Predicament in service (E)

Artwork courtesy of Severin, via Lunar Black

A weekend morning a little while ago...

After our morning ritual of me serving My Goddess her coffee, lighting her cigarette, and holding the ashtray for her while remaining on the floor at her feet, she comfortably set up in the living room to catch up on some work matters on her laptop.

I moved on to some domestic duties while she was busy. At that very moment, I was reminded of the recent outstanding post by Lady Grey on The Appeal of Disinterest. The priority for me that morning was to catch up on washing clothes. However, complicating things for me was the fact that I had the 50' house leash attached to my locking leather collar, to remain easily accessible to her, and I was still in light bondage from the night before. My wrists were bound and locked by leather cuffs, and so were my ankles.

It was difficult enough to provide my Goddess with spill-free coffee service while in bondage, but I discovered a whole new level of required dedication and patience when it came to doing the laundry.

With my hands cuffed and clipped with a 3" double-ended clip, there was no way I could hold the clothes hamper, so I had to take up just a few pieces of clothes in my hands at a time. Since I could not grab a whole lot of clothes at once, that required me to do several trips between the laundry room and the bedroom, moving slowly and with many little steps because of my cuffed ankles.

While my Goddess was focused on her work, she did look up occasionally to enjoy my struggle, smiling that beautiful, evil little smile of satisfaction that only comes from seeing me in a predicament at her hands.

It wasn't long before I felt my ankle cuffs chaff the skin under them, and soon I would be feeling the turn of the cuffs on every little step. A little later, the wrist cuffs also began to take their toll, as I struggled against them to take up more clothes at a time in order to minimize the number of painful trips between rooms.

It was great relief when I got the first wash going, and I could move to other less movement-intensive duties. Later on, transferring clothes from the washer to the dryer wasn't so bad despite limited hand range, but it also meant that I was going to begin another set of trips between the bedroom and the laundry room...

Some submissives think that real dedication to their mistress is being able to handle the punishment she dishes out. Well, I have a new test of dedication for you all: cuffed hands... 3" clip... bath towel... folding it neatly... placing it over over clean bath towels but under the clean hand towels without messing up the stack...

OMG... folding clothes and the multiple trips in the clipped ankle cuffs over to the right drawers and shelves was a major exercise in frustration and patience. But I since loved doing it because it was in service to my Goddess, because she enjoys having me do housework for her, and because of the joy she gets seeing me struggle in bondage.

I never mentioned a word of how challenging that was to my Goddess, and reading this post will be the first time she finds out. I hate whining immensely in others, and even more so from me, so I certainly wasn't about to do any complaining. But now that my Goddess knows, I expect that it will probably only encourage her to do it more often.

P.S.: My Goddess had such a hearty laugh reading the post this morning. The visual of me trying to fold towels with my hands bound, and placing them without knocking over stacks of other towels, just so tickled her funny bone. She regrets not seeing it, and she told me we'll definitely have to do this again just so she can watch!

The leash, and other sacred rituals (E)

The Red Boots, by Silver Jane, via Lunar Black

In these difficult economic times for us, I haven't given my Goddess a lot of time or many opportunities for her to express her domination. She has been so patient with my very long days and weeks at work, so generous with her unconditional support, and so wonderful in making the most of our few moments together.

That said, there are a number of our sacred rituals that are part of our lives that are as constant as the rising and setting cycle of the sun every day, and I am so grateful to my Goddess for keeping these going, and for her continued enjoyment of them, always maintaining a certain level of positive tension in our D/s dynamics.

Recently, my Goddess asked me to re-install the long "house leash" to the bed. The first thing I did the next morning was to clip one end of the 50' leash to the foot of the bed, and clip the other end to my locked leather collar. Upon her waking up later that morning, she found the leash, and pulled me in to her, wherever I was in our home, so I could begin my day of service to her.

Speaking of the locked leather collar, it is still one of my most cherished pleasures that every night, upon my return home, as surely as the tides move in and out twice a day, the D/s dynamics of our relationship are celebrated as I kneel before my Goddess, offering her my locking leather collar. She places it around my neck and locks it in place, where it remains until I need to shower before leaving for work the next morning. It means so much to me that she feels as strongly about this symbolic display domination and submission, owning and belonging, as I do.

