felt for her was increased by this slight feeling of objectification, of serving as her toy to play with. And this continued for at least as long as it took to smoke.

The tension of the anticipation started rising as I began wondering about when the rings would come off. Was my Goddess thinking of some play time with them on? Would she have some domestic tasks for me? Or would she just watch me while we smoked again? The veil of subspace had covered me as surrender set in and pain continued to intensify...

PS: After some my Goddess asked me to get back on the bed next to her, she played and tugged gently on the rings for another few minutes. We set a new record of about 15 minutes or so...

The Best Marks are the Ones You Don't Remember (S)

image courtesy of...ME! :)
I wanted to share this picture. A beautiful picture. My dymion often thinks of himself as a canvas on which I can create anything I want. In this case, I made some awesome marks. At least, all evidence points to the fact that I must have done it. I don't remember. He, on the other hand, remembers exactly when I did it...afterall, it was his back! But alas, the moment of bloodshed escapes me. I don't remember scratching him, but what I do remember is being BEYOND into him at that moment. It was a moment in time where nothing else in the world existed but him and me...when I couldn't get close enough. Though I could feel him inside me, I needed to be inside him. The best way I could feel that internal connection was to dig my nails into the soft flesh of his back. I needed to feel his warmth, leave my mark, and see his reaction of simultaneous pain and pleaure. It was erotic, instinctual, and the most natural thing in the world. As the "spicy vanilla" sexual scene winded down, I had a visual with which to reminisce. I can only imagine the sting he must have felt for time long after. It makes these intimate moments last well after the actual act is over. It is really an awesome thing. As we grow older I can only imagine the scratches that will lead to scars... each with its own erotic tale it tell.

image courtesy of

http://blogs.marinij.com/

Weekend report: intimate moments, servitude, and hurt (E)

Picture courtesy of
http://malesubmissionart.com/

A quiet weekend, unfortunately filled with RL stresses and demands on my Goddess. However, that did not keep my Goddess and I from sharing some wonderfully intimate moments.

Seriously... one of my greatest joys is without question bringing my Goddess to climax, whether it comes from passion taking us over, or when she demands sexual servitude. I am also most fortunate in that my Goddess has tremendous sexual drive and needs in that respect, and that she very much enjoys allowing me release, under her control, of course.

My release always come when my Goddess desires it, and how she desires it, and that means that she'll be hurting me. Deep scratches and very sore nipples, among other things, are residual collateral damage from this weekend. But I still now have shudders from flashbacks of shaking and post-climax tremors 10 minutes after my orgasms. I've always had very powerful orgasms, but never before quite on this level.

No less erotically charged for me were the opportunities to provide my Goddess pleasure in a multitude of ways. I just can't get enough of doing that for her. Her reactions and her energy are just extraordinary, and there is simply such a special and important place in a D/s relationship for providing sexual pleasure to one's dominant.

In other areas, I hope I met my Goddess' expectations in terms of domestic servitude, doing regular housework and specially assigned tasks while collared and leashed 34 of the last 36 hours of the weekend.

All in all, another splendid weekend in love with, and in service to, my Goddess.

The power and intimacy of the strap-on: early writings (E)

Despite the fact that our strap-on play has kept getting more amazing, more powerful, and more intimate with each experience, I've always felt that this early text, dating from before the start of this blog, was one of my best efforts at trying to describe and express what "the strap-on experience" was for me.

Strap-on play has always represented one of the ultimate symbolic scenes of submitting to a dominant woman for me. An incredible visual of power exchange and surrender, there are few acts that represent dominance and submission for me, even within BDSM, like the taking of a male submissive by a dominant woman.

The intimacy and the D/s significance of fulfilling this particular fantasy made it so that this was something I wasn't sure I would ever experience, and frankly, was pretty sure I wouldn't want to share with anybody that wasn't someone that I had an absolutely extraordinary connection with.

As it should have become apparent by now, I have found that extraordinary connection, that extraordinary dominant in my sublime Goddess Selena. My lover, my friend, my domme, my soulmate, my One, it was but a matter of time before our relationship, and our menu of play, would lead to this ultimate act of submission to her.

Several weeks back, we had our first strap-on scene, and it was everything I could have ever imagined... and more. The power of our D/s relationship, and the depth of our R/L relationship, the trust between us, our level of intimacy, just made it so right that I would offer this to her, and that she would be the one, the only one ever, to take me.

