What I love the most about being Goddess Selena's submissive (E)

Artwork courtesy of Freya's Fancy, found on Girls Rule, Subs Drool

I'm not a huge fan of Fetlife. Several years ago I eventually became a little tired, perhaps even irritated, with it. Too many discussions focusing on definitions again and again. Too many threads started with an agenda of provocation. Too many posts that read like fake and/or bad wank fodder. But I occasionally return to see what's going, even if it may be several months between visits. Despite my complaints, it is certainly unparalleled in scale as a BDSM social network and resource.

Yesterday morning, on one of these occasional visits, a post in one of the well moderated discussion groups I tend to favor, Submissive men and women who love them, struck my fancy. The OP asked: "Tell me what you love the most about being a dominant woman's sub?"

I smiled and began giving a bit of thought to the question. And then I reflected on what I love the most about Goddess Selena's submissive today in contrast to what I loved in our earlier days, the evolution of our relationship, and how our relational dynamics and our activities have evolved over time. Because so much has happened over the time we've been together, impacting so many facets of our lives. The nation’s economic downturn. Geographic relocation. Changes in employment. The significant time demands of our jobs. Significant health issues.

And I decided that I loved the stability and centering that our D/s relationship has given us. While the frequency and duration of our formal playtime and BDSM games have always been susceptible to the overall time we have together and the energy we have at those moments, I feel that the spirit of the commitment we made to each other at the time of Goddess Selena collaring me has never wavered. In part because of our caring and love for each other both through our respective D/s roles, and regardless of those roles. And in part because of the daily rituals, and their related activities, we have come to cherish so much. To quote one of my favorite Ferns expressions, these rituals and activities have been continually "close-making."

Artwork courtesy of JLB, found on Dommes and Subs and Switches, Oh My...

So this post gave me a warm feeling over the course of a few minutes of introspection. And it reminded me of the Glenda Cloud quote “Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.” 

And as to the original Fetlife post, with much satisfaction I replied:

What I love the most about being Goddess Selena's submissive? I can't really bring myself to give just one thing. It wouldn't do justice to what makes me so happy about being her submissive. With that disclaimer out of the way...
1- Being the focus of attention of a beautiful, sexy, smart, and dominant woman.
2- Making the life of someone I love and serve better.
3- Belonging to her... the warm feeling of being her boy, pet, play toy.
4- The nature of the daily banter between a witty dominant woman and her submissive.
5- The daily rituals we have that reinforce our D/s relational dynamics.
6- Being the object of her dominant and sexual desires.
7- Being with someone who appreciates, respects, and loves me as I am and for whom I am.
8- The rush of the tension and dynamics of a relationship where power exchange plays a big part.
9- Knowing that she finds her own enjoyment in the physical, mental, and emotional sensations she gives me.

"Me and my mistress" by zephyrianboom, found on Lunar Black

Absence makes the dominant heart grow hungrier - part one (E)

Picture courtesy of Justin Thai, found originally on Stylish Femdom

It has been a very long time since the last post.  No, no… don’t be concerned.  Life sometimes gets in the way of blogging.  My apologies for the absence.  I will try my best to catch-up over the next week or so as I’ve had an irresistible urge in the past few weeks to return to the blog to share thoughts and highlights of our humble and kinky lives.  And I know you’ve missed us…  J

Several weeks ago, after a 6-day absence from home, Goddess Selena returned with an intense need to express her dominance.  She had been home for barely a few hours before I was bound, blindfolded, on all-fours on our bed, and she was standing next to me with her two favorite canes, a traditional thin switch and a hard lexan purple cane.  She teased me, hurt me, and then totally owned me with what must have been 50 or 60 strokes.  I felt the tell-tale signs of deep subspace mid-way through as I relaxed against the bondage, and the skin on my back broke into a light sweat of surrender.

While my backside was still hot and tingly, and my mind engulfed in her power, Goddess Selena had me lie down on the bed and marked me as “Selena’s Bitch 4ever” with a Sharpie pen.  I could feel her beaming in dominant satisfaction through every inch of my body.

She followed up by taking out our largest insert able, and assaulted me anally in an irresistibly erotic and dominant way.  I was awash in wave after deeper wave of subspace, and at each higher level of sensations and surrender she brought me to a moment of nexus where I didn’t know if I could handle any more yet I didn’t want her to stop. Goddess Selena took her time to slowly run through virtually all of the vibrator’s settings before she felt the need to move on.

Without pause, Goddess Selena proceeded to remove just enough ties to allow us to make love with an intensity, if not a savagery, that I had not felt in a long time.  From the violence of our thrusting against each other to the intense nipple torture she loves to submit me to during our lovemaking, it was absolutely overwhelming on all levels.  Several minutes after we had ended, my mind was still moving and dizzy, like the sensation one gets stopping suddenly after turning around and around and around.

We went to sleep shortly thereafter, and Goddess Selena left me in bondage overnight.