When I'm still home at the time my Goddess wakes up in the morning, I have unerringly taken the opportunity for our favorite morning ritual. I'll prepare her one of her favorite coffees, bring it to her side, kneel before her as I lay it on the table, light her cigarette, and hold the ashtray up for her. If we still have a little time, I will take take each of her feet, and cover them with hundreds of little tender kisses.

When time allows in the morning, I make an additional offering of presenting myself to her at wake-up time with nipple clamps or nipples rings on, wearing little else than those, my locked leather collar, my ever-present eternity collar, and some underwear or sleeping shorts. She delights in my willingness to suffer for her, and she can never resist the temptation of reaching out to tug on the nipple clamps or rings to tease me and elicit gentle moans for me that she so enjoys.

I make it a point of doing some domestic duties such as cleaning, washing dishes, and straightening out the house before she gets up, although it is never quite enough, and I must schedule my time better to keep our humble castle in better shape for my Goddess.

Often in the evening, in addition to the locking leather collar, my Goddess will enjoy placing locking leather wrist cuffs and ankle cuffs on me, whether there is any play to follow or not. It's just an ownership thing, and she knows how much I love to honor by having many tangible, symbolic signs of my belonging to her.

While the locking leather items may not go on if we are having friends or family over, I do try to fulfill my Goddess' expectations of being the serving host, and this subtle part of our relationship dynamics, is especially exciting as it goes relatively unnoticed by our visitors.

Of course, variations are numerous, and play may or may not follow our rituals. However, these rituals are the foundations that keep our love and D/s dynamics strong, constant, unshakable, and full of positive tension that keep us both in a state of always wanting to get back to each other, always wanting to be with each other, and always wanting to do more with/for each other.

Instead of being restraining, our rituals are means for liberation, and they reinforce our love and commitment to each other. To paraphrase Amy Gregory from an article I read a long time ago, rituals resonate within us, they comfort us, and what they communicate to us is even more important than actually performing them. Rituals may be intimidating to some, but they don't have to be big events. They are about connecting, they about celebration, and I think that my Goddess and I will continue to find solace in them.

Image courtesy of Miss and pet

Personal/administrative assistant for a day (E)

Credit for the artwork/picture goes to bitchtress.com. Sadly, the site was shut down last time I checked.

It started in the morning when my Goddess asked me to print out a large number of attachments to emails she received over the weekend for an important meeting she had to attend later in the day. As I got up to take care of her request, she couldn’t resist pointing to someone that was with us that she had her own administrative assistant. And so the day began.

I printed out the attachments (more than a dozen), stapled the appropriate documents together, organized them in three different folders thematically, and brought them to her. I was delighted that she was quite pleased with what I had done.

While my Goddess was taking a bath, I prepared notes and reminders for her meeting in her notebook, and gathered up everything she would require for the meeting.

I fixed the tie she was planning on wearing. She looked stunning, with a small pink men’s shirt and pink silk tie, over dark grey slacks. As a fashion statement, her outfit was very power-suit, classy, and feminine, all at once.

I drove my Goddess to the location of the meeting, we had a quick lunch, and then she was off next door into one of the most prestigious buildings in the city. I waited nearly three hours for my Goddess to return, keeping myself busy with my own work (I love laptops and smart phones), first where we had lunch, then in the car.

She finally returned, and I was as happy as a puppy for us to be back together again. We discussed what happened during her meeting during the drive home. Once there, I put together her dinner, and we watched one of her favorite TV shows.

I can’t overstate how much I enjoyed playing personal/administrative assistant to my Goddess. The mood really started when she made the remark to someone unaware of what I’ll call “certain details” of our relationship about how good it was to have me as an administrative assistant. It just snowballed from there. The feelings of needing to be of service to my Goddess quickly overcame everything else, as did feelings of submissiveness, belonging and ownership. I wanted, I NEEDED, to be helpful and useful, and support her in any way I could to show her how proud I am of her, and how proud I am to be hers.

