Subspace awakening (E)

Image courtesy of Girls Rule, Subs Drool via Femdom Resource

I wake up this morning in a delightful subspacey daze. I spent the night serving as sleeping furniture for Goddess Selena, after our first “together” day in a while. What is a “together” day for us? No work, no obligations, “Coffee & Clamps!” in the morning, time at home where Goddess Selena keeps me collared and leashed and often at her feet when I’ll not on domestic duties, a late lunch date followed by some whimsical shopping and a movie, generally me doing things for her, and in between talking and laughing about everything in the world.

My subspacey awakening is intensified by the erotically D/s sensations and symbolism of the heavy leather collar locked around my neck, and the prospect of another, if different, “together” day. In those few seconds or minutes it takes to transition into consciousness and alertness, my emotional make-up of the moment brings about a torrent of flashbacks to the last time Goddess Selena let the phoenix of her dominance rise and consume both of us.

Image courtesy of Musings of a Mistress via Mistress Lilyana

After locking leather wrist and ankle cuffs on me, Goddess Selena strapped a blindfold around my head and ordered me on all fours on the bed. She quickly followed up with a long and increasingly stern caning that, about halfway through, had me break into a very light sweat, the unmistakable sign that I had crossed from the real world into subspace. I plunged further into the depths of subspace as she continued with another 30, perhaps 40 strokes from the two canes she was switching between every few dozen strokes. Satisfied with where she had taken me, Goddess Selena admired the colors and patterns of the marks she had etched on me, and ran her hands over my back to feel my quick, shallow breathing, the warmth and humidity of my skin, and the deep quiet moans coming from inside me.

Enjoying what she saw and felt, Goddess Selena wasted no time making changes to my bondage, and before I fully noticed the transition, I was restrained spread-eagle on our bed. Still blindfolded, her verbal teasing and humiliation made me focus on her voice as if I was looking at the sun from deep in a mine shaft. My attention shifted from the song of her dominant siren voice to the intoxicating aroma I rapidly recognized when she placed the panties she had been wearing that day over my nose. I took deep breaths, indulging in the powerful and sweet smell of Goddess Selena’s essence. I drifted ever deeper into subspace as Goddess Selena’s voice, her smell, and the sensations she felt like subjecting me to overwhelmed me.

Source: cdn-nl1.imagefap.com 

Images from the rest of our intimate D/s play time flash randomly, without order or sequence. Her nails digging into my nipples. Her lips touching mine so that she can exhale the drag she took from her cigarette. Her nails dragging and catching along the shaft of my semi-erect penis and the soft skin of my scrotum. Her orders to open my mouth when she needs to ash her cigarette. The tip of her lit cigarette brushing against my nipples. Her sitting on my hips, torturing my nipples, and riding my arched body until she reached orgasm. My back curving up as I react to the various exquisite sensations of pains she creates. My wrists and ankles straining against the locked leather cuffs and straps keeping me bound to the bed. The day-old panties still mostly over my nose. The images go back-and-forth as my emotional memories try to keep up.

I am back into the now. Now this morning. Locked heavy leather collar. Leash. Coffee and nipple clamps. Holding an ashtray while at her feet. Lots of affection and kisses. Catching up on house duties. Preparing for the week ahead.

Moments of our lives that slow down time as the memories bubble back to the surface of conscious thought…

Pull, by razriel. From Deviant Art. Found on Geek Domme and Mistress Lilyana.

Recent purchases - 1 (E)

New Eternity Collar and new locking leather collar

There are few things in life that are as exciting for kink-oriented folks as getting new toys to play with and new items to fetish-obsess over. We might have had a long blogging hiatus these past few months, but we were definitely adding to our collection during that time.

My ever-present Eternity Collar, locked around my neck for all of the past two-and-a-half years, except for maybe a total of 72 hours (airports and occasional high-security checks, and out-patient surgery), was starting to show some wear.