Artwork courtesy of The Heart's Dark Desires

In captivity... highlights of game night (E)

"Male Slave Bound Helpless" by Andrey Samacerv via Femdom Artists

Putting down images and emotions that she etched in my mind before the fog of subspace and the passage of time blur the specific details...

Captured... collared... wrists bound and ankles bound... blinfolded on and off... I couldn't keep up with her challenges... I couldn't bring down the number of strokes... the penguins just wouldn't stay on the iceberg... 7 strokes here... 19 strokes there... I lost track of the other numbers... she demanded I be on all-fours... sat on my back... sometimes the paddle... sometimes the cane...

My Goddess ordered me to lay down on my back on the sofa.... I struggled to get on... my breathing became more laborious as time passed while she sat on my mid-section for the duration... I was just another layer of the sofa under her... she lit a cigarette... put the ashtray on my chest... teased me with her smoke... teased my nipples with the burning tip... ordered me to open my mouth... tasted her ashes... I was her furniture and ashtray for the time it took her to smoke...

She walked away from the sofa for a minute... came back and began her to draw messages and symbols of her love for me, her dominance over me... from the top of my chest to my privates... I would remain marked and identified as her property for days to come...

The aftercare was tender... warm... close... so incredibly close to her... belonged to her... she cherished her possession, her property, her pet, her toy... so incredibly close...

Artwork courtesy of Shohei Yamashiro from Slug on Leather via Lunar Black

The joys of control at a distance (E)

A few weeks back, my Goddess was feeling particularly controlling and possessive. As I dropped her off at work, she requested that I go back home, put on the ankle cuffs, lock them on, and wear them until we were together again at the end of the day.

Shortly after I returned home, I received a text message asking me if I had done what she had asked. I sent her the picture above...

She got such a kick out of the picture! There they were, exactly as she had demanded. The little things that make her (and me) happy...

The tangible feeling of her control, her ownership, and my belonging to her through the sensation of the locked cuffs is incredibly special. I absolutely love it whenever she asks me to wear bondage gear under my clothing. I just can't stop thinking about it, reaching for it, thinking of what happened when she had used it on me last, and anticipating what may come. Knowing that my Goddess is excited thinking about the fact that I am wearing, for her, bondage gear that I can't remove is just so totally hot.

Aaah... the little joys of another day in the life of a loving D/s couple...

A little time of our own - part 2 (E)

Artwork courtesy of Cruella via Dishevelled Domina

If you haven't read part one, go do it now... this is the continuation of the same evening...

Bound, senses taken away, lost in subspace, I can feel my Goddess' dominance radiating and reaching me in an almost tangible way. I can hear the syren song of her power in every word she says... every gesture she makes... every action she takes...

She leaves me alone bound and immobile for a minute, and returns shortly. She begins to tease my nipples, moves down for some CBT, and comes back to the nipples more forcefully. I actually don't hear her light her cigarette, but it was clear that she had when I felt her first exhale is directed to my face. Subspace just keeps getting deeper. Her next drag comes right to my mouth as she grabs the central D-ring of my collar to make sure I don't move as her mouth covers mine. Some smoking play follows... forced inhales... forced smoking... punctuated by my Goddess doing some cigarette torture, tormenting my nipples with the tip of her lit cigarette. I try to stay still for her, despite the occasional searing heat approaching one nipple, and then the other, between breathing in her exhales, and some forced smoking. As she hits on so many smoking fetish buttons, I have vivid flashbacks running through my mind of imagery of her smoking, exhaling, and handling a cigarette at other times, when I could see her.

Winding down somewhat, my Goddess does not want to close out such powerful time together without leaving us both with something to remember... markings.

We both love markings, each for our own reasons. Playful and full of symbolism, even the temporary nature of the playful markings my Goddess will apply on me can make for some powerful emotions during play. They reinforce the dynamics of our everyday life. And they are vivid reminders for days after.

This time, it is a chain of roses around my right upper arm. A heart on the right side of my chest. And an "S" for Selena on my... member. As she applies it, she reminds me that it belonged to her anyways. And that I belonged to her.

Yes it does, my Love... and yes I do...

Of collars and bondage, and ownership and belonging (E)

"Dominate Your Man Today" by Horus-Goddess

Over the weekend, 36 uninterrupted hours of wearing the locked leather collar... around the home, and on two errands outside the home. I intoxincatingly belonged to my Goddess...

An evening with my wrists and ankles bound, entertaining my Goddess... playing board games, watching television, doing whatever little thing she required of me. And after all the time we've been together, My Goddess' mischevious smile and her sense of enjoyment watching me hobble around the house has never diminished...

I spent overnight sleeping in bondage next to my Goddess... Limited in my movements, which inevitably kept me in various positions of contact with her. Couldn't get away... Didn't want to get away...

