Subspace awakening (E)

Image courtesy of Girls Rule, Subs Drool via Femdom Resource

I wake up this morning in a delightful subspacey daze. I spent the night serving as sleeping furniture for Goddess Selena, after our first “together” day in a while. What is a “together” day for us? No work, no obligations, “Coffee & Clamps!” in the morning, time at home where Goddess Selena keeps me collared and leashed and often at her feet when I’ll not on domestic duties, a late lunch date followed by some whimsical shopping and a movie, generally me doing things for her, and in between talking and laughing about everything in the world.

My subspacey awakening is intensified by the erotically D/s sensations and symbolism of the heavy leather collar locked around my neck, and the prospect of another, if different, “together” day. In those few seconds or minutes it takes to transition into consciousness and alertness, my emotional make-up of the moment brings about a torrent of flashbacks to the last time Goddess Selena let the phoenix of her dominance rise and consume both of us.

Image courtesy of Musings of a Mistress via Mistress Lilyana

After locking leather wrist and ankle cuffs on me, Goddess Selena strapped a blindfold around my head and ordered me on all fours on the bed. She quickly followed up with a long and increasingly stern caning that, about halfway through, had me break into a very light sweat, the unmistakable sign that I had crossed from the real world into subspace. I plunged further into the depths of subspace as she continued with another 30, perhaps 40 strokes from the two canes she was switching between every few dozen strokes. Satisfied with where she had taken me, Goddess Selena admired the colors and patterns of the marks she had etched on me, and ran her hands over my back to feel my quick, shallow breathing, the warmth and humidity of my skin, and the deep quiet moans coming from inside me.

Enjoying what she saw and felt, Goddess Selena wasted no time making changes to my bondage, and before I fully noticed the transition, I was restrained spread-eagle on our bed. Still blindfolded, her verbal teasing and humiliation made me focus on her voice as if I was looking at the sun from deep in a mine shaft. My attention shifted from the song of her dominant siren voice to the intoxicating aroma I rapidly recognized when she placed the panties she had been wearing that day over my nose. I took deep breaths, indulging in the powerful and sweet smell of Goddess Selena’s essence. I drifted ever deeper into subspace as Goddess Selena’s voice, her smell, and the sensations she felt like subjecting me to overwhelmed me.

Source: cdn-nl1.imagefap.com 

Images from the rest of our intimate D/s play time flash randomly, without order or sequence. Her nails digging into my nipples. Her lips touching mine so that she can exhale the drag she took from her cigarette. Her nails dragging and catching along the shaft of my semi-erect penis and the soft skin of my scrotum. Her orders to open my mouth when she needs to ash her cigarette. The tip of her lit cigarette brushing against my nipples. Her sitting on my hips, torturing my nipples, and riding my arched body until she reached orgasm. My back curving up as I react to the various exquisite sensations of pains she creates. My wrists and ankles straining against the locked leather cuffs and straps keeping me bound to the bed. The day-old panties still mostly over my nose. The images go back-and-forth as my emotional memories try to keep up.

I am back into the now. Now this morning. Locked heavy leather collar. Leash. Coffee and nipple clamps. Holding an ashtray while at her feet. Lots of affection and kisses. Catching up on house duties. Preparing for the week ahead.

Moments of our lives that slow down time as the memories bubble back to the surface of conscious thought…

Pull, by razriel. From Deviant Art. Found on Geek Domme and Mistress Lilyana.

Power exchange and control: Leashed overnight (E)

Image courtesy of leplumeau via Anais and le Ninja diaries

After an unexpected day off from work that included our beloved "Coffee & Clamps!" morning ritual, a full day of leash play, painting my Goddess’ toe nails (a dark, sparkly purple), much foot kissing, lots of time spent at her feet (with or without holding an ashtray for her), and preparing her meals and getting her beverages and other assorted domestic duties, Goddess Selena decided that I should be kept locked to the leash overnight.

Image courtesy of Devotion, passion and sensuality via An Addiction to Submission

I had a small wave off subspace wash over me as she looked into my eyes with a sense of power and satisfaction. I always get that thrilling wave of subspace come over me whenever my Goddess expresses her dominance overtly, however big or small the gesture or the action. It may be a simple of a snap of her fingers and her pointing to her feet, indicating that she wants to smoke and I have to assume a position holding the ashtray while at her feet, or sending me out of the house for errands ignoring the fact that my locked leather collar is still on. In this particular instance, leaving my leash locked to my locked leather collar overnight, the power exchange elements were symbolically ownership and control, and the physical manifestations would be that she would know exactly where I was going to be overnight and in the morning until she woke up. I was not going to venture out of the house at any time, I was going to be relatively nearby at all times (this leash is a 50’ x 1/8” steel cable), and she was going to reel me in to her to tell me that she was up and ready for “Coffee & Clamps!” in the morning.

Image courtesy of Young Goddess (now closed) via Femdom Resource

As I drifted into sleep, laying on my front and positioned diagonally across the bed so that Goddess Selena could put up one leg over my legs and her other leg over my lower back, her favorite sleeping position and a very controlling one at that, I had mental flashbacks to two great articles or posts I had read recently. The first thing that popped into my head as I closed my eyes and the subspace subsided, was just a fragment: “…men are fetishists, and women are into power exchange.” This quote comes from a splendidly thoughtful article Why Do Men Crave Bondage? written by Dalton Ott. Of course, the quote I extracted does not do justice to the piece, and it is not even the central focus of the piece. But it definitely captured some essence of the moment, and indeed the whole preceding day.