At certain moments during the course of the day when I was alone, my imagination ran away a bit with the whole life-of-personal-and-professional-service-to-a-dominant-woman fantasy. Those moments of fantasy were magnified by some of the feelings I had during my service as personal and administrative assistant. And I can only wonder… what if…

It was a wonderful day. Vanilla in all appearance from the outside, but deeply D/s in its details, and I enjoyed every bit of it.

D/s and post-operative care (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://bringonxtoys.com/ (The Good Stuff)

It's amazing how daily D/s dynamics are not that different from providing post-surgery care. Then again, maybe attentive service within the context of a D/s relationship needs to be at the level of what one would do in taking care of someone that has just come out of surgery.

Sadly, my Goddess required surgery last week. The details are not important at this moment, but recovery has been very painful for her, and her mobility has been quite limited. Not to worry... she is getting better and stronger each day.

The realization of the parallel between D/s dynamics and post-operative care came upon me during the course of the day while I was preparing lunch for my beautiful Goddess. I'm proud to say that not much has changed between what I do for her during this post-operative recovery period, and what I did for her before. I try to be attentive to her every need, I fetch things for her, prepare her meals, get her drinks, take care of the environment around her, and provide her with a multitude of little services, either upon request, or by taking the initiative.

Of course, there are a few differences between now and then. I've left out service, or a manner of service, with more overtly sexual or D/s undertones (for example kissing her feet in most positions rights now would probably cause her a lot of pain)... for now. And I don't normally provide physical support for my Goddess getting up or sitting/lying down.

But overall, I'm quite pleased that for the most part, there hasn't been a noticeably increased load on me. Not that I would mind. It's just that our daily routine, minus the more obvious sexual or D/s (worshipping, etc...) actions, has remained overall quite unchanged, despite some new logistical challenges. And I must say that it is quite satisfying for me to know that I tried to put in the same kind of attention and intensity into my service for my Goddess before health issues as now. Of course, it's just that the stakes are higher.

My Goddess thinks that I'm going through a lot of trouble, but really, I'm not. She is the most precious thing in my life, and nothing has meaning if I don't make her as happy as I can. Having my Goddess express her deep appreciation almost daily for my care of her since the surgery has been quite rewarding, and I'll see what I can do about using this experience as a springboard to even more dedicated service to her in the future.

Morning-after foot worship (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://bendoverloverboy.tumblr.com/

I was trying to take small, slow steps preparing my Goddess' coffee so that I wouldn't wake her up. And also because small, slow steps take less of a toll on my skin when I'm wearing locked ankle cuffs that are clipped together with a 4-inch clip.

After a very memorable evening, and some even more memorable play, my Goddess left the clipped and locked ankle cuffs on me, as well as the locked wrist cuffs, when we went to sleep. Of course, the usual locked collar had been around my neck for hours already, and I don't think there will ever be a night that she'll Iet me go to sleep without it.

The minutes passed, and it was getting close to the time to wake up my Goddess. I wanted to make sure that everything was ready for her. When the time came, I gently woke her up from the side of the bed, kneeling on the floor, and then after she sat up against the pillows, I handed her the cup of coffee. A sip or two of coffee later, I lit her cigarette and gave it to her as I sat on the floor, making sure her ashtray was conveniently within her reach.

We chatted about the fantastic twelve hours we had just shared, looking back on it with enthusiasm and fondness. About 10 minutes later, my Goddess requested a refill of her coffee, and after slowly going over to get it and bringing it back to her (my ankles were still bound), I sat back down on the ground at her side, lit another cigarette for her, and we talked to more.

When my Goddess was done smoking, I came up on my knees, reached over the side of the bed, and I found her left foot, which I began kissing. I kissed each one of her toes, from the big toe to the small one, and back again, moved on to the top of her foot with many little kisses before coming back to her toes for two more passes. And then I moved on to the other foot for the same.

I just love worshipping my Goddess' feet. And she seems to truly enjoy it when I do. But there was something special about doing it that morning. I don't know if I was still in subspace from the play just a few hours previous, if I just had not had the opportunity to relax and focus on her feet like that for a while, or if it was just a mood thing. But the more intensely I kissed and licked her feet and toes, the more I needed it to do. With each pass, I kissed them more deeply, more passionately. Each time I finished a foot, I decided I would do it one more time on the other. I lost count after doing each foot half-a-dozen times. And I needed to do more... longer... deeper... more intensely. I couldn't get away from her feet... from her.

