Enjoying the end of one year and looking forward to the next one (E)

Image courtesy of www.ruero.com via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

I've noticed my Goddess feeling particularly feisty of late.

We've had less time than usual for intense play during the last month because of work and health issues. But I can feel my Goddess so hungry she's about to explode. She's excited that we'll be regaining our privacy soon when we move into a new house. She's just beaming every time she takes a look at me wearing the Eternity Collar.

I feel my Goddess even more dominant than usual on everyday things, reminding me of how things need to be go and how they need to be done. She's found opportunities to hurt me, in a good way of course, almost every day of late. She's been recently demanding more attention, more affection, and more service. She keeps talking about what she's planning on doing to me the next time we have a little quiet time.

What a great way to wrap-up the old year, and to look forward to the new one!

Warmest wishes from both of us for a Happy (and safe) New Year to everyone!

Eternity Collar (E)

Image courtesy of http://sexual.tumblr.com/ via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

Eternity:
1. Time without beginning or end; infinite time.
2. The state or quality of being eternal.

Collar:
A restraining or identifying band of leather, metal, or plastic put around the neck

Definitions adapted from the Free Online Dictionary

Something new arrived in the mail for us today. Something we had talked about for a long time. Something my Goddess ordered me to purchase a little less than two weeks ago.

We received the Eternity Collar that my Goddess chose for me. Stainless steel, black (the "Phantom Line"), 3/8" thick, heavy, absolutely ungiving, and kept in place by an allen screw that can only be removed by the thin allen keys that came with it (my Goddess has already made the allen keys disappear). I will be unable to remove it without asking my Goddess to remove it for me. Something I don't think she's planning on doing any time soon. In fact, she later said something like, "Get used to it... it'll be there for a very long time."

Shortly after we came home, my Goddess unlocked the padlock of the chain that had remained continuously around my neck for the last 13 months and change, apart from a few plane flights and courthouse visits, and replaced it with the Eternity Collar. Upon pulling away from me after placing and closing the Eternity Collar around my neck, and lining up the screw just right to lock it into place, my Goddess broke into the most joyous, satisfied, and dominant smile I have ever seen on her.

The Eternity Collar really is a superb piece. Making its presence felt around my neck by its weight and its rigidity, it perfectly symbolizes my attachment and belonging to my Goddess, her ownership of me, and the strength of the ties that bind us. It certainly makes very tangible the expression "owned and collared".

While we were both very tired this evening, the sight of the Eternity Collar around my neck got my Goddess rather excited, and she told me to make sure I don't make any plans for tomorrow evening... because she most definitely has some.

In the meantime, inspired by what she saw, my Goddess still wanted to assert some measure of dominance, and she locked some leather cuffs on me, and I will undoutedly remain bound until she decides to release me in the morning.

"If one understands eternity as timelessness, and not as an unending timespan, then whoever lives in the present lives for all time." ~ Ludwig Wittgenstein

Our Solace Returns: why this is good (E)

"Suspension Love", by Ladenadenoire, via Lunar Black.

Following up on my Goddess' post, here are a few of the things that I'm looking forward to once we regain our privacy:

1. A return to the full compliment of daily rituals.
2. No more limits on my Goddess' expression of her dominance: more opportunities for impromtu bondage and BDSM and servitude.
3. My Goddess will be placing the locking leather collar much earlier each evening.
4. No more worries about noise caused by paddles, canes, or me (which will likely significantly increase the frequency of these activities).
5. Watching my Goddess' favorite TV shows while she keeps me in bondage; sexual servitude may be required at any time.
6. Spending more time leashed to my Goddess' side.
7. More nights sleeping in bondage next to my Goddess.
8. Playing my Goddess' favorite board games while she keeps me in bondage.
9. No more worries about prep, noise, or clean-up during strap-on play (which will likely significantly increase the frequency of this activity).
10. A large closet that can serve as a make-shift mini-dungeon.

The anticipation has been rising for a while now. In both of us.

Our Solace Returns (S)

artwork courtesy of wallpaper-s.org

(artist unknown)

Earlier this year, Dymion and I moved to a new town. Since then we have had roommates while seeking out a new place of our own. They are wonderful people, but with roommates comes lack of privacy. Well, I am happy to report we are making a change.

Dymion and I will be moving into a new little cozy cottage in the next couple of weeks. Since signing the lease I have been obsessed with getting back into old rituals. Here is my plan for our first Saturday morning in the new place:

When I wake up I will probably hear my boy tap, tap, tapping away on his laptop in the other room. I know I will look over to his side of the bed and see that he has been obedient and attached his leash to his collar before leaving the bedroom in case I need him. I will give it a little tug and he will immediately come back to wish me a warm, "Good Morning" and see if I need anything. I am awake, so he must tend to me.

First, the coffee. He will go make me fresh cup in our little kitchen and bring it to me in bed. He will set it on the bedside table warning me to be careful not to burn myself (he is always considerate like that). Then, he will sit on the floor at my feet and light our morning cigarettes. He will then hold the ashtray up for me while we chat about the plans for the day.

When we are finished he will take my feet in his warm hands and rub, kiss, and caress. I love the feeling of his tiny nose moving from toe to toe as he makes sure he doesnt miss a single spot. I know he will then look up at me with his beautiful eyes and simply smile that milliond dollar smile. I so love him.

At this point I will not be able to resist I will grab the leash and pull him up on the bed beside me. In the past this has led to various things: snuggling, maybe another short nap, possibly some light play or really hot morning sex. I am not sure which will take place on that very first Saturday, but there are no limits to what we can do. The important thing is that this will be the first of many more Saturdays to come and we are back to our old selves. Let the games begin.

So,there you have it. We are starting a new chapter. A new place to make more wonderful memories together. Just him and me. It may be a small, simple little house, but it will be my castle as Dymion always makes me the princess no matter where we are.

The joys of control at a distance (E)

A few weeks back, my Goddess was feeling particularly controlling and possessive. As I dropped her off at work, she requested that I go back home, put on the ankle cuffs, lock them on, and wear them until we were together again at the end of the day.

Shortly after I returned home, I received a text message asking me if I had done what she had asked. I sent her the picture above...

She got such a kick out of the picture! There they were, exactly as she had demanded. The little things that make her (and me) happy...