We replayed the strap-on scene several times since, always in combination with other BDSM elements leading up to it, including one or more of the following: nipple play, paddling, bondage, smoke play, smothering, and wax play. I have never had a scene with her that wasn't absolutely mind-blowing, and that didn't bring me into deep, deep subspace, a tribute to her skills and abilities as a dominant woman, her enjoyment of her role as my domme, and a reflection of her caring and understanding of me. I have never had a scene that finished with strap-on play that wasn't simply one of those scenes that, if I were to never engage in BDSM play ever again, it would be the fulfillment and experience of a lifetime.

But our most recent scene together, our last evening together before she embarks on some travel for a while, was absolutely spectacular, and one of the greatest experiences of my life. And she has shared with me how much she enjoyed it too, how much it has meant to her.

We had started off the evening in our usual way, with Selena putting leather wrist and ankle cuffs on me, locking them, and placing my collar on, and locking it too. After clipping my wrists together, and doing the same to my ankles, my Goddess looked me over with a delightfully possessive sense of satisfaction. We then played a few rounds of Scrabble to decompress from our day at work, one of our favorite rituals. While in bondage and reflecting on my next word play, my Goddess took advantage of my position on the floor to come over, lie on top of my back, and she started to torture my nipples. This is one of our favorite positions as I'm quite helpless to stop her from doing pretty much anything she wants, at whatever intensity she wants.

Very quickly, even pushing my limits of what I endure for her, this play was not enough for her. My Goddess turned me over, sat on my hips, and resumed torturing my nipples by pinching, poking, pinching some more, caressing, and pinching yet some more, each time harder, until she came to climax. I cannot overstate the incredible flow of energy that moves between us as she causes such erotic and intoxicating pain in me and her enjoyment of my reactions to it. Is there anything so intoxicatingly erotic and powerful for a submissive as the sadistic enjoyment to the point of pleasure of one's Dominant?

Next came the blindfold. Being very sensitive to the stimulation of the senses, the placing of the blindfold is always an intense moment for me. The cliche of all the other senses being augmented is very much true in my case. Then, in the mood for retaliation and a little extra cruelty resulting from recent events, my Goddess placed a large leather gag in my mouth, something she doesn't do very often since she so enjoys the sounds I make under her dominant, loving, and not-always-tender care.

She then did something especially evil... she lit a cigarette. She knows how much I enjoy sharing smoking with her, and I do smoke almost only with her. This was both gentle and cruel torture to feel her there, enjoying smoking without me. The vision of her smoking I had in my mind, and the smell of her smoking next to me were quite overwhelming. She did add a little cigarette torture to my nipples, and the intense heat ran through my entire body each time she would do it, leading to those moments I refer to as reaching the Nexus, one of those incredible moments of total connection between my Goddess and me when I get to the point where I can't take anymore, but I don't want her to stop for anything in the world.

Finished with her cigarette, she turned me around, and clipped my collar to a leash that she had fixed to the bottom hinge of a door in our playroom. She added a little bit of paddling to our play, and since she's quite strong, I really felt it, even if she did not continue for very long. Obviously, she had other things in mind.

I could hear my Goddess shake some lotion onto her hand to lubricate her fingers, and in a matter of seconds, she was at work preparing me for what was to come, reaching deep into me, exploring, teasing, tormenting, and just overstimulating me from the inside.

A few seconds went by... Maybe a minute or two. While in retrospect, I now know my Goddess put on the strap-on at that point, I was too lost into subspace to notice or realize what she was doing.

She untied the leash from the door, reclipped the leash to my collar, and as I was, in cuffs, collar, blindfolded, and gagged, she led me on all fours from our playroom to the bedroom. My Goddess walked slowly enough for me to keep my head close to her right leg the whole time.

Once in the bedroom, she led me to the bed, and ordered me to climb onto it. With what little focus I could gather, I positioned myself appropriately, and my Goddess finetuned my position gently but firmly. And then it began... She slowly and gently pushed her strap-on inside me, little bit by little bit. Back and forth she went, gently, getting it a little deeper each time. Within just a minute or two, my Goddess had reached as far in as she could, enjoying all of my reactions, all of the sounds I made, each of them satisfying her and encouraging her on to more. She continued with small movements, thrusting further and pulling back repeatedly but not completely, making the movements larger in amplitude as I was reacting more intensely to her. Then she started increasing the speed with which she was doing this. And then she started to increase the power with which she was doing it. And then she did more of it... faster and harder than she ever had. And she made it last... longer than she ever had.