On a side note, I am quite sure I will address and comment on Mr. Ott’s powerful article in a post in the future. In the meantime, if you take a look at it, be forewarned that the stunningly beautiful photographs of extreme bondage will not be to everyone’s taste, and may be too much for some.

The other thought fragments that popped into my mind as I relaxed into the helplessness of both the sleeping position and the limited range of movement I would have in the morning (and likely through most of the next day) were from a blog post by one of my favorite bloggers, Aarkey. In a recent post, Identity - Part 1 - Myers-Briggs, Aarkey commented that “I learned to find that powerless pretty hot too…” He later continued: “A set of established rules, rituals, protocols - it helps manage expectations, and for me, that makes life much clearer and easier.”

Image courtesy of Alles was ich liebe via  An Addiction to Submission

Now, as I write these words before returning to my domestic duties while Goddess Selena is still sleeping, I have that warm, subspacey feeling of my Goddess’ control as the leash is limiting my movement options, and making the presence of my locked leather collar even more evident than usual. I have visual and emotional flashbacks of those little gestures and actions mentioned previously (and for some reason, right now, of Goddess Selena grabbing my hair and pulling my head back to press her lips against mine and shotgunning smoke into my mouth and lungs). And I have the anticipation of another wonderful day of domination and submission, but also a day full of love and caring, and humor, and wit, and just generally sharing life with my soul mate.

Image courtesy of he stoops to worship via An Addiction to Submission

Rituals and symbolic gestures (E)

Image courtesy of Cuckold Chronicle via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

I always find it fascinating to observe, and reflect on, the evolution of rituals and symbolic gestures in D/s relationships. From actions that begin rather innocently and become daily or weekly protocols, to things are given a significant amount of forethought and implemented as definitive symbols of domination or submission, D/s rituals and symbolism have inevitably evolve over time.

I look back with much pride and delight on what has come to be since Goddess Selena collared me several years back. The deepening of our relationship and interactions has been reflected in the D/s rituals, protocols, and habits we have developed. These actions, gestures, behaviors, and overall D/s dynamics have also helped keep us grounded through the vagaries of everyday life, in addition to providing us very enjoyable time with each other.

Image courtesy of Lunar Black - Desire for Submission and More...

So here is a list that I would describe as a dozen of our most significant rituals and symbols of Goddess Selena’s dominance over me, and my submission to her.

1- I wear an Eternity Collar 24/7/365. Goddess Selena retains the special tools for it (which she tells me she lost), and for all practical purposes, it can only be eventually removed if/when she decides it.

2- Goddess Selena places and locks an additional collar around my neck whenever I come back home from the outside world, and it does not come off until I must leave her presence again.

3- On any morning that we have time for it, "Coffee & Clamps!" is how we start the day. I must prepare and serve Goddess Selena her coffee (and refills), and I must be wearing nipple clamps until she is done with her morning coffee. I must also be leashed so she can keep me close by while she enjoys her coffee(s) and cigarette(s). The “Coffee & Clamps!” ritual usually does not end until her third coffee of the morning, and the nipple clamps only come off then.

4- I must be on the floor at Goddess Selena’s feet, holding an ashtray, any time she wants to smoke.

5- Any time I greet my Goddess (i.e.: when she wakes up in the morning or when I return from work), I must kneel before her and kiss each of her feet in an adoring manner.

6- On any morning that there is an expectation that Goddess Selena will sleep in later than me (which is the case most of the time), I must wear have the long house leash locked to my leather or rubber collar (whichever one she locked around my neck previously) so she knows I remain in the house. She will tug on the leash when she wakes up, pulling me in to her and letting me know she is ready for our “Coffee & Clamps!” ritual.

7- At her whim, when we have time to watch some of her favorite TV shows together, she will place me in bondage and use me as furniture for the duration of the evening. Usually, I while remain in bondage through the night’s sleep.

8- When at home, I must fetch, prepare, and serve all drinks, meals, and snacks for Goddess Selena. I remain at her beck and call for anything else she may require at any time.

9- Once Goddess Selena has locked a second collar (in additional to the permanent Eternity Collar) around my neck upon my return from the outside world, she keeps the keys, and only she can unlock/remove the collar, at the time of her choosing. This means that if the weather is right, I may have to run errands outside the house for her with the locked collar hidden under appropriate clothing.

10- The location of my Smart Phone can be tracked by Goddess Selena through a provider-based GPS system at all times. She can verify and keep track of my location at any time, and if necessary, I must account for my movements to her at any time if I did not warn her beforehand.

11- I must submit to Goddess Selena’s sexual and dominant needs at any time.

12- My own sexual/submissive needs are only met at the convenience and whims of Goddess Selena. This includes not ever providing myself pleasure until/unless she tells me.

Image courtesy of My Private F.

I will be interesting to see how these rituals, protocols, and habits will change over time. This post is as much an opportunity for benchmarking and looking back in the future as it is about thinking about where we are at the present time. Perhaps in a year, there will be another post, starting off with a link to this entry, talking about what else we have added to what we do each day as part of our D/s relational dynamics.

Image found on Thy Shall Love Thy Mistress, original source is uncertain.

Afternoon's reverie: bondage, bathing feet, and more (E)

Image courtesy of Fettish via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

My Goddess was having a much-needed afternoon nap, and I was busy catching up on some domestic duties around the house. I was wearing the heavy locking rubber collar, and it was locked to a very long steel cable leash that my Goddess could tug on if she woke up and needed anything from me. We had enjoyed our “Coffee & Clamps!” ritual that morning, traditional on non-work days, and I could still feel soreness in my nipples hours later. As I slaved at the kitchen sink hand-washing dishes (pun intended), I had a moment of daydreaming that took me back to the previous weekend, to a delightful scene my Goddess created for the two of us.