The tangible feeling of her control, her ownership, and my belonging to her through the sensation of the locked cuffs is incredibly special. I absolutely love it whenever she asks me to wear bondage gear under my clothing. I just can't stop thinking about it, reaching for it, thinking of what happened when she had used it on me last, and anticipating what may come. Knowing that my Goddess is excited thinking about the fact that I am wearing, for her, bondage gear that I can't remove is just so totally hot.

Aaah... the little joys of another day in the life of a loving D/s couple...

Product review and field test! (E)

The good folks over at theirtoys.com contacted us a few weeks ago to review one of their products. They provided us with the Fetish Fantasy O Ring Gag with Nipple Clamps for free, and asked that we share our impressions and comments.

Well, it doesn't take much convincing for my Goddess and I to try out a new toy, especially if we don't have something like it in our collection. We found the idea of a toy that combined two of our favorite items, an O-Ring gag and nipple clamps, very appealing. So as soon as we got a chance, we took the item out of its box, and gave it a field test.

The O-Ring gag buckles behind the head, and attached to this leather strap, about an inch off each side of the actual O-Ring are two chains, maybe 8-9 inches in length, that each lead to an adjustable, rubber-tipped nipple clamp.

For those not familiar with O-Ring gags, these create a unique sense of vulnerability, and are somewhat in a class of their own as gags. Not particularly useful for silencing, they do however cause some discomfort by their shape and positioning (which is a good thing in this context), and they leave the submissive's mouth open for a variety of little torments. In addition, there is a bit of a humiliating element as drooling is particularly difficult to avoid with this kind of gag.

To the gag is added a pair of nipple clamps, on chains that are on the short side for me, I would like to add. During our little sceme, my Goddess had fun pulling my hair, moving my head toward the back, thereby tugging on the nipple clamps.

While we haven't gotten to play with this angle, the shortness of the chains would inevitably keep the head and eyes of the submissive in a humble downward looking position. Looking up, from a kneeling position, would create the same NT as the hair-pulling did.

My Goddess and I are pretty demanding in terms of the quality of our play toys, especially our leather ones, so we found the leather buckling strap attached to the O-Ring a bit on the thin/light side. On the other hand, it does the job just fine. It buckles tight, it holds the O-Ring very steady, and it leaves a nice mark on the outside of the mouth which is a trademark sign left by the use of any decent gag. But if we'd have one suggestion for design improvement, it would be to use a thicker strap.

The adjustable nipple clamps are good for low and medium intensity nipple torture. The adjustment screws can greatly limit the intensity of the clamps, making these good for beginners. With the screws loosened to the point they don't offset the tension at all, the clamps are tight but certainly not the "hurtiest" out there. Perhaps similar to clover clamps, and nowhere as intense as alligator clips.

It'll be one of those toys that's pulled out when there is a mood for a little extra sadism, or when a little more of a predicament is called for. A quirky, unique, inexpensive, and fun combo toy that we definitely enjoyed.

More on their ball gags: Ball Gags
More on their bondage stuff: Bondage Toys

I love hotels (E)

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Predicament love making (E)

Image courtesy of http://soumis.tumblr.com/ via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

My Goddess places the leather collar around my neck. She is sitting on the bed, and I am kneeling before her. She very deliberately clicks the lock in the back of the collar. The wrist cuffs are next. Gently but firmly, she straps them around one wrist, and then the other. She reaches for the small locks, and clicks those in place. Finally, the ankle cuffs go on, and those are locked on also.

She asks for the double-ended clips. I start standing up to fetch them, but a curt "Ah!" from my Goddess stops me in my track. I get back my knees instinctively... I should have known. The carpet is very rough on my knees while I crawl over to the toy bag on all-fours, but I still return to her as quickly as possible.

My Goddess clips the wrist cuffs together in front of me, and then the ankle cuffs. I remain on my knees as she reclines against the headboard. I reach for one of her naked feet with my bound hands, and pull it toward me. I begin kissing each of her toes gently. I do it a second time before moving to the top of her foot. She tells me that she loves feeling my "little nose" as I'm covering her foot with kisses. After a dozen kisses over her foot, I come back to the toes. I kiss each one of them, and then again in the reverse order. I go back to the top of the foot for another dozen kisses. I finish with two more passes over the toes. I move on to the other foot. I do the same pattern. She remarks upon the softness of my nose again, rubbing against her skin while I inundate her foot with kisses.

I can feel my Goddess totally in the zone. I'm also in the zone, but in a zone at the opposite end of the spectrum. She moves away from the headboard and toward me. From my kneeling position, I move my head forward as her hips move close to me. She opens her legs, and puts her feet on my shoulders. I gently begin to lap at her. She lies back completely, but on her way down, she takes hold of my hair, pulling me in just a bit deeper into her. It is barely just a few minutes before she reaches a thunderous orgasm.

Upon reaching the peak of her climax, my Goddess pushes on my head slightly so that I can no longer reach her with my tongue. She crosses her legs behind my neck, forcing my head to lie against her lower abs. I can feel the power of the tremors racking her body.

As the waves of pleasure quiet down, my Goddess uncrosses her legs and lets me go. She sits upright in the bed, grabs hold of the central D-ring of the locked leather collar, and pulls me up and toward her. I try to climb onto the bed, but it is unusually high, and with my feet bound, I need to put my hands down on the bed, and a come up with a short hop.

She keeps pulling on the collar, and I am forced to adapt and change position quickly. She lies back, bringing me over her. I almost fall on top of her. I catch myself, planting my bound hands over her head. She smiles. The clipped wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs make for a very awkward position. She knows. She still wants me inside her. She reaches for my nipples... hard. Something else is very hard. She knows that too. And she wants it inside her. I slip my cuffed hands under her neck, right above her shoulders. With the slightly improved position, I gently slide inside her as she guides my penis in. She returns to teasing and hurting my nipples. The angle is still uncomfortable, and she loves it. She hurts me more. I try to find a better fit by moving my knees a bit, and crossing my feet, still clipped together. She has no patience for my maneuvering, and digs her nails into my nipples even harder. I exhale loudly and plunge into her almost fully.

I'm still in an awkward position, and my Goddess absolutely loves it. She shows no mercy, and gives me no choice. This is how she wants me to fuck her, and she increases the torment and the torture of my nipples. Clearly, I am expected to reach climax like this, and give her what she wants. That's OK because I so want to. I so have to.