But eventually, nature called, and my Goddess needed to go use the bathroom. I broke away from her feet as she sat on the edge of the bed before getting up. As she changed position, one leg caressed the side of my face, and I couldn't stop myself from bringing my lips to the soft skin of her inner thighs as she paused before standing up. The gentle kiss slowed her down for a moment, and I kissed her again in the same spot. My Goddess leaned back, and I couldn't resist kissing the tender flesh of her inner thigh, from the inside of her knee to just a bit shy of her sacred feminine. Infatuated, intoxicated, I couldn't get away, and clearly, she didn't want me to stop.

Within a few minutes though, she really needed to go, and I pulled away from her. After she returned from the bathroom, my Goddess stood nearby, teasingly, dominantly. I was compelled to go to her, and I crawled over to her on all fours. I quickly made my way to her, and she ran her fingers through my hair once I reached her. As she pulled her hand away after a playing with my hair for a while, I moved my head against her leg, feeling her lean back against me.

After rubbing her leg against me for a few seconds, my Goddess straddled my head, and then moved over my back. She sat on the small of my back, and soon after, leaned back, her back against mine. She adjusted her position a bit, and then hit one of my favorite positions ever, an incredibly sensual, erotic, and dominant position. She reclined with all her weight on me, again her back against my back, with one leg up, her neck over my head, her head and hair past my head. I did my best to balance her while I was under her on all fours, supporting her, carrying her, my Goddess, my dominant Queen. To add to the beauty of the pose, she dropped her arms behind her, past my ribs, and harshy pinched my nipples, challenging me not move so much she would fall off.

I wish a photographer had been there to capture the moment, the pose, the symbolism in the position, freezing in time a moment of power exchange capturing our sexual and relational dynamics so exquisitely. Alas, it will have to suffice that it will be one of those moments and rainbow of emotions etched in my soul forever.

But all this was the morning follow-up after a very special evening with my Goddess. How did we get here? What happened previously to lead to this peak? Next post, friends... next post...

Build our scene - part 4 (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

Lots of catching up to do... Integrating more comments from readers, this is what we have up to now, in the order the suggestions came in:

1. whipping/flogging until whining and begging
2. shaving of the pubic area while in restraints
3. some feminine clothing
4. hand and foot service (drawn out)
5. release for me, but without respite in my service to my Goddess
6. some isolation, at least an hour
7. oral service of a cock
8. strap-on fucking

Of course, what happens, in what order it happens, will be up to my delightfully creative Goddess. But the readers that left suggestions, Anonymous and Jason Murphee, have setup quite the scene for us. These are beautiful and powerful elements for a scene, or several scenes drawn-out over a longer period of time, that include several of our favorite activities (impact play, begging, service, being left in isolation anticipating, and strap-on), and something new we've never done.

As I sit here writing this morning, in my locked collar and leash, while my Goddess is still sleeping, my mind is racing in anticipation of when it will happen, what will happen, and how it will happen.

How far will my Goddess push the flogging? To the point of general redness? To the point of welts? To the point of bruising? Will there be some blood? If there is some blood, will I feel her tongue running over the broken skin, fulfilling her lust for tasting my blood whenever she's responsible for causing me to bleed?

How much begging will be enough for my Goddess? Will she relent the first time I break down? The third time? After I've so surrendered that I've become silent again, knowing that the begging only encourages her to go further?

The shaving in restraints scene, wherever it shows up (different logistics, and it could be a whole scene of its own), will be a new detour for both of us. My Goddess' original reaction to reading that suggestion was "I'm so doing that!", and her enthusiasm for it was as much of a turn-on for me as the idea itself. On my side, well, any thoughts of being in bondage for my Goddess is exciting. To be vulnerable and under her control is even more so. And I would expect that the lasting impact of that scene will be as powerful visual and sensory reminders of the power my Goddess has over me, and her ownership of me. I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy over it already.

The hand and foot service is a defining element of our 24/7 play. I do pretty much anything and everything my Goddess asks of me at anytime of the day or night. But non-sexual service is rarely part of a BDSM scene once my Goddess gets worked up and the expression of her dominance comes out physically. Will she use this as a tool for pacing the scene and drawing it out? Will she test my ability to serve her while I'm deep in subspace? Will she challenge me to service as part of a predicament?

