"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Public displays of submission (E)

Artwork courtesy of Nanshakh -

There's something intensely powerful for me about subtle (and not so subtle) displays of submission to my Goddess in a public setting. Not really a matter of more special or less special than what we do at home, such as the locked leather collar at all times, foot kissing in the morning, or being at my Goddess' beck and call for whatever she desires... just different. Different in the actual actions, different in their shades of emotions and feelings, yet there are a continuation of the dynamics, a continuation of the belonging/ownership, and a continuation of the power exchange.

Our high-profile positions in our professional lives don't allow us to dispense with subtlety, outside of munches where we can be a little more daring, or closed events and private parties. And yet, our power exchange dynamics in public, as slight or as subtle as it may be, can be the source of much excitement, a high-level flow of D/s energy, and a reinforcement of our respectives roles in our relationship.

My Goddess wrote a few posts ago about a recent shopping trip where one of the saleswomen commented on my good behavior waiting on her, being helpful and supportive, and being pleasantly patient. The pride and satisfaction my Goddess felt in receiving those comments excited me to no end.

Out in the mainstream, I'm a no-nonsense kind of guy. Quiet but strong, cynical but polite, flexible but unyielding, my public personality could be seen by many as in opposition to what they would read here. But these traits of character are tempered and curbed by the dynamics of our relationship when I'm in the presence of my Goddess. Not that they disappear... far from it. I think my strength in the real-world makes my Goddess feel even more special about my submission and dedication to her. But my focus on everything "Her" puts me in a different mood, pulls up in me a different kind of behavioral programming.

On shopping trips, I try to be as helpful as I can. Patience is never an issue when serving or on duty to my Goddess. I'll go to get clothes in different sizes for her to try... I'll carry all the bags... I'll wait right outside the changing room to provide feedback. At restaurants, I'll make sure my Goddess' setting is right and ready for her... I'll pull out her cutlery... put her straw in her water or soft drink before I do mine. Of course, I try to maintain good manners in opening doors (including always opening her car door) and pulling up chairs for her, gestures that used to be signs of being well-raised, but now are seen almost as chivalry, and for us, are some of the little things that reinforce again the D/s dynamics. In areas where smoking is permitted, I will light her cigarettes. Lots of little gestures that not only fit into our relationship, but reinforce it, and actions that by their symbolism, maintain a certain level of energy and positive tension.

In more kink-oriented settings, my waiting on her is more obvious in terms of my body language, the way I wait on her and react to her requests, in the way I stand behind her during introductions or conversations, the way we hold or touch each other, or even in our near-continual displays of affection. From a more "vanilla" perspective, we've received many, many comments over time about our displays of affection and love toward each other, from "you look perfect together", "you look perfect for each other" and "we can feel/sense the intense love you have for each other" to occasionally "annoyingly lovely" and "you guys need to get a room".

Sometimes, the public displays of submission are things that nobody else in the world knows about. Although a bit of the excitement is that someone could see or find out... clearly there's also an element of exhibitionism present. But the most important factor is that my Goddess and I know what's going on, and she wants to have me do it, and I want to do it for her. Locked ankle cuffs under my pants through the work day... locked wrist cuffs under a jacket or fleece on cold days (non-work days)... my "mainstream" collar at all times I'm outside the house. And once, on a nature hike, we took a break to enjoy the view from a fairly isolated vantage point, and I spent half an hour with my hands bound.

I know... none of this is over-the-top, certainly in contrast to what we do behind closed doors. I would love to be totally open about the nature of our relationship for the world to see, to display my locked collar as a tribute to my Goddess at all times. But in our society as it is, discretion in such things is certainly the better part of valor, and it allows us to continue unimpeded a beautiful lifestyle that is immensely rewarding and fulfilling to both of us without undue pressure and ostracization. And those subtle moments of public displays of submission are made all the more intense by how delicate and nuanced they are.


  1. Hi Dymion:

    I really enjoyed reading this. Those little chivalrous gestures, your patience and willingness to help are also characteristic of Her Majesty and I when we are out and about in the vanilla world. It's so true that vanilla folk will pick up on this as our still being in love with each other and me being very attentive but nothing more! ;-) Like I always say, D/s goes a long way toward keeping the spark of romance alive in a relationship!

  2. "It's so true that vanilla folk will pick up on this as our still being in love with each other and me being very attentive but nothing more!"

    Right to the point... without knowing the rules of the game, kink-unaware folks "just" see something special without quite understanding it. And of course, they interpret it in relation to what they have experienced.

    D/s can be the spark of romance, but I think that it can be even more. By the time a relationship is 24/7, it become the fuel that defines the relationship and intensifies the power of love.

    Thank you for dropping by, HMP. Your comments are always a pleasure to read.


  3. Miss Selena & MR Dymion
    I'm glad that you both are secure and confident in your marriage that you are able to publicly display the fact that you have a wife-led marriage.

    Too many people seem to think that it is all or nothing.That there is no middle ground between the wife walking down the street dressed in leather and carrying a whip or pretending to live a 1950's stepford wife marriage.As you have shown , a couple can subtly show that the wife is in charge .And a WLM couple can serve as an example to other couples ,of the benifits of a Wife-Led Marriage.

    I like the fact that you were able to display Dymion's submission by subtle means.That is often the best way!

    I hope that you can write more posts on ways that a couple can publicly display their WLM.And ways in which WLM couples can subtly convince other couples to embrace the WLM lifestyle [showing a female neighbor how good it is to have a husband that does the housework and is attentive ,ect,].

    Thank you for running this interesting blog
    sincerly BOB

  4. Bob,

    Thank you for your visit, your comments, and your compliments. It's especially nice to have special requests in terms of what is interesting for readers

    Of course, you realize that now, Goddess Selena will have extra motivation to create those subtle public displays of domination & submission...

    I will definitely share them when they come up again...