In the early evening, Goddess had made good with the bondage threats from earlier that day, requesting the locking leather wrist and ankle cuffs. Upon me bringing them to her, she made quick work of wrapping them around my limbs and locking them in place. She used 3” clips to bind my wrists together, and then did the same to my ankles. In addition to whatever else was to take place, she was going to be entertained by watching me struggle through the rest of the evening fetching her things awkwardly with my hands and ankles bound, and making lots of jingly noises as the now five locks (I had been wearing the locking rubber collar all day) would swing and chime on my every movement.

Shortly after locking me in the restraints, my Goddess demanded a foot bath and some balm for her feet right then and there. At the time, I was still sitting on the floor at her feet in the living room. I got up, and made my way to the bathroom with quick, short jingly steps to retrieve some eucalyptus-spearmint liquid bath soap, her favorite foot balm, a face cloth, and a towel. In a second stage, I improvised a bowl to serve as a foot bath, and I filled it with warm water.

Back sitting on the floor before her, I took each foot and gently scrubbed it with the washcloth. The unmistakable smell of the eucalyptus infused water gave this tender scene a very sensual tone. The combination of one of our favorite smells permeating the air, me on the floor washing, rinsing, and drying my Goddess’ feet while she was sitting comfortably higher up, and the bondage restraints, all created powerful mental images and memories that the afternoon’s reverie gravitated back to.

Image courtesy of Written in the Water via Geek Domme

After drying her feet, I massaged and kneaded them with a plum-based balm. Once the lotion was fully absorbed into her feet, she told me to get her some light socks, and after the jingly trip to the bedroom and back, I placed them over her feet.

Seemingly satisfied with my care of her feet, Goddess Selena reminded me that I still owed her 71 strokes from a recent loss I suffered at her hands in our version of kinky-Scrabble. So she ordered me on all-fours, grabbed a recently purchased leather-slapper, and went to work on my back side. For 71 strokes. Yes, I counted them. She always expects me to count them, and she checks with me every 10 strokes or so.

Image courtesy of Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress via Geek Domme

While I got the feeling she enjoyed the paddling she dished out, she was somewhat disappointed that the leather slapper failed to leave impressions of the little stars that are cut-out of one side of it. Perhaps she’ll need more strokes the next time, or go harder, or we’ll have to get a wooden paddle with those shapes cut-out, in order for her to get the joy of little stars marking my backside.

I spent the rest of the evening at my Goddess’ feet, all cuffs still locked on and clipped, getting up occasionally when she needed a drink or a snack while we watched television, and holding the ashtray when she needed to smoke. Of course, whenever I fetched anything for her, she enjoyed my awkward struggle holding things with my wrists bound, my short-quick steps with my ankles bound, and all the noise my many swinging locks produced.

When it came time to go to bed, my Goddess left me restrained in the same way I had spent the evening, and she had me sleep nearly perpendicular to her so she could place her legs over my legs and back, using me as a body-pillow. She tends to sleep very deeply, and very well, that way.

As I woke up in the morning, I felt the locked cuffs restraining me before I had even opened my eyes. I remembered the delightful time we had the evening before, and I remained subspacey the rest of the morning.

Image courtesy of Cricketed's Blog

Recap: It's been a while between posts (E)

Image courtesy of Femdom Resource, credited to Strawberry Mistress' Tumblr

As it is usually after the case after a long period of not posting, I am bursting with a smorgasbord of thoughts, visions, and emotions. So here goes...

I would have gone to do some errands this morning, but it wasn't really possible. My Goddess went to bed last night without unlocking the leash she attached to my locked leather collar earlier, keeping me confined (in the best possible way!) to our home, and close to her. Late yesterday afternoon, she had gone for a nap, and being both terribly tired and not feeling too well, she got up just for a short time during the evening, and went back to sleep for good.

It may help to understand that this particular leash is a 50' long, 3/16" thick steel cable that is attached to a brass structure of our bed. Typically, she'll attach it to my ever-present locked leather collar when she goes for a nap and she expects me to be doing some housework, which was the case yesterday.

Here are some posts about the original house leash, adventures in leashing, and about the leash and other rituals.


 - - - - -

Without a doubt, my favorite recent find on Twitter is a very cute and funny clip put up by Miss Ginger Millay:

Shit Girls Say to Dominatrices

Interestingly enough, while I was watching the clip with my Goddess, she told "she's just your style." Not quite sure what my Goddess meant by that, although I guess she was remarking on Miss Ginger's humor and fun enthusiasm.

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Hottest (in a D/s kind of way) conversation of the last month with my Goddess:

In a discussion about money matters last weekend, my Goddess brought a quick end to the back and forth of the talk by interjecting "Oh, that's right... I own you." Well, that did it. Case closed, she wins, and in my momentary pause, I get hit by a little wave of subspace.

 - - - - -

Hottest texts of the last month:

"You're getting tied up tonight!"

I'm still amazed, and delighted, that several years into our relationship, I still get butterflies in my stomach and get all subspacey when she tells me that. And of course, I usually spend the rest of the day suffering from a total loss of focus.

Spending time in bondage in the care of my Goddess, with or without other BDSM activities, always justifies the emotional ramp-up, and reinforces both our D/s dynamics and the lasting imagery/imprint of those moments.