This morning, my Goddess removed my leather collar and the four locked cuffs before leaving for work, she told me she expected the house to be straightened out and significantly neater when she returned. Nothing makes cleaning up around the house as enjoyable as when my Goddess is expecting it, and will notice it.

As a side note, the arrival of the cooler weather is delightfully promising of more frequent, but discreet, outdoors kinky play. Jackets, fleeces, and sweaters are great to hide the locked leather collar during daytime errands or excursions with my Goddess; occasionally, the locked wrist cuffs may also be on. The return of long pants will have my Goddess locking ankle cuffs before I leave for work.

The warmth under the leather. The texture and the firmness of the leather. The ungiving of the secure locks. The restraints of the clips and ties. Sensuality... exchange of power... dominance and submission... vulnerability and trust... control, and surrender... belonging and ownership... Each from our particular position, we so enjoy these little moments full of symbolism and excitement.

The freedom not to be free (E)

"I'll keep you", from http://mangademon333.deviantart.com

"... I don't know how these guys do it, and how these women let them do it. I know where he [Endymion] is all the time, and what he's doing."

I overheard this comment from my Goddess to someone very close to us as they caught part of a television show that dealt with cheating.

I thought that was hot. I loved hearing her say that. It was a powerful reminder of our bond of love, our enjoyment of each other's company, our D/s relationship, and of our lifestyle.

I don't have the least interest in being away from my Goddess for any reason. Every moment is happier, more intense, funnier, richer, more enjoyable, and more interesting for sharing it with her. I certainly have no interest in straying... why would I risk what I'd be hoping for all my life? I am deeply in love with her, and uncurably addicted to her. Any time spent doing something without her, never mind time with another woman, would be time away from my Goddess, and that's simply not a good trade-off. It would be a waste of opportunity. The opportunity to spend more time with her.

In addition, between my mainstream collar, which cannot be removed and has clear symbolism once made visible, and the locked ankle cuffs that I am often asked to wear under long pants, there are physical and visual barriers that would take the air out of any attempted adventurous interlude.

I love being hers. I love even more that she loves that I am hers. The control she has over where I am and what I'm doing at anytime is an implicit part of our D/s dynamics, and reinforces them. It isn't done in distrust, but it makes trust implicit and almost 100% verifiable for her, and I see it has a sign of how much she cares. The loss of freedom is insignificant and forgotten in contrast to the gain of sharing and happiness.

Where some might see loss, limits, and constraints, I see the reaching of a dream, two people that can't be away from each other, and an intense flow of feelings of owning and belonging. Now that I am where I've wanted to be all my life, why would I be upset at not having the luxury of leaving it?

The prospect to exploring further and deeper with my Goddess, hand-in-hand on our common journey, is immensely more appealing me than any scenario that would not include her. And that's why not only do I not mind the situation, I think it's really hot.

Reminders of so many things (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://lunarblack.tumblr.com/

Markings had been on her mind for a while. And absent of our play for several weeks. I know that if it would be up to my Goddess, they would be a weekly ritual. At least.

After the ritual collaring for that evening, and the placing and locking of the leather wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs, my Goddess ordered me to lay down on the bed, on my back. Quickly, the wrist cuffs were clipped together, and then the ankle cuffs. The nightly collaring always deepens my sense of submission to my Goddess, and the extra bondage gear only amplifies that feeling. I also love it when I can feel her excitement and anticipation at locking me away, rendering me helpless.

Belong to her... vulnerable... pet... excited... owned... in her control... play toy... I can feel her hunger... all hers... what's next... doesn't matter... anything she wants... do what you want, my Goddess...

Just a few thoughts running through my mind between the time she orders me to lie down, and she has me bound to her liking. She goes into the closet to retrieve a blindfold. She wants to maintain, perhaps extend, the suspense. Once the blindfold on, my Goddess reconsiders my predicament for an instant, and unclips the wrist cuffs. She reattaches each wrist cuff to a side D-ring on my locking leather collar. Movement is further restrained.

My Goddess sits on my hips, and begins to torment and torture my nipples. A familiar position, but also one of our favorites. The more she hurts me, the more I helplessly squirm under her. An occasional moan escapes. All of it excites her, empowers her, makes her hungrier for more. It doesn't take long before the dominoes fall: she increases the intensity of the pain to the point where my reactions excite her so much that she reaches climax. I know... it never ceases to amaze me that simply between her enjoyment of hurting me, her excitement, feeling me squirm, and hearing the deep moans that unintentionally escape me, she can reach orgasm. It's so fucking hot.

But the real purpose of this evening has yet to be revealed: the markings. My Goddess has been feeling particularly possessive these last few days. Time for some physical evidence. She reaches into one of our bedroom drawers for a rather elaborate set of temporary tattoos. No Sharpies tonight. She goes into the bathroom to get a a cup of water. She returns to sit on my hips again, and goes to work. Only once she started cleaning my skin did I piece together this new development. Until then, I had been too lost in deepening subspace.

