Little moments of benevolent sadism (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://snail.meilk.com/ via http://lunarblack.tumblr.com

Benevolent:
1. marked by or disposed to doing good; organized for the purpose of doing good
2. marked by or suggestive of goodwill
~ http://www.merriam-webster.com/

Sadism:
1. sexual perversion in which gratification is obtained by the infliction of physical or mental pain on others (as on a love object)...
2. delight in cruelty
~ http://www.merriam-webster.com/

A pull of my hair at the movie theater... while we wait for the feature movie to start...

My Goddess placing locked wrist and ankle cuffs on me... just to have me struggle walking around and serving her...

Her nails digging into the inside of my thigh... in the car, as I'm driving us back home from some shopping...

My Goddess pulling me in close for a deep, sealed kiss... and exhaling a full drag of her cigarette into my mouth... as we take a short break outside...

Her fingers reaching up to my nipples for a little NT... in public or not... just to make sure my attention is on her....

My Goddess keeping me in bondage... as we watch some of her favorite TV shows together...

A hard slap on my backside any time she walks by...

My Goddess sitting onto my lower back when I'm resting or sleeping on my belly... and reaching around with her hands for some NT, her weight keeping me in position...

CBT waking me up in the morning... her nails scratching, stretching, and marking the skin of my privates... just to start the day with a little hurt...

My Goddess grabbing one of the D-rings of my locked leather collar... pulling it to her sacred feminine parts... and without a word, expecting sexual servitude that will quench the hunger of the moment...

Symbolic objects: old ones and those to come (E)

Queen of Block Chairs, Lordess of Rusty Spoons, via Lunar Black

Last December, my Goddess locked a steel chain with a nickel plated padlock around my neck, and it has only come off three times since, for a total of perhaps 2-3 hours. Special circumstances, like going through airport metal detectors, warranted the temporary removal of what we referred to as my "mainstream collar", but it never came off otherwise. The fact that she retains all the keys to the padlock means that only she has been able to remove it, and if I'm not with her, I have no way to take it off. Which one day led to an interesting adventure when I had to access a local county courthouse...
The reason that I bring this up is that, to our great sadness, the mainstream collar will soon be coming to the end of its useful life. The constant contact with my skin has caused part of the nickel plating on one side of padlock to corrode away, and the finish of the chain has become dull and increasingly difficult to keep clean.

Granted, it wasn't made of materials made for constant wear. It wasn't very expensive, and in retrospect, I think we're both surprise it has lasted almost nine months. It has certainly done it's job, providing a secure and most sturdy alternative to the beautiful but delicate collar my Goddess chose to officially collar me with earlier that year.

Cuffs of Love (shown as a bracelet; mine has a longer purple string to be used as a necklace/collar)

This very first collar of ours, monogrammed with our initials, was a gorgeous piece, but it had started to show some wear, something that bothered us both on such a beautiful piece. It also presented a problem in principle since it would be removed for showering, for working out, and for sleep. The D-rings on the locking leather that my Goddess locks on me every night made us nervous with every ping of the impeccably polished miniature handcuffs' surfaces.

The answer was the locking chain and padlock. We had no worries of how it would fare under chemical or physical attack. Impossible for me to remove, it has symbolized my Goddess' control over me. The strength of the chain and the padlock itself has smbolized her ownership of me. Its ever-presence has symbolized the strength, importance, and 24/7 nature of our D/s dynamics. It has been visual reminder to both of us of our relationship and our love for each other. It has served as fetish prop as my Goddess has more than once grabbed it to pull me close to her both during play and at any time of the day she wanted. It has also served as a display of her dominance in public as she has been in the habit of playing with the chain during munches, leaving the padlock exposed for all to see as it was left resting outside my shirt.

Related to this last point, one of the benefits of the steel chain and padlock as a permanent collar was that, for the most part, it was discrete enough to wear in public without getting any attention, with the padlock under a T-shirt, and the chain normally well covered by a shirt.

I must also mention that both my Goddess and I have been incredibly turned on hearing the metal of mainstream collar clang against the D-rings of the leather collar I wear when at home, during play activities, sexual servitude, or lovemaking.

So here we arrive at a point when, over the course of the next few days or weeks, the chain and padlock will be retired in favor of an alternative of my Goddess' choice. The options are many. Perhaps another chain, or ring, with a padlock. Or without padlock. Perhaps something simple with a quasi-permanent locking feature. Perhaps an eternity collar.

Be that as it may, it marks an exciting moment for both us. We're moving on to our third mainstream collar... that's a special kind of tangible time-frame. Forever this steel collar and chain and padlock will be associated with memories and sentiments and experiences and emotions and togetherness, and so will the new item in the future.

Will my Goddess decide to up the ante and go with something more subtly severe? Something simply different? Or something different altogether. It's exciting to think of what may come... of the new object that will be associated with a new set of Proustian remembrances. And the reinforcement of the symbolism that it too will hold. Definitively a story to be continued...

God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You (S)

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Needing more time (E)

Artwork courtesy of Kokuryuugan via Lunar Black

Just yesterday morning, my Goddess was having her daily fix of hurting me when she said "I need some long play time."

The prelude to the comment was just the usual bit of NT & CBT on the run, with my Goddess trying to get some of her favorite facial expressions and sounds out of me. We had far too little time to take things further, pressed by the pressure of getting ready for an early workday. But her tantalizing comment, full of hunger, left me excited, and with a growing hunger myself for the next time we can lose ourselves into each other for as long as we want.

