"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Of love and human bondage (E)


Picture courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

Ever since my very first fantasy in grade school of being captured and tied up by girls, there's always been something very comforting about bondage for me.

Maybe it's the feeling that I don't have to run or fight anymore. Perhaps it's the eroticism of surrender. Maybe it's the counterpoint to my strong streak of independence and autonomy is real life. Perhaps it's about leaving the initiative in the will of a woman. Maybe it's about the control and the sense belonging. Or perhaps it's a little bit of all of the above... and more.

One of my very favorite rituals with my Goddess is the placing and locking of my leather collar each and every single time we get home for the evening, or the rest of the day, as the case may be. Then, once I'm done with my duties that will require my hands being wet for extended periods of time, such as cleaning and washing, the wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs are placed and locked. And none of them will be removed until such a time I must leave the house with my Goddess, or that I need to shower to leave the house for work.

Another favorite ritual is simply the fact that every single night, I sleep with the collar and cuffs on, sometimes clipped, or not, depending on how my Goddess feels. Or if she was in a slightly different mood, I go to bed in the rope bondage she put me in.

This evening, I needed to finish some housework that would have me go to sleep a bit after my Goddess. Even without her immediately present in the same room, I felt her ownership of me in a very tangible way because of the bondage. The bondage of the collar and cuffs, the bondage of the locks, the bondage of the fact that I don't have access to any of the keys, and the bondage of the house I cannot leave. Indeed, the bondage of her dominance and of her love. Even if the trust is total between us, she sometimes coyly refers to my predicament as "extra security"...

Sometimes the bondage can be very restrictive... a hogtie position... tied to a rack in an uncomfortable position... tied to the bed... tied to a chair... all of which are like stepping on the gas pedal to go from zero to subspace in a matter of minutes, if not seconds. Regardless of the "why" for that reaction, whether it's a product of socio-cultural experiences, genetic wiring, behavioral conditioning, a need to release tension from my role of authority in every day life, the intensity of past associated emotions with bondage, or simply the powerful erotic and sexual imagery that my mind reacts to, bondage has a intensely powerful on me. The fact that I am put in that predicament by a beautiful, wickedly smart, and wonderfully creative dominant woman that I love more than anything in the universe just makes it incredibly powerful and addictive.

The D/s dynamics of our relationship is fueled by the emotions and headspace created by bondage. And the bondage, repeated daily, reinforces the dynamics of our D/s relationship. Even when free to move without bounds or gear, I feel it... I feel her... The fact that we are so close in real life, so co-dependent on physical contact, that every moment apart from each other in physical proximity is painful, makes it so that the ties are always there. Restrained or not, I cannot escape her... I don't want to escape her... I want more of her... more of her dominance... and I can't wait until the next moment when she asserts her dominance, and her ownership of me, by placing me in bondage...

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