Between some tweaking of my nipples and some CBT, she places one temporary tattoo on my right chest, and one on my left chest. She releases the clips binding my wrist cuffs to my collar, clips the wrist cuffs together once more, and has me turn on my front. And places a third temporary tattoo on the left side of my upper back.

The meticulous care she takes in placing them is a reflection of the attention and care she gives me in everything . The symbolism of the markings goes far beyond the simple gestures and play of putting them on. Both my Goddess and I will be seeing them for days to come, and reminded of this little scene. Reminded of the significance of the markings. Reminded of the nature of our relationship. Reminded of our love for each other.

The tattoos have been applied, and have dried. She removes the blindfold, and the first thing my sight falls upon is her beaming smile. A dominant and possessive smile of satisfaction. She takes hold of the central D-ring of my collar, pulls me in close to her face, and tells me emphatically "Mine!"

She pulls me in for a hug. I loop my bound hands around her as we are both sitting on the bed. She unclips my wrist cuffs and lays back. She pulls me over her. She must have me inside her. We make passionate and painful love. She won't have it any other way. Her nails are all over my arms, my back, my nipples. Her hand goes around my throat. She squeezes for a few moments. She returns to the nipples. We continue the exchange of energy and sensations... dominance and submission... pleasure and pain... ownership and belonging... until climax is unavoidable.

And for days after, we are reminded...

The metal detector (E)

My first reaction is... ah, shit... I forgot that these guys have this big ass metal detector. New Courthouse. But I really need these forms from one of the clerks this afternoon.

Here goes...

Guard: "Please remove all metal objects and cell phone and put them in there. Wait for me to wave you through."

I empty my pockets, and put my keys, wallet, cell phone, and change into the small bin.

Me: "I'm really sorry about this, but there's a problem... my neck chain... it can't be removed."

Guard: "What?"

Me: "The chain around my neck... it can't be removed..."

Guard: "Why?"

Me: "It's locked."

Guard: "What?"

Me: "The chain... it's locked... only my wife has the key... and she's at work."

A second guard, standing at the entrance of a nearby room chatting with someone, comes over.

Guard 2: "What's going on?"

Guard 1: "He can't take off his chain."

Guard 2: "What?"

Guard 1: "He can't take off the chain around his neck."

The second guard looks at me gravely.

Guard 2: "You have to."

Me: "I can't. It's got a small padlock." I show him. "Only my wife has the key."

A third guard comes over from the same nearby room.

Guard 3: "What's the problem?"

Guard 1: "He can't take off his chain."

Guard 3: "What?"

Guard 2: "It's locked."

I show him the chain and padlock.

Guard 3: "It's locked?"

Guard 2: "It's locked."

Total silence. They look at each other. They look at me. Guard 2 looks at me pretty contemptuously.

Me: "It's a romantic thing..."

More silence.

Me: "It's very symbolic.... it makes us feel close."

Yet more silence.

Guard 1: "Go through. If it goes off, we'll use the wand."

I go through. The alarm goes off. They run the wand over me. It rings over the padlock part of the chain.

Guard 1: "St'alright. You're good."

I pick up my belongings from the basket that went through the X-Ray machine.

Me: "Thank you, gentlemen. You all have a great day."

I could feel their stares following me from behind.

Walking away, I felt part naughty, part exhibitionist. Despite the lack of disclosure, I definitely felt like my Goddess' possession. It made me feel very warm inside. I felt close to her, even if she was a few miles away at work. I felt no shame whatsoever. In a strange kind of way, instead of being embarassed, I felt proud. I belonged. I belonged to her.

The sounds of belonging and ownership (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://bringonxtoys.tumblr.com/

I can't describe the joy on my Goddess' face when she hears me walking around while wearing my locked leather collar, a pair of locked leather wrist cuffs, and a pair of locked leather ankle cuffs. And the 24/7 locked chain around my neck.

She loves the visuals of me wearing all those items. She loves the feel of being able to grab a D-ring to pull me to her. She loves being able to grab a clip or two and instantly restrain my movement drastically. She loves holding on to the cuff when we're close or when we sleep. She loves the ungiving feeling of the leather against my neck or one of my limbs. I know she enjoys the symbolism of it all. It's reassuring and empowering for her.

And the placing of those items on me each evening is a very special ritual for both of us.

But the sounds of having me in those items just drives her crazy. The sounds of the locks swinging around. The sounds of the locks clinging against the buckles. The sounds that I make when I walk, sit, lie, get up, turn, bend, or pretty much doing anything.

Those little sounds give her so much satisfaction. They make her so proud. They make her so happy.

And it makes me so happy to make her so happy.

Personal/administrative assistant for a day (E)

Credit for the artwork/picture goes to bitchtress.com. Sadly, the site was shut down last time I checked.