I'll take from my Goddess' reactions that the position, and what I did, worked for her, although I know my predicament was a significant part of her enjoyment. On my side, despite some less than ideal positioning, it did not take much time to reach a massive orgasm (I'm almost feeling the tremors again just wrtting about it.)

I kept shaking as I bent my elbows and pressed my chest against her, with my cuffed hands still under her neck. I uncross my cuffed feet and once more try to find a comfortable position while my heart rate and breath slow down.

A few minutes later, after some cleaning up, and my Goddess enjoying my hobbled walk to the bathroom and back, both of us are spent, and ready to crash and fall asleep. She leaves the bondage gear on me. I lie on my side, facing my Goddess. Facing away from me, she snuggles, backing into me. She reaches over to pull my arms over her as we put the final touches on our spooning position. She securely grabs the D-rings of each wrist cuff, looping her thumbs through them, ensuring that I can't move very much, and we almost immediately drift off to sleep.

Chastity: what it means to us (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://lunarblack.tumblr.com/

My pleasure belongs to my Goddess. She loves being in control, and she especially enjoys being in control of when and how often I have orgasms. She loves being the only source of my sexual pleasures. My sexual satisfaction belong to her.

Several recent posts on the blogosphere, some by very respected bloggers such as Lady Grey, Mistress Milliscent (10/10/2010)Ms. Marie, saratoga (and here), Aarkey, and many more, have discussed chastity from several different perspectives. Chastity with or without chastity devices. Chastity and chastity devices as part of relationships.

Enforced chastity through the use of devices, like the CB-series of devices, or some of the beautiful pieces from Ms. Lori, are not part of our play. It doesn't make what we do any better or any worse than what other people do, it's just our way.

Chastity for me is hard. Very hard. And my Goddess knows that. I'm an everyday, or every second day kind of guy. And while BDSM scenes are extremely satisfying and fulfilling for me, and I have a need for such play on nearly as regular a basis, they are not conducive to me wanting sexual release. Heavy subspace and orgasms don't mix very well for me. I'm simply not in the same headspce. But it remains that in-between play time/sessions, my Goddess turns me on to no end, all the time, and the D/s-based nature of our relational dynamics only heightens how excited I am around her, and when I think of her. So waiting three or four days for release requires much self-discipline on my part, and if we close in on a week, I can feel myself edgy, irritable, and desperate.

Am I ever tempted to cheat? To sneak an orgasm while she's away? Yes. All. The. Time. Except, perhaps, the day after she brought me to a universe-shaking orgasm. But I don't cheat. I don't because I know how much she enjoys bringing me to climax, whether it is during sex (which is never without significant BDSM components), if she makes me have an orgasm while she watches, or if she forces me to reach climax during play. I would be devastated to have gotten an orgasm on my own earlier, and not be able to give my Goddess the satisfaction on my pleasure at the very moment she wants it. And I never really know when she'll want it, so I have to remain ready or prepared.

Chastity for us is about my devotion to her. It's about my Goddess controlling the relationship and controlling my urges and desires. It's about me being totally true to her, and fulfilling her wants, desires, and needs when and where she asks.

The hardest moment of the week to remain chaste? After sexual servitude. In the hours or days after my Goddess requires me to bring her to climax once or several times, in a variety of ways. There are few things that display as powerfully her dominance over me and my submission to her as the moment after I have sated her sexual hunger and she tells me after she's done, "Nothing for you today. You have to wait." During my time providing sexual service to my Goddess, the excitement grows in me as she becomes increasingly aroused, and seeing her reach climax almost brings me to the edge each time. But more often than not, the joy of seeing and feeling her have powerful orgasms is all I get, beyond the intense satisfaction of having quenched her desires.

While chastity devices would seem very erotic, and I can certainly see the appeal both in terms of how excited I would be to have something like that locked on me (the constriction, the restraint), and the freedom they provide (definitely removes the temptation), I doubt they will be part of our play anytime soon. The trouble and cost of finding the right fit, and hygiene issues (I am an obsessive clean-freak) outweigh in my mind what they would bring me in terms of additional pleasure. And my Goddess loves to see, and control, my struggle to remain true and devoted to her. It works for us. For now.

Could I go longer than a week or so? Surely if necessary, and if My Goddess requires it. At the same time, I expect that she would start having as hard a time I as would after a while, since my release is such an important part of her play. I think there are many similarities between Lady Grey and my Goddess in regards to this facet of our dynamics.

So there you have it... chastity... how it plays into our relational dynamics...

Her needs on a Monday morning (E)

Bound Men I, by Mind Abuse, via Lunar Black

Pulled from a deep in sleep, I barely notice any light coming from outside. I feel tension around my neck, and pressure on my right nipple that rapidly becomes a sharp pain. My Goddess is tugging on the central D-ring of the locked leather collar, pulling me closer to her, and what begins as nipple teasing fast becomes NT.

My mind is still foggy when my Goddess pushes me on my back and mounts my hips (without penetration). She reaches for more NT, taking occasional breaks to reach back for some CBT, or forward to take a hold of one of the D-rings on the collar.

My movements and moans reacting to the pain she's causing is driving her crazy... in the best kind of way. She begins to gyrate her hips over mine. She increases the intensity of the NT. I can't help but to squirm a little more, to moan a little more. She gets more excited and grinds her hips harder and hurts me more. The cycle rapidly spirals out of control. She slumps over my chest. She grabs once more the central D-ring of the collar, and keeps hold of one nipple, which she hurts until a whimper escapes from me. A huge climax rips through her body, which feels amazing to me, lying beneath her. I feel her heart beat against my chest, her breathing fast and heavy against my body.

In a matter of a few minutes, like a tiger pouncing and devoring a prey to satisfy its hunger, my Goddess woke me up and hurt me until she reached climax.

She moves off me, and sits back against the head of the bed, looking down at me smug, dominant, smiling. But I can tell she's still hungry. I can almost tangibly feel the waves of her dominance and her sexual energy. I move over her legs, and bring my head down between her legs. Instantly she reacts to my tongue. She grabs my hair and pulls me in. The build-up is quick and incredibly intense. Again, in a matter of just a few minutes, she once more reaches a huge climax, shaking for over a minute after she pushed my head away from her.

Once she recovers, we hug, she gets off the bed and heads for the shower. That was it. This morning was all about her. And I was thoroughly delighted in this unexpected start to the week, despite the unequal score in orgasms (2-0).

