"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Friday, November 12, 2010

Chastity: what it means to us (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://lunarblack.tumblr.com/

My pleasure belongs to my Goddess. She loves being in control, and she especially enjoys being in control of when and how often I have orgasms. She loves being the only source of my sexual pleasures. My sexual satisfaction belong to her.

Several recent posts on the blogosphere, some by very respected bloggers such as Lady Grey, Mistress Milliscent (10/10/2010)Ms. Marie, saratoga (and here), Aarkey, and many more, have discussed chastity from several different perspectives. Chastity with or without chastity devices. Chastity and chastity devices as part of relationships.

Enforced chastity through the use of devices, like the CB-series of devices, or some of the beautiful pieces from Ms. Lori, are not part of our play. It doesn't make what we do any better or any worse than what other people do, it's just our way.

Chastity for me is hard. Very hard. And my Goddess knows that. I'm an everyday, or every second day kind of guy. And while BDSM scenes are extremely satisfying and fulfilling for me, and I have a need for such play on nearly as regular a basis, they are not conducive to me wanting sexual release. Heavy subspace and orgasms don't mix very well for me. I'm simply not in the same headspce. But it remains that in-between play time/sessions, my Goddess turns me on to no end, all the time, and the D/s-based nature of our relational dynamics only heightens how excited I am around her, and when I think of her. So waiting three or four days for release requires much self-discipline on my part, and if we close in on a week, I can feel myself edgy, irritable, and desperate.

Am I ever tempted to cheat? To sneak an orgasm while she's away? Yes. All. The. Time. Except, perhaps, the day after she brought me to a universe-shaking orgasm. But I don't cheat. I don't because I know how much she enjoys bringing me to climax, whether it is during sex (which is never without significant BDSM components), if she makes me have an orgasm while she watches, or if she forces me to reach climax during play. I would be devastated to have gotten an orgasm on my own earlier, and not be able to give my Goddess the satisfaction on my pleasure at the very moment she wants it. And I never really know when she'll want it, so I have to remain ready or prepared.

Chastity for us is about my devotion to her. It's about my Goddess controlling the relationship and controlling my urges and desires. It's about me being totally true to her, and fulfilling her wants, desires, and needs when and where she asks.

The hardest moment of the week to remain chaste? After sexual servitude. In the hours or days after my Goddess requires me to bring her to climax once or several times, in a variety of ways. There are few things that display as powerfully her dominance over me and my submission to her as the moment after I have sated her sexual hunger and she tells me after she's done, "Nothing for you today. You have to wait." During my time providing sexual service to my Goddess, the excitement grows in me as she becomes increasingly aroused, and seeing her reach climax almost brings me to the edge each time. But more often than not, the joy of seeing and feeling her have powerful orgasms is all I get, beyond the intense satisfaction of having quenched her desires.

While chastity devices would seem very erotic, and I can certainly see the appeal both in terms of how excited I would be to have something like that locked on me (the constriction, the restraint), and the freedom they provide (definitely removes the temptation), I doubt they will be part of our play anytime soon. The trouble and cost of finding the right fit, and hygiene issues (I am an obsessive clean-freak) outweigh in my mind what they would bring me in terms of additional pleasure. And my Goddess loves to see, and control, my struggle to remain true and devoted to her. It works for us. For now.

Could I go longer than a week or so? Surely if necessary, and if My Goddess requires it. At the same time, I expect that she would start having as hard a time I as would after a while, since my release is such an important part of her play. I think there are many similarities between Lady Grey and my Goddess in regards to this facet of our dynamics.

So there you have it... chastity... how it plays into our relational dynamics...


  1. You're right, Dymion. Selena and I have a lot in common. As to the chastity thing, I don't utilize chastity devices very often. I have no doubt at all that Karl is worthy of trust in these matters. I will use it when we're doing our slave/Mistress thing, but even then it's largely symbolic of the complete control I take for those "sessions", and the different person I become when in the throes of slave driving. I'll also use it occasionally for no obvious reason - just to show him I can.

    I've written about my preference for a real cock over an artificial one, and I definitely enjoy tormenting Karl's until I feel like using it. When I do let him release in me, it's exciting for both of us,though "exciting" may be too small a word for what he's feeling when I finally allow him release:)

  2. Thanks for sharing your experience. I have enjoyed reading all of the various ways that couples use 'chastity' in their life and play. You, and your mistress, Selena, have a vibrant relationship! I especially appreciate the way you describe maintaining your chastity with a particular focus on being ready at a moments notice to please your Goddess. Wonderful motivation and far more effective than any CB device. The 'keyholder' in your chastity is basically your own primary desire to loyally please your mistress. Nicely done.


  3. I enjoyed reading what you have shared. I feel that each couple should be open to exploring and find out out what works for them, and each individual should be willing to accept what doesn't further their relationship. I am a big fan of exploration and experimentation, and an equally big fan of trust and open and honest communication. You and your partner have something very special there, and I love how openly you share about it. Bravo to you both.

  4. I'm flattered to be included in the list, and woah... something must've been in there to have chastity being such a total focal point of several blogs. Or maybe it was in the stars?

    Either way, it sounds like your wife and you have a lovely dynamic, and it clearly is working very well for you both. The reality of a chastity device just ads a variation to the experience, but I don't think it necessarily changes the native tone of what chastity means. It can, but it doesn't have to.

    Lots of interesting reads, thanks for the links and the inclusion.