It started in the morning when my Goddess asked me to print out a large number of attachments to emails she received over the weekend for an important meeting she had to attend later in the day. As I got up to take care of her request, she couldn’t resist pointing to someone that was with us that she had her own administrative assistant. And so the day began.

I printed out the attachments (more than a dozen), stapled the appropriate documents together, organized them in three different folders thematically, and brought them to her. I was delighted that she was quite pleased with what I had done.

While my Goddess was taking a bath, I prepared notes and reminders for her meeting in her notebook, and gathered up everything she would require for the meeting.

I fixed the tie she was planning on wearing. She looked stunning, with a small pink men’s shirt and pink silk tie, over dark grey slacks. As a fashion statement, her outfit was very power-suit, classy, and feminine, all at once.

I drove my Goddess to the location of the meeting, we had a quick lunch, and then she was off next door into one of the most prestigious buildings in the city. I waited nearly three hours for my Goddess to return, keeping myself busy with my own work (I love laptops and smart phones), first where we had lunch, then in the car.

She finally returned, and I was as happy as a puppy for us to be back together again. We discussed what happened during her meeting during the drive home. Once there, I put together her dinner, and we watched one of her favorite TV shows.

I can’t overstate how much I enjoyed playing personal/administrative assistant to my Goddess. The mood really started when she made the remark to someone unaware of what I’ll call “certain details” of our relationship about how good it was to have me as an administrative assistant. It just snowballed from there. The feelings of needing to be of service to my Goddess quickly overcame everything else, as did feelings of submissiveness, belonging and ownership. I wanted, I NEEDED, to be helpful and useful, and support her in any way I could to show her how proud I am of her, and how proud I am to be hers.

At certain moments during the course of the day when I was alone, my imagination ran away a bit with the whole life-of-personal-and-professional-service-to-a-dominant-woman fantasy. Those moments of fantasy were magnified by some of the feelings I had during my service as personal and administrative assistant. And I can only wonder… what if…

It was a wonderful day. Vanilla in all appearance from the outside, but deeply D/s in its details, and I enjoyed every bit of it.

Collared (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://lunarblack.tumblr.com

It's been over a year since my Goddess collared me, and I have to say that the symbolism, the sensations, and the emotions of wearing her collar(s) has not waned in the least for me since the very first day. Quite the contrary.

There isn't a day that goes by when I don't reach for the chain, and the small lock that keeps it on, that serves as my permanent collar on a day-to-day basis. My "mainstream" collar, other people may get a glimpse of the chain, depending on the kind of shirt I'm wearing, but rarely do they see the small lock that has kept it in place for all but perhaps 2 hours since she obtained it for me about six months ago.

The heaviness and texture of the braided chain is a constant reminder of the bonds that keep us together. I can't help but reach to feel the chain, and the ungiving sensation of the lock, several times a day. And each time, the senses of my belonging and her ownership swell within me, somehow warm, tender, powerful, inevitable, and without escape, all at once.

These feelings and emotions are multiplied several-fold by my locking leather collar, which I wear every night, and parts of the day when we are alone at home. Something about it being unmistakably not mainstream... the thick black leather... the three D-rings... the metal studs... the small padlock hanging off the buckle in back... I reach up to feel it at least every hour, even now, touching and feeling different parts of it, and it is a sight to behold when I catch the occasional glimpse of it in the mirror. This collar has been with us for over a year, and the times when I have not gone to sleep with it on have been very far and few between.

The time of day that I present the locking leather collar to my Goddess for placing around my neck for the rest of that day/evening, and overnight, is still perhaps my favorite time of day. The ceremony as I kneel before my Goddess and offer her the collar and lock is a brief daily celebration of our love for each other and our relationship.

Of course, this means that while the leather collar is around my neck, the locked chain is there too, and the occasional clanging of the chain's lock against the central D-ring of the leather collar excites my Goddess to no end. Especially if we are engaged in activities that lead to some clanging...

Reflecting briefly today upon yesterday's entry on my ever-growing infatuation with my Goddess, it occured to me that the symbolism, emotions, and sensations of being collared, and wearing a collar for her, had also grown as now, we have one more year of significance and meaning behind the gesture.

Chain of love (E)

Artwork courtesy of Stig

It's been 26 days since my Goddess purchased, and locked around my neck, a beautiful chain that is kept in place by a small shiny lock that matches the chain perfectly. I've worn it for all 26 days, 24/7. My Goddess has the only keys to the lock in her possession, and short of exceptional circumstances such as air travel, medical issues, or other major situations when it could be a problem, she's told me she's not intending on taking it off. Ever.

That's so hot...

I'm sad that this has meant that the original necklace my Goddess collared me with has remained on my bedside table. It's a beautiful piece that is clearly D/s in intent, and its design makes it relatively easy to conceal under a shirt or sweater. The problem was that it was a delicate piece, it was starting to show some wear, and it had to be removed once or twice a day so not to be damaged.