Collar stories - 2 (E)

Artwork courtesy of Detours

It's pretty obvious for anyone that has read a handful of our posts that my Goddess and I place a very high significance on the symbolism of the locked leather collar that she places around my neck every evening, and that she removes the next time we prepare to go to work. Or before the next shower, if we have a day off. Or before someone comes over to the house.

During the last few weeks, I've been driving my Goddess to work early in the morning before coming back home and getting ready myself. And most mornings, my Goddess has been having us leave the house before removing the collar.

With the advent of the cooler weather and heavier clothes, it has been easier to keep the collar, its D-rings, and the hanging lock in back, relatively hidden from sight when leaving the house. In fact, if someone knew it was there, and looked for it, they would catch a glimpse of it sooner or later because it can't be hidden perfectly unless I wear a turtleneck and a scarf.

But the collar has stayed on because both of us enjoy the sight and the significance of the locked leather collar so much, and it extents part of my Goddess' control and ownership of me another 15-20 minutes. It is unlikely anybody will have a good enough look at it to make out what it is, except maybe the drive-thru person serving us my Goddess' morning cappucino (and they normally don't have much time to chat).

Just before dropping off my Goddess, I park the car very close to her work for a minute or so, we look around briefly in case anyone is looking at us, I lean over her lap, she removes the lock and unbuckles the collar, and we have a kiss before resuming our trip to the front door of her workplace.

To borrow an expression from Serving B's comment to my last post, it extends the roller coaster ride just a little longer, and it will make the wait for the next ride just a little bit shorter.

And it makes you wonder... once fall and winter come along, if you go into a public venue with, let's say 200 people, how many might be there be with locked leather collars or locked leather cuffs or eternity-type collars/bracelets/anklets or with locked chastity devices on?

Best Costume Ever (S)

In the spirit of Halloween, I thought I would share this photo. I LOVE this duck! I have seen the little SUB-a-dub-dub rubber ducky in several adult stores and yet have never broken down and purchased it. We always seem to spend our allotted playtime money on more "interactive" pieces for our toy box so I am certainly not complaining. However, someday I know I will make this duck mine...just as I did my Dymion.

Collar stories - 1 (E)

Artwork courtesy of Lunar Black

Just before she leaves for work, my Goddess comes back to the bedroom to unlock and remove the locking leather collar I wear overnight, and in fact, wear most of the time when we are both at home alone.

I sit cross-legged in bed, and she comes up on the bed behind me, on her knees. I feel her aiming the key for keyhole, and opening the lock. That opening click is as sad a moment for each of us as the closing click in the evening creates almost a full-body tingle.

My Goddess removes the lock, places it on the bed next to us, and begins unbuckling the collar. As she begins to tell me that I forgot to take care of something for her yesterday, she pulls on each end of the now unbuckled collar, tightening it around my neck. She increases the tension as she continues her sentence, restricting evermore my breathing with every word.

Flashbacks come streaming into my mind at breakneck speed as that feeling of surrender takes over my mind and my body. Scenes and moments of control and bondage and breath play and isolation and immobility and dominance and submission... Hanging in our little make-shift dungeon... immobilized in bondage for the night... tied down for paddling... or for her strap-on...

She lets go of the collar as she ends her sentence and her chastising.

I'm as shocked at having forgotten to take care of that for her as I'm suprised at the unexpected breath play. The slip of mind was relatively minor, and my Goddess' reaction was mainly playful evilness.

It was one of those spur-of-the-moment inspired actions that can only come out of an environment where D/s is ever-present, flows freely, and anything is possible at any time.

I just would have enjoyed it more if it wouldn't have been the result of me forgetting something for her...

Taking what she wants (E)

Image courtesy of Anais and the Ninja

I can't express how much I love it when my Goddess takes what she wants from me.

This evening, we're both lying in bed. She's about to turn over to go to sleep, I'm still working on my laptop. She reaches over to grab the central D-ring on my leather collar, and she pulls me in for her good night kiss.

She doesn't release the hold... we kiss for a few minutes... tenderly, passionately, lovingly. I hold my upper body up on one elbow, and use the other hand to caress her soft skin all over. We never have enough of each other when we kiss, but eventually, she lets go of the collar. We break off the kissing delicately. She turns over, and pulls the covers over herself. I help arrange the covers a bit. And then, she's asleep.

The taking of the affection she needs... an expression of her dominance in its simplest form...

Haunting smoking fetish moments & flashbacks (E)

Image from Smoking Femme Fatale

I'm sitting on the floor, holding the ashtray for my Goddess. I lit her cigarette and gave it to her. I'll be holding the ashtray for her until she's done. She's looking down on her pet with affection, but also with a sense of control... power... ownership... For all the mystique of a beautiful woman who makes smoking sexy, who makes you weak in the knees while she does it, there nothing quite like being in a position to look up at her while she is doing it...

* * * * *

My Goddess reaches over and pulls me in close to her by the chain she keeps locked around my neck at all times. She reaches up to me, like she's going to kiss me. She locks lips with me. She makes sure our lips are tightly sealed. She exhales the smoke of her cigarette. I can feel her dominance rise like the phoenix over the horizon. She's in a mood. I will be subject to much more later on.

* * * * *

The nipple rings were really, REALLY hurting. I'm pretty good with NT, including a variety of nipple clamps, pins, and clips, but these pressure rings were really tight. I didn't know if I could go 10 minutes with them. My Goddess got 15 out of me. Then she knew by my reactions they had to come off. She asked me if I wanted them off. Unusual for me, I said yes. At that point, she said she would take them off... after her next cigarette. The mix of the subspace, the pain, the control, and her smoking was totally overwhelming. And I wasn't sure anymore I wanted her to finish quickly...

* * * * *

I'm in bondage on the bed, immobile. Feet cuffed and locked into a stretcher at the foot of the bed. Wrists and cuffed and locked and tied to headboard of the bed. Sight taken away by a blindfold. Other senses heightened by the bondage and the loss of seeing what is going on. My Goddess sits next to me, and blows smoke in my face. It is but the first part of what may come. Forced inhales? Heat play? Nipple torture? Forced smoking? Often it is all of them.