An interesting challenge came up in terms of my Goddess retaining full dominant control over me after my release. I can vouch for the fact that this is a non-issue. If anything, it's effortless for me to remain in subspace, and full submissive/service mode through and after release. On the other hand, at a certain depth of subspace, it's almost impossible for me to think of my own sexual fulfillment.

What will my Goddess do while I'm left bound and in isolation? Go to the next room to write a blog entry? Finish her Christmas shopping? Call up friends or family on the phone? Watch a favorite TV show?

Which one of her "cocks" will my Goddess want me to service? I know how much my Goddess loves the power and feeling of forcing me to give her head when she wears a strap-on. Will she be pulling my hair to make sure I take it deep in my mouth? Or will she be using a leash clipped to my collar? We have two dildos/strap-ons that reach inside of her, and anything I do orally provides her with almost direct stimulation. As a side note, my Goddess and I are VERY monogamous in our D/s relationship, in our love, in our sex, and in our BDSM play. And she is extremely possessive of me [a huge and proud smile came over me as I wrote that, and I can't resist to reach to tug on the lock at the back of my collar]. So the thought of bringing someone else into the scene would crash it for the two of us. But trust me when I say that when my Goddess is in the mood to have her "cock" sucked, between her attitude, her drive, and the 8.5" strap-on with clitoral stimulation she prefers, she would make absolutely any guy proud...

And finally, my Goddess taking me with her strap-on... By now, you all know how special that is to both of us. How long will it take her to reach climax? How rough or how gentle will she be? Will one climax be enough for her? Will she feel that I got enough or will she continue on with more anal play after? How much more?

I left out the feminine clothing for now... I don't know what my Goddess will do with that. I know she's not a big fan of that when it comes to me, and has never had any interest in it. And while it doesn't really matter, neither do I. I think that part of the attraction and excitement of our D/s relation for my Goddess is that I am such a man's man, physically imposing and very dominant in RL. Capturing that essence, having me, strong of character and intimidating to many, submit to her and be under her control, provides her with an even greater level of power and satisfaction. I won't promise anything on this segment...

So here I sit, still waiting for my Goddess to give my leash its first tug of the day, calling me into service to her. After writing this entry, I am even more wired than I was this morning when I woke up early and couldn't fall back to sleep because I was in one of those needy submissive moods, missing being loved and hurt and cared for and played with by my Goddess.

Much gratitude goes to Anonymous who provided many of the components of our weekend scene, and Jason Murphee for the strap-on play, front and back.

But I hear some stirring down the hall... it may be that time...

A quiet evening at home (E)

Artwork courtesy of Flat Earth Social Club

My Goddess and I had trouble falling asleep last night after a delightful weekend together, and we ended up sleeping just over 4 hours before work. By the time we returned this evening, we were both really tired, and were looking forward to a quiet evening at home and going to bed early.

Since I've written a few entries about our morning rituals, but none about our evening ones, I thought I'd share what a quiet evening of service would be like. It's more difficult to come up with a definitive checklist or description of what an evening would "typically" be like, since there are many more variables in the evenings than in the morning, but here goes this one...

1- Upon returning home together, I removed my Goddess' boots, and gently kissed her feet.

2- I fetched my locking leather collar and padlock, presented them to my Goddess, and she promptly buckled the collar in place and locked it; it will stay on until the time I drive her to work in the morning.

3- I served my Goddess a cold beverage of her choice.

4- I lit a cigarette for my Goddess, and handed it over to her. I sat on the floor by her side and held her ashtray.

5- I prepared dinner while my Goddess relaxed watching television.

6- We enjoyed dinner together.

7- After dinner, I light another cigarette for my Goddess.

8- I led my Goddess back to the bedroom, where I laid out the bed for her while she prepared for sleep.

9- I tucked my Goddess into bed, refreshed her beverage, asked her if she needed anything else (she didn't), and kissed her goodnight.

10- I returned to the kitchen to put away leftovers, pre-wash the dishes, place them in the dishwasher, turned the latter on, and wiped the counters.