 - - - - -

Back of the topic of leashes, dissatisfied with the cell phone tracking apps we had been using, we upgraded to a monthly service that allows my Goddess to track my every movement... at all times and with great accuracy. In addition, she can load up addresses and days/times of my week's work schedule. Notifications come in to her cell phone if I'm not where I'm supposed to be at those times.

It has been a source of great D/s enjoyment for her... upon her first notification (she hadn't reset the schedule and location when I was out of town at a trade show), she texted me "Oh, I'm going to enjoy this!"

On my side, I'm glad to provide my Goddess with that level of control (and pleasure). I had written a post a while back called The invisible leash in which I talked about the D/s dynamics of the decision to have her be able to track my location 24 hours a day.

It's kind of interesting that, contrary to the normal feelings that may arise in non-D/s relationships, having less freedom and submitting to more control is increasingly appealing to me as our D/s relationship grows over time.

 - - - - -

I so have to clean up our blog's links. It's been so long... a number of links are no longer valid, and I have so many more to add. Be that as it may, I'd like to point out that shortly after this post goes live, I'll add the following photo sites:
Geek Domme
Felm Cyber
Please keep you slave on a leach
Slave in Training

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And finally, an image that could be of me while my Goddess is busy taking a shower, or otherwise busy and needing me out of the way but behaving.

Image courtesy of zzzdragonbdsm via Strawberry Mistress' Tumblr

She wants me home when she wakes up (E)

Image courtesy of FLR - The Future of Relationship via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

So... I had a few errands to run this morning. Since I always wake up quite a bit earlier than my Goddess, the idea was that I would be out of the house and back before she got up. Wearing the locked leather collar would not be an issue this early in the morning in this wet and cold weather.

Two things changed the plans. The first are the bound hands. Last night, before going to sleep, my Goddess asked for some rope, and bound my wrists with a simple 7-coil column tie for the night. The tie was constraining and inescapable, with just enough room to allow for some movement during sleep and to never cut off circulation. Once my wrists were tied, she ordered me into one of her favorite sleeping positions. I was to be on my side facing her, and place my thighs under her knees as she lay on her back. Then, she grabbed the area of rope between my wrists, pulled it over to her chest, and gently fell asleep.

The previous evening, I was placed in a very similar situation but with metal handcuffs instead of rope. Much earlier in the evening, right after dinner, my Goddess had asked for the handcuffs so that I would be bound during our TV watching. She also took the opportunity to use me as furniture. I sat in the corner of the sofa, she lay back against me, and she had me loop my arms around her, so that I had no choice but to hold her and hug her throughout our time watching television. For as long as she wanted. The only interruptions came when she wanted to smoke, at which point I moved to the floor at her feet and held the ashtray. And my Goddess left the handcuffs on for the night's sleep.

This morning, she woke up briefly as I was going to get out of bed. I thought that she would remove the rope keeping my wrists bound, but she told me that we would catch up on errands later. She wanted me here, at home, when she woke up. With that, she fell back to sleep, and I quietly walked away from the bedroom.

So here I am at home, prisoner of my Goddess' love and dominance. My long house leash is attached to my locked leather collar (so that she can tug and pull me in if she needs anything), with my ever-present Eternity Collar below/under, my wrists are tied in a beautiful column tie, and I am catching up to our blog... slowly. The tightness of the column tie only allows me to type with one hand. You probably have no idea how challenging it is to select text for cut-and-paste into Word for final spell-checking (I find Blogger's annoying), or for hyperlinking with just one hand, unless you've been placed in that predicament. Just opening the laptop was a bit of a challenge (fingers only on one side until I could open the laptop far enough to wedge my left elbow to leverage the top and bottom open.)

I will try to do more productive things around the house, but the range of things I can do is rather limited. Even taking down my underwear and pulling them back on after using the toilet is a mini-ordeal. Try pulling up the back of your underwear with only 1-1.25" between your wrists. Hand-washing dishes is impossible.

I went to wake up my Goddess at her appointed cut-off time, but she decided to sleep-in a little longer, so I ended up another hour in partial bondage. It gave me time to nearly finish this post.

Once my Goddess did get up for our morning ritual, I let her know that I would be unable to present her with her coffee with the nipple clamps (as is the routine) while my wrists were still bound. She looked at me with a wonderfully dominant grin, and decided that was alright. "I'm enjoying my rope" she told me playfully.

I love being in bondage for my Goddess' enjoyment. I love being in her control. I love being her play toy. Of course, part of it is about how it fulfills my need for submission, for my submission to her, for her attention, for my Goddess to express and display her dominance toward me. But even more, I love to make her smile. I love to make her feel that I belong to her. I love to make her feel sexy. I love to give her the opportunity to express and display her dominance. I love to make her feel that I am totally devoted to her. I love to make her feel that I would do anything for her, and do it with all my heart. And this is why we so enjoy anything we do together.

Image courtesy of Femdom Proper via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

PS: If you try the overnight wrist bondage with a column tie, make sure there is sufficient room once you secure the knot in order make sure that it will not cut-off circulation even as the arm positions change during sleep. More coils gives you more flexibility while keeping the tie secure. And if you try going overnight with handcuffs, make sure they have a locking mechanism, otherwise pressure on them may inadvertendly click them too tight, which may affect circulation. Play hard but play safe...

