Longevity in D/s relationships - Cross-post (E)

From Mistresses and their Captured Men via Strawberry Mistress (seems inactive at the moment)

Hidden away from the world in the little bubble of D/s bliss Goddess Selena and I live in, my mind drifting, catching up on domestic duties while collared, leashed, and partially bound, with some occasional rituals serving Goddess Selena as the only interruptions, my thoughts kept gravitating around the concept of the growth and maturing of relationships that are heavily flavored by the D/s lifestyle and BDSM power exchange.

BDSM and D/s literature and social media are overwhelmingly focused on definitions and categories, meeting like-minded kinksters, transforming present relationships into kinky ones, how-tos, finding solidarity in fetishes, and sharing kinky playtime.  And all of those are cool…  Been there, done that…  A lot.

But there is not that much written, or discussed, on the long-term growth and maturation of D/s or BDSM lifestyle relationships.  And I wondered why.  One would think the challenges of the lifestyle in terms of added layers of interests (matching or not), communications, and the needs of relational dynamics that tend to be particularly demanding, would present much to explore, discuss and share.

I shared these thoughts with one of bloggers, and kindred spirit, I respect the most, hmp, and we conspired to respectively produce posts that would discuss this issue. After a few exchanges, hmp was first off the blogging starting line back on Thursday, and I took advantage of his insightful reflections to write this present post, undoubtedly the longest ever on this blog. So go to the bathroom, get a drink, and have a seat. This will take a while. hmp’s original post can be found here, and the parts that I copied (all but the Valentine’s Day wish to all at the end) appear below in bold and italics. And keep in mind that both voices belong to submissive males...

My friend and fellow blogger Dymion recently pointed out the lack of information available on achieving longevity in D/s relationships. There is plenty out there on ways to find a partner but precious little advice on how to make a relationship last.

Every person and every relationship is unique. D/s relationships are by definition more complicated than vanilla relationships. What has worked for Her Majesty and I over the past 27 years would not work for everyone.

That said, I believe D/s can help keep the romance in a relationship fresh, exciting and vibrant. The key is making sure your relationship is based on a firm foundation of love and trust. What follows are a few suggestions based on personal experience:

1) Establish compatibility before tying the knot. Establishing kink compatibility is not a guarantee for future success but it should be considered a necessary condition for achieving it. Your partner does not have to like all of the same things you like but she should be open minded about kink, accept you for who you are and be willing to explore. 

As the celebrated mathematical expression goes, “…a necessary but not sufficient condition...” The instances of “transforming” someone into the scene are rare and not often long-lasting. The presence of some kind of D/s spark or magic from the start is important, a sense of exploration is essential, and acceptance is non-negotiable.

2) Practice open and honest communication. Your relationship will not reach its full potential without honest communication nor can you hope to solve the problems that will inevitably come up if you can’t talk about them honestly.

Open and honest communication is critically important in every intimate relationship, and all the more so in a relationship where D/s or BDSM plays a key role. The additional layers of depths of such relationships, with the possibilities of greater convergence or difference between the individuals, make the need to communicate even greater. EAR (Explore, Acknowledge, Respond) listening should be practiced  on both sides, with a sincere intention to understand and find win-win scenarios.

3) Nobody has it all. We rarely possess everything we desire in life or balance everything in our lives successfully. Try to be realistic and honest with yourself about what you can reasonably expect from a D/s relationship. 

The intensity and thrills of D/s interactions impact the reward area of our brains in an incredibly powerful way, especially on the submissive side. They are addictive and there is often a sense of never having enough. But without balance, the unfettered raging of D/s and BDSM oriented desires is self-destructive, and through resentment for the one not meeting for those needs and desires, the lives of our partners. Balance, grounding, a real sense of how this can work within the relationship, and strong communications, are the foundation.

4) “No fault assurance.” The blame game is self defeating. When you point the finger at your partner you should see two fingers pointing back at yourself. You are in this thing together. Never let petty resentments or a festering grudge divide you.

The space between acceptance and resentment is often not very large. And disappointment makes the defining lines blurry. But blaming the other, and/or blaming ourselves, leads nowhere. If the relationship is based on common interests, good communications, and a sincere sense of exploration, then emotionally investing into addressing issues, realigning wants/needs/desires, and finding win-win scenarios is part of the game.

5) Every minute can’t be play time. If you think it through you will realize this fantasy is not only impossible but probably not even desirable. In any case it won’t happen so best to know that up front.

Wait… what? It can’t? Well, maybe there is a submissive somewhere that is living out the Beauty Trilogy. But for the overwhelming majority of us, the fantasy is ultimately not realistic in terms of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (which will eventually catch-up), nor does it address the demands of the real world (and there are consequences to this.) Again, balance and communications are essential.

6) Practice flexibility in D/s roles. Sometimes it doesn’t work to filter everything through a predefined set of protocols. Even if she is naturally dominant there will be times when your lady needs you to take charge. She may need a strong protective arm around her or a shoulder to cry on. There may be times when your ideas are beneficial to the relationship and should be heard regardless of who is dominant or submissive. Wear your D/s role like a loose garment rather than an impenetrable suit of armor.

D/s dynamics will be sliding across several spectrums relative to the different areas of the relationship. “Serving” also means being strong for the other when the need arises. And sometimes even taking the lead for the benefit of the one being served and the needs of the relationship. Rules and protocols are there for a reason, but underlying purpose and arising circumstantial needs require a deeper interpretation of those rules and protocols.

7) Accept downtime and appreciate the little things. There will be times when unforeseen circumstances will mean taking a break from D/s activities for a period of time. The key to survival is acceptance. During times of inactivity take comfort in the little things that reinforce your D/s romance; a tender foot massage or a furtive kiss on her booted toe.

Economic and financial issues… Geographic relocation… Changes in employment…  Significant health issues… Major stress at work… Family issues… Life happens! Sometimes things aren’t perfect because of external factors that are way outside our abilities to control or influence them. It’s acceptable that the “normal” flow of things may be interrupted. Communications will play an especially important role at this point. And keeping the D/s pilot light on through minor rituals and random acts of submissiveness will go a long way toward being able to bring the heat back up when the time is right.

8) Practice flexibility In Play. Be open to trying new things and changing your routine. Play style is bound to evolve over time. Be open to change and go with what works not just for you but for your partner. 

“Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.” (~ Glenda Cloud) A strong sense of curiosity, a willingness (or need) to learn, and a thirst for exploring new things and experiences are all part of how we grow. The momentum of the new discoveries and new experiences must be allowed to overcome the inertia of routine and comfort. And above all, awareness of the natural process of change overtime, in all facets of our lives, allows us to become active participants in that process.

9) Many subs lack a dominant woman in their lives to serve and play with who loves them for who they are. If you are one of the fortunate few never forget to count your blessings and show your lady how much she means to you both in word and in deed. A little gratitude goes a long way.

There are few needs as powerful as the need to belong, to be part of something beyond ourselves, and to be appreciated in some kind of way by others. Being appreciated, respected, and loved as we are, and for whom we are, is an incredible gift in any kind of intimate relationship. A little gratitude goes a long way, and a lot of gratitude might even bring everyone into a D/s frame of mind a little more often...

And finally, I would like to add one more point.

10) There are few influences, forces, and drives that impact us more in our lives than habits. When active decision-making is replaced with habit, dynamics get reinforced and nervous system wiring gets stronger. But if a conscious decision is made to reinforce D/s dynamics, hopefully without expecting immediate gratification, and acted upon through little not-so-random little acts of submission or dominance, and through daily or weekly rituals, that wonderful D/s tension remains ever-present. Especially in such an intense rewards-based behavior. And opportunities for D/s fulfillment increase. It’s difficult to go from zero to sixty, but if the car never comes to a halt, then anything is possible. “If you believe you can change – if you make it a habit – the change becomes real.” (~ Charles Duhigg)

hmp and I would be delighted to hear from anyone who would like to add to this topic. Or disagree. Or contribute. We know there is much more wisdom out there, and more experiences to be shared and to build on. Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with either one of us if you would like to take part.

From Slaves of the Goddess (seems inactive at the moment)

It's the little things... (E)

Image courtesy of S.I.N. via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

The little things in a relationship really do matter. There's a quote that goes something like "It's not what you say, it's not even what you do, it's how you make people feel that matters." And that's just so true in the relationship Goddess Selena and I share.

The feeling of warmth, affection, love, caring, positive co-dependence, loyalty, trust, and D/s permeates every aspect of our relationship, and every thought that I have involving my beloved Goddess. The nature of this blog being what it is, I won't bore you all with mushy stuff, but I thought I would take a few minutes to share a few of the little things (D/s oriented) that in their own way represent and define our dynamics.

I am presently away on a 4-day 3-night road trip. Like usual, Goddess Selena expects updates of what I'm doing and where I am at all times. She can also check on my location, providing her an idea of what I'm likely to be doing, through the tracking service that locks on to the position of my smart phone. It makes me feel special that she cares that much about what I'm up to, and that she wants to stay in touch throughout the day. Of course, the D/s control and ownership thing is really hot too. Done within a loving and trusting relationship, it makes me feel warm, wanted, cared for, and loved. And submissive and owned.

Image courtesy of the always stunning Mistress Eleise de Lacy via Femdom-SM

The latter is reinforced by the fact that my Goddess still expects me to wear a collar, in addition to my permanent Eternity Collar, at all times I'm in my hotel room. As a reminder. And I must text or call her for permission to remove it if/when I need to leave the room. The asking for permission and the granting of the permission at a distance of several hundred miles is a wonderfully powerful exercise of her dominance over me, and a demonstration of my submission to her. Our relationship is always switched on, even when far away from each other, and our D/s dynamics are always in play.

Our lives are full of rituals that are made up of little things. "Coffee and Clamps!" on mornings when neither one of us works, or will be going into work later. I'll be sitting at her feet regularly throughout the day (and at all times she smokes... I'm required to hold her ashtray from that position) when we stay at home. I'll be in bondage close to her, and often serve as furniture, when we have quiet time watching television for a stretch. I'll be in a submissive and controlled position when we go to bed, with or without bondage. I'll present myself for her to place and lock a leather collar around my neck any time I return home, and submissively ask her to remove it before I leave.

The expectations of my domestic duties. The kissing her feet daily. The caning/paddling/flogging I receive after we play competitive board games, one of our favorite hobbies; even when I win, she has a reason to have a go at my backside, and if I lose, well, she'll definitely be having fun. The painting of her toe nails on the weekends. The dynamics of our decision-making... she wants to know what I think and what I suggest we do, but the final decision is always hers alone to make.

Artwork courtesy of Fluffy Bunny Domination

And then there's the wonderfully random stuff. Goddess Selena smoking provocatively when we're on our traditional Skype call each night I'm on a road trip. Teasing dominant texts out-of-the-blue. Nipple torture... all of a sudden... just because. Ink or Sharpie markings of D/s and/or love on my back when the mood strikes her.

Don't get me wrong... The big "official" scenes are fantastic. Protracted scenes with any combination of caning, paddling, flogging, hot wax, clothespins, strap-on play, heavy nipple torture, sharp objects, significant bondage and restraint, breath play, sexual servitude, and more, always take me into a state of deep subspace that I yearn to return to time and time again. Unless I'm still physically sore from the previous scene, I can never get enough of them. I think about these scenes often. Maybe even too much.

Image courtesy of Cybill Troy via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

But it's the continual warmth and glow of the little things that stays with me at all times, literally every moment of the day and night. They are the constant reminder of the beauty of our relationship, of the continual psychic touch of the other, of the strong yet flexible ties that bind us, and of the feelings that really matter.

Artwork courtesy of Fluffy Bunny Domination

Rituals and symbolic gestures (E)

Image courtesy of Cuckold Chronicle via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

I always find it fascinating to observe, and reflect on, the evolution of rituals and symbolic gestures in D/s relationships. From actions that begin rather innocently and become daily or weekly protocols, to things are given a significant amount of forethought and implemented as definitive symbols of domination or submission, D/s rituals and symbolism have inevitably evolve over time.

I look back with much pride and delight on what has come to be since Goddess Selena collared me several years back. The deepening of our relationship and interactions has been reflected in the D/s rituals, protocols, and habits we have developed. These actions, gestures, behaviors, and overall D/s dynamics have also helped keep us grounded through the vagaries of everyday life, in addition to providing us very enjoyable time with each other.

Image courtesy of Lunar Black - Desire for Submission and More...

So here is a list that I would describe as a dozen of our most significant rituals and symbols of Goddess Selena’s dominance over me, and my submission to her.

1- I wear an Eternity Collar 24/7/365. Goddess Selena retains the special tools for it (which she tells me she lost), and for all practical purposes, it can only be eventually removed if/when she decides it.

2- Goddess Selena places and locks an additional collar around my neck whenever I come back home from the outside world, and it does not come off until I must leave her presence again.

3- On any morning that we have time for it, "Coffee & Clamps!" is how we start the day. I must prepare and serve Goddess Selena her coffee (and refills), and I must be wearing nipple clamps until she is done with her morning coffee. I must also be leashed so she can keep me close by while she enjoys her coffee(s) and cigarette(s). The “Coffee & Clamps!” ritual usually does not end until her third coffee of the morning, and the nipple clamps only come off then.

4- I must be on the floor at Goddess Selena’s feet, holding an ashtray, any time she wants to smoke.

5- Any time I greet my Goddess (i.e.: when she wakes up in the morning or when I return from work), I must kneel before her and kiss each of her feet in an adoring manner.

6- On any morning that there is an expectation that Goddess Selena will sleep in later than me (which is the case most of the time), I must wear have the long house leash locked to my leather or rubber collar (whichever one she locked around my neck previously) so she knows I remain in the house. She will tug on the leash when she wakes up, pulling me in to her and letting me know she is ready for our “Coffee & Clamps!” ritual.

7- At her whim, when we have time to watch some of her favorite TV shows together, she will place me in bondage and use me as furniture for the duration of the evening. Usually, I while remain in bondage through the night’s sleep.

8- When at home, I must fetch, prepare, and serve all drinks, meals, and snacks for Goddess Selena. I remain at her beck and call for anything else she may require at any time.

9- Once Goddess Selena has locked a second collar (in additional to the permanent Eternity Collar) around my neck upon my return from the outside world, she keeps the keys, and only she can unlock/remove the collar, at the time of her choosing. This means that if the weather is right, I may have to run errands outside the house for her with the locked collar hidden under appropriate clothing.

10- The location of my Smart Phone can be tracked by Goddess Selena through a provider-based GPS system at all times. She can verify and keep track of my location at any time, and if necessary, I must account for my movements to her at any time if I did not warn her beforehand.

11- I must submit to Goddess Selena’s sexual and dominant needs at any time.

12- My own sexual/submissive needs are only met at the convenience and whims of Goddess Selena. This includes not ever providing myself pleasure until/unless she tells me.

Image courtesy of My Private F.

I will be interesting to see how these rituals, protocols, and habits will change over time. This post is as much an opportunity for benchmarking and looking back in the future as it is about thinking about where we are at the present time. Perhaps in a year, there will be another post, starting off with a link to this entry, talking about what else we have added to what we do each day as part of our D/s relational dynamics.

Image found on Thy Shall Love Thy Mistress, original source is uncertain.

More about feet (E)

Image: a recent purchase by Goddess Selena

I thought the best way to follow-up my last post would be to... talk some more about feet. My Goddess' gorgeous feet in particular.

In addition to the on-my-knees foot kissing welcome my Goddess requires every time I get back to her after any kind of absence (coming back from work or from an errand), or first thing in the morning, she has also expected me to paint her toe nails on the weekend, every second week or so. While that has involved a bit of a learning curve, with lots of improvement yet to come, I think my technique has been steadily getting better.

Image: "Silver Dazzle" on Goddess Selena's toe nails

I must admit, I've been enjoying this latest additional duty. Of course, I enjoy everything that involves taking care of my Goddess. But beyond that, there is something very erotically submissive about being at her feet, sitting on the floor, and attending to her. And making her feel beautiful. Another small duty that reinforces our D/s dynamics.

My Goddess exercising her dominance over me... rituals reinforcing the nature of our D/s relationship... submitting to the needs and desires of my Goddess... definitely good times. Hot, fun, symbolically powerful, and often bringing about a small dose of subspace for me, this recent emphasis on foot play has been a wonderful addition in our lives.

Image courtesy of Slaves of the Goddess

You never know when something new... (E)

B. Polaczek via he stoops to worship

... will come along.

A few weeks ago, my Goddess decided that I should kneel before her and kiss her feet whenever I get back to her after we've been apart for a while.

So since her decree, I've gotten on my knees before her and kissed her feet with much reverence any time I come back from work, return from an errand, or see her awake for the first time in the morning.

In retrospect, for a couple whose D/s relational dynamics already include a number of daily rituals, it may be surprising that this simple and straightforward recent addition was only introduced several years into our relationship. And yet, I see it as a very positive thing, beyond the enjoyment my Goddess gets from it, above the thrill I feel doing it, and on level with the very powerful symbolism of the gesture.

Found on i'm Her husband and She is in charge

As modest of a physical action as it may seem to some, especially as it relates to some of our other activities, I see it as an encouraging sign that we're still growing, still exploring, still open to looking for things (large or small) that may appeal to us, and still willing to make changes. OK, so we're still relatively early and young into our relationship... a few years are not a few decades. And yet, we all know that it's all too easy to get into deep ruts in a matter of months.

My Goddess felt so strongly about this, and we have very enthusiastically embraced this 2-3 times a day ritual. For something that so powerfully reinforces our D/s dynamics, it's kind of surprising that we lived without it for so long. That being said, extended foot kissing has always been one of our favorite activities, and comes up several times a week.

You never know what you'll come across if you just keep exploring. And with minds wide open, a relationship never needs to grow old.

Image courtesy of Let the Sin Begin

Moment of the day (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://www.russianmistress.com/ via Miss and pet

Background:

Every morning that my Goddess and I leave for work at a similar time, we have a delightful ritual that we go through. It is a splendid, and very special, way for us to start off the day, renewing and reinforcing our D/s dynamics.

The alarm goes off on my bedside table. I get up, grab a few special items, and move to the kitchen to prepare my Goddess' coffee. While it's brewing, I clip the chrome and leather leash to my leather collar still locked from the previous evening... my Goddess enjoys holding on to, and tugging on, the leash to keep me close to her feet during morning coffee time. And I clip the clover clamps to my nipples... my Goddess loves to randomly tug on the chain to get my attention, or just because she enjoys the reaction she gets from me.

Once the coffee is ready, I bring it to a side table in the living room. I head back into the bedroom to wake up my Goddess gently, and let her know that everything is ready for her. Finally, I return to the living room and sit on the floor next to her usual spot on the sofa, while waiting for her to get up, go to the bathroom, and make her way next to me where, in a matter of a few minutes, my Goddess will enjoy her coffee, along with a cigarette, while watching some television before getting ready for the day.

Today's Moment of the Day:

Our ritual this morning pretty much followed the usual routine except for one variation... a small but oh-so-powerful twist that stayed with me all day.

As I went back the bedroom to wake up my Goddess after I prepared her coffee, she ordered me to remain next to the bed while she went to the bathroom. Upon her return, she firmly grabbed the leash, pulled it downwards to force me to get on all-fours, and walked toward the living room, pulling on the leash.

Immediately, I had a small wave of subspace come over me as I tried to keep up to my Goddess. I focused on her naked feet and ankles, extending below her bathrobe, as she led me on the leash. Once we got to our respective spots in the living room, she sat down on the sofa, and I sat on the floor at her feet. She shortened her hold on the leash, giving me just enough room to reach for the cigarettes.

And then the ritual got back on course. I lit her cigarette, gave it to her, reached for the ashtray, and held it while she enjoyed both her cigarette and her coffee, and watched a few minutes of television before getting ready for her work day.

Impact:

While our morning ritual is full of D/s symbolism and dynamics, this morning's seemingly simple additional gestures had a lasting impact on me throughout the day. Perhaps it was just the element of newness to a well-established ritual. Perhaps it was the suddenness and forcefulness of her actions, taking me by surprise. Perhaps it was the specific nature of her actions, triggering specific sentiments. Is there anything more quintessentially femdom in imagery and emotion than a submissive/slave being led on a leash by his beautiful dominant mistress? It is likely elements of all three. But I do know that it was wonderful to be swept by that small wave of subspace, to remain a bit tense anticipating what else may be coming up, to be in the control of my Goddess I crave so much. And I know that just as much as ever before, every little thing she does is magic...

Bound to sleep (E)

Artwork courtesy of Snail Meilk via Lunar Black

On all but three nights over nearly the past two weeks, my Goddess has made sure that I go to bed when she does, at which time she has tied my wrists to the headboard of the bed. That way I'm available to her if she feels like causing a little pain. Or if she wants to cuddle. Or if she just wants to fall asleep with her head against my chest. And then I remain next to her through the night.

Or until she decides to release me sometime before the morning comes around...

The new routine (ritual?) also prevents me from getting distracted with work, the internet, TV, or anything else that might keep me away from her. While I'm usually pretty focused on my Goddess most of the time, this has definitely brought about a certain level of behavior modification in terms of my habits and my schedule around her needs.

I think my Goddess is seriously enjoying this new additional step in control over her toy. I love that even after these years together, she keeps wanting to extend and expand her dominance, she wants to keep me ever closer, ever more under her control. This new ritual further reinforces, and adds to, our respective senses of ownership and belonging, and our daily D/s dynamics, and I can't adequately express how extraordinarily close this brings us together and keeps us together.

She's just the awesomest...

Artwork courtesy of The New Bootblack's Oubliette

Pushing our morning ritual (E)

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The leash, and other sacred rituals (E)

The Red Boots, by Silver Jane, via Lunar Black

In these difficult economic times for us, I haven't given my Goddess a lot of time or many opportunities for her to express her domination. She has been so patient with my very long days and weeks at work, so generous with her unconditional support, and so wonderful in making the most of our few moments together.

That said, there are a number of our sacred rituals that are part of our lives that are as constant as the rising and setting cycle of the sun every day, and I am so grateful to my Goddess for keeping these going, and for her continued enjoyment of them, always maintaining a certain level of positive tension in our D/s dynamics.

Recently, my Goddess asked me to re-install the long "house leash" to the bed. The first thing I did the next morning was to clip one end of the 50' leash to the foot of the bed, and clip the other end to my locked leather collar. Upon her waking up later that morning, she found the leash, and pulled me in to her, wherever I was in our home, so I could begin my day of service to her.

Speaking of the locked leather collar, it is still one of my most cherished pleasures that every night, upon my return home, as surely as the tides move in and out twice a day, the D/s dynamics of our relationship are celebrated as I kneel before my Goddess, offering her my locking leather collar. She places it around my neck and locks it in place, where it remains until I need to shower before leaving for work the next morning. It means so much to me that she feels as strongly about this symbolic display domination and submission, owning and belonging, as I do.

When I'm still home at the time my Goddess wakes up in the morning, I have unerringly taken the opportunity for our favorite morning ritual. I'll prepare her one of her favorite coffees, bring it to her side, kneel before her as I lay it on the table, light her cigarette, and hold the ashtray up for her. If we still have a little time, I will take take each of her feet, and cover them with hundreds of little tender kisses.

When time allows in the morning, I make an additional offering of presenting myself to her at wake-up time with nipple clamps or nipples rings on, wearing little else than those, my locked leather collar, my ever-present eternity collar, and some underwear or sleeping shorts. She delights in my willingness to suffer for her, and she can never resist the temptation of reaching out to tug on the nipple clamps or rings to tease me and elicit gentle moans for me that she so enjoys.

I make it a point of doing some domestic duties such as cleaning, washing dishes, and straightening out the house before she gets up, although it is never quite enough, and I must schedule my time better to keep our humble castle in better shape for my Goddess.

Often in the evening, in addition to the locking leather collar, my Goddess will enjoy placing locking leather wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs on me, whether there is any play to follow or not. It's just an ownership thing, and she knows how much I love to honor by having many tangible, symbolic signs of my belonging to her.

While the locking leather items may not go on if we are having friends or family over, I do try to fulfill my Goddess' expectations of being the serving host, and this subtle part of our relationship dynamics, is especially exciting as it goes relatively unnoticed by our visitors.

Of course, variations are numerous, and play may or may not follow our rituals. However, these rituals are the foundations that keep our love and D/s dynamics strong, constant, unshakable, and full of positive tension that keep us both in a state of always wanting to get back to each other, always wanting to be with each other, and always wanting to do more with/for each other.

Instead of being restraining, our rituals are means for liberation, and they reinforce our love and commitment to each other. To paraphrase Amy Gregory from an article I read a long time ago, rituals resonate within us, they comfort us, and what they communicate to us is even more important than actually performing them. Rituals may be intimidating to some, but they don't have to be big events. They are about connecting, they about celebration, and I think that my Goddess and I will continue to find solace in them.

Image courtesy of Miss and pet

Daily collaring (E)

Artwork courtesy of Razriel, via Lunar Black and http://deviantart.net/

I wait on my knees next to the bed. I hold my locking leather collar, ready to hand it over to my Goddess. The lock and the key lie on her bedside table.

She walks in, climbs onto the bed and turns toward me. A gentle smile comes to her beautiful face. Her eyes twinkle.

My Goddess takes the collar, and waits for me to lay my head on her lap. She wraps the collar around my neck. She buckles it. She reaches for the lock, hooks it through the locking buckle, and clicks it shut. She moves the key out of sight.

Her hands come down to the sides of my head. She lifts my head as I raise it up. She doesn't let go. There's quiet beauty, tranquility, and peace in her gaze. Tenderly we kiss.

We've been waiting all day for this moment. My Goddess misses seeing my leather collar on me when I don't have it on. I miss its physical presence and the unique tactile sensations of wearing it. We both feel its significance when I'm wearing it, and we both feel that something important is missing in our lives when I'm not.

The placing of the collar for the evening, and for the night... A protocol of great depth and significance for us. Beyond any other.

And no matter what else might be going on in our life, everything is made right again by the two of us sharing of this beautiful, solemn, and powerful daily ritual once more.

A quiet evening at home (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

My Goddess and I had trouble falling asleep last night after a delightful weekend together, and we ended up sleeping just over 4 hours before work. By the time we returned this evening, we were both really tired, and were looking forward to a quiet evening at home and going to bed early.

Since I've written a few entries about our morning rituals, but none about our evening ones, I thought I'd share what a quiet evening of service would be like. It's more difficult to come up with a definitive checklist or description of what an evening would "typically" be like, since there are many more variables in the evenings than in the morning, but here goes this one...

1- Upon returning home together, I removed my Goddess' boots, and gently kissed her feet.

2- I fetched my locking leather collar and padlock, presented them to my Goddess, and she promptly buckled the collar in place and locked it; it will stay on until the time I drive her to work in the morning.

3- I served my Goddess a cold beverage of her choice.

4- I lit a cigarette for my Goddess, and handed it over to her. I sat on the floor by her side and held her ashtray.

5- I prepared dinner while my Goddess relaxed watching television.

6- We enjoyed dinner together.

7- After dinner, I light another cigarette for my Goddess.

8- I led my Goddess back to the bedroom, where I laid out the bed for her while she prepared for sleep.

9- I tucked my Goddess into bed, refreshed her beverage, asked her if she needed anything else (she didn't), and kissed her goodnight.

10- I returned to the kitchen to put away leftovers, pre-wash the dishes, place them in the dishwasher, turned the latter on, and wiped the counters.

11- After finishing with my duties, I joined my Goddess in the bedroom to go to sleep.

These small acts of service and dedication, punctuated by moments of tenderness and affection, reinforce our D/s dynamics, and strengthen our bonds of belonging and ownership. A few times during the course of my time alone, my hands were drawn to my collar and the lock, and the firmness of the collar and the symbolism of the lock brought about a warm feeling inside of me for the need we have for each other in this relationship, this lifestyle, and in each others' lives.

I must say that I never tire of serving my Goddess, and the most mundane of duties and actions are an opportunity for me to excel when they have such an important purpose as making the life of my Goddess easier and more pleasant.

The perfect end to another day for my Goddess and I...

Morning routine: the daily 10 (E)

Artwork courtesy of Haru Kano

On work days:

1- The alarm wakes me up first.

2- I prepare her coffee and bring it her bedside.

3- I gently wake up my Goddess and hand her the coffee.

4- I turn on the TV to her favorite morning show.

5- I sit on the floor, light her cigarette, and hold her ashtray while she is enjoying her coffee in bed.

6- Once she is done, I prepare her bath and get the water going to fill up the tub.

7- While the tub is filling, I return and spend a few minutes kissing her feet.

8- I test the water, turn it off when it is just right, and return to let her know.

9- I take her hand and help her out of bed and follow her to the bathtub.

10- Finally, I ask her if there's anything else I can do for her... there may be a request for ironing or preparing her clothes if she has anything in mind.

After I drop her off at work, if I don't have to be at work immediately, I may take care of pressing errands, or things that I know she may be too tired to do together after work.

That is the start of the day for us, every day. On non-working days, the routine is pretty similar, except that I wait until she wakes up on her own and is ready for her coffee.

The perfect start to the day for us, each and everyday...

Dominance and service in the kitchen (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

Once we both were home from work last night, as is our ritual at that time of the day, I served up my Goddess a cold, icy beverage, knelt before her, and she placed around my neck my leather collar and locked it. Then she needed to smoke, so I lit her cigarette and held the ashtray for her during that time.

After we were done, since I needed to prepare dinner while she was going to relax and watch some television, my Goddess clipped the house leash to my collar so that she could tug on it and pull me in if she needed anything. All set to move on with my duties, I reminded her that I had a new post up on our blog that she hadn't read yet, and that I thought she would enjoy it. Then I headed to the kitchen.

Roughly 5 minutes later, after I'd put one of the courses into the oven and I was preparing the next one, my Goddess came into the kitchen. I was a bit surprised to see her, since she could have tugged on the leash if she had needed anything. But there was a look in her eyes that told me she came over for more than cookies... She came straight to where I was standing, grabbed the leash, and pulled me down for a kiss. Breaking away from the kiss for just a moment, she whispered "That was hot. I liked it.", referring to the entry.

Then, while she pulled on my leash again for us to resume our kiss, my Goddess took one of my hand and brought it down to her intimate parts. She didn't have to say anything for me to know what was expected. Both of us standing in the middle of the kitchen, I gently reached for her G-spot, and began rubbing it and playing with it. We never interrupted the kiss while I brought her the pleasure she wanted and needed. It wasn't always easy to maintain the kiss since she her body movements got more accentuated as she got more and more excited. A sudden movement on her part eventually broke the kiss, but I moved on to kissing and nibbling her neck, and we didn't miss a beat. A few moments later, my Goddess reached climax, and I held on to her tightly so that she wouldn't lose her balance from the post-climax tremors.

A minute or so later, she was composed enough to stand on her own. She took a step back, looked at me with a wickedly dominant smile, and said:

"OK... thanks... now get back to work..."

And she then turned around and walked away... going back to relax watching television, leaving me to finish preparing dinner...

The magic of the collar and leash (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://www.femdomartists.com/

One of life's lessons is that we never truly know how special something is until we lose it, or until we must live without it for a little while.

The ritual of my Goddess keeping me in locked collar at all times when we are at home has always been one of great significance for the two of us. We've felt intensely its symbolism, reflecting the special D/s dynamics of our relationship, demonstrating the power of her dominance over me and my submissiveness to her, and her ownership of me and my belonging to her.

Life circumstances brought an end to a very long streak of days (triple-digits) when I wore my locked collar for 10-12 hours a day or more, and almost around the clock on days-off. Not to worry... nothing serious... just RL obligations. But within just a day or two, the absence of the collar was powerfully felt by both of us. While I wore my mainstream-passable ceremonial collar from my collaring throughout, the heaviness, the restraint, and the inescapability of the very BDSM-looking leather collar with D-rings and locking buckle with lock (to which my Goddess keeps the keys in her possession or hidden) I wear at home was very much missed.

There wasn't any leash attached to me either, which my Goddess clips to the front D-ring, and tugs on any time she requires me for something. The leash limits my mobility, gives my Goddess a tangible sense of my physical presence even when I'm not in the same room, and is an immediate call to service, all elements that made us miss our regular home routine even more.

Needless to say, the pull of the ritual intensified as the days went by, and upon the return to our normal lives, the collar quickly went back on, and the leash was clipped on immediately thereafter. Now my Goddess is napping while I am busy with domestic servitude, and I am awaiting the tug that will mean that she desires me by her side once more.

Somehow, the magic of the collar and leash returning is one of those little things that makes us feel like everything is right with the universe again... At least within the context our D/s relationship and the extraordinary feelings we have for each other...