While we had had strap-on scenes before, and had had very intense and satisfying experiences doing them, the positioning on the bed, perhaps with the contribution of other factors, such as the change of room, the preceding activities, and the fact that this would be our last playtime for a while, made this scene even more incredibly powerful, intense, and yet intimate, than we had ever experienced before. The flow of energy from our power exchange was overwhelming. The sensation of surrender was overwhelming. The intensity with which she was taking me was overwhelming... she had never yet done it so forcefully or for so long. The closeness and intimacy of the whole scene was overwhelming. I was totally lost into my Goddess as she had reached deep into me, physically and mentally.

If I thought that our previous strap-on scenes had been exceptional, and had more than done justice to my vision of them as ultimate expressions of dominance and submission, that evening, we reached new highs... and new depths... and we have both been talking about it ever since...

"What will I do to you tonight?" (E)

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Words that make your heart... (E)

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Emotional support (E)

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Keeping the energy flowing (E)

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My Goddess hungry for more (E)

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Rituals and a subspace collision (E)

Image courtesy of Ugari and the Museum of Femdom Art

I was just reminded a few minutes ago how close to the edge of subspace one remains within the extraordinary intensity of a D/s relationship. As rituals become more numerous and deeper in meaning, as behavior and moods are reinforced by small actions and playful banter, as experiences become more intense and have longer residual effects, the anticipation of availability keeps that wonderful D/s energy flowing, and inspiration for my Goddess is always around the corner, as is subspace for me.

Like usual, I woke up a bit before my Goddess this morning. As a rule, my Goddess requires me to clip my house leash to my ever-present locked collar if I get up without her in the morning, and she isn't awake to attach it herself. That is, if I'm not tied to the bed after spending the night in bondage by her side...

I wasn't up for very long when I felt the familiar tug on the leash that meant that my Goddess was awake and wanted me by her side. Once back in the bedroom, my Goddess told me she was ready for her morning coffee, so I made my way back to the kitchen and began our usual morning rituals. I prepared her coffee, brought it to her, sat on the floor at the side of the bed as my Goddess sat up against the headboard with a pillow behind her, lit her cigarette, handed it to her, and held up her ashtray within comfortable reach for her.

When we were done smoking, I came back on the bed next to my Goddss, where she likes me to be, and we watched a bit of television and caught up on text messages while she finished her coffee. Always availabe to my Goddess as playtoy, I felt her teasingly begin some CBT while I was finishing a last text message. She moved in close to me, and seeing how rapidly aroused I became from her actions, she rapidly brought up the intensity of the CBT many, many notches.

She moved on to some NT, very hard, very fast, especially painful since I was still quite sore from the evening before last. I couldn't keep myself from a loud exhale/moan as my breathing sped up rapidly. With this reaction, I could literally feel a wave of dominant energy emanate from her as loudly as if a lion had suddenly roared right next to me. In a matter of seconds, the sharp and intense hurt combined with this hunger and energy I could tangibly feel from her dropped me into subspace. But it wasn't the usual slipping and easing into lightness of being of subspace. This was a collision with a wall. I was walking down a calm beach when a 30-ft wave of subspace suddenly, almost out of nowhere, came crashing down on me... And I laid there, completely drenched...

My Goddess started alternating between NT and CBT like a cat playing with a string ball, pushing it forward, pulling it back, moving up for some NT, moving down for some CBT. I was intoxicated from the enjoyment my Goddess was having with her playtoy, and the hurt she was causing me.

As she started to ease off and move on to some gentle caressing, I just laid there, waves of subspace still washing over me, as my mind floated and wandered in the sea of the power of my Goddess. And then she sent me to prepare her another coffee...

Time together, release, and bondage (E)

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Geek Fabulous (S)

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And yet a few more moments of indescribable hotness (E)

Image by Alazar, courtesy of the Museum of Femdom Art

As promised a few days ago, here are more moments of indescribable hotness, these ones in no particular.

1- Any time my Goddess smokes. I know... I know... very un-PC, and very wrong health-wise, but I have a serious "beautiful woman smoking" fetish, and she overwhelmingly fulfills the stereotypical vision. And it becomes absolutely mind-blowing when my Goddess brings it into our BDSM play.

2- Any time my Goddess happens to be in the mood for nipple play/torture.

3- Any time smothering happens, especially when it brings my Goddess to climax, with or without stimulation from me.

4- Any time my Goddess lies on me and I feel her entire body weight (which isn't very much, but I digress), either while I'm in bondage, which makes me feel more vulnerable (e.g.: while in a hogtie), or when she wants to pin me down so that I can't squirm quite as much while she does painful things to me.