* * * * *

My Goddess returns to check in on me. I've been hanging in the closet during the time she was in the shower. Blindfolded, on my knees, with my wrists cuffed and locked to the high rack above my head. After even just a few minutes in isolated bondage, I can feel the warmth of her body and the aura of her dominance as she opens the door. She runs her nails over my skin, pulls on my hair, lifts my chin up to give me a kiss. She lights a cigarette. Teases me with it. Again, I don't know quite what she'll be in the mood for... could be forced inhales... heat play... nipple torture... forced smoking... it all depends on how much time she has before she leaves for work

* * * * *

We spend the evening over a board game... in the only way my Goddess will allow it... with me in bondage. She loves to see me naked for hours with my wrists bound together, and with my ankles bound together. She loves to see me struggling to throw a dice, place a tile, or pick-up a card. She loves to watch me while I hobble along slowly to get her a drink or get her a snack during the time of the game. She especially loves to watch me fumble to reach for the cigarettes, and light them when she says it's time. Later on, the game ends, she stands, and I move to all fours to prepare to stand up. She stops me. I sit back on my ankles. She stands over me. She pulls on my hair, snapping my head back. She's still holding her cigarette, and the ash is lenghtening. Will she or won't she...

Image courtesy of Code 831

The right stuff... at the wrong time (E)

Artwork courtesy of Men in Pain, via Dishevelled Domina

I pulled down the laptop to the floor to show my Goddess something. I laid down in front of the computer, on my belly and elbows, and expected her to lie down next to me, in the same position, to look at what I wanted to show her.

She came over, unexpectedly sat on my lower back, laid down her torso along my back, extended her legs over mine, and looked over my shoulder on one side. Her hands went down to my sides. Her weight pinned me down, leaving me unable to move, vulnerable, one of our favorite positions for play.

I wanted to close my eyes. I wanted her to reach over with her hands, her fingers, her nails, and reach under my shirt, to the front, to tease, torment, and torture my nipples. I wanted her to sit back upright while she was doing NT and start grinding her hips against my lower back as she began to get excited by my moans, my squirming, my trying to escape her without really wanting to be successful. I wanted her to hurt me until she climaxed. I wanted her to...

STOP! REWIND!

We were spending a quiet evening with family, and some were present in the living room when I had something interesting to show my Goddess. I was very taken aback when she positioned herself over me. I really thought she'd come right next to me on the floor. Of course, she could not engage in the course of action that naturally ensues when she takes up the position that she did.

Of course, I did not close my eyes, nor did she do any NT, and no, she did not reach climax.

Just an exceedingly affectionate moment in the eyes of those who don't know.

Twenty-four hours later, I'm still having flashbacks to what wasn't. Today was too busy for us, we came back too late, and we were too tired, to follow up on this. Just the usual daily rituals and D/s dynamics for today. And so the hunger grows more consuming...

Now that was torture... and not of the hot, subspacey, D/s kind.

A little time of our own - part 2 (E)

Artwork courtesy of Cruella via Dishevelled Domina

If you haven't read part one, go do it now... this is the continuation of the same evening...

Bound, senses taken away, lost in subspace, I can feel my Goddess' dominance radiating and reaching me in an almost tangible way. I can hear the syren song of her power in every word she says... every gesture she makes... every action she takes...

She leaves me alone bound and immobile for a minute, and returns shortly. She begins to tease my nipples, moves down for some CBT, and comes back to the nipples more forcefully. I actually don't hear her light her cigarette, but it was clear that she had when I felt her first exhale is directed to my face. Subspace just keeps getting deeper. Her next drag comes right to my mouth as she grabs the central D-ring of my collar to make sure I don't move as her mouth covers mine. Some smoking play follows... forced inhales... forced smoking... punctuated by my Goddess doing some cigarette torture, tormenting my nipples with the tip of her lit cigarette. I try to stay still for her, despite the occasional searing heat approaching one nipple, and then the other, between breathing in her exhales, and some forced smoking. As she hits on so many smoking fetish buttons, I have vivid flashbacks running through my mind of imagery of her smoking, exhaling, and handling a cigarette at other times, when I could see her.

Winding down somewhat, my Goddess does not want to close out such powerful time together without leaving us both with something to remember... markings.

We both love markings, each for our own reasons. Playful and full of symbolism, even the temporary nature of the playful markings my Goddess will apply on me can make for some powerful emotions during play. They reinforce the dynamics of our everyday life. And they are vivid reminders for days after.

This time, it is a chain of roses around my right upper arm. A heart on the right side of my chest. And an "S" for Selena on my... member. As she applies it, she reminds me that it belonged to her anyways. And that I belonged to her.

Yes it does, my Love... and yes I do...

A little time of our own - part 1 (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://snail.meilk.com/ via Lunar Black

Three evenings ago... Where to start... I'm not sure...

I'm not even sure how it started... in what order things happened... if I'm remembering everything...

Deep, deep subspace. Intoxicated, infatuated, entranced. Totally under her spell. And it made us both so happy.

A leather blindfold is placed over my eyes. My Goddess tells me to get on all fours on the bed. A few seconds later, the first sharp and stingy strikes of the latex flogger comes down on my backside... on the back of my thighs... on my lower back... on the side on my thighs... Maybe two dozen strokes later, my Goddess switches to the swatters. Both of them. Double-swats, consecutive swats, up-and-down-and-all-around my backside. Then she switches again. This time to a suede flogger. Or did she do this one before the swatters? Can't tell anymore. She's going at it, at me, pretty vigorously. But she complains that it doesn't seem to have as much of an effect on me as she as she'd like. It does. On so many levels, it does. I'm just trying my best to hang in there to let my Goddess enjoy herself. I've lost count. Her target areas feel warm. There a stinging echo that lasts beyond one strike to blend into the next one. I'm drifting in subspace...

I realize she stopped well after the last strike of the purple suede flogger.My Goddess orders me to lie on my back. She clips my wrist cuffs to the D-rings on my locked collar. It's one of those very open and somewhat awkward positions that leaves me very vulnerable. She also clips my ankle cuffs together. Still blinfolded, I suddenly pick-up the delightful smell of her skin next to my nose. Close. Very close. I feel something touch my lips. It's one of her nipples. I reach out with my tongue and wet the tip. She leaves it there. Slowly I run my tongue around her the nipple and over it. She lowers her breast. I have no choice but to take in part of it in my mouth. I keep gently licking the nipple. She lowers her breast even more, and it now covers my mouth completely and part of my nose. My breathing can be heard as the air is funneled through smaller openings. She lowers her breast still more, and pinches my nose shut with her fingers. My tongue is working around the nipple in my mouth frantically. At the same time, I try to relax. I've surrendered completely to her. She's in total control. After a certain amount of time (10 seconds? 15? 30?) that I can't even begin to try to guess, she lifts her chest up and I take in a huge breath.

