"... when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-- When Harry met Sally

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-- Carl Jung

Saturday, July 25, 2009

The joys of her sadism... (E)

Artwork courtesy of http://malesubmissionart.com/

... or how I'm probably not really a masochist.

Or is it just a matter of perspective? Or a matter of definition?

I absolutely love it when my Goddess inflicts pain. I am addicted to her hurting me. Not because of the sensations I feel, but because she enjoys it. She loves my reactions... she loves the sounds I make... she loves the changes in my breathing... she loves the way I squirm... she loves the way my head falls back... she loves my facial expressions... she loves the way I sometimes bite my lower lip...

I know these things because over time, I've felt how I've spurred her on as I realized I was unintentionally doing those things. I don't need to do any of those, or fake anything... my Goddess just makes these things happen when she's is the mood to hurt me. Her reactions to my reactions are just so phenomenal. I can literally feel the hunger grow inside of her, the fire burn hotter, when she starts playing with me, when she starts hurting me, and the more I react, the more she hurts me.

I can't describe it as anything else than erotic pain. I don't think I would put up with it if my Goddess wouldn't enjoy it so much. I certainly wouldn't be able to handle anywhere to as much of it if I wouldn't feel that it was such an intense experience for her. And the more powerful it becomes for her, the more I am willing to give to her... or to take for her. As much as surrender happens when I submit my body and mind to her, the surrender continues, becomes deeper, as I submit to an increasing amount, and intensity, of pain, and when she wants to inflict more of it.

There comes an extraordinary moment, a magical moment, of intersection between our individual trajectories when I get to the point where I don't think I can take any more, and yet, I don't want her to stop, and my Goddess gets to the point of climax taking me to that edge. This, for me, is the moment where the nexus takes place or opens. This is the ultimate moment of connection from two very different paths, one of dominance and one of submission, one of inflicting pain and one of receiving it. It is an absolutely incredible moment of us joining as one for me to be right teetering on the edge, wondering if I can resist any longer asking her to slow down or ease off just a bit, and when my Goddess just reaches her climax doing whatever it is she is doing. Then, for a few more seconds, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind I can take just a little more to see her through. I'm having flashbacks just writing about it...

My nipples were pretty sore from some of yesterday's activities. It still didn't prevent my Goddess from another two rounds of CBT and nipple play during the course of today. What seemed like her usual teasing, tormenting, and torturing left me reacting more intensely and more abruptely than what is usually the norm for me because of the extra sensitivity. Somehow, this just made my Goddess hungrier for more. I only realized how worked up she had become after I was fighting so hard to hold on as she alternated between torturing my nipples with her fingers and her nails, and biting them. The pain was just so intense, and yet, when I could focus back on reality between her quick changes, moving from one method to another, I realized how overwhemed my Goddess had become.

I don't think there is anything quite as powerfully erotic for me within the world of BDSM as the power exchange that comes from suffering and enduring pain for, and until, the sexual fulfillment of my Goddess...

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