The invisible leash (E)

Mistress & Slave, fine art print by Brian Gibbs (RedBubble), found originally on Lunar Black

Recent changes to my professional life, and a related huge increase in commuting distance, has led to very long work days for me. I don't have any issues whatsoever with the work commitment... a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. But I am saddened by having less time to spend with my Goddess. Not only actual physical time, but prime quality time. When I get home 12-13 hours after having left for work, I'm afraid that my energy level may not be all that it could be. Certainly not every single day. But that’s something I’m aware of, and during the commute back, I’ll mentally prepare to be the very best I can for my Goddess. And I’ll strive to catch up and exceed her expectations on my days off.

That being said, my biggest worries are actually elsewhere. Two of the greatest threats to any relationship, vanilla or D/s, are what I call the two Ds: disconnection and doubt. Lack of prime quality I’m-so-into-you-and-I-can’t-be-without-you-for-a-single-second time, over days, and weeks, and months, can take its toll. It creates gaps in each other’s live. It leaves needs that inevitably get filled in other ways, sometimes even by other people.

In addition, extended periods away from those we love also create a creeping sense of doubt. Where are they? What are they doing? Who are they with? Do they really have to be there? Can they really not be here with me? While good communications, and a commitment to openness and transparency, can help tremendously in minimizing this creeping feeling of doubt, and the threat it represents to trust, it remains that relationship trust is a fine crystal wine glass that once cracked, or chipped, will never, ever be the same.

So will that in mind, a little over a week ago, I offered to my Goddess the use of a smart phone tracking app… that would allow her to track my locations and movements at all times. Whether the app is running in the background of my smart phone, or my Goddess pings me for confirmation of my location and status, or I provide regular status updates, she will know where I am, and what I’m likely to be doing, at all times that cell phone signal is available.

My Goddess has received my offer with much enthusiasm, and the introduction of this “Invisible Leash” into our lives has been very successful up to now, although I think that she will be experimenting with a number of other apps to see which one will give her the level of control she desires.

Her frequent checks on my location and status, and my regular updates of the same, have kept us discreetly in close touch throughout the course of each day. Each ping, each check, each update, is a reminder of our caring for each other, of our love of each other, and a reinforcement of our D/s relational dynamics.

The quasi-constant contact is likely reassuring and comforting for my Goddess. It is reassuring for me too, since I feel that we remain ever-present in each other’s mind. In fact, a few times after responding to her checking in requests, I reached up to the Eternity Collar permanently fixed around my neck, touched the ungiving stainless steel, and enjoyed the warm feeling of remembrance of my belonging to my Goddess.

My hope is that the “Invisible Leash” will help maintain our incredible sense of connection, and stave off, if not eliminate, the creeping feelings of doubt that increasingly come up as relationships age. And besides, it’s so hot when my Goddess is in a controlling mood…

Moment of the day (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://www.russianmistress.com/ via Miss and pet

Background:

Every morning that my Goddess and I leave for work at a similar time, we have a delightful ritual that we go through. It is a splendid, and very special, way for us to start off the day, renewing and reinforcing our D/s dynamics.

The alarm goes off on my bedside table. I get up, grab a few special items, and move to the kitchen to prepare my Goddess' coffee. While it's brewing, I clip the chrome and leather leash to my leather collar still locked from the previous evening... my Goddess enjoys holding on to, and tugging on, the leash to keep me close to her feet during morning coffee time. And I clip the clover clamps to my nipples... my Goddess loves to randomly tug on the chain to get my attention, or just because she enjoys the reaction she gets from me.

Once the coffee is ready, I bring it to a side table in the living room. I head back into the bedroom to wake up my Goddess gently, and let her know that everything is ready for her. Finally, I return to the living room and sit on the floor next to her usual spot on the sofa, while waiting for her to get up, go to the bathroom, and make her way next to me where, in a matter of a few minutes, my Goddess will enjoy her coffee, along with a cigarette, while watching some television before getting ready for the day.

Today's Moment of the Day:

Our ritual this morning pretty much followed the usual routine except for one variation... a small but oh-so-powerful twist that stayed with me all day.

As I went back the bedroom to wake up my Goddess after I prepared her coffee, she ordered me to remain next to the bed while she went to the bathroom. Upon her return, she firmly grabbed the leash, pulled it downwards to force me to get on all-fours, and walked toward the living room, pulling on the leash.

Immediately, I had a small wave of subspace come over me as I tried to keep up to my Goddess. I focused on her naked feet and ankles, extending below her bathrobe, as she led me on the leash. Once we got to our respective spots in the living room, she sat down on the sofa, and I sat on the floor at her feet. She shortened her hold on the leash, giving me just enough room to reach for the cigarettes.

And then the ritual got back on course. I lit her cigarette, gave it to her, reached for the ashtray, and held it while she enjoyed both her cigarette and her coffee, and watched a few minutes of television before getting ready for her work day.

Impact:

While our morning ritual is full of D/s symbolism and dynamics, this morning's seemingly simple additional gestures had a lasting impact on me throughout the day. Perhaps it was just the element of newness to a well-established ritual. Perhaps it was the suddenness and forcefulness of her actions, taking me by surprise. Perhaps it was the specific nature of her actions, triggering specific sentiments. Is there anything more quintessentially femdom in imagery and emotion than a submissive/slave being led on a leash by his beautiful dominant mistress? It is likely elements of all three. But I do know that it was wonderful to be swept by that small wave of subspace, to remain a bit tense anticipating what else may be coming up, to be in the control of my Goddess I crave so much. And I know that just as much as ever before, every little thing she does is magic...

