It's the Final Countdown (S)

Please note my Dymion and I have added a countdown clock to our Blog. It is the countdown to the end of my horrible, medically-required celebacy.

Last week I had pretty invasive surgery. Though I am home and recovering, I have strict orders that I am not allowed "to put any thing in my vagina for 6 weeks". This, of course, includes, intercourse with my beloved. Wow...how much does that suck?

Dymion and I have never gone an entire week without at least one sexual interlude. *sigh* Of course, now I have to decide how much fun he gets to have while I must wait. I am sure BDSM activity will resume shortly. I feel stronger every day. And I know that although I do have sadistic tendencies, I enjoy teasing, and I take great pleasure in seeing that slight bit of desperation in his eyes, I am sure I will allow him a few releases along the way.

I am sure he will enjoy the wrath of the non-sexually fulfilled Selena over the course of the next 6 weeks through one outlet or another. Luckily my boy finds my bitchy side pretty hot...hmmm...maybe he should be careful what he wishes for. Remember, I am a frustrated girl with weapons.

NOW...If all our readers would now stare at the clock and concentrate...I think it might help the time go by faster.

Nipple clamp motivation (E)

Artwork via danbooru.donmai.us

A few weeks back, my Goddess and I woke up from a wonderful night's sleep in each other's arms. Before going to sleep, she had placed the locking leather wrist cuffs on me, in addition to my locking leather collar. I just had that overwhelming sense that she felt like displaying a little extra control, a little extra ownership.

I love those little moments when my Goddess displays her need for dominance, even when those small gestures may be more symbolic in nature. It makes me feel needed. It makes me feel like I'm part of her essential balance. It feels good to have subtle physical manifestations reinforcing the reality of the D/s dynamics of our relationship.

As we woke up, we both had that feeling of wanting to stay close to each other. There was a tangible connection, even beyond what we normally feel most of the time, that we weren't willing to give up just yet. But we had a busy morning ahead of us, and we had to get the day in gear.

After our morning routine, the feeling of needing to be close was still heavy on us. The up side was that the work we needed to do in the next few hours was primarily preparation out of our home office. We didn't have to leave until later that morning.

We went back to the bedroom briefly, where my Goddess placed a pair of nipple clamps on me. She teasing tugged on the chain to make sure there were on right, that I was feeling them, and that she had my attention. And then we went into our office for work.

The nipple clamps that were chosen were by no means the harshest ones we possess, but they were just right for what she had in mind. Once in our office, my Goddess told me the clamps would not be removed until I had finished my share of the work that had to be done that morning. She said it in such a delightfully, teasingly dominant manner that just melted my heart. An evil little predicament to provide her some sadistic pleasure and a measure of control.

The thought of taking my time on the project never came to me. This project was going to take well over an hour, perhaps close to two, and I had no idea how long I would be able to keep the nipple clamps on. Of course, if they got to be too much, I could always beg for some mercy, but then, that might or might not change anything, apart from providing my Goddess with a little extra sadistic satisfaction.

During the time I was working, my Goddess came over to occasionally reach under my t-shirt to gently pull on the clamps, or pull on my hair, or kiss me suggestively. Little diversion tactics to increase the discomfort, the helplessness, and the hotness of the predicament. But I got the assigned project done in about an hour and a quarter. It was time too because the clamps were really, really starting to hurt. Everything movement somehow made them feel heavier.

I turned to my Goddess to let her know that I was done. She looked at me with an expression that showed that she was delight with the playful scene, but sad that it was over. Or was it?

Just before she took the clamps, off, she decided that we would step outside to have a cigarette. A wonderful excuse for her to prolong the torment just a few more minutes...

D/s and post-operative care (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://bringonxtoys.com/ (The Good Stuff)

It's amazing how daily D/s dynamics are not that different from providing post-surgery care. Then again, maybe attentive service within the context of a D/s relationship needs to be at the level of what one would do in taking care of someone that has just come out of surgery.

Sadly, my Goddess required surgery last week. The details are not important at this moment, but recovery has been very painful for her, and her mobility has been quite limited. Not to worry... she is getting better and stronger each day.

The realization of the parallel between D/s dynamics and post-operative care came upon me during the course of the day while I was preparing lunch for my beautiful Goddess. I'm proud to say that not much has changed between what I do for her during this post-operative recovery period, and what I did for her before. I try to be attentive to her every need, I fetch things for her, prepare her meals, get her drinks, take care of the environment around her, and provide her with a multitude of little services, either upon request, or by taking the initiative.

Of course, there are a few differences between now and then. I've left out service, or a manner of service, with more overtly sexual or D/s undertones (for example kissing her feet in most positions rights now would probably cause her a lot of pain)... for now. And I don't normally provide physical support for my Goddess getting up or sitting/lying down.

But overall, I'm quite pleased that for the most part, there hasn't been a noticeably increased load on me. Not that I would mind. It's just that our daily routine, minus the more obvious sexual or D/s (worshipping, etc...) actions, has remained overall quite unchanged, despite some new logistical challenges. And I must say that it is quite satisfying for me to know that I tried to put in the same kind of attention and intensity into my service for my Goddess before health issues as now. Of course, it's just that the stakes are higher.