And that is what motivated the purchase of the chain. While less subtle, the heavier chain can still be concealed fairly easily, it is much less likely to be damaged, regardless of activities, and even if it does get damaged (which is difficult to imagine, in view of its hardy construction), it would be relatively inexpensive to replace.

This new locking chain has not been affected by our ritual of my Goddess placing my locking leather collar around my neck as soon as we both get home each day. It is more than sturdy enough to withstand the occasional light impact with the D-rings of the leather collar, something that was a concern with the more delicate necklace. So during my time at home with my Goddess, I've been wearing both the locking chain and locking collar over the course of the last month.

In additional to the heavier weight around my neck, the new locking chain has proven to be a bonus to my Goddess as it is easier to reach and tug on, if the leather collar isn't connected to a leash. It has come in useful to my Goddess during our lovemaking for control and very light breath play. And while we go around in public, such as shopping in large malls, it has brought little moments of pride and joy to my Goddess as she will occasionally reach around the back of my neck, pull the chain up so that the lock slips over my shirt or sweater, and then it becomes visible to anyone who would look carefully enough.

Wearing the locked chain 24/7, knowing that it cannot be removed unless my Goddess chooses to, has been an additional element of control that has further reinforced the D/s dynamics of our relationship, and deepened the bonds of belonging and ownership between us. It has also deepened or intensified what I would call the serenity of surrender, a peaceful and happy place to be in for me.

The locked chain is a noticeable physical sensation that is a simple but powerful symbol of my Goddess' control over me, and a symbol of permanency, of dominance, of inevitability, and of commitment. And it has been a wonderful addition to both our collection of implements and our lifestyle.

Marks of love (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

After the magic of being taken by my Goddess, we actually wound down for a bit before going to sleep. Post-play, a very special and intimate time for us when we check on each other, and talk about what happened and what it did for each of us, we started talking about belonging and ownership, and how strap-on play affirms and reinforces those feelings. It wasn't long before our discussion came back to the tattoo that she is planning on me getting in a few months' time.

As we both got gradually more worked-up about discussing a permanent marking for me that would be a tribute to the dynamics of our relationship and our love for each other, an idea suddenly popped into my mind. I asked my Goddess if she would want to mark me right now if she could, and she responded that she would. I followed up "Well, it would be only temporary for now, but I would so love it if you would", turned over to my bedside table, brought out a Sharpie with hot pink ink (the sudden idea... I remembered that it was there), and offered it up to her.

A beautiful, more than slightly evil smile came upon her, and I felt her excitement and her dominance (still super-high from the strap-on play) rise like a huge surf on the horizon. She took the Sharpie and pulled it away from me forcefully, and I felt her mind running through possibilities, and thinking about areas on my body to place her markings. After just a few seconds of thought, my Goddess, pushed my left shoulder down, jumped from her spot next to me on the bed, and mounted my hips. It was way too late already for me to take back my offer, but it was done in earnest, and I was more than delighted at her reaction.

As I looked up at her beautiful, mischievous face, I dipped back into surrender and subspace. There was something so erotic, so D/s, so "us" about my Goddess straddling my hips, leaning over me, and marking me to her liking with a permanent marker. As long as my skin didn't develop an allergic reaction to the ink...

The few minutes my Goddess spent marking me were absolutely sublime. In a different kind of way from usual, my body was the canvas for the expression of her dominance. I loved the pride she took in marking her toy, her pet, her possession. I was so excited to have my Goddess express her ownership of me in such a manner.

My Goddess finally, and sadly, finished her artwork. She spent some time on both the left side of my chest and the right. I loved the expression of satisfaction she had looking over what she had created, and I was dying to see it myself. She gave me permission to go to the bathroom to check out what she had done.

When I came up to the mirror, I think I skipped a breath when I saw the beauty and significance of what she had done. On the right side of my chest, my Goddess had drawn a padlock, with her initial on the lock, and with a chain running off each side of the lock. The whole drawing is about 3" X 1.5". On the left side of my chest, covering about 5" X 3", she wrote her name in heavy cursive letter, and drew a heart under it.

She wrote her name on me... she wrote her name on me... I think I'm still a little subspacey over it. I know it will happen again... my Goddess told me so this evening over dinner. She really enjoyed that. We both did... and we're still enjoying it today, despite some very slight blurring from wearing clothes over it.

Now, we're just waiting to see how long the artwork will last before it washes off...

40 hours of the locked collar... (E)

Artwork courtesy of Kimberly Dow, found through Male Submission Art

It's been 40 hours since my Goddess placed and locked my collar on me.

We'll need to be out around town soon, in situations where wearing it can be risky, so it will be taken off in the next hour or so, just before I get into the shower. And I'll switch to my more discreet "mainstream" collar. But I have to say... What an absolutely magical feeling...