Pushing our morning ritual (E)

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The leash, and other sacred rituals (E)

The Red Boots, by Silver Jane, via Lunar Black

In these difficult economic times for us, I haven't given my Goddess a lot of time or many opportunities for her to express her domination. She has been so patient with my very long days and weeks at work, so generous with her unconditional support, and so wonderful in making the most of our few moments together.

That said, there are a number of our sacred rituals that are part of our lives that are as constant as the rising and setting cycle of the sun every day, and I am so grateful to my Goddess for keeping these going, and for her continued enjoyment of them, always maintaining a certain level of positive tension in our D/s dynamics.

Recently, my Goddess asked me to re-install the long "house leash" to the bed. The first thing I did the next morning was to clip one end of the 50' leash to the foot of the bed, and clip the other end to my locked leather collar. Upon her waking up later that morning, she found the leash, and pulled me in to her, wherever I was in our home, so I could begin my day of service to her.

Speaking of the locked leather collar, it is still one of my most cherished pleasures that every night, upon my return home, as surely as the tides move in and out twice a day, the D/s dynamics of our relationship are celebrated as I kneel before my Goddess, offering her my locking leather collar. She places it around my neck and locks it in place, where it remains until I need to shower before leaving for work the next morning. It means so much to me that she feels as strongly about this symbolic display domination and submission, owning and belonging, as I do.

When I'm still home at the time my Goddess wakes up in the morning, I have unerringly taken the opportunity for our favorite morning ritual. I'll prepare her one of her favorite coffees, bring it to her side, kneel before her as I lay it on the table, light her cigarette, and hold the ashtray up for her. If we still have a little time, I will take take each of her feet, and cover them with hundreds of little tender kisses.

When time allows in the morning, I make an additional offering of presenting myself to her at wake-up time with nipple clamps or nipples rings on, wearing little else than those, my locked leather collar, my ever-present eternity collar, and some underwear or sleeping shorts. She delights in my willingness to suffer for her, and she can never resist the temptation of reaching out to tug on the nipple clamps or rings to tease me and elicit gentle moans for me that she so enjoys.

I make it a point of doing some domestic duties such as cleaning, washing dishes, and straightening out the house before she gets up, although it is never quite enough, and I must schedule my time better to keep our humble castle in better shape for my Goddess.

Often in the evening, in addition to the locking leather collar, my Goddess will enjoy placing locking leather wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs on me, whether there is any play to follow or not. It's just an ownership thing, and she knows how much I love to honor by having many tangible, symbolic signs of my belonging to her.

While the locking leather items may not go on if we are having friends or family over, I do try to fulfill my Goddess' expectations of being the serving host, and this subtle part of our relationship dynamics, is especially exciting as it goes relatively unnoticed by our visitors.

Of course, variations are numerous, and play may or may not follow our rituals. However, these rituals are the foundations that keep our love and D/s dynamics strong, constant, unshakable, and full of positive tension that keep us both in a state of always wanting to get back to each other, always wanting to be with each other, and always wanting to do more with/for each other.

Instead of being restraining, our rituals are means for liberation, and they reinforce our love and commitment to each other. To paraphrase Amy Gregory from an article I read a long time ago, rituals resonate within us, they comfort us, and what they communicate to us is even more important than actually performing them. Rituals may be intimidating to some, but they don't have to be big events. They are about connecting, they about celebration, and I think that my Goddess and I will continue to find solace in them.

Image courtesy of Miss and pet

Adventures in "leashing" (E)

Artwork courtesy of Laurent Lebeau

Busy day around the house yesterday, with lots of chores, duties, and things to do.

As is the tradition when my Goddess and I are at home but not spending the whole time together, she will clip my house leash to the central D-ring of my locked leather collar. The house leash is 50' long, tied to one of the posts of the bed, and it is holds much significance, and more than a little affection, for both of us.

The symbolism of the leash is multi-faceted. It is an instrument of control... easily allowing my Goddess to control or direct my actions, or know where I am or what I'm doing. It is a signal for service... my Goddess giving it a few tugs, or pulling it in until I appear, and this is usually followed by a request for something. It is a brush for the expression of my Goddess' dominance... giving me room, or taking it away, but always in a position to decide which it will be.

In a slapstick comedy kind of way, the leash can also be a real hazard. While I'm busy doing something, if I complete a turn instead of undoing it, the leash will wrap around my ankles. Sometimes I'll get up from a sitting position or one where I'm bent over, and realize that I can't straighten up any more because I accidentally stepped on the leash. Or that my Goddess stepped on the leash.

I have to be careful not to have the leash swing inside the oven if I'm putting something in or taking it out. I try to hold the leash in one hand to control it better if I'm moving something heavy or vacuuming. I try to keep the leash over my shoulder when I'm washing dishes or cleaning counter tops.

The leash will get caught in the straps of my locked leather ankle cuffs or locked leather wrist cuffs. The leash will get caught over furniture and under doors, around chairs and through whatever may be on the floor, shortening my range and forcing me to come back and fix it. My Goddess had a good laugh yesterday when the leash found some jeans that had fallen to the floor, the leash looped around them, and as I was off to prepare some coffee for her, the jeans made their way across the room.

The washing machine is the single furthest thing in the house for me when I'm wearing the leash. I can just barely reach over to its controls, and to pull clothes out to transfer them to the dryer, I have to make sure the leash is on my right side, not the left, otherwise I'll be left short. Washing machine duty can also be the most surprising. Occasionally, I don't notice that the leash got caught somewhere until the last second, and focused on the tasks at hand, I'll get jerked just a few feet short of usual range. I then feel like one of those cartoon dog characters running after someone or something, and then landing on their backs after getting to the end of their leash.