    Locked and loving it... kinda

  5. Damn, seems i'll never make ur list.

  6. Lady Grey,

    As in your case (and Karl's), trust is a non-issue. I suspect that if one day we obtain a chastity device, it will likely be for play similar to what what you describe.

    My Goddess also prefers me over any artificial implements, although she does enjoy her share of the latter. I think keeping me in chastity for 30 days may be nearly as difficult for her as it would be for me, and I thankful for that!

    And in my case also, excitement is far too modest of a word to describe the ramp up to the release my Goddess allows me! I swear, one of these days, I'll fall off the bed/chair/sofa/wherever we are.

    Thank you for dropping by and for sharing your thoughts.


  7. Ms. Marie,

    Thank you so much for your kind words. They definitely mean a lot coming from someone who clearly has a wonderful sense of how a D/s relationship works, and who has demonstrated a vivid understanding of its subtleties.

    Thank you for dropping by and for your comment.


  8. ServingB,

    Thank you also for your kind words.

    My Goddess and I are both committed to exploration, experimentation, and open, non-judgemental lines of communication. That way we can share with each other what we like or do not like, and why. This keeps us moving on our journey, it helps us avoid being stagnant for very long, and really, keeps our energy and our interest in each other at a very high level.

    I would dare say that exploration, experimentation, and open lines of communication should not just be methods or processes to keep things fresh or positive, but rather, they should be defining characteristics of a relationship.

    We are happy you enjoy what we have to share. We know it won't be meaningful to everyone, every time, but if anything we put out there provides any kind of insight that may make someone's life a little better, it'll be worth our trouble.

    Thanks for dropping by, and for your comment.


  9. Aarkey,

    I think you're right... there must have been something in the water... everybody felt a need to share their thoughts on it.

    I must say, however, that I was one of the last to drink the water and catch what was going around, and that my post, coming a bit later, had the benefit of other people's thoughts to better define and describe what we do.

    From reading you blog for a few years, I know you have a "careful-what-you-ask-for" mixed feelings about chastity devices. As a side note, I thought the guy who told you those where for the weak was a effin' idiot.

    I do agree with you that chastity devices are simply a different, and intense, facet of the chastity experience/commitment. Not absolutely necessary, not better or worse. And the time may come when we'll decide to experiment with them, although it'll be my Goddess' decision, not mine (I'm careful what I ask for.)

    But more important than anything else is that people like you (and others) share what life with a chastity device is like, and people like me (and others) talk about chastity without chastity devices, and this pooling of life experiences can help different individuals make choices and understand the choices they make, supported by a rich body of written experiences.

    De nada about the links. You deserve the links because of your dedication to blogging, your dedication to the community, and the wit, humor, and insights of your posts. It's always a joy to open up your blog.

    Thanks for the kind words, and for dropping by.


  10. Dear Ayesha,

    Please forgive me the oversight. I have enjoyed your writing for well over a year, and I have just now realized that I used to access your blog through someone else's blog.

    I have corrected the oversight, and I'm happy to have you listed on one of our blogrolls. And I have no doubt your provocative writing will make it onto some of our posts in the future.


  11. Provocative? Now where did that come from eh? Must have been Saratoga who whispered that in ur ear :|

  12. Ayesha,

    It was definitely meant as a compliment!

    Regardless of whether someone agrees with some of the perspectives you offer on your blog, or not, I find your writing and your style engaging, forceful, well-thought out, and unlikely to leave readers indifferent. Provocative is wonderful in a world full of cookie-cutter people, places, and things.

    Besides, would you not have been disappointed if I would have refered to your writing as run-of-the mill? ;)

    And while I have indeed come across some of Saratoga's comments in regards to you, good and bad, I always prefer to make primary sources the focus of my critical thinking...


  13. It was definitely meant as a tease. Comprende?

    Oh and,......everybody knows Sara is no one else than sweet GIF reincarnated (um....that's Great Inquisitor of Femdom, eh?}, only waiting for his head to be chopped off by a truly cruel, tyrannical, and merciless suburb housewife, exquisitely dressed in black leather, mealy looking down on him during that event, while having cookies and tea with her next victim.

  14. Hi Dymion:

    I was just reading through your old posts and found this one. You and I are very much on the same wavelength regarding chastity. Even down to the length of time between orgasms. I resist the temptation to take matters into my own hands and relegate my orgasms to two a week always with Her Majesty's involvement. We don't use a chastity device either. I would certainly do so if Her Majesty wanted me to but she has no interest and (hence)neither do I. Chastity is a gift I give Her Majesty of my own free will because I want to dedicate all of my orgasms to her. There are no penalties if I fail to remain chaste. Her Majesty has even told me I am free to pleasure myself every one in a while if it becomes too difficult for me. But I find being chaste greatly heightens my feelings of submission and my devoted service to my Queen so slips are very infrequent.

  15. HMP,

    Nice of you to drop by and chime in!

    Indeed, it sounds like the dynamics are very similar. My Goddess knows how to keep me desperately attentive to her, yet, without leaving me frustrated or tempted to settle things on my own. The concept of staying chaste as a gift to her, something she definitely takes advantage of, has become an integral part of our dynamics.

    I know she'd be forgiving if I'd slip, as long as I'm 100% ready for her whenever she needs. Thankfully, she needs pretty often, even if she makes me pay for it in terms of some rough play during lovemaking (which is certainly not a negative).

    Looking over old posts, huh? Is that a hint that I haven't been posting new stuff often enough? :)