5- Any time I collapse because I can't take any more hits from my Goddess paddling me.

6- Any time I hear my Goddess gasp, breath differently, or otherwise react to my reactions.

7- Any time we are watching a movie or television, and my Goddess was in the mood to have me in bondage next to her.

8- Any time my Goddess is inspired to throw in some breath play in what she's doing... just because...

9- When we come home in the evening, I haven't changed quite quickly enough, and my Goddess sternly asks me "why aren't you naked yet...".

10- Bathing my Goddess under candlelight.

And there are still so many more... but I'll give it a rest now before you all get bored...

Keeping the energy flowing (E)

The incredible art of Bishop, courtesy of the Museum of Femdom Art

How to keep the energy flowing is an issue that we all face in our relationships, BDSM-based or vanilla. It's important to understand that, contrary to the beliefs of far too many, the responsibility for D/s dynamics lies at least as much with the bottom/sub/slave as it does with the top/dominant/domme. And as in any kind of relationship, both partners get out of it what they put in.

Without any intention of being comprehensive, here are a few thoughts on things that make a difference for us, from my (submissive) POV.

Rituals & protocols: don't be asked twice for the same service or action. If your domme has requested any special action or ways of doing things, never again fail to do those, whether you are asked or not, and whether it is part of play or not. Be attentive to what she has asked in the past, and make sure you do those things well and all the time without being asked. That will maintain a constant reminder of the dynamics, and the respective roles.

Initiative & service: what else does your domme need? Try to be ahead of the curve in serving her. Don't just think of what she needs now, think of what she WILL need to make her life easier, more enjoyable, and more fulfilling. Submission is even more a state of mind than a list of actions.

Active symbolism: your domme shouldn't need to be standing over you with a crop for an hour while you're doing chores. Having you do those chores while you're wearing a locked collar, nipples clamps, an anal plug, or in partial bondage will be very effective in creating a mood and maintaining a high-level of energy.

Passive symbolism: you can have a reminder of your D/s dynamics at all times if she, or the two of you, decide on a ring, wrist or ankle bracelet, or another piece of jewelry you can wear 24/7. Want to go even further? What about a piercing? Or a tattoo? The mood and energy will wash back over each of you every time you feel it or see it.

Recognition & feedback: never let a good D/s gesture, action, or mood go unrecognized, unappreciated, and unthanked. There's nothing that creates positive reinforcement like appreciation.

Part of creating and maintaining the energy all parties are seeking are the little daily things that imprint and reinforce the D/s dynamics. You don't need 3-hour sessions daily. No top has that kind of energy any more than a rock star could be in concert every single day of the year. But the mood and energy can be remain high if no one ever lets the flame die out, even for a day, even for a few hours, and the bottom/sub/slave, needs to take an active role in that.

Inspiration, pain, subspace, and bliss in the afternoon (E)

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More moments of indescribable hotness (E)

Image courtesy of Severin through the Museum of Femdom Art.

I'm so delighted, and flattered, that my Goddess was taken with my expression "moments of indescribable hotness", and that it inspired such a wonderful entry from her. I must have re-read her entry a dozen times, and each time it brought about a different set of flashbacks to some of our experiences.

In terms of picking out and identifying these "moments of indescribable hotness", for lack of a better expression, I think the ultimate hotness in these moments isn't just what one side feels, but a moment when there is either a transference of energy, or a moment when the energy suddenly spikes in both individuals.

From the submissive POV, I think it's more difficult to appreciate and analyze the dominant's actual reactions, since I may not be looking at her, or my mind may be in an alternate state, creating fewer opportunities for observation. I have to go strictly with the vibe, or the flow of energy. So this list is a bit different in nature than that of my Goddess' dominant POV. Here is my top ten list of "moments of indescribable hotness", and I did try to put these in order.

10- When my Goddess places my collar around my neck as I'm kneeling before her, and I feel the glee and satisfaction of her ownership of me as she clicks the lock shut.

9- While I'm on the verge of being overwhelmed by intense pain, my Goddess' voice, totally dominant and teasing, saying "aaaw... what's wrong, baby?"

8- The smile on my Goddess' face as she clips my very long house leash (50') to my collar so that she can pull me back to her whenever she wants, for whatever she wants.

7- When my Goddess has me locked away in our little makeshift dungeon, in bondage in a vulnerable and slightly uncomfortable position, and she reaches over to caress my face, gives me a kiss, and tells me "don't go anywhere... I'll be back", and then she leaves me, and I don't know when she'll be back.