My Goddess thinks that I'm going through a lot of trouble, but really, I'm not. She is the most precious thing in my life, and nothing has meaning if I don't make her as happy as I can. Having my Goddess express her deep appreciation almost daily for my care of her since the surgery has been quite rewarding, and I'll see what I can do about using this experience as a springboard to even more dedicated service to her in the future.

Random thoughts... Beyond D/s... (E)

Artwork courtesy of Arai Hime, through http://deviantart.net/

She likes me to be around when she's in the mood to hurt me, but it's even more important for me to be around when she needs a hug.

Sexual servitude is important, moral support is essential.

Belonging to her to intoxicating, being there for her is empowering.

Submitting to her is exciting, serving her is fulfilling.

Her dominance over me is the expression of her sexuality and her self, her attention to me every moment of the day is the expression of her love for me.

Hurting for pleasure and the pleasure of hurting, control and surrender, ownership and belonging, authority and worship, dominance and submission...

Parts that add up to a greater sum... necessary but not quite sufficient... who we are on our way to what we can become... everyday dynamics that power two lives... a complex lifestyle that reveals a simple love...

Late evening hunger (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://lunarblack.tumblr.com/

She asks for the locking wrist and ankle cuffs... My Goddess was hungry for me to be close and unable to get away...

She asks for the leather blindfold... Isn't it across the room? Teasingly, my Goddess tells me she should have thought of it before clipping my ankle cuffs together... But she still wants me to hurry up in getting it...

She places the blindfold around my head, covering my eyes, and orders me on the bed... Once I'm face-down, my Goddess unclips my cuffs... Only to reclip them, leaving me in a hogtie position... Control is good... Helplessness is better...

She's in the mood to mark me tonight... My Goddess reaches for temporary tattoos, and applies one onto my back... She loves seeing her artwork on me... And I love it that she loves tangible signs that I belong to her...

She so enjoyed seeing the tattoo on my back that she wants to put another one... On my chest... My Goddess unclips the cuffs, has me turn over onto my back, and clips my wrist cuffs to my locked leather collar...

She applies the temporary tattoo to my chest... My Goddess loves that too... She begins some NT... She gets excited... Sitting on my hips, her appetite is both fed and increased by the sounds I make and the movements that result from the pain she's causing me...

She's increasing the intensity of the NT... The more my Goddess is hurting me, the closer she's getting to climax... A little CBT is tossed in for good measure... She tortures me until she reaches orgasm... I can't describe the incredible D/s energy of having her hurt me until she climax...

She's still hungry... My Goddess moves up my torso until she covers my face and my mouth... Her knees pin my arms down... Her fragrance is divine... The taste is intoxicating... Gradually she is building up to climax again... It's not coming fast enough... She pinches my nostrils shut and lowers herself completely over me.... Within seconds she is shaken by a huge orgasm...

She enjoys hurting me until she climaxes... But now my Goddess wants to hurt me until I climax too... It's just so hot and so overwhelming... It's way too brief, but she controls the intensity of the pain, and hence, the pace of my climax... It's unbelievable... I have major tremors run over me for 2 or 3 minutes after my orgasm...

The cuffs stayed on overnight, as did the collar, of course. As we fell asleep spooning, my Goddess kept hold of my wrist cuffs in front of her. It was delightful, controlling, erotic, restrictive, close, warm, and just the perfect dessert to sate my Goddess' late evening cravings.

Daily collaring (E)

Artwork courtesy of Razriel, via Lunar Black and http://deviantart.net/

I wait on my knees next to the bed. I hold my locking leather collar, ready to hand it over to my Goddess. The lock and the key lie on her bedside table.

She walks in, climbs onto the bed and turns toward me. A gentle smile comes to her beautiful face. Her eyes twinkle.

My Goddess takes the collar, and waits for me to lay my head on her lap. She wraps the collar around my neck. She buckles it. She reaches for the lock, hooks it through the locking buckle, and clicks it shut. She moves the key out of sight.

Her hands come down to the sides of my head. She lifts my head as I raise it up. She doesn't let go. There's quiet beauty, tranquility, and peace in her gaze. Tenderly we kiss.

We've been waiting all day for this moment. My Goddess misses seeing my leather collar on me when I don't have it on. I miss its physical presence and the unique tactile sensations of wearing it. We both feel its significance when I'm wearing it, and we both feel that something important is missing in our lives when I'm not.

The placing of the collar for the evening, and for the night... A protocol of great depth and significance for us. Beyond any other.

And no matter what else might be going on in our life, everything is made right again by the two of us sharing of this beautiful, solemn, and powerful daily ritual once more.

Charted and uncharted waters (E)

"Kinky Konan" by sephire, found through and courtesy of Deviant Art and Lunar Black

Isn't my Goddess just the most awesomest?