11- After finishing with my duties, I joined my Goddess in the bedroom to go to sleep.

These small acts of service and dedication, punctuated by moments of tenderness and affection, reinforce our D/s dynamics, and strengthen our bonds of belonging and ownership. A few times during the course of my time alone, my hands were drawn to my collar and the lock, and the firmness of the collar and the symbolism of the lock brought about a warm feeling inside of me for the need we have for each other in this relationship, this lifestyle, and in each others' lives.

I must say that I never tire of serving my Goddess, and the most mundane of duties and actions are an opportunity for me to excel when they have such an important purpose as making the life of my Goddess easier and more pleasant.

The perfect end to another day for my Goddess and I...

The weekday morning ritual (E)

Image courtesy of www.flickr.com/photos/dominionfemdom/

dictionary.reference.com: ritual: any practice or pattern of behavior regularly performed in a set manner.

freeonlinedictionary.com: ritual: a state or condition characterized by the presence of established procedure or routine.

wikipedia.com:

The purposes of rituals are varied; they include compliance with religious obligations or ideals, satisfaction of spiritual or emotional needs of the practitioners, strengthening of social bonds, demonstration of respect or submission, stating one's affiliation, obtaining social acceptance or approval for some event — or, sometimes, just for the pleasure of the ritual itself...

Due to their symbolic nature, there are hardly any limits to the kind of actions that may be incorporated into a ritual...

Ritual serves diverse purposes including, but not limited to: worship, ... atonement, dedication, education...

Alongside the personal dimensions of worship and reverence, rituals can have a more basic social function in expressing, fixing and reinforcing the shared values and beliefs of a society...

Rituals can aid in creating a firm sense of group identity. Humans have used rituals to create social bonds and even to nourish interpersonal relationships...

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On weekdays when both my Goddess and I go to work, I am the first one to wake up and get out of bed. I am always wearig my locked collar, which has normally been on since my return home the previous evening. Depending on my Goddess' mood the night before, I may be wearing locked leather wristcuffs and ankle cuffs, and they may, or may not, be clipped.

My first task is to prepare her coffee. Once that's done, I bring it back to the bedroom, turn on the television, place the coffee mug on her side table, and I gently wake her up from the side of the bed, on my knees.

As my Goddess awakens from her sleep, she makes herself comfortable sitting upright in bed, reclining on a pillow up against the headboard of the bed. As she takes her first sip of coffee, I light two cigarettes, handing one to her. Sitting on the floor by her side, I hold an ashtray which I keep comfortably within her reach until she is done. During that time, I turn on her hair rollers to warm up.

As she takes a few more sips of her coffee while she watches television, I go over to the bathroom, where I prepare her bath, turning on the water, and pouring her favorite bubble bath concoction into the rising water. I go back to her, wait until my Goddess is ready to get up, or until the bath will be adequately filled with water, assist her out of bed, accompany her to the bathtub, and make sure she has everything she needs.

If my Goddess does need anything, I will take care of it. But more often than not, she doesn't, and I usually return to bed, with her permission, to catch a few more minutes of sleep. During that time, my Goddess will clean-up, get dressed, do her hair, put on her make-up, and put her handbag or purse together for the day.

Before she leaves, my Goddess will come over to where I'm sleeping, unlock my collar and remove it. She is the only one who can put on and lock, or remove and unlock, my collar. While I may remove the cuffs once she leaves, I am forbidden to remove (or put on, for that matter) my collar myself. I will then accompany her to the door, making sure that my Goddess has everything she needs for the day, exchange kisses, and ask her to drive safely, as we hold hands until the last possible moment.

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Within the D/s dynamics of our relationship, the purposes of this morning ritual definitely include compliance with obligations and ideals, satisfaction of spiritual and emotional needs, strengthening of our bond and connection, demonstration of respect and submission, seeking acceptance and approval, and just for the pleasure of the ritual itself. There are clearly dimensions of worship and reverence. Our ritual expresses and reinforces the D/s roles we hold within our relationship, and reinforces the dynamics of that relationship. And through that, as it nourishes our bond, our connection, it strengthens the relationship itself. There is no better way to start the day...

My Goddess having entirely too much fun (E)

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On service... (E)

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