Leaving me just the time for four or five breaths, my Goddess returns to my mouth with her other breast. She lets me tease the nipple a bit, lowers the breast, I lick more forcefully, and then she drops her chest to cover my mouth and part of my nose again. After a few seconds of my tongue playing with her nipples, once more she pinches my nostrils shut, just in case her breast was not enough (it was). Can't breathe through either my mouth or my nose. She keeps me without breathing longer this time. Waiting until I just start to struggle to breathe, she says in a haughtily playful tone, "There are worse ways to die..." And then, she releases her hold on my breath.

To be continued...

Of collars and bondage, and ownership and belonging (E)

"Dominate Your Man Today" by Horus-Goddess

Over the weekend, 36 uninterrupted hours of wearing the locked leather collar... around the home, and on two errands outside the home. I intoxincatingly belonged to my Goddess...

An evening with my wrists and ankles bound, entertaining my Goddess... playing board games, watching television, doing whatever little thing she required of me. And after all the time we've been together, My Goddess' mischevious smile and her sense of enjoyment watching me hobble around the house has never diminished...

I spent overnight sleeping in bondage next to my Goddess... Limited in my movements, which inevitably kept me in various positions of contact with her. Couldn't get away... Didn't want to get away...

This morning, my Goddess removed my leather collar and the four locked cuffs before leaving for work, she told me she expected the house to be straightened out and significantly neater when she returned. Nothing makes cleaning up around the house as enjoyable as when my Goddess is expecting it, and will notice it.

As a side note, the arrival of the cooler weather is delightfully promising of more frequent, but discreet, outdoors kinky play. Jackets, fleeces, and sweaters are great to hide the locked leather collar during daytime errands or excursions with my Goddess; occasionally, the locked wrist cuffs may also be on. The return of long pants will have my Goddess locking ankle cuffs before I leave for work.

The warmth under the leather. The texture and the firmness of the leather. The ungiving of the secure locks. The restraints of the clips and ties. Sensuality... exchange of power... dominance and submission... vulnerability and trust... control, and surrender... belonging and ownership... Each from our particular position, we so enjoy these little moments full of symbolism and excitement.

Sexy interlude: view from the bottom (E)

Artwork courtesy of Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

Little did I know my Goddess was planning to write about our "Sexy Interlude" from a few evenings ago. This entry will give you the opportunity to contrast the same interlude from her dominant perspective and from mine.

I thought I was just returning to the bedroom to go to sleep. But my Goddess was in matching bra and panties, lying on her stomach, watching something on her computer. And she looked stunningly sexy.

On my way to getting next to her to see what she was watching, I grabbed the locking leather collar from the dresser so that I could offer it to her, as is our nightly ritual. She took the collar, placed it around my neck, locked it, and grabbed the front D-ring to pull me closer for a kiss.

We kept on kissing passionately for a minute or two. She smelled so good... her lips were so soft... her body was so warm... and having her next to me felt so good.

Bringing our kissing to a gentle stop, my Goddess softly but firmly told me to get her a blindfold. I went into our toy bag, and brought a leather blindfold back to her quickly. She put it on me, she told me to lie back, and she positioned me exactly as she wanted.

My Goddess got up, and took a few steps away from the bed. I heard her rummage through some stuff, and shortly after I felt the cool softness of rope going around my lower legs. She looped the rope about half-a-dozen times, and bound my ankles in a column tie. I then felt some tension on my legs as she tied the ends of the rope to something heavy past the foot of the bed, likely the dresser standing against the opposing wall.

As soon as my legs were secured, I felt my Goddess move up to tie my wrists with a very soft fabric, and place my hands over my head in a firm enough manner that I knew I was not to move them until such a time she told me I could.

Finally, she sat on top of my hips, and began to rub herself against me, and gyrate, in a most suggestive manner, getting me very excited and erect. She also began teasing and hurting my nipples, and as I was reacting to her NT, she became even more turned on herself. In no time at all, she lifted her hips, grabbed my member firmly, and lowered herself on it, and on me, and resumed her movements. Bound and very limited in movements, I could only lay back and enjoy the ride as my Goddess used me as she wanted, satisfying simultaneously her sexual urges and her need to hurt me.

Her first orgasm came quickly. Her post-orgasm trembling sent a powerful shudder through my body, but that was all I was going to get for now. She moved off me for a few moments and focused more on some sadistic teasing, running her nails deeply over my chest and my sides.

Rapidly my moans and my gentle squirming got her excited again, and she mounted me a second time. The NT was more intense this time, and as I moved more forcefully against the bondage, she came to a huge climax a second time, just barely taking more time than for the first one.

My Goddess leaned and rested over me. I could feel her chest heaving against mine, her breathing heavy and quick, and her heart racing. I can't express how satisfying it is to bring pleasure to my Goddess, even in a small way.

Once she recovered somewhat, my Goddess laid on the side next to me. One hand supporting her head, her body alongside mine, she began on CBT with her left hand, and moved back and forth between the CBT and some NT for a minute of two. She explained to me that she expected me to provide myself with an orgasm for her own enjoyment. And then she released my wrists from bondage.

This was a new position for me. On my back, legs tied tight, blindfolded, I hesitated for a moment. She said in a deliciously dominant voice, "You wouldn't want to disappoint me, would you?"

I began to touch myself as my Goddess returned more vigorously to torturing my nipples with her left hand, one side at a time. Each 30 seconds or so she would focus her efforts on one of the nipples, and then return to the other. After a few minutes of this, she dug her nails, and twisted and tortured the left nipple, and she brought her head close to my chest to begin biting the right one. Moans became whimpers, which excite her to no end. She squeezed harder on the left, bit down harder on the right, and with a loud whimper coming from deep inside, I absolutely exploded, uncontrollably shooting cum all over my stomach and her right hip and upper thigh.

The climax felt like it would never end. I couldn't help but to continue moving my left hand up and down until the intense waves of pleasures faded completely, and my Goddess had released my nipples from her delightful torment.