The thick 1-inch leather material, unyielding, ungiving, around my neck... the D-rings swaying gently about with my movements... the main frontal D-ring attached to the leash all of the time, except during sleep and our short shopping trip... the sound of the lock swinging about behind my neck on my every movement... the feeling of the control that my Goddess exerts over me... the feeling that she wants to keep me close to her... the closer, the better... the feeling that she will never want to relinquish that control...

Making myself available to her any time she tugs on the leash... being available for service and duties to her absolutely any time she desires... being available and vulnerable for her whims, wants, needs, and desires... being available and vulnerable to her dominance...

We even had a short interlude out for some shopping yesterday, where the weather allowed me to wear clothing that would hide the collar fairly well. It was actually the first time I ever had my locking collar on while out of the house with my Goddess. She couldn't resist teasing me by tugging on the lock shortly before I got out of the car to pick-up an order of food to go.

I so love displaying my love and devotion and submission and belonging to my Goddess. I so love the pride and joy my Goddess expresses in my displays of love and devotion and submission to her, and in her ownership of me. The symbolism that the locked collar carries is a reflection of our relationship, and as such, is a wonderfully tangible reminder of what we have, and what we feel for each other. And it keeps that D/s energy high, hot, and ready to boil over at any time...

PS: a note about the artwork... a beautiful painting by Kimberly Dow, which I found extremely evocative while I was looking for visuals for this post. I found it on one of my favorite sites, Male Submission Art, which is linked in our Art & Photography section. The powerful emotions that I felt from the details of the collar, the pose, and the henna tattoo, the sense of self-expression on the part of both the artist and the subject, and the sense of a moment in time in a power exchange, further etched into my soul my feelings of the last day and a half. You can find more of her work at http://www.kimberlydow.com/

PPS: A very rough week in RL... D/s energy remains high because of our 24/7 dynamics, and there's been lots of little incidental play, but our long reader-inspired scene is still to come...

"You're not getting out of it..." (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

"You're not getting out of it tonight, my Love."

And many hours later, once we were home together, after I did some laundry, cleaned up the bedroom, prepared dinner, cleaned the kitchen after dinner, my Goddess was true to the cell phone text she had sent me early that day.

Lying in bed naked, blindfolded, locked leather wrist cuffs chained to the headboard of the bed, feet bound to the foot of the bed, by body stretched out, I was hers for whatever she wanted, whatever she was in the mood for.

A little CBT, lots of NT, a whimper or two... my Goddess so loves to get a whimper out of me... and I so love it when she hurts me for her enjoyment.

Some teasing while she was smoking... blowing smoke in my face, teasing my nipples with her cigarette, forcing me to take some her drags from her mouth to mine...

She took out some scissors and started trimming my pubic area... then moved on to a razor... Began to leave her mark on me... I am all hers... her pet... her boy... her canvas... her property... another sign of her ownership and my belonging...

My Goddess mounted my chest and then moved down to my stomach, working her way to climax by torturing my nipples... and from the moans I was making... and the movements of my body... but this time she was impatient... she couldn't wait... it wasn't fast enough, intense enough... she literally leaped up... her divine pussy landing hard on my face... a little tweaking of the position and I was hard at work in worshiping orally... still not fast enough... still not intense enough... she reached down to pinch my nostrils... my tongue is working frantically to bring my Goddess where she wants to be... where she needs to be... before I run out of air...

And after my Goddess gets rocked by a huge climax, she fall against my chest, and I feel her heartbeat and her rapid breathing and her tremors against my body...

No, I could not get out of it. And I never want to get out of it... out of her control... out of her dominance... out of her desires...

It's early in the morning, and I have to start getting ready to go to work. Take a shower and all that. I have the locked leather wrist cuffs on, and my locked leather collar is in place, attached to the house leash... and I SO don't want my Goddess to take them off... I so don't want to get out of them... and be away from her dominance... be away from her love... be away from her...

Marks of ownership and belonging (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

Yesterday, my Goddess and I were trading loving and sexy texts on our cellphones throughout the course of the day, and some of the texts got incredibly, dominantly hot when they turned to the subject of ownership marks.

It all started innocuously enough, and then it quickly turned to the reminder that she plans on having me tattooed next year, something that we have talked about several times in the past. I can't describe how scorching hot the idea of my Goddess having me tattooed is.

And then, I had a few moments of subspace at work (thankfully, I was alone in my office at that time), thinking about the tattoo, and other incidental markings from our play... I was reminded of the very small but now almost permament marks on my ankles from our use of locked ankle cuffs... I was reminded of marks that stay a day or two after caning or paddling... I was reminded of scratches and bruises that I have from BDSM play, and what we refer to as "spicy vanilla" sex... I was reminded of my nipples, sore on most days... I was reminded of the collar marks around my neck that last for an hour or so each day after my Goddess removes my collar before I get ready for work, after it's been in place and locked for the previous 12 hours or more, since I had returned home the previous evening...