6- When my Goddess has me in a vulnerable or helpless position, she's pushing me to the edge, and then she grabs my hair and snaps by head back, arching my back and getting a deep exhale or whimper out of me. My Goddess reaching for my throat with one hand instead of pulling on my hair under similar predicaments, and slightly restricting my breathing for a few seconds, is a close second.

5- How close my Goddess holds me, and lays on me, and covers me during a night's sleep or a nap in which she has me completely in bondage.

4- While I'm right at the edge of what I can take from my Goddess, she come in close to me to tease me and challenge me and asks "...want me to stop?"

3- My Goddess' eyes reaching deeply into mine while she pulls me close to her by my collar and says "I...want...sexual...service".

2- When my Goddess is so turned by my reactions to her hurting me that she climaxes without any stimulation from my part.

1- Hearing and feeling my Goddess reach climax while taking me with her strap-on, her nails digging into my hips, pulling them in rythm with her thrusts into me... faster... harder...

Gosh... there are just so many more... Perhaps tomorrow's entry...

Top 10 Moments of Undescribable Hotness with my Prince (S)

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CBT/NT and surreal headspace 2 (E)

Image courtesy of the Museum of Femdom Art and Ugari

God... She did it again today...

I was still sore from yesterday when my Goddess pulled me out of our late afternoon nap (we had barely fallen out for a few minutes) with some heavy nipple torture and CBT while she was next to me. Same routine: tortmenting/torturing the left nipple with her fingers and nails... tormenting/torturing the right nipple with her fingers and nails, or biting down on it... down for some CBT... squeezing, scratching, digging in... back to the nipples, individually or together...

In a moment of undescribable hotness, my Goddess grabbed my hair, pulled on it hard snapping my head back as I arched my back off the bed, and as she took me to the edge of what I could endure as I moaned deeply and my breathing was short and fast because of how much she was hurting me, she whispered in my ear "I never, ever tire of hearing you make those noises..."

On another round a few minutes later, she again reached for my hair and pulled hard on it, once more getting me to arch my back, and as she hurt me even more, this time she said "I just absolutely love your reactions... And I love that you'll be making them for me forever..."

CBT/NT and surreal headspace (E)

BDSM experiences can be so mind-altering in themselves that it shouldn't surprise anymore me that they would feel so surreal when they don't happen in a conventionally conscious and rational state of mind.

Still disoriented from barely being pulled out of unconsciousness, I felt my Goddess' nails tug at my left nipple as I had laid down for a nap with her an undetermined amount of time before. Very quickly I realized that I was in this very strange headspace where I couldn't wake up completely because I had somehow gone straight into subspace from sleeping. If what I was feeling was any indication of what had gone on before gathering my wits in some small part, my Goddess had been at it for a short while, her side by me, altering between CBT and torturing my nipples with a brand new set of nails that felt particularly sharp.

My Goddess is an absolute expert at bringing me to the edge of what I can handle with both activities. This time was no different. What was different, though, was this tenous hold I had on reality, unable to fully get to consciousness, not because I wanted to get back to sleep, but because I was deep into subspace by the time I was waking up.

This surreal, almost supernatural state just intensified when my Goddess brought me to the edge, torturing my left nipple with her nails, almost to the point wher I thought she would open a cut, and biting my right nipple hard. The pain was incredibly intense, the sensation absolutely exquisite, and I reached that magical moment of the nexus where I not only give myself totally to what my Goddess is doing to me, give myself totally to her, but somehow, as I reach that wall, it falls before me, and I want to give her more.

This went on for a quite a while... CBT... one nipple... the other... more CBT... back to both nipples simultaneously... and all over again... sometimes harder... sometimes taking me to the edge... sometimes something less... but generally increasing in intensity each round...

Then, after a few trips to the edge, my Goddess eased off. And she started caressing me. Gently... sometimes with her fingers... sometimes with her nails. Even more than before in an unfamiliar headspace, I felt like I was getting so relaxed, so limp, that I was going to go back to sleep. But in fact, as this strange feeling had overcome me, it started dissipating, and I started to get totally awake as subspace was slowly receeding. And then she kissed me, and I kissed her back... passionately... intensely... desperately...

A disorienting mix of a dream-like sequence and real-time subspace. Or was that real-time subspace intruding into a dream? Whichever it may be, it made for a particularly intense kind of experience, acutely focused yet disorienting, edgy yet relaxing, and of course painful yet wonderful. And mainly because my Goddess was in the mood for it...