Totally spent, I just laid there, catching my breath, as I felt my Goddess leaning over my side, positively radiating in satisfaction and dominance, proud of her improvised little interlude that was such powerful release for both of us.

Please Pause for a Sexy Interlude (S)

Dymion and I haven't had much time to play lately. Our living circumstances are not conducive to the privacy we really need to let go and explore. However, we have managed to supplement our activities with what I like to think of as deviant interludes.

A couple of nights ago we made it happen. When he returned from the shower I was dressed in a matching bra/panty set smelling sweetly of oranges from soap and perfume. I laid on the bed and slowly watched him walk in. The smell and warmth of his skin was pretty overwhelming. I wanted him close. I needed to kiss. I needed to be the center of his universe for just a little while. Within seconds his locking collar was back around his neck....MINE.

Now let's see:
1) Blindfold (check!)
2) Rope (check!)
3) Hankerchief (check!)
4) Clothes Pins (check!)
5) Naked Pet (check!)

I am sure you can use your own imagination as to where the props came into the interlude. But I will elaborate a bit more. Once completely secured in his rope, I mounted his stomach pushing my body against his. SOOOO WARM. The light caresses soon turned to penetration in a position we don't often explore. I was on top of him. His hands were tied in over his head, his legs were tightly bound to the dresser at the end of the bed. He was defenseless to my desires. So, I stayed there, found an excellent position, and began moving rhythmically at my own pace. Eventually I reached climax.

Climactic Factors:
- SOOOOO WARM!
- the rhythmic waves we created
- awesome noises from my pet
- the visual of seeing my darling dymion helpless (and I suspect loving every bit of it).

In. fact, I know he loved it. When I reached orgasm I laid down next to his bound body and gave him his orders for the night. He was to bring himslef to climax lying on his back, feet tied tight, and blindfolded. This is an unusual request coming from me. Dymion has never reached orgasm in that position. But he didn' want to disappoint me. So with the pressure high to keep the Goddess happy he worked hard on the effort. I occasionally helped him by bestowing intense pain on many of his sensitive spots and reminding him softly that he was doing this for me and only me. There wasn't much waiting after that.

This may just sound like another scene to those who actively play, but I can reassure you that this was one extraordinarily HOT INTERLUDE. Maybe it wasn't 3 hours in a professional dungeon, but for those few minutes it was just him and me... alone... together... beautiful... Dominant...Submissive... Doing the deviance that deviants do....and with a lotta love!

Relational needs - Part 2 (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://ridingwild.tumblr.com/

As a follow-up to my first part on relational needs, I wanted to return to Willard F. Harley Jr.'s book "His Needs, Her Needs." One of the key points he tries to make is the following:

"Become aware of each other's emotional needs and learn to meet them."

In a sub-section titled "His needs are not her needs", he says that he's been able to classify ten major emotional needs:
1- admiration
2- affection
3- conversation
4- domestic support
5- family commitment
6- financial support
7- honesty and openness
8- physical attraction
9- recreational companionship
10- sexual fulfillment

In innumerable interviews done over the course of more than 15 years, Harley discovered why it was so difficult for men and women to meet the needs that are so important to the other. When he asked couples to list needs according to their own priorities, the men listed them one way and women the opposite way. "Of the ten basic emotional needs, the five listed as most important by men were usually the five least important for women, and vice-versa."

So clearly there lies three major obstacles for two individuals to be happy together:
1- identifying the other's needs
2- understanding the other's needs
3- fulfilling the other's needs

But before going further, I'm curious to know: How are the ten emotional needs influenced or affected by the dynamics of a D/s relationship? A femdom one in particular? Do the power dynamics permeate through all ten of the emotional needs? Most of them? Just a few of them? Or only sexual fulfillment?

So the four questions I put out there for you today are the following:
1- What are the five top emotional needs in your relationship for you?
2- What are the five top emotional needs of your partner?
3- If you are living in a relation that you consider to have a strong D/s component, how are these emotional needs influenced/affected by the D/s dynamics?

4- How well are you bridging the gap to meet your partner's needs?

As a side note, you will find three polls on the upper right of our blog. I encourage each of you to take a few moments to fill out two of the three polls that would apply to you. Let's see what you come up with in terms of gender differences, and where people think there may be emotional needs that are altered in their nature by a D/s lifestyle or not.

I'm sure the answers vary as much from one specific D/s couple to another as the lists of emotional needs do from one vanilla couple to another. But considering the basic premise of the difficulty in having a man and a woman in a relationship having a similar list of priorities, and the belief that most people in the lifestyle have that a D/s dynamics adds a whole new layer of complexity to the relationship, it seems particularly important for us to wade through this attentively, otherwise there is really no chance on either side for happiness.

If you are going to fill out the polls (and I'd really like to you to do so), please do it now before reading further.

* * * * * * * * * *

So let me share with you some thoughts on how these ten emotional needs play into the relationship between my Goddess and I, and specifically what role D/s plays within each of those needs. Of course, this is meant only as an illustration of how one particular relationship works, and it's certainly not indicative of how any relationship should work.

Since this post is already getting pretty long and unyieldy, I will start with just one, and andI'll follow up with the other nine over the course of other blog entries in the future.

Admiration: A sentiment we both have for each other, and that we often express to each other. My Goddess is my biggest fan. She is quite vocal in her admiration of what I do in the real world, and of my personal qualities. I'm her biggest fan also, and I am unreservedly enthusiastic about both her accomplishments and her personal qualities, to her and to people around us.

In relation to D/s dynamics, I think that this element is a huge part of our play. This mutal admiration plays out in opposite direction, as her admiration for me makes me a more attractive target for her dominant desires. The fact that she sees so much in me makes it more enticing for her to control me, to dominate me, and to own me.

On my side, my admiration for her makes it easy for me to want to serve her and worship her. When given the opportunity, getting things ready or doing things for her gives me a sense of higher purpose. It's easy to want to treat my Goddess well because I admire her so much. Appreciating how wonderful, smart, funny, caring, beautiful and sexy she is, and how important she is in my life, the distance between admiration and worship is not great. Add to that the element of her dominance, and the emotional need of admiration is one that is not only an important one for us, but one that keeps up close together, and one that has become colored by the D/s dynamics of our relationship.

Am I meeting all her needs in this area? How can one ever be sure? I think I'm doing a decent job, although I keep looking for ways to do better and do more. In view of how much I admire her, it's just a matter of making sure she knows how I feel.