I had to get back to reality and the business at hand, but after sharing with my Goddess how much I was looking forward to the tattoo, I kept a subspace glow inside me all day. It made me feel wonderful inside that she wants me to wear such a mark for her, a sign of her ownership of me, and I so want to wear such a mark for her, a sign of my belonging to her.

Emotional support and control (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

My Goddess had a particularly challenging and stressful day at work a few days ago. I received several text messages from her, and clearly, we needed to stay in touch. She felt a bit clingy and apologized for it, but I indicated that there was no need to apologize. It made me feel needed, it made me feel special that she missed my presence, and I felt the same way, then, and in fact, all the time we aren't together.

Every moment spent away from her is painful, and is time when I am longing to be back in her arms close to her.

Feelings of me enjoying her love and affection, visions of me being at the end of her leash attached to my locked collar and in bondage at her feet, kept running through my mind.

So I offered to check-in with her by text at the top of every hour. She loved the idea... And was very appreciative.

So then it began. At the top of every hour, or as close to it as I could, around business needs, I texted my Goddess. Nothing very fancy, just little notes to let her know that I was there, that I was there for her, that I was thinking about her.

It was awesome for both of us. I provided emotional support for my Goddess, and I think I made her day better with many little reminders of how much I love her.

On my side, in addition to the satisfaction of providing her that support and making her day better, this little exercise reinforced a sense of belonging to her, and her feedback in turn extended her control over me at a distance. It was emotionally rewarding, and very powerful in a D/s way. It was a reminder of my duty to serve her in whatever way she needs or requires, including meeting her emotional needs. It was also a reminder of the intoxicating power and control she has over me.

Just another opportunity to show my Goddess my love for her and reinforce our wonderful D/s dynamics. Carpe Diem...

A quiet evening at home (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

My Goddess and I had trouble falling asleep last night after a delightful weekend together, and we ended up sleeping just over 4 hours before work. By the time we returned this evening, we were both really tired, and were looking forward to a quiet evening at home and going to bed early.

Since I've written a few entries about our morning rituals, but none about our evening ones, I thought I'd share what a quiet evening of service would be like. It's more difficult to come up with a definitive checklist or description of what an evening would "typically" be like, since there are many more variables in the evenings than in the morning, but here goes this one...

1- Upon returning home together, I removed my Goddess' boots, and gently kissed her feet.

2- I fetched my locking leather collar and padlock, presented them to my Goddess, and she promptly buckled the collar in place and locked it; it will stay on until the time I drive her to work in the morning.

3- I served my Goddess a cold beverage of her choice.

4- I lit a cigarette for my Goddess, and handed it over to her. I sat on the floor by her side and held her ashtray.

5- I prepared dinner while my Goddess relaxed watching television.

6- We enjoyed dinner together.

7- After dinner, I light another cigarette for my Goddess.

8- I led my Goddess back to the bedroom, where I laid out the bed for her while she prepared for sleep.

9- I tucked my Goddess into bed, refreshed her beverage, asked her if she needed anything else (she didn't), and kissed her goodnight.

10- I returned to the kitchen to put away leftovers, pre-wash the dishes, place them in the dishwasher, turned the latter on, and wiped the counters.

11- After finishing with my duties, I joined my Goddess in the bedroom to go to sleep.

These small acts of service and dedication, punctuated by moments of tenderness and affection, reinforce our D/s dynamics, and strengthen our bonds of belonging and ownership. A few times during the course of my time alone, my hands were drawn to my collar and the lock, and the firmness of the collar and the symbolism of the lock brought about a warm feeling inside of me for the need we have for each other in this relationship, this lifestyle, and in each others' lives.

I must say that I never tire of serving my Goddess, and the most mundane of duties and actions are an opportunity for me to excel when they have such an important purpose as making the life of my Goddess easier and more pleasant.

The perfect end to another day for my Goddess and I...

Serving Her in the morning (E)

Artwork courtesy of Laurent Lebeau through http://www.femdomartists.com/

Awoken this morning by her hands all over me,

My Goddess was already so soon in the mood,

Attacking my senses with NT & CBT.

Warm under the covers, I moved over closer,

Wanting to give myself to her, to her hunger,

While she teased and tormented to feed her desire.

Tender and cruel, my Goddess' fingers and nails find

The soft objectives and targets of her whims,

Bringing much bliss to my body and to my mind.

The mood turns, and she requires more, it is clear,

I feel her warm, needing, sexually wanting, and

For that, as much as I can be, I must be near.

Close, I find the source of her hunger exploring,

I bring her pleasure that she expects, and at once

Her energy and emotions begin to sing.

From peaks of pleasure she began recovering,

Staring at me with a proud sense of ownership

Reinforcing a strong feeling of belonging.

Duties calling I had to leave, had to be gone,

My Goddess teasingly looked at me to say

"No fun for you until your work is really done,

And once it is all complete, only then can we play".