"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

A sense of belonging (E)

Picture courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

Selected definitions of belonging:

Webster Dictionary:
1- That which belongs to one; that which pertains to one...
2- That which is connected with a principal or greater thing...

Merriam -Webster Online Dictionary:
- close or intimate relationship... a sense of belonging

- happiness felt in a secure relationship

- the state of being accepted and comfortable in a place...

Is it necessary to be in a D/s relationship to feel a sense of belonging? No... certainly not. Individuals feel a sense of belonging being part of churches, companies, their families, sports teams, professional orders, activities, gangs, and many other social groupings

However, there's something about belonging to someone within a D/s relationship that is incredibly powerful for me. And there are certain things that reinforce, perhaps imprint even deeper upon me that sense of belonging.

As someone with submissive desires and fantasies since early childhood, that sense of submission has always inspired a sense of belonging, and I guess in a strange kind of way, comfort. Perhaps in reaction to my strong sense of autonomy and power in real life.

The act of submitting to a dominant woman in a BDSM scene or context has always quickly brought about, among other things, an emotional sense of belonging, if a certain level of trust had been established/reached, however short that time period had been. In part, that may be why dominant play partners have appreciated my ability to "let go".

Exponentionally more intense and powerful has been my sense of belonging to my Goddess, Selena. Never have I felt such a connection, such a level of trust, such caring, albeit in a dominant and often sadistic kind of way, as I have with her. The depth of our connection, of our relationship, of our love, has deeply impacted my sense of belonging to her in our D/s relationship. And the symbolism of gestures and objects has been amplified manyfold, reaffirming, reinforcing, imprinting this sense of belonging, an emotion or feeling that has been deep-rooted in me for a long time.

This sense of belonging to her, and my ownership to her, culminated in me being collared by her. While I consider that moment one of the most important and most extraordinary of my life, that was ultimately a confirmation, a formalization, of the D/s component of our relationship. Over a period of time, the surrender of my mind and body to her, my willingness to be available to her dominant will and desires 24/7/365, my need to be the canvass for the expression of her dominance, as been a reflection of how simply divine Selena has been and what feelings, including that feeling of belonging, that she has been able to inspire in me.

I absolutely cherish the collar she gave me for my collaring. Especially since it is one I can wear discreetly in the mainstream world. I am all tingly with excitement in the morning when she chooses to place locking leather ankle cuffs under my work clothing as we get ready to leave our home. I feel privileged and honored when we return home and she changes my more discreet collar for a locking leather one, which remains on me until such a time I must leave the house again, or shower; it is often on for 8-12 hours at a time, and sometimes more. I quickly slip into subspace in virtually anykind of bondage she may place me in when we play. I love that as she went to bed early this evening, I was kept in collar, and ankle/wrist cuffs, all locked, making leaving the house, if not her side, impossible for me.

Lack of freedom? No... on the contrary... I have never been more free. Free to explore... explore inside me... help her explore inside her. Free to follow this part of my life's journey. Free to express who I am and what I am. Free to be who I am and what I am to her... with her... Free to share my every thought with her. Free to accept her every thought, her every mood, her every action... just her... as she is... as beautiful and brilliant and vibrant and wonderful as she is.

And this is why this sense of belonging, of belonging to Selena, so resonates within me. Somehow, I have never been as free by myself as I am belonging to her.

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