And then I was reminded of a wonderful passage from Mistress Wynter's blog, where she writes:

"I love to watch a sub react to the things I do or say; I deeply enjoy being the treasure trove of your kink, expanding our repertoire of play, causing more pain, ferreting out more secrets and using those secrets against you, the sharing of dark pleasures, the dance between top and bottom, the give and take and give and take until both parties realize that time has both stopped and raced by and that all other issues in the world are, for the time being, of absolutely no importance. All that matters is what we are doing, cause and effect, need and absolution. It is a gift to be shared completely, to be taken from your partner and given back in kind. There really isn't anything else quite like it.

I also enjoy the process of learning my sub, finding those buttons, pushing them lightly or pressing on them like crazy until I learn all I can about the person under my control. Smiling as you react, grinning at your discomfort, laughing at your pain. It is a shared process and that is why I love it so much."

What an intoxincatingly beautiful passage!

Granted, she wrote it in the larger context of a blog entry by a professional dominatrix lamenting clients coming in to see her for scripted scenes. Scripted scenes, in any context, simply miss the point. It's like reading the last chapter of the book first, and missing the progression and denouement of the adventure. It's like watching a sporting event on DVR the day after and knowing how the game turns out. It replaces the magic of the connection by a by-the-numbers set of gestures. It would indeed be a terrible loss of opportunity for both her and the client, especially since she's a pro-domme with an outstanding reputation.

But my point is that whether a lifestyle context or a professional one, this passage goes to the core of the dynamic exchange between the domme and her sub. It captures in words some of the mood, energy, and D/s tension that I feel from, and with, my Goddess in our interactions.

And Mistress Wynter's passage came to life vividly as my Goddess was leaning over me, torturing reactions she loves so much out of me, enjoying the fleeting moment we had, and longing to freeze that moment in time for us to do our intimate dance without another care in the world.

It started with a card game... (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://punkbunny223.deviantart.com/, via http://thoushalllovethymistress.tumblr.com/

Sometimes there are hours that my Goddess and I share together that are so intense that despite my best efforts, I can't remember all of what went on. There was just too much happening and the subspace was just too deep. Of course, that's not such a bad thing. In fact it's the result of really good things. I guess I can't remember all the details because some parts were so awesome that I can't remember the less intense ones, or the transitional sections. This post is about such hours spent together...

I do remember that... it all started with a card game. Running an errand a little earlier in the evening, I came back from the store with a card game based on one of our favorite board games. My Goddess loves games... in part because of the challenge and competition, and in part because it means that I spend the game in bondage. Locked collar, locked and clipped wrist cuffs, locked and clipped ankle cuffs, my Goddess gets no end of joy having us play games while I'm tied up, and struggling with the simplest movements. She also always enjoys asking me for little things during that time, like getting her drinks or lighting her cigarettes, just to see me struggle for her. The tangible sense of control and ownership is unbelievably hot for both of us.

I do remember that... a bit after the game, my Goddess had me lie down on the bed and rolled me onto my front. She sat on my lower back, reached under my chest with her hands, and tortured my nipples with her long, sharp nails. When she does that, I do try get my upper body up on my elbows because I know she wants to have unrestricted access to the nipples. One of our favorite positions, my Goddess loves feeling my reactions as I lie vulnerable and pinned down under her, helpless to stop her. She can also do some very intense NT from this position, and play with me as long and as hard as she wants. The body-on-body contact, my gentle squirming between her legs, my moans proportional to the pain she inflicts, they are all enough to bring her to climax. There's nothing quite as hot as suffering for the sexual satisfaction of my Goddess.

I do remember that... my Goddess added the blindfold at some point, and decided she was in the mood for some caning. With the heavy violet plastic cane. She mercifully started the first dozen strokes gradually. But she rapidly got enamored of the streaks she left on my backside, and instead of calling an end to the caning when she took me to the edge of what I could take, she eased off the intensity a bit, and built up the crescendo again. Between the peaks in intensity , I felt her hands against the skin of my backside, cooling, soothing, recomforting. Then more strokes... sharp, heavy, intense. She commented on the color and the pattern. And on how they would look the day after. As much as having me in bondage was an expression of her control over me, this kind of caning is a demonstration of her power and dominance over me.

I do remember that... my Goddess was in the mood for some smoke and breath play. The symbolism and the sensuality of her control of my breathing, of her giving me her breath, or taking mine away, always fosters a sense of surrender that is particularly deep. Doing some of it while she was smoking made it all the more tangible and intense.

I do remember that... the breathplay wasn't all that my Goddess was in the mood for while she was smoking. She returned to NT for a little heat play. Teasing my nipples with varying level of heat from the tip of her burning cigarette. I could see none of it, but I felt the passes, slow and fast, close and closer. The surrender deepened as she teased me with the potentially extreme pain of burning. Of course, she had no need for the latter. The threat of it, and a few very close passes where I felt the intense heat without any contact, created all the reactions she needed for her excitement and satisfaction. Hot in so many ways...

I do remember that... my Goddess loves to gaze into my eyes when I am deep in subspace. When she is done sadistically playing with her toy, it is always a special moment when she places me in a comfortable position and slowly removes my blindfold. As my mind and my eyes begin to focus on the reality of the then and there, it's just magical to have the first thing they focus on be her beautiful and dominantly smiling face. There's such intimacy in that gaze, such a sense of belonging and ownership...

I do remember that... my Goddess didn't leave me much time for post-play recovery... She had other needs that required my attention. And as quickly as I could gather my thoughts and wits about me, the next thing I focused on was the sexual service my Goddess needed. In every way she required it...

I do remember that... I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and that I had to take very small steps because I still had all the cuffs on me, and I wanted neither to trip and fall, or make noise that could wake up my Goddess. I evenutally returned to the bed, and spent the rest of the night in bondage close to her...