Toys for the road trip (E)

Artwork courtesy of Dark Angel Designz, via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

Do you have any idea what's going to happen? Neither do I. Well, a general idea, of course... but not exactly. Be that as it may, my Goddess will have some options...

Striking instruments:
- 3 paddles (1 hard plexiglass, 1 leather, 1 leather with metal rod inside);
- 2 swatters
- 3 floggers (1 small-latex, 1 medium-purple suede, 1 large-leather);
- 1 leather crop
- 3 canes (1 x 30" rattan, 1 x 24" twisted hard plastic, 1 x 30" purple lexan)

Bondage:
- 1 x 1.25" locking leather collar (the one my Goddess locks on me every night to go to sleep)
- 1 x 2.5" locking collar
- 2 sets of locking wrist cuffs
- 2 sets of locking ankle cuffs
- 2 x 30" bendable metal padded ties
- 2 leather blindfolds
- 3 gags (1 x ball gag, 1 x leather gag (large), 1 x O-ring gag)
- 2 dog leashes (1 x 24" medium links, 1 x 30" large links)
- 1 x 50' rope leash (clip-on)
- ropes (35', 25', 2 x 12.5', 2 x 6')
- a dozen small locks
- 10 double-ended clips

Implements:
- 2 Wartenberg wheels (extremely sharp)
- 50 wood clothespins (full-size)
- 30 plastics clothes pins (full-size)
- 25 plastics clothes pins (small)
- 1 set of sounds (8)
- Candle
- Testicule stretcher
- Gates of Hell
- Cock harness

Anal play:
- 1 Betty's Jelly Bumble Bee strap-on (8.5")
- 1 leather harness for strap-on play
- 1 dildo (6") for strap-on harness
- 1 dildo (9" with bead pattern)
- 1 large anal vibrator
- 1 prostate massager
- 1 thin vibrator
- latex gloves

And it's hard to believe, but we're leaving some other stuff behind...

Miss you more (S)

Dymion has been working a lot lately. Gotta love a powerful man, right? The appeal for me is simple. I can watch him teach a class or serve on a panel. I can hear him discuss the hot topics in the world and be blown away by the wealth of knowledge he has and how he expresses it. I love how some people are annoyed by this as if it is egotistical. I love that some people are truly impressed all the information. I really love it when he truly reaches a student, a participant, or some listening to him.

But above all else, I love the fact that this amazing, well-spoken man belongs to me and would lick my boots at a moment's notice. He would work his magical hands and mouth to bring me to the ultimate climax anytime I need him to. He is 100% there for me. Always. He is a wonderful, smart, sexy, funny, loving man...but he is also a hell of great pet for his Goddess. I truly have the best of both worlds.

Thank you , Dymion for these last 20 months we have been together. I feel more lucky every single day.

Picture courtesy of Male Submission Art

Morning goodbye (E)

Artwork courtesy of Madame Says, via Female Power

It's time to go to work... each on our side...

She must leave first, and comes over to see me while I'm sitting on the edge of the bed...

Standing next to me, she pulls me closer by taking hold of the permanently locked chain around my neck... she grabs my hair... snaps my head back... and gives me a kiss...

She releases my hair but leaves her hand there...

She slips her other hand down my chest, from the top, under my T-shirt...

She pulls on my chest hair... hard... and tells me she loves doing that...

Her fingers are searching for her target... she finds my right nipple...

She squeezes the nipple... adjusts her hold... gets a better position with her nails...

She pulls on my hair again... harder... cocking my head back even further... and increases the NT even more...

She tells me she'll miss me today... and kisses me again...

She releases both holds, and puts both hands around the base of my throat and neck... she squeezes gently... just to hear 3 or 4 labored breaths...

One more kiss while she enjoys listening to my breathing... and just like that, she's off...

I'll miss you too, my Love, I'll miss you too...

Relational needs - Part 1 (E)

Artwork courtesy of Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

Differences in the relational needs of partners have always been of interest to me. It has been especially fascinating to observe and find out more about differences in relational needs in D/s relationships, since there is, in addition to having the element of gender, the elements of dominance and submission, fetishes and kinks, and specific play activities and scenes.

Of course, there is no way to tackle such a huge subject in one blog entry. But I hope to push gradually further in this area over the course of several entries as time allows.

Let me start with my own adaptation, for the purpose of today's reflections, of a few elements in the introduction of Willard F. Harley Jr. 's book "His Needs, Her Needs", one of the most celebrated (vanilla) books on couples and marriage.

"(1) Couples fail to make each other happy, or (2) couples make each other unhappy. In the first case, couples are frustrated because their needs are not being met. In the second case, they're... hurting each other... the first cause of conflict, failure to care and the second, failure to protect."

"... Men tend to try to meet needs that they value and women do the same. The problem is that the needs of men and women are often very different and we waste effort trying to meet the wrong needs."

"Become aware of each other's emotional needs and learn to meet them."

These important and insightful comments are true for any type of relationship, vanilla or D/s. Especially for those in the lifestyle, as nowhere can the mismatch of needs be greater than in D/s relationships. Additional levels of activity, interaction, and intensity render these relationships particularly complex and challenging. A kindred spirit to share fantasies, aspirations, intense and unforgettable moments, and love, is rare and priceless, and to lose such a precious person to carelessness or ignorance would be a real shame.

Why am I focusing on "emotional needs" per se? Because ultimately differences in needs in time spent together, vanilla activities (family, work, hobbies, financial management, etc...), fetish and kinks, BDSM scenes and play, relational dynamics, and even the amount of love felt/perceived from the other partner can all lead to emotional resentment. Many differences in a couple can be avoided or worked out, but by the time emotional resentment sets in, it can be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to recover. The communication landscape becomes littered with minefields and obstacles, and the connection between the partners gradually diminishes or can be severed all together.

Do I have definitive answers for all femdom relationships? No, of course not. My Goddess and I are discovering and forming our own. Some of the answers to the magic of our dynamics are the result of our extraordinary fit, and we understand certain factors, after the fact, as they've been part of lives for a while. Some of the other answers come to us through communication and experimentation. Yet others will come as move further into our relationship, and delve deeper into who we are as individuals and as a couple. And all the while, expressing and fulfilling who we are as individuals and as a couple.

To be continued...