Old Eternity Collar (and a pretty rigid 2" locking leather collar)

Not structurally, of course… Stainless steel is pretty sturdy against human flesh.  But the black coating finish on my Phantom Eternity Collar (seen above), started chipping against the daily impact of locks, rings, and leashes.  While neither one us could be disappointed since we had put the metal collar through a lot in well over two years, the increasingly numerous aesthetic flaws eventually got Goddess Selena in the mood for a new Eternity Collar, and she wanted to get me one that might grow old a little more gracefully.  So back to the Eternity Collars site we went, and she chose a collar from their Vivid line. Beyond the frosted metallic effect, which is very cool, this collar looked like it could take some slight dings over time and not show them so readily.

New "Vivid" Eternity Collar

Goddess Selena seems quite pleased with the purchase, and the change of scenery.  And now with the new Eternity Collar and the old one, I guess this would give her the option, when she feels especially controlling, to temporarily lock on the older one too on certain outings when a locking leather collar might not be appropriate.  I'm sure she would enjoy the control of knowing the heavier and more restrictive feel around my neck, and that she would get excited hearing the occasional ringing sounds of the two steel collars moving against each other.  She so loves hearing metal pieces cling together when I’m in bondage...

New locking leather collar (back view of the same collar shown in the first picture of this post)

Speaking of wear… when used every day, even the best leather collars will start to show their age in time.  We have found out that with daily use in the evening and overnight, and nearly around the clock on weekends and on days off, a great quality leather collar will last nearly two years before stretch or texture or material or skin issues come up.  So it was time for a new locking leather collar too.  We came across an absolutely splendid collar on an eBay store called Goth Fashions, and it had all the elements that Goddess Selena likes to see in my collars.  It has three layers of leather, including a finished inner layer, three large D-rings, and of course, it locks.  This is by far the heaviest collar I have ever worn on a regular basis, and at 2.5", also the widest.  And it has been an absolute D/s thrill.  Where most of my previous collars were subtle reminders of my submission to Goddess Selena (unless she was tugging on them or an attached leash), this collar is a blunt and powerful presence reflecting my D/s commitment to Goddess Selena.  It is heftily and dominantly there every minute of that it's locked on me, a very tangible physical extension of Goddess Selena’s control.  I feel it all the time, and that is totally intoxicating, in a D/s kind of way.

And just to close out this post, one of my favorite pictures of Goddess Selena pulling me in (older locking leather collar).

Absence makes the dominant heart grow hungrier - part one (E)

Picture courtesy of Justin Thai, found originally on Stylish Femdom

It has been a very long time since the last post.  No, no… don’t be concerned.  Life sometimes gets in the way of blogging.  My apologies for the absence.  I will try my best to catch-up over the next week or so as I’ve had an irresistible urge in the past few weeks to return to the blog to share thoughts and highlights of our humble and kinky lives.  And I know you’ve missed us…  J

Several weeks ago, after a 6-day absence from home, Goddess Selena returned with an intense need to express her dominance.  She had been home for barely a few hours before I was bound, blindfolded, on all-fours on our bed, and she was standing next to me with her two favorite canes, a traditional thin switch and a hard lexan purple cane.  She teased me, hurt me, and then totally owned me with what must have been 50 or 60 strokes.  I felt the tell-tale signs of deep subspace mid-way through as I relaxed against the bondage, and the skin on my back broke into a light sweat of surrender.

While my backside was still hot and tingly, and my mind engulfed in her power, Goddess Selena had me lie down on the bed and marked me as “Selena’s Bitch 4ever” with a Sharpie pen.  I could feel her beaming in dominant satisfaction through every inch of my body.

She followed up by taking out our largest insert able, and assaulted me anally in an irresistibly erotic and dominant way.  I was awash in wave after deeper wave of subspace, and at each higher level of sensations and surrender she brought me to a moment of nexus where I didn’t know if I could handle any more yet I didn’t want her to stop. Goddess Selena took her time to slowly run through virtually all of the vibrator’s settings before she felt the need to move on.

