Moment of the day: Etchings of desires (E)

Image courtesy of Cream & Sugar via Disenchanted Lullabies

It's very early in the morning, still dark outside. I've barely been awake for 60, maybe 90 seconds. I walk into the bathroom to start getting ready for the work day. I turn on the light over the mirror. As I wait for my eyes to adapt to the intensity of the light before opening them, I reach over with one hand to the area on the opposite arm just above the wrist. I feel ridges. Five of them. Rope marks... still etching my flesh from having my wrists bound over night. I slowly open my eyes as they are ready for the light. I now see the marks on the arm I am running my fingers over, and on the other arm reaching over. The rope marks are beautiful. I get that familiar feeling of warm-desperate-submissive-clingy-adoration for my Goddess inside me. For just a little while longer I will be able to see and feel the desire and will of my Goddess to make me hers... to keep me as her toy... to control her boy... to dominate her boy...

My Goddess bound my wrists the previous evening, as we sat down to watch television together. She loves using me as furniture as we watch TV, and she particularly enjoys doing that while there is an element of bondage present. In this case, I sat at the corner of the sofa after she bound my wrists together. She sat close against me, reclining on me, and my bound hands over and around her put me in a forced hugging-her-from-behind position for the duration of the time we remained in the living room.

We both so enjoy these moments of closeness, even more so because of the D/s elements added to them.

After a few hours, before we went to bed, my Goddess tightened the column tie for the night, making sure it was tight enough to be secure and inescapable, but not so tight it would cut circulation.

While we slept, I could feel her occasionally grabbing hold of the binding, pulling it close to her, simultaneously symbolically stating "Mine!", and reminding me I was under her control and that I couldn't go anywhere without her letting me go. And that's a feeling that I keep with me all the time...

Image courtesy of Slaves of the Goddess

The invisible leash (E)

Mistress & Slave, fine art print by Brian Gibbs (RedBubble), found originally on Lunar Black

Recent changes to my professional life, and a related huge increase in commuting distance, has led to very long work days for me. I don't have any issues whatsoever with the work commitment... a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. But I am saddened by having less time to spend with my Goddess. Not only actual physical time, but prime quality time. When I get home 12-13 hours after having left for work, I'm afraid that my energy level may not be all that it could be. Certainly not every single day. But that’s something I’m aware of, and during the commute back, I’ll mentally prepare to be the very best I can for my Goddess. And I’ll strive to catch up and exceed her expectations on my days off.

That being said, my biggest worries are actually elsewhere. Two of the greatest threats to any relationship, vanilla or D/s, are what I call the two Ds: disconnection and doubt. Lack of prime quality I’m-so-into-you-and-I-can’t-be-without-you-for-a-single-second time, over days, and weeks, and months, can take its toll. It creates gaps in each other’s live. It leaves needs that inevitably get filled in other ways, sometimes even by other people.

In addition, extended periods away from those we love also create a creeping sense of doubt. Where are they? What are they doing? Who are they with? Do they really have to be there? Can they really not be here with me? While good communications, and a commitment to openness and transparency, can help tremendously in minimizing this creeping feeling of doubt, and the threat it represents to trust, it remains that relationship trust is a fine crystal wine glass that once cracked, or chipped, will never, ever be the same.

So will that in mind, a little over a week ago, I offered to my Goddess the use of a smart phone tracking app… that would allow her to track my locations and movements at all times. Whether the app is running in the background of my smart phone, or my Goddess pings me for confirmation of my location and status, or I provide regular status updates, she will know where I am, and what I’m likely to be doing, at all times that cell phone signal is available.

My Goddess has received my offer with much enthusiasm, and the introduction of this “Invisible Leash” into our lives has been very successful up to now, although I think that she will be experimenting with a number of other apps to see which one will give her the level of control she desires.

Her frequent checks on my location and status, and my regular updates of the same, have kept us discreetly in close touch throughout the course of each day. Each ping, each check, each update, is a reminder of our caring for each other, of our love of each other, and a reinforcement of our D/s relational dynamics.

The quasi-constant contact is likely reassuring and comforting for my Goddess. It is reassuring for me too, since I feel that we remain ever-present in each other’s mind. In fact, a few times after responding to her checking in requests, I reached up to the Eternity Collar permanently fixed around my neck, touched the ungiving stainless steel, and enjoyed the warm feeling of remembrance of my belonging to my Goddess.

My hope is that the “Invisible Leash” will help maintain our incredible sense of connection, and stave off, if not eliminate, the creeping feelings of doubt that increasingly come up as relationships age. And besides, it’s so hot when my Goddess is in a controlling mood…

Moment of the day (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://www.russianmistress.com/ via Miss and pet

Background:

Every morning that my Goddess and I leave for work at a similar time, we have a delightful ritual that we go through. It is a splendid, and very special, way for us to start off the day, renewing and reinforcing our D/s dynamics.

The alarm goes off on my bedside table. I get up, grab a few special items, and move to the kitchen to prepare my Goddess' coffee. While it's brewing, I clip the chrome and leather leash to my leather collar still locked from the previous evening... my Goddess enjoys holding on to, and tugging on, the leash to keep me close to her feet during morning coffee time. And I clip the clover clamps to my nipples... my Goddess loves to randomly tug on the chain to get my attention, or just because she enjoys the reaction she gets from me.

Once the coffee is ready, I bring it to a side table in the living room. I head back into the bedroom to wake up my Goddess gently, and let her know that everything is ready for her. Finally, I return to the living room and sit on the floor next to her usual spot on the sofa, while waiting for her to get up, go to the bathroom, and make her way next to me where, in a matter of a few minutes, my Goddess will enjoy her coffee, along with a cigarette, while watching some television before getting ready for the day.

Today's Moment of the Day:

Our ritual this morning pretty much followed the usual routine except for one variation... a small but oh-so-powerful twist that stayed with me all day.

As I went back the bedroom to wake up my Goddess after I prepared her coffee, she ordered me to remain next to the bed while she went to the bathroom. Upon her return, she firmly grabbed the leash, pulled it downwards to force me to get on all-fours, and walked toward the living room, pulling on the leash.

Immediately, I had a small wave of subspace come over me as I tried to keep up to my Goddess. I focused on her naked feet and ankles, extending below her bathrobe, as she led me on the leash. Once we got to our respective spots in the living room, she sat down on the sofa, and I sat on the floor at her feet. She shortened her hold on the leash, giving me just enough room to reach for the cigarettes.

And then the ritual got back on course. I lit her cigarette, gave it to her, reached for the ashtray, and held it while she enjoyed both her cigarette and her coffee, and watched a few minutes of television before getting ready for her work day.

Impact:

While our morning ritual is full of D/s symbolism and dynamics, this morning's seemingly simple additional gestures had a lasting impact on me throughout the day. Perhaps it was just the element of newness to a well-established ritual. Perhaps it was the suddenness and forcefulness of her actions, taking me by surprise. Perhaps it was the specific nature of her actions, triggering specific sentiments. Is there anything more quintessentially femdom in imagery and emotion than a submissive/slave being led on a leash by his beautiful dominant mistress? It is likely elements of all three. But I do know that it was wonderful to be swept by that small wave of subspace, to remain a bit tense anticipating what else may be coming up, to be in the control of my Goddess I crave so much. And I know that just as much as ever before, every little thing she does is magic...