I loved her entry. Her apology was not necessary, and frankly, quite unexpected. Maybe that's the "love unconditionally" part in me. But it's absolutely wonderful to know that the one you love so much thinks the world of you.

Scenarios that don't allow for win-win outcomes are, of course, the great challenge of communications among partners. Sometimes things have to said, emotions have to be revealed, and thoughts have to be shared. One partner can't remain silent and keep everything to themselves without eventually exploding.

On the other side, those words have to be heard, those feelings must be understood and validated. It's not always easy to do so. The instinctual reflex is often defensiveness or disregard.

The win-win outcome may not be in cards in the short-term. One side will feel better by the catharsis of sharing, but may feel the burden of stress or the hurt of the other. And the other side may feel stress, hurt, self-doubt, anger, and a whole slew of other feelings and emotions. The negative by-products of the sharing are not intentional, of course. However, it's not easy, nor really desirable, to sit back analytically and take things in stride. Good or bad, right or wrong, we just feel the way we do.

The sharing must happen, though. It must happen because if it doesn't clear obstacles, at least it delineates or points out where the rocky protuberances lie under the surface of the water. And to proceed forward safely, it would be foolish to leave those dangers uncharted or uncovered.

Emotional landscape, both under the surface and above, is something that is years in the making. And the result of dozens, if not hundreds, of human interactions. In order to have not only a safe journey but a wonderful one, it's necessary to be aware of that emotional landscape and navigate it correctly. It won't disappear... for either one of us. And we'll keep building more, and chart more of it, as we go along.

But an obstacle is easier to avoid when it is spotted earlier, and a danger more easily prevented than fixed. Open lines of communications are great for that. They help you deal with things before they get broken or scarred. And that's the long-term benefit of putting everything out on the table, even if some of moments of tension are impossible to avoid.

PS: And for my Goddess... there is no one else in the world I would rather have keep the key to my collar... and my heart...

Do Most Dommes Apologize? I Do. (S)

"sel & ed" image courtesy of photobucket

I owe a genuine apologize to my Dymion. Details aren't important, but I know I hurt his feelings (and not in a hot, degrading sort of way). He is absolutely the most important thing in my world and I never want to be the source of his distress. We are a team and we should be each other's loudest cheerleader. I have not done that in recent days. In fact, I have been somewhat of a terror to be with (again, not in a hot, degrading sort of way) Frankly, I have been doing all the emotional leaning, yet not taking my share of the weight when it was quite clear I needed to.

So, this brings up a topic for discussion. In a 24/7 D/s relationship, do Dommes ever have to apologize? The answer is, without a doubt, absolutely. Life happens in and out of the dungeon. Everything always comes back to respect, trust, and love. I want my Dymion to know he has all three from me...unconditionally.

Dominants cannot assume our submissive mates REALLY wants to take ALL of our shit...really....we aren't easy people to get along with sometimes. For those Dommes who feel every sub should suck it up and deal with our mood swings, double standards, or any of our other bullshit under any and all circumstances...um...well...(should I say it?) you might actually be wrong. Take a deep breath...I realize that might come as a shock. But seriously, I am not attacking, but rather asking you to learn from my recent misstep. Truth be told, though I try to personify awesomeness, I can be pretty annoying sometimes. I know this. I accept it. And, really, Dymion offers me unconditional acceptance and love regardless of my imperfections, but that doesn't mean I should take advantage of his patience and support and it CERTAINLY doesn't mean I should challenge his devotion. Again, details not important, but admittedly I have not made loving me as easy at it should be the last few days.

So, what is my point? I dont know. These are really the ramblings of a woman in the middle of the night who happens to be dominant and happens to be madly in love with her partner. I guess I just want to remind our readers and myself that a true lifestyle relationship recognizes that both parties are human first. Both need to be picked up when they are down and both need the opportunity to occasionally just have a grumpy day without being interrogated with, "what's your fucking problem?" until they would rather beat themselves than deal with our delightful attitudes. For those who know the joy of the lifestyle we all share...just remember to always be kind to your partners and realize that you are just as lucky to have them as they are to have you...male, female, dominant, or submissive...we are so fortunate to find someone standing next to us on this journey.

Ok! Off the soapbox... I promise hotter entries are soon to come. Dymion and I will certainly recover and be up and playing in no time. But for those of your disappointed this wasnt the typical entry about hot sex, beatings, blindfolds, chains, or any of our other normal deliciousness, I will remind you (in true Domme form), it is my fucking blog! I can get sappy for a moment if I want to!

But with a final touch of heartfelt seriousness...Thank you for reading my ramblings. I just pulled the covers over the shoulders of my precious, sleeping dymion and kissed him on the forehead. It is time to settle in next to him for some rest of my own. In the morning, I suppose he will notice this post so...MY DYMION...I love you...my wonderful pet...my perfect love. I hope you know I never meant to make you feel any less than fabulous. You are now and will always be the hottest, coolest guy ever! Thank you for giving me the honor of holding the key to your collar.