Without pause, Goddess Selena proceeded to remove just enough ties to allow us to make love with an intensity, if not a savagery, that I had not felt in a long time.  From the violence of our thrusting against each other to the intense nipple torture she loves to submit me to during our lovemaking, it was absolutely overwhelming on all levels.  Several minutes after we had ended, my mind was still moving and dizzy, like the sensation one gets stopping suddenly after turning around and around and around.

We went to sleep shortly thereafter, and Goddess Selena left me in bondage overnight.

Artwork courtesy of The Heart's Dark Desires

It's the little things... (E)

Image courtesy of S.I.N. via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

The little things in a relationship really do matter. There's a quote that goes something like "It's not what you say, it's not even what you do, it's how you make people feel that matters." And that's just so true in the relationship Goddess Selena and I share.

The feeling of warmth, affection, love, caring, positive co-dependence, loyalty, trust, and D/s permeates every aspect of our relationship, and every thought that I have involving my beloved Goddess. The nature of this blog being what it is, I won't bore you all with mushy stuff, but I thought I would take a few minutes to share a few of the little things (D/s oriented) that in their own way represent and define our dynamics.

I am presently away on a 4-day 3-night road trip. Like usual, Goddess Selena expects updates of what I'm doing and where I am at all times. She can also check on my location, providing her an idea of what I'm likely to be doing, through the tracking service that locks on to the position of my smart phone. It makes me feel special that she cares that much about what I'm up to, and that she wants to stay in touch throughout the day. Of course, the D/s control and ownership thing is really hot too. Done within a loving and trusting relationship, it makes me feel warm, wanted, cared for, and loved. And submissive and owned.

Image courtesy of the always stunning Mistress Eleise de Lacy via Femdom-SM

The latter is reinforced by the fact that my Goddess still expects me to wear a collar, in addition to my permanent Eternity Collar, at all times I'm in my hotel room. As a reminder. And I must text or call her for permission to remove it if/when I need to leave the room. The asking for permission and the granting of the permission at a distance of several hundred miles is a wonderfully powerful exercise of her dominance over me, and a demonstration of my submission to her. Our relationship is always switched on, even when far away from each other, and our D/s dynamics are always in play.

Our lives are full of rituals that are made up of little things. "Coffee and Clamps!" on mornings when neither one of us works, or will be going into work later. I'll be sitting at her feet regularly throughout the day (and at all times she smokes... I'm required to hold her ashtray from that position) when we stay at home. I'll be in bondage close to her, and often serve as furniture, when we have quiet time watching television for a stretch. I'll be in a submissive and controlled position when we go to bed, with or without bondage. I'll present myself for her to place and lock a leather collar around my neck any time I return home, and submissively ask her to remove it before I leave.

The expectations of my domestic duties. The kissing her feet daily. The caning/paddling/flogging I receive after we play competitive board games, one of our favorite hobbies; even when I win, she has a reason to have a go at my backside, and if I lose, well, she'll definitely be having fun. The painting of her toe nails on the weekends. The dynamics of our decision-making... she wants to know what I think and what I suggest we do, but the final decision is always hers alone to make.

Artwork courtesy of Fluffy Bunny Domination

And then there's the wonderfully random stuff. Goddess Selena smoking provocatively when we're on our traditional Skype call each night I'm on a road trip. Teasing dominant texts out-of-the-blue. Nipple torture... all of a sudden... just because. Ink or Sharpie markings of D/s and/or love on my back when the mood strikes her.

Don't get me wrong... The big "official" scenes are fantastic. Protracted scenes with any combination of caning, paddling, flogging, hot wax, clothespins, strap-on play, heavy nipple torture, sharp objects, significant bondage and restraint, breath play, sexual servitude, and more, always take me into a state of deep subspace that I yearn to return to time and time again. Unless I'm still physically sore from the previous scene, I can never get enough of them. I think about these scenes often. Maybe even too much.