But all the trouble is well worth it when I see the wonderful and deliciously dominant smile of my Goddess when I show up before her, after she has summoned me with the leash. It's well worth the trouble knowing that my Goddess needs me for something when she pulls on the leash. It's worth even more than any trouble when my Goddess uses the leash to pull me in close to her, and I can feel, no, I am overwhelmed by, her control and her dominance.

And I'd more than happy to wear the leash just for the pleasure, and moments of humor, it provides my Goddess.

Caning before the movies (E)

Artwork courtesy of Museum of Femdom Art

It started as a quiet evening... I know, I know... famous last words. But after a nice day out with my Goddess, we returned home, my collar was placed around my neck and locked, I serve my Goddess with a variety of little requests, I prepared dinner, we ate, and then we prepared to spend some time together watching a movie on television.

As I came back to the bedroom to get comfortable with my Goddess to watch the movie, I found her standing at the door holding the rigid violet cane, swinging it in her hand. She had the most deliciously dominant smile on her face. It made my heart melt, my knees weak, and a deep feeling of submissive anticipation washed over me. I dropped to my knees, took her hands, and passionately started kissing them.

My Goddess enjoyed my submissive affection for 2 or 3 minutes, and then grabbed my hair and pulled hard on it, snapping my head back. She gave me a passionate kiss and then ordered me on the bed on all-fours. While I am always in submissive and service mode when we are in the house together, in a matter of just a few minutes, I dropped into subspace and into a mood of total surrender.

I took up my position as ordered, and my Goddess started gently caning my backside. After a dozen taps or so, she increased the pace and the intensity of the strokes, moving them around both sides. Within a few minutes, my Goddess had me deep into subspace as I tried to relax as much as possible, diving into the mental surrender to help me deal with the sensations of the caning.

I broke into a light sweat, a sign that the caning was definitely making an impact, no pun intented, on me. At one point my Goddess grabbed my hair and pulled my head back, almost making me lose contact between my hands and the bed. She told me to look into the mirror that was facing us on the wall opposite the bed. A huge wave of her dominance came crashing onto me as she forced me to look at myself in this predicament. The vision of my Goddess with the violet cane in one hand, and pulling on my hair in the other, visually demonstrating her control, her dominance, her power over me, was overwhelming. An image and feelings that will be etched in my mind forever...

My Goddess let go of my hair, and told me to start counting the strokes. 20 was today's objective, and I knew these were going to be harder than what I had received earlier. Some were hard, on some she eased up a bit, but the trend was definitely one of increasing intensity. By the eleventh one, I had trouble staying steady in position, despite the deep moans and exhales, which I know excited her tremendously, and trying to relax in my surrender. At the fifteenth, my Goddess once more grabbed my hair and pulled my head back, and took the opportunity to nibble hard on my ear, whisper close to me how hot this was for her, and kiss my neck delicately a few times.

The final four strokes were, as expected, the climax of the 20, and I had a hard time staying on all-fours for any of them. I was still recovering, in position, from the trembling resulting from the twentieth stroke of the cane when my Goddess told me it was time for me to be her furniture for the movie, which was about to start. I took up my position on the bed, sitting against the pillows up next to the headboard, and my Goddess came over to sit between my legs, and lay back against my chest.

My backside was warm, itchy in some places, and pretty sensitive over all. While my Goddess made herself comfortable against me, and the feel of her skin was sublimely sensual, my mind was still drifting into the caning session as I felt its result under the weight of sitting.

The evening was beautiful, sensual, and sexy. Lost in subspace, I caressed her skin, played with her hair, and kissed her neck and shoulders. About half-an-hour into the movie, my Goddess wanted to have a massage, and I happily provided her with a long, relaxing, and sensual massage on her back, neck, shoulders, and upper backside.

Not long after that, maybe a bit past midway through the movie, my Goddess required some sexual service, and I brought her to climax twice. There would be no release for me on this evening, but deep in subspace, and still sated from the release on the previous evening, it wasn't foremost on my mind.

Before the movie ended, my Goddess had fallen asleep on me. She had turned her body about a quarter to her side, and her head was resting on my arm that went across her upper chest. Just sheer, absolute sensual bliss. There was also a sense of bondage and confinement as I didn't want to move to disturb or wake her up. It was a delightfully beautiful predicament.

Eventually, she woke up about 45 minutes later on her own to go to the bathroom, and with her permission, I took the opportunity to prepare myself for bed. I returned five minutes later, and we had a wonderfully close and cuddly sleep. By the time we woke up together this morning, it felt like we never got apart at any time.

Within a few minutes of being up this morning, flashbacks from last night were racing through my mind, putting me in a deeply submissive mood. After starting our morning rituals, including serving my Goddess her morning coffee in bed, and lighting her cigarette and sitting on the floor holding her ashtray, the residual sensitivity of my backside just augmented that submissive mood, and brought back a bit of subspace.

We spent our morning close to each other, including spending some very hot time looking at permanent collars for me. On the inside, though, throughout the course of the morning, I was hungry for my Goddess to get back to hurting me. Actually, more than hungry... close to out of control... on the verge of begging her to pull out the cane again... begging for us to do that before every movie... But I behaved, and let the flow of this morning's D/senergy take its course.

Right now, I am writing this blog entry in bed, next to my Goddess who is taking a nap. I have my locked collar on, the house leash is attached to it, and my backside is still reminding me of last night's play. But my Goddess wanted me to stay close to her while she napped, so here I am, in gentle captivity next to her, re-telling another wonderful episode of our incredible D/s relationship.

Waiting for the first tug (E)

Picture courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

I woke up this morning lying close to my Goddess,
With my body next to her, and my arm around her chest.
My hand was all the way across her body,
Pinned between her arm and her ribs,
And for a long while I didn't want to move
So that I wouldn't interrupt her much deserved sleep.
Instinctively I reached up to my neck, to the ever-present collar,
And followed its line all the way to the back, meeting the lock
That reminds me that she never wants to let me go.
Finally I slipped away because I was getting restless,
I think that despite my best intentions,
I would have woken her up from my movements.
Before leaving, I clipped the leash to my collar,
Because that's what she would have wanted,
And I always want to be available to her
Should she need or require anything at all.
I moved along at that point to begin my day,
Cleaning and preparing, and obviously, writing,
But my Goddess is the only thing on my mind,
And I can't wait until once more we are together.
I don't know what the weekend reserves for us,
Whether it'll be some time of support for her
After a very difficult week she had at work,
Or some time of escape for the two of us,
To make us forget the challenges of everyday life
Outside of the magic we bring to each other.
Will she be in the mood to express her dominance?
Or will we just enjoy each other's company going about?
It doesn't matter... I just want to be there for her
Because she means so much to me and makes me so happy.
The feeling of anticipation is intense inside of me,
But there's no expectation beyond just being together.
We'll be enjoying the moment and looking into the future,
Taking advantage of the now and making plans for the then.
At the present it's just me, and I don't feel quite right,
Because I'm never complete unless she's there with me.
I know that the time will come soon
Of the very first tug of the day that will bring me to her,
And at that time only will the sun be rising on my day.
Life is shorter than we think, and it can be so demanding,
But every moment with my Goddess is just so special,
And I wish I could share with the whole world
The magic of what we do for each other.
For now I have but one secret to share,
And it is to enjoy... every... moment...

Dominance and service in the kitchen (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

Once we both were home from work last night, as is our ritual at that time of the day, I served up my Goddess a cold, icy beverage, knelt before her, and she placed around my neck my leather collar and locked it. Then she needed to smoke, so I lit her cigarette and held the ashtray for her during that time.

After we were done, since I needed to prepare dinner while she was going to relax and watch some television, my Goddess clipped the house leash to my collar so that she could tug on it and pull me in if she needed anything. All set to move on with my duties, I reminded her that I had a new post up on our blog that she hadn't read yet, and that I thought she would enjoy it. Then I headed to the kitchen.

Roughly 5 minutes later, after I'd put one of the courses into the oven and I was preparing the next one, my Goddess came into the kitchen. I was a bit surprised to see her, since she could have tugged on the leash if she had needed anything. But there was a look in her eyes that told me she came over for more than cookies... She came straight to where I was standing, grabbed the leash, and pulled me down for a kiss. Breaking away from the kiss for just a moment, she whispered "That was hot. I liked it.", referring to the entry.

Then, while she pulled on my leash again for us to resume our kiss, my Goddess took one of my hand and brought it down to her intimate parts. She didn't have to say anything for me to know what was expected. Both of us standing in the middle of the kitchen, I gently reached for her G-spot, and began rubbing it and playing with it. We never interrupted the kiss while I brought her the pleasure she wanted and needed. It wasn't always easy to maintain the kiss since she her body movements got more accentuated as she got more and more excited. A sudden movement on her part eventually broke the kiss, but I moved on to kissing and nibbling her neck, and we didn't miss a beat. A few moments later, my Goddess reached climax, and I held on to her tightly so that she wouldn't lose her balance from the post-climax tremors.

A minute or so later, she was composed enough to stand on her own. She took a step back, looked at me with a wickedly dominant smile, and said:

"OK... thanks... now get back to work..."

And she then turned around and walked away... going back to relax watching television, leaving me to finish preparing dinner...

Collar and leash: follow-up (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

It had been just a few days without the restraint of the collar and leash, but after barely 8 hours of wearing them, I am realizing the spell my Goddess weaves through them, and the power she holds by association.

For hours I've found myself reaching up and feeling the soft but ungiving texture of the material in which I am bound. I tug on the clip of the leash. I run my fingers past the D-rings to the locking buckle. I gently test the strength of the padlock in place. Nothing gives...

The collar is completely secure... I am totally captured... Prisoner of my Goddess' love and dominance... Hers totally... Hers forever...

Helpless to do anything about it, I am trapped within our home, trapped by her will and desires. The more I feel it, the more vulnerable I feel. A brief sense of panic shakes me, but it is replaced by a familiar and addictive tension that rises within me, as does a sweet surrender to the power of my Goddess.

I have a hard time keeping my hands away from the collar... I touch it, I feel it, I sense its unyielding strength around my neck. I have difficulty focusing as I softly drift in and out of subspace. Even with my Goddess a few rooms away, I feel her dominance cover me in its veil, engulf me, envelope me.

I will be off to bed soon, where my Goddess is already sleeping. Just lying next to her creates a feeling of intoxication. Just the anticipation of lying next to her creates that feeling of anticipation. And how magical will it feel when my Goddess unconsciously senses my presence in the bed, turns over to my side, runs her hand up my chest in her sleep, takes hold of the front D-ring of the collar with her index finder, and continues her night's sleep with me in her control?

The feeling of her ownership is tangible. I am her servant... her pet... her playtoy... hers to do as she will... under her spell...