Image courtesy of Cybill Troy via Thou Shall Love Thy Mistress

But it's the continual warmth and glow of the little things that stays with me at all times, literally every moment of the day and night. They are the constant reminder of the beauty of our relationship, of the continual psychic touch of the other, of the strong yet flexible ties that bind us, and of the feelings that really matter.

Artwork courtesy of Fluffy Bunny Domination

Power exchange and control: Leashed overnight (E)

Image courtesy of leplumeau via Anais and le Ninja diaries

After an unexpected day off from work that included our beloved "Coffee & Clamps!" morning ritual, a full day of leash play, painting my Goddess’ toe nails (a dark, sparkly purple), much foot kissing, lots of time spent at her feet (with or without holding an ashtray for her), and preparing her meals and getting her beverages and other assorted domestic duties, Goddess Selena decided that I should be kept locked to the leash overnight.

Image courtesy of Devotion, passion and sensuality via An Addiction to Submission

I had a small wave off subspace wash over me as she looked into my eyes with a sense of power and satisfaction. I always get that thrilling wave of subspace come over me whenever my Goddess expresses her dominance overtly, however big or small the gesture or the action. It may be a simple of a snap of her fingers and her pointing to her feet, indicating that she wants to smoke and I have to assume a position holding the ashtray while at her feet, or sending me out of the house for errands ignoring the fact that my locked leather collar is still on. In this particular instance, leaving my leash locked to my locked leather collar overnight, the power exchange elements were symbolically ownership and control, and the physical manifestations would be that she would know exactly where I was going to be overnight and in the morning until she woke up. I was not going to venture out of the house at any time, I was going to be relatively nearby at all times (this leash is a 50’ x 1/8” steel cable), and she was going to reel me in to her to tell me that she was up and ready for “Coffee & Clamps!” in the morning.

Image courtesy of Young Goddess (now closed) via Femdom Resource

As I drifted into sleep, laying on my front and positioned diagonally across the bed so that Goddess Selena could put up one leg over my legs and her other leg over my lower back, her favorite sleeping position and a very controlling one at that, I had mental flashbacks to two great articles or posts I had read recently. The first thing that popped into my head as I closed my eyes and the subspace subsided, was just a fragment: “…men are fetishists, and women are into power exchange.” This quote comes from a splendidly thoughtful article Why Do Men Crave Bondage? written by Dalton Ott. Of course, the quote I extracted does not do justice to the piece, and it is not even the central focus of the piece. But it definitely captured some essence of the moment, and indeed the whole preceding day.

On a side note, I am quite sure I will address and comment on Mr. Ott’s powerful article in a post in the future. In the meantime, if you take a look at it, be forewarned that the stunningly beautiful photographs of extreme bondage will not be to everyone’s taste, and may be too much for some.

The other thought fragments that popped into my mind as I relaxed into the helplessness of both the sleeping position and the limited range of movement I would have in the morning (and likely through most of the next day) were from a blog post by one of my favorite bloggers, Aarkey. In a recent post, Identity - Part 1 - Myers-Briggs, Aarkey commented that “I learned to find that powerless pretty hot too…” He later continued: “A set of established rules, rituals, protocols - it helps manage expectations, and for me, that makes life much clearer and easier.”

Image courtesy of Alles was ich liebe via  An Addiction to Submission

Now, as I write these words before returning to my domestic duties while Goddess Selena is still sleeping, I have that warm, subspacey feeling of my Goddess’ control as the leash is limiting my movement options, and making the presence of my locked leather collar even more evident than usual. I have visual and emotional flashbacks of those little gestures and actions mentioned previously (and for some reason, right now, of Goddess Selena grabbing my hair and pulling my head back to press her lips against mine and shotgunning smoke into my mouth and lungs). And I have the anticipation of another wonderful day of domination and submission, but also a day full of love and caring, and humor, and wit, and just generally sharing life with my soul mate.

Image courtesy of he stoops